Have I told you how much I hate the “Hail-fellow-well-met” personality? And it seems to be so prevalent these days, especially in the United States. There are so many people who just have to be so friendly, if you know what I mean. My theory is that assholes develop this trait in college—in fraternities, to be precise.

Not only are these people utterly annoying; with their cloying Holier-than-thou attitude and constant good cheer. They also are the ones fucking up the country. Sure—who do you think all the lawyers and politicians are? They’re all frat boys. They all become popular in order to con the rest of us right out of our socks.

I hated these bastards in college, and I hate them even more so now. Let’s look at a few archetypes of this species.

Lance is the guy who comes to the gym to work out. He’ll spend two hours there, three or four times a week. Only, if he manages to work up a sweat once a month, it’s amazing. He spends the whole time schmoozing with the poor, innocent schmucks trying to lose a few pounds on the treadmills.

Bob is your average, up-and-coming, young slimeball lawyer. He goes to all the community functions, and all the country club galas, until he can get elected to some local position. Now he’s got his foot in the door, and soon he’ll be a councilman, then mayor—who knows how high young Bob will go?

Tom runs the Men’s Club at the Synagogue or Church. At every social function, he can be seen kissing up to all the local dignitaries, and maybe even the head clergyman, if he’s of the proper social standing, that is. His hand is in every decision the place makes—he wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, how else is his law firm going to be able to bill five million this year, unless he keeps in contact with the local bigshots?

In other words, most of the greedy bastards who are splitting America into a bunch of fiefs for their new noble class are these frat-boy types. What I can’t understand is why nobody seems to be able to see through them (except me). We need to run from their embrace; shrink from their hollow, meaningless handshake; stop giving them positions of responsibility; and stop electing them to office.

The people who need responsibility are precisely those who are not good at getting it. We need people with a little bit of individuality—the exact quality that has been bred out of all the frat boys. They all wear the same clothes, the same haircut, date/marry the same girl, drive the same car, work at the same business or law firm, belong to the same country club.

The loners, the artists, the misanthropes; the people who have trained themselves to talk less and think more—these are the types who could run things well. I’d rather have a shy, introverted genius in control than the slap-on-the-back, rob-you-when-your-back-is-turned, high-school quarterback turned frat boy turned phony leader getting rich on society’s sweat.

So, what do you think? Are you a frat boy? A lawyer? A different kind of social insect? Or do you want to stand up for the world's frat boys? Well, I’m here. Send me some mail at scooter262@yahoo.com