It is not uncommonly in my Christian life that I occasionally faced the same problem as Philip. "Lord show me that I have the in dwelling of the Holy Spirit and I will be satisfied." Most of us would very likely have no problem with God the Creator and God the Saviour. In my moment of weakness, when I have performed deeds that hurt God, I would need assurance that the Holy Spirit is in me. The rational being, if the Holy Spirit is in me how could I do what I have done?
I do not have an answer to this. Those who have might want to share them with me. All I do know is that Jesus replied, "Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me?" Has not God been with me all the time? Protecting and guiding me, loving me and taking good care of me? Has not God been giving me peace and telling me what is wrong and what is right? Has not God been showing me how to care for others, how not to hate but to love?
Maybe God just let me out on my own once in a while to allow me to test my own character and to show me how weak I actually am without Him? To show me how much I needed Him and am dependent on His grace of salvation?
All I know is that, no matter what, I believed that God loved me so much as to die for me. By believing that His death on the cross is sufficient to save me, no matter how bad I am, I would have the Holy Spirit in me. So I should keep walking and trying for Christian perfection and never give up. I should not look back, but look forward to the day of God's glory. I day I give up, is the day I denounced my faith in "the God of the impossible". That the love of God is limited and has no ability to save a sinner like me.
For I am not great, I only have a great God. Amen
