Abbey sat on the edge of the bed having just finished dressing for Delores Landingham's funeral. It just didn't seem possible. Mrs. Landingham's funeral. She couldn't believe that this woman who had been such a big part of her family's life for so long, was gone. The woman she had trusted more than anyone to take care of Jed when she wasn't around. This other woman who loved her husband as Jed the man, not Jed the President. She sat, staring into space remembering back to the first time she had met Mrs. Landingham. Only 21 years old, she had been both nervous and anxious to meet the woman Jed credited with helping him form a strong backbone to defy his domineering father and to put his social conscience to good use. The woman he regarded as an older sister. His respect and affection for Mrs. Landingham had been very apparent in many of the late night conversations about their families that the two of them often had when they snuck into each other's dorm rooms.

Abbey could tell as she entered the restaurant in Manchester, holding Jed's hand tightly, that the older woman was sizing her up.

"Well, here she is," Jed said grinning with pride, "Abigail O'Neill. Isn't she a knockout?" Delores eyed Abbey up and down, from her long wavy red hair to the tips of her strappy black high heels. Though she was dressed fairly conservatively, there was something about Abigail O'Neill that just exuded sexuality. Some women just seemed to have that aura about them no matter what they wore, and Jed's Abigail was one those lucky women. She was definitely a woman who would turn heads.

"Leo McGarry was right," Delores said finally, looking right into the girl's clear hazel eyes, "you are small, stacked, and sexy."

Abbey's eyes moved from Delores to Jed.

"I want you to know that I added smart to the list," Jed said while pulling out the chair for her to sit down.

"You're just sucking up. I want to know what else Leo had to say," Abbey said, sitting down.

"He says you'll give this guy a run for his money," Delores said, punching Jed softly on the arm.

"Well, he was right about that," Abbey laughed.

Throughout the meal Delores questioned Abbey about her family, her faith, her medical school ambitions, and her future plans. Abbey was more amused than annoyed, as Jed had been through this same grilling by her father. But, the tough questions actually came after Jed excused himself to use the restroom.

"Jed tells me he's in love with you," Delores said bluntly.

"Yes, I know," Abbey sipped her coffee calmly.

"You're the first woman he has ever told me that he is in love with. You've been the star of almost every letter he writes to me, so you can see why I've been very anxious to meet the woman who snared his heart."

"I've been looking forward to meeting you too. Jed thinks the world of you."

"And just how do you feel about HIM, young lady?"

"I love him. I've never really been in love before either, but, I know that I love him with all my heart."

"I have a confession. I just wanted to hear you say it. I can see it in your eyes when you look at him and in the way that he watches you. But, Jed's had a tough upbringing, honey. Has he told you about his parents?

"A little. I know they are emotionally distant."

"That's putting it mildly," Delores scoffed. "His mother is one very cool and proper lady and his father, well, he's just an all around bastard. Love comes in short supply in the Bartlet house."

"Well, I'll love him enough to make up for all that," Abbey said confidently.

"Just remember that loving him means dealing with them and all the baggage that is going to come with them."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that," Abbey said, "Jed loves me so they'll just have to learn to deal with me."

"You're a tough cookie, aren't you?" Delores laughed. "I think you'll be good for Jed after all. He needs somebody to challenge him when I'm not around."

"I'll do my best."

"Do your best to make him happy. That boy deserves some happiness. And don't hurt him Abigail. You break his heart and you'll have me to deal with."

***

Abbey's memories fast forwarded to years later when she was laying in she and Jed's bed at the farm. The curtains were drawn and she hadn't eaten,dressed or showered in days. She was grieving for the son she had lost less than a week ago.

"Well, it's as dark as a tomb in here," Delores said, entering the room and pushing the drapes open.

"Don't...please," Abbey said squinting against the bright sunlight that now permeated the room.

"Abigail," Delores said sitting on the edge of her bed, "I know you don't think that anyone knows what you are going through, but, I do. You lost a child. That is the most difficult thing a mother..."

"Please...don't" Abbey whimpered, tears pooling in her eyes.

