Abbey kicked her shoes off with a sigh as she stepped into the nursery. She continued over to the crib in her stocking feet and lifted her whimpering daughter into her arms.

"Oh God sweetheart, I needed this," she said while moving to the glider chair to rock Aislinn. What an absolutely horrible day this has been, Abbey thought. First there had been the funeral, and just a few hours later, the ordeal of sitting, holding Jed's hand while they told the world the secret they had been keeping. Now, as she sat rocking her daughter, Jed was downstairs trying to relax before heading to the state department for his press conference. Before he told the country he would not be running for re-election. So, why wasn't she happier about that? Why was she filled with this pervading sadness? She knew why. Because she had seen the cloud of depression that had hung over Jed from the moment he had begun to question running again. She had begun to wonder if maybe it would be better for his health and for his spirits if he did run again. She couldn't imagine what kind of emotional upheaval he would experience watching John Hoynes run for the office that he wanted so badly to keep.

"Oh what a holy mess this is," she sighed, kissing the top of the now sleeping Aislinn's head. At that moment she knew what she had to do. She had not planned on going to the press conference. She was planning on watching it live on TV. But, she felt she had to be there for Jed when he walked off that podium and back down into the limo, for the first time, as a lame duck President. She knew darn well his staff would be, at best, disappointed with him and, at worse, angry.So, it was important for her to be there. For someone to be there to support his decision.

***

Jed sat back and closed his eyes trying to re-charge his batteries. He had been hiding behind a facade of calmness while riding an emotional roller coaster all day. Mrs. Landingham's funeral had released long dormant memories of being a teenager during those turbulent years under his father's thumb at prep school. Had filled him with anger towards a God he had always worshipped and praised. He had been raised to believe that if you lived a good life and followed the teachings of Christ, you would be rewarded. He had indeed tried to live a good and moral life. Did he sin? Of course he did. Everyone made mistakes. But, when it came to the big stuff, he was clean. He went to Mass every Sunday and tried to live by the principles of the church. He had been married to the same woman almost his entire adult life and constantly worked to live by the vows he had made her on their wedding day. Together, they had raised three lovely, strong and intelligent daughters. Raised them to be good, loving people and to give back to the society from which they received so much. They would continue to carry on this way with their two new children. He worked tirelessly day in and day out to help the unemployed, the homeless, the mentally ill, the poor, to get guns and drugs off the streets, to provide health care to all and to keep his country out of war. Not because these were politically expedient issues, but, because he truly cared. Because he honestly wanted to make the world a better place, for not only his children, but everyone's children. He had made one important mistake. He had kept a secret. A big one. And now, because of that one small aberration, he was being punished by a vengeful God who allowed a storm to sink a boat full of innocent sailors, and a wonderful, kind woman who had never hurt a soul, to be killed by a drunk driver. A God who would allow all this pain was not a God he wanted to know anymore.

After grinding his cigarette into the floor of the cathedral, he had gone back down the stairs and into the limo where his wife waited patiently. Abbey had turned to look at him as he sat back heavily against the seat and very softly uttered two words, "Remember Job." He had turned away to look out the window but his hand reached out for hers. After all these years, it still amazed him how well his wife knew him. She knew of his tendency to take things to heart and to think that he could fix everything. How many times had she told him "Jed, you are not God." She knew how personal his relationship was with God and because of that he took these natural disasters, rescue worker deaths, lost hostages, and most of all, the death of a close friend, very personally. She also knew that the words she spoke would make him think about just how good he had it compared to some.

Abbey, Jed thought with a sigh, as he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He had barely spoken with her today, yet she had been there for him, silently watching the day unfold. She was there to run her hand gently over his thigh during the more touching parts of the funeral service and to squeeze his hand with encouragement when he told the country about his multiple sclerosis. She hadn't needed to say a word. She had simply been there for him, giving him the strength to go on. The one time she had not been there during the day was when he told Leo that he had made the decision not to run again. He hadn't wanted Leo blaming Abbey for that decision and thus it was done in private.

Now, however, as he sat awaiting his press conference, he was beginning to question his judgement. Mrs. Landingham's death had brought back all the reasons he had wanted to run for President in the first place. All the inequality, the children in poverty, the crime, the drugs, the list went on and on. He had so many ideas whirling around in his head to combat these problems, if only he didn't have this damn disease.

