The Suckiest Hiei/Kuwabara Humor Fic Ever by scheherezhad
Rating: PG
Summary: Once upon a time, Mori begged sche to write a fluffy Hiei/Kuwabara humor bit.
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing. Please don't sue.
Author's notes: To my moriavis, who must be pretty damn special if she can get me to write humor.
Feedback: Please. Praise me, criticise me, outright flame me. I don't care; I just want to know what you really think. scheherezhad@yahoo.com
Once upon a time, there was a tiny but dangerous youkai named Hiei. He was a mean little bastard, and he stood only four-foot-ten (without hair), so he probably had Little Man Syndrome. One day, the tiny but dangerous youkai got into a fight with a tough but vulnerable young man named Yusuke. They battled fiercely, and Yusuke soundly whooped his tiny youkai ass, in the process falling in love with the sexy and deadly youko-in-a-human-body, Kurama.
Well, Hiei and Kurama left (but only after the sexy and deadly youko-in-a-human-body had mad, passionate sex with the tough but vulnerable spirit detective), and when the three met up again, Hiei discovered that Yusuke had another friend. A very obnoxious friend. Who was very tall and orange-haired and loud and named Kuwabara. Hiei did not like this friend.
The tall, loud, orange-haired boy didn't like Hiei, either.
So the two reluctantly worked together for Yusuke's sake (and, well, Kurama had threatened to kick Hiei's pert little rear if he upset Yusuke), and Hiei began to warm to the big idiot. Until the big idiot started chasing after his sister, the naïve but adorable snow maiden Yukina.
At first, the tiny but dangerous youkai thought he was just angry because he didn't want anyone corrupting his naïve but adorable sister. Gradually, however, he started to realize that he was...
...jealous.
Of his naïve but adorable sister.
Damn.
Well, then, what was he to do if he wanted the tall, loud, orange-haired boy to pay attention to him? He needed a plan of action. Unaccustomed to such directions of thought as romance, Hiei turned to Kurama for advice. Err...actually, he turned away from Kurama the first time he went for advice, for he hadn't realized that the sexy and deadly youko was merrily molesting the tough yet vulnerable spirit detective. (And how *did* one become that flexible, anyway?)
When he finally got to speak with Kurama without a half-dressed Yusuke in the way, Hiei asked him how he might go about getting Kuwabara's attention.
"Save his life? That worked for me."
"I'm constantly saving his ass from becoming mincemeat. It doesn't change anything."
"Then try being naked. Naked is good," Yusuke suggested, wandering into the room in only a pair of pajama pants.
"Yes, naked is...very good."
And Hiei left. He needed to figure out how to get naked around Kuwabara. Besides, advice time was obviously over when Kurama pounced on Yusuke.
So over the next few days, Hiei tried to find excuses to be naked when Kuwabara was around. He tried using Genkai's bath house at the same time as the big idiot, stripping down after sparring with Kurama or Yusuke (he didn't spar with both of them, as they had a tendency to strip down before the match finished and have mad, passionate sex on the spot), and skinny-dipping in Genkai's pond.
Nothing was working.
Finally, Hiei had had enough. In his usual direct manner, he waited until the next time he saw the tall, loud, orange-haired boy coming by, then he got naked, grabbed the idiot, and dragged him into a closet.
Two hours later, the closet opened, a little puff of steam escaping, and Hiei strolled out with a smug look on his face. The big idiot stumbled out after him, following the tiny but dangerous youkai to a room with a bed.
And they lived smuttily ever after.