Napoleon Dynamite: The Worst Tragedy Since Hiroshima

What is so great about this movie? Why does everyone like it? How can so many people be so stupid?

Napoleon Dynamite blows ass. I can't even tell you what it's about, because there is no plot whatsoever. I can't think of one thing that actually happened. The only reason I saw it was because over ten people told me to, and I have to say that I will never listen to those ten people again. Ask someone what actually happens. You will not get an answer beyond "It's about this guy... and... uhhhh..."

Many will admit that there is no plot, but tell you that the only reason they watch it is because it's funny. Well, I have some startling news: It's not funny. Not even close. The only thing to laugh at is what a lame attempt at a movie this was. Everybody who played in the movie is lifeless, like a stoned zombie that hasn't slept in years, who is on ritalin and is brainwashed, belonging to a cult of mindless people with blank wide-eyed stares. All of the actors suck, especially John Heder, who plays Napoleon. People laugh at the way he talks, walks, and acts. If you want to laugh at someone for that, why not go to the ARC? You probably belong there anyway.

So, after about 2 hours in the movie, you are wondering when something is going to happen. Well, expect dissappointment because you are better off staring at a blank screen. You really think about how stupid everyone who liked this is, and you want to kill them. Tell me. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS MOVIE? Everyone who likes this movie needs a lobotomy, immediately.

I hate those "Vote for Pedro" shirts the most. Who gives a shit about Pedro? He's not real, so why is everyone trying to vote for him? Even if he was, I'd rather vote for Charles Manson than Pedro. What a loser. Everyone in the movie hates Pedro, and so do I. I can't go out for a full day without seeing at least five "Vote for Pedro" shirts. How can anyone buy these. It's just an all white shirt that says "Vote for Pedro." No pictures, no color, and the letters look as though they are stickers that the manufacturer put on them. I could make these right now if I wanted to, and I'd get a lot of money. One shirt costs $9.99. White shirts a JcPenny's cost 3 for $7.99, or $2.67 each. Just give me a marker, and we're done.

So now, we're going to scalp Napoleon Dynamite, Pedro, and "Vote for Pedro" shirt wearers.

Run your mouse over the image.

Those assholes. I'm boycotting this movie. No, I'm going to sue the producers for trying to brainwash people. No, I'm going to scalp them. Who's with me?

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Updated: 6/18/06

© 2006 Scalping People