"You lost a child, Abigail, and no matter how hard you grieve, you aren't going to bring him back."

"I want him back," Abbey's fingers moved to her trembling lips as her tears began to flow freely. "Oh God I want my baby back."

"I know you do honey," Delores ran her hand over Abbey's cheek. "You're always going to want him back. I'm not going to say this pain is going to go away overnight but I promise you, it will get easier. Eventually it will stop taking your breath away."

"It hurts so bad. How did you stand it?"

"I went through some days just like this, but I came out on the other side. Just like you will. And, I had my memories."

"I don't even have those. I overheard my father-in-law ask Jed why I was so upset about a child that never existed. He existed, Delores. He existed to ME. I felt him moving inside of me. He kicked me and he had the hiccups. I made plans for him. He EXISTED to me!" Her shoulders began to shake with sobs.

"I know he did," Delores said enfolding Abbey in her arms, "but you also have a husband and three little girls who need you."

"I know that. But I can't seem to help how I feel. Poor Jed. I've been so awful to him."

"I can't believe that," Delores said, pushing the hair back from Abbey's tear stained face.

"I have. He wants to help me so badly and I just keep pushing him away. He tried to make me eat breakfast and I accused him of not caring that our son was dead."

"Oh Abbey, you know that isn't true."

"I was angry that he wasn't falling apart like me. Until..."

"Until what?"

"I heard him yesterday. In the nursery. He had been packing up all the baby stuff and he must have come across some of the outfits I had bought. He was on his knees with his face buried in the clothes trying to stifle his sobs. That baby existed for Jed, too. I just couldn't handle his grief and mine so I just walked away. What kind of a wife am I that my husband had to hide his grief from me?"

"He is trying so hard to be strong for you and for the girls but he is hurting too. When the two of you can share your grief, that is when you will start to heal."

***

Again, Abbey's mind moved forward to Inauguration Day.

"Remember all those years ago when I told you to make Jed happy?" Delores asked.

"Yes. God that seems like a lifetime ago," Abbey said, straightening her skirt and fidgeting with her blouse.

"Well you have made him happy. Happier than I ever thought you would. You have given him that big, warm, loving family he always longed for. And, now he's going to need you more than he has ever needed you before."

"I know," Abbey said softly, looking across the room at her husband, the new President of the United States. "I know."

****

Jed had needed her, never more than last night. She would never forget the shock of Leo telling her that Mrs. Landingham was dead. It was only when he put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Jed needs you" that she came out of that shock and made her way down to her husband. She had entered the Oval Office to see Jed at his desk with his head in his hands.

"Jed," she said softly. He looked up at her with red eyes.

"She's gone Abbey," he said quietly, "Delores Landingham is gone."

"I know baby," Abbey said moving forward. Jed opened his arms and she sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her small waist and buried his face in her chest.

"It's all my fault, Abbey. If she hadn't been coming back here she never..."

"Don't you finish that sentence, Josiah," Abbey said cupping his face in her palms and looking deep into his eyes. "You were doing a nice thing. You wanted her to be able to show off her new car to you."

"And now she's dead. We're never going to see her again, Abbey."

"I know sweetie," she held his head back to her chest and ran her hand up and down his back. "Sssh...it's going to be alright. I'm here now baby. Everything is going to be all right."

She had held him in her arms all night, taking as much comfort as she gave. She had never forgotten Delores' advice to share their grief, and they had. But, this morning when they had awakened, Jed was closed off to her. She understood that. He had to put on his game face. He had to make it through this horrible day without letting the emotions overwhelm him. He had a crisis to deal with, a tropical storm on the way, the funeral of a woman he considered to be a sister, and tonight they were going to tell the world that he had Multiple Sclerosis. Just how much was one man supposed to be able to take? She knew the only way Jed could deal with it all was to push the emotions to the background. And, she would simply have to be there for him when the time came that he allowed those emotions to come forth.

"You were right, Delores," she said walking toward the window and looking up at the gray sky, "he does need me. And I need him. And we're going to miss you very much. Thank you for always being there for us. Goodbye old friend."

TBC...