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Here are
some stories and books that helped me to be able to
move ahead with my pain. I hope that they will do so
for you.]
 Stories
folktales and parables
Books
to Read
medical, spiritual, religious
Stories
folktales and parables
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Honouring
the Memory
(a traditional
story)
The son of a rabbi
mourned the loss of his beloved father. Day
after day he went to the cemetary and prostrated
himself on his father's grave. One day as the
son gave in to waves of sorrow, his father
appeared to him in a vision and said: "My son,
do you think that you honour my memory with your
grief? Offer me no tribute of tears, no
monuments of sorrow. Do not weep for me.
Instead, live for me. Show your love by walking
the Way, in devotion to commandment, faith, and
people. This is the only memorial that truly
honours the departed." The son rose from the
father's grave on hearing these words, and went
to make his father's memory a perpetual light to
guide him and a blessing to the
world.
[reprinted
with permission from: Rabbi Ronald Aigen.
(1996). Chadesh Yameinu: Renew Our Days,
Montreal,Canada: Congregation Dorshei Emet. p.
672.]
As
for me, I could not help but weep. I didn't know
how I would go on without my baby, with the
emptiness that she left inside me. I didn't know
how to recognize this very special, very
emotional time in my life. I was moved to renew
my relationship with G-d as I turned to my
faith, its customs, and its collective wisdom.
It was there that I found (or, rather, refound)
my direction. I began to read for insight and to
communicate for information. I got those things,
but I also got love and support -- from what I
thought were strangers -- until I realized that
those others were not "strangers" but messengers
of G-d's message to me. I knew then that the
only thing that would help me heal was to pass
on to you those things that were lifesavers to
me.
A bit
more than a month and a half later, the tears
still flow -- albeit a bit less frequently. I
have committed myself to this project of
providing a place for other women to find in the
Jewish faith the consolation and strength to
move forward in life. When you are ready, you
might want to consider doing a good deed for
another as your perpetual memorial to your baby.
Be creative, be yourself, be
blessed.]
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Footprints
in the Sand
Author Unknown
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he
was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For
each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in
the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to
the Lord. When the last scene of his life
flashed before him, he looked back at the
footprints in the sand. He noticed that many
times along the path of his life there was only
one set of footprints. He also noticed that it
happened at the very lowest and saddest times of
his life. This really bothered him and he
questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said
that once I decided to follow You, You would
walk with me all the way. But I have noticed
that during the troublesome times of my life,
there is only one set of footprints. I don't
understand why when I needed You most You would
leave me." The Lord replied, "My son, My
precious child, I love you and I would never
leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of
footprints, it was then that I carried you."
My
sister sent this to me on a little card, which I
now keep in my wallet.]
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Books
to Read
medical, spiritual, religious
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The
Flute Player
Tom
Golden's The Flute
Player
Click
on the above title read this marvelous story,
excerpted from Swallowed By a Snake,
of how one person (not of Jewish culture)
dealt with grief
Visit
his web page: Crisis,
Grief, & Healing for more grief
support
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Dear
Cheyenne
from
Dear
Cheyenne: A Journey Into Grief - A Collection of
Love, Faith, & Miracles - A Celebration of
Motherhood
Click
on the above title to read a book review of
Joanne Cacciatore's journal of her thoughts
and feelings about the loss of her daughter
Cheyenne within 2 days of her birth.
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When
Bad Things Happen To Good
People
Kushner,
Harold S. (1981). When Bad Things Happen to Good
People. NY: Avon Books.
You
might want to read this rabbi's book if you -
like me - find yourself struggling with G-d,
wanting to know how He could let this happen
to you, and wondering how to find comfort in
Him at this time when you need it so
much.
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Lifecycles
Orenstein,
Debra. (1994). Lifecycles v.1: Jewish Women on
Life Passages & Personal Milestones.
Woodstock, Vermont: Jewish Lights
Publishing.
This
rabbi's edited book contains many viewpoints
of the different milestones that women pass
in their lives. Of special interest is
Chapter 2: Infertility and Early Losses. Easy
to understand explanations of biblical
references and suggestions for a mourning
ceremony are included.
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