MS. That was at the crux of all this. He was giving in to this disease that had never really caused any more discomfort than some flu like symptoms every few years and might never cause him any more problems than that. He had been reading faxes ever since he and Abbey had made the disclosure, from hundreds of people with MS who had had the disease 20 or more years and never progressed into the secondary stage of the disease. Or, people who had progressed, but had symptoms so mild it did not truly affect their daily living. This disease did not have to mean ending up in wheelchair and loss of some cognitive function. Yes, that happened to some people, but there were so many more that it did not happen to. If he didn't run for a second term, what exactly would he do? Give some speeches and wait to see if his disease would progress? And what if it never did? He would have given up for nothing. By quitting, he was giving this disease control over his life and that was something that did not sit well in him. He remembered Abbey's softly spoken words in the limo "Remember Job." Job had lost everything, his entire family, and still he did not question his God. He, Jed Bartlet, had lost a dear friend, yes. But, he had been given the blessing of a good mind, a strong body (at least for the moment), and his wife and children were healthy. Nothing else really mattered and it was time he started to count those blessings.

Later when Jed walked out of the office, knowing his staff had been told he was not going to run again, to see them standing and waiting with admiration in their eyes not recriminations, something inside him snapped back into place. He felt that old fire in his belly re- ignite. These were his men and they were standing by him through thick and thin, and, with them, he might actually have a shot at winning re-election in spite of everything. They had beaten the odds before and had been able to laugh in the pundits' faces. Dammit, nobody could count Jed Bartlet out.

***

The press conference was just starting when Abbey arrived. Leo looked at her with surprise as she joined them all, staying just outside the doorway, so as not to be viewed by the voracious media. He knew immediately that she was here to support Jed after he announced his decision not to run again. But, Leo wondered if the First Lady would still be standing here at the end of the press conference, for he had seen the steely determination in Jed's eyes as they approached the state department. It was not the look of a man who was giving up.

The question they had all been waiting for and yet dreading was the first one asked, "Would the President be running for re-election?" Even knowing what his answer was going to be, his staff held their breath. There was a long pause as Jed perused the room defiantly.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna win," he said confidently. The senior staff all began to grin at each other with surprise and excitement. Leo turned to smile at Toby and instead went eye to eye with Abbey. The absolutely stricken look on her face wiped the grin right off his. She looked as if she had been slapped across the face.

"Abbey," he said, reaching out a hand to her. Abbey couldn't stand the look of pity in his eyes and slapped his hand away.

"Fuck you Leo," she said coldly, and turned to leave the building.

****

Jed felt a profound sense of relief on the way back to the White House. For better or worse, his decision was finally made. And, it was a decision he could live with. He knew he would be in trouble with Abbey, but he also knew he could smooth things over. After all, she had never come right out and told him she would not support him if he ran again. He knew damn well he should have talked to her first before making this decision public. But, there just hadn't been time after his change of mind to speak with her. And, he had been put right on the spot at the press conference.

***

He was right. Abbey was angry. But, it was a cold anger, not a flashing yelling match. He had actually expected the wine glass in her hand to fly at his head. Instead, she used sarcasm to make him see the error of his ways. Tried to explain how he could get out of this mess he had created. Jed listened to her go on about doctors, the family, the funeral...

"Abbey," he interrupted her. "I'm running again." Abbey stopped talking and looked deep into his eyes. She saw the resolve there, and, in that moment, became resigned to the idea that he was going to do this.

"Yeah?"

"Look, I have a lot to say"

"You and me both," she said, her voice still laced with sarcasm. "Go ahead."

"What?" Jed asked surprised. He had expected her to keep avoiding the issue, not pushing for an explanation.

"Say what you have to say. Explain this to me so I can explain it to your daughters who, by the way, have all called wondering what the hell is going on. You said you have a lot to say, say it."

"No. I have to go downstairs and be briefed on an evacuation plan for Haiti."

"All right," Abbey sighed, sitting back in her chair. Jed stared at her for a long moment. He knew he was giving her the raw end of the deal yet again. He also knew that intellectually she had to accept that any crisis facing the country had to come before the personal time they needed, but, at times that had to be annoying, if not downright hurtful. He knew there was no way in hell he would ever be able to be as gracious as Abbey was about it.

"Are you going to be up later?" He asked.

"When?"

"Probably 3 or 4."

"Am I usually up at 3 or 4 in the morning?" The cool sarcasm was still present in her voice and Jed knew he was in no way off the hook.

"Not usually."

"Then let's assume I won't be tonight." They shared a long look, Jed's eyes filled with regret, and Abbey's with pain. Then, Jed turned to leave, and Abbey let the tears well in her eyes. She just could not believe that after all these years, after everything they had been through together, that Jed had sat in a room with his senior staffers and made the decision to run for re-election without one word of consultation with her. She had been completely disregarded and that was something Jed had never done before. Right now' this job is more important than my marriage, or a phrase similar to that, was what Leo had said to Jenny. She remembered the security, and, yes, maybe even superiority, she had felt in believing that Jed would never say those words to her. Yet, wasn't he doing just that with the way he had kept her out of making the decision to run again. Two of the things she and Jed had always had going for them in their marriage was love and trust. That complete and unwavering trust she had in him had been shaken badly today and' because