|
 |
 |
 |
 |
Hanging one scoundrel, it appears, does not deter the next. Well, what of it? The first one is at least disposed of. |
|
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom respectable. No virtuous man—that is, virtuous in the Y.M.C.A. sense—has ever painted a picture worth looking at, or written a symphony worth hearing, or a book worth reading. |
|
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. |
|
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. |
|
Misogynist - A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. |
|
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. |
|
A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass; he is actually ill. Worse, he is incurable. |
|
One seldom discovers a true believer that is worth knowing. |
|
The trouble with Communism is the Communists, just as the trouble with Christianity is the Christians. |
|
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable. |
|
The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. |
|
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. |
|
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. |
|
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. |
|
Those who can—do. Those who can't—teach. |
|
Nature abhors a moron. |
|
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? |
|
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. |
|
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. |
|
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. |
|
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. |
|
Suppose two-thirds of the members of the national House of Representatives were dumped into the Washington garbage incinerator tomorrow, what would we lose to offset our gain of their salaries and the salaries of their parasites? |
|
A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child. |
|
Truth would quickly cease to become stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it. |
|
Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage. |
|
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. |
|
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. |
|
It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. |
|
Tis more blessed to give than to receive; for example, wedding presents. |
|
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. |
|
The argument that capital punishment degrades the state is moonshine, for if that were true then it would degrade the state to send men to war… The state, in truth, is degraded in its very nature: a few butcheries cannot do it any further damage. |
|
Firmness in decision is often merely a form of stupidity. It indicates an inability to think the same thing out twice. |
|
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. |
|
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. |
|
Creator - A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh. |
|
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. |
|
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. |
|
Jealousy: the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste. |
|
Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation. |
|
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. |
|
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. |
|
Truth - Something somehow discreditable to someone. |
