 |
| I have known my Nanny for what seems to be all my life. Her husband (who I call Mops because I couldn't pronounce Pops) was in the same fire department as my dad. She and Mops watched me more in my first 5 years than my own parents did.
They had 4 kids of their own; 3 daughters and a son. I considered them as my siblings. I was in weddings for two of them and was supposed to be in another but it was cancelled. One of their daughters was my labor and delivery nurse with the twins. When I was 10 years old, my mom told me that my nanny was sick and was going to die soon. I was heartbroken. My nanny was the only person I felt truly loved me. To me, she was more my mother than my own mother was. I later learned that she had cancer, but never truly understood what that was until I was older. On July 4th, 1990 (age 11), I was at the family clubhouse with my grandparents and some family friends celebrating the holiday. My mom had worked over at her nursing job. She drove up to where I was standing outside, rolled down her window and said, “I’m sorry but your Nanny died tonight.” I stood there screaming “No”. No one could comfort me. The next day my mom took me to the funeral home. I managed to walk through the room fine. But, I took one look at her in the casket and fell to the floor in hysterics. I had literally felt like someone had punched me hard in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. Later on, I asked my mom how could my Nanny had died so quickly. It seemed like I was just told she was sick. I was told that my Nanny had known for awhile; she just didn’t want to upset me. To this day, I have never forgotten her. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her or wish I could talk to her. With every milestone in my life, I think of her and wish she were here with me. I always said that if I ever had a daughter, I was going to name her after my nanny, Carolyn. Chris named our first daughter, I named the second daughter – Carolyn. I wish that my kids would know how wonderful my Nanny really was. I know that she is with me every step of my life. She has never left me or deserted me. She was with me during my darkest moments of my pregnancy with Carolyn. The night before I had to have an ultrasound with a specialist to check her stomach (I was about 23 weeks pregnant), I had a dream about my Nanny. It was so vivid. I was standing in the front hall of her house (no one in that family had lived there in almost 10 years). I remembered every detail, piece of furniture, even the curtains. I walked up the stairs to the second floor. I was visibly pregnant and my real-time age. I stood in front of her bedroom door that was closed. I reached for the door handle. Before I got my hand on it, the door opened and there stood my Nanny just as I remembered her. She was happy and healthy. She looked at me and said, “It’s about time you came and see me, Crystal Jane.” I remember stuttering and then while rubbing my belly, said “And this is my little Carolyn.” (Now at this point I had not confirmed it was a girl). She smiled at me and said “Yes, that’s your little Carolyn.” She rubbed my belly, said “Take care of her.”, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and walked away. She disappeared half way down the steps. The very next day I got confirmation that the baby was a girl and that she was healthy. |
 |
| Me and my Nanny after my baptism June 1979 |
 |
| Because You Loved Me By Celine Dion For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through through it all You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me Maybe I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me A light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me I'm everything I am Because you loved me |
| The above song reminds me of my Nanny. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |