Normally, I'd say "Great, less money for stupid people", but with the methods they use, I've come to the logical conclusion that anyone who would fall for this shit is probably stupid enough to tangle themselves in the mouse chord while clicking the link. Therefore, they are ineffective of anything, save pissing me off. At this point, I have to go out of my way to delete a bunch of personal messages from these assholes, most of which are written with the same level of intelligence you would expect from dog shit. Observe:
Pretty convincing? I live near where you are moving? Then where would that be? It seems a little too generic, seeing as my profile says I live "In a Cave, Alabama". But I figured I'd give them the benefit of the doubt for now, until I got another personal message a few hours later:
I was literally shocked when I read this. What a total coincidence! They typed out the exact same message, yet it's two different people! With a message length that long, 26 letters in the alphabet, taking into account punctuation and capitalization, there is approximately a 1 in 3*10^400 chance of such a configuration of letters. Seems a little unlikely to me, but maybe it was destiny. Maybe it was meant to be that I would witness a coincidence with such a low probability that it was to inspire me to reply.
But then, upon further recollection, I realized that someone had sent the same message over a month earlier (I'd post a screen shot, but I went with a better option, and reported them, hence the message is no longer in my inbox, just take my word for it, it was the exact same message), so I was convinced at this point: Aliens were trying to contact me.
Yes, it was so obvious, that when this realization finally hit me, my head exploded and I shat my pants. They still haven't come to take me to the KLT#45%EB*Lyq nebula, so in the meantime, I figured I'd browse some profiles. To my amazement, I found this exact same comment on someone's profile four times in a row, from 4 different people:
Wow, it's almost as if your friends spontaneously, and simultaneously decided to start marketing for Macy's, and to you, of all people. That, and they suddenly developed the tendency to leave a 10-digit hexadecimal code at the end of each of their messages.
I wondered what to make of this. Then it hit me, the aliens are hacking peoples profiles, and advertising for Macy's. I soon discovered, through logical induction, that Macy's is really and intergalactic empire bent on dominion over the Universe. What's to stop them? Well, maybe people are too stupid to change their password when they are hacked, and others are too stupid to delete comments from their friends' profiles that are obviously not written by them. It became clear, what a genius plan! Nobody will ever know what hit them.
Later that night, I got a couple friend requests from two very different individuals:
Profile 1:
Profile 2:
Then, I just sat, and pondered.....
THE ALIENS ARE CLONING HUMANS
No wonder every spammer has the same profile, they're clones, why wouldn't they? Now that I knew the awful truth, I knew that the only way to fight back is to destroy the spammers.
I picked up my chainsaw, and as I plowed through storms of them, soon all were dead, except for the leader. To my surprise, he wasn't a 55-year-old pedophile who lives in his mom's basement. Oh wait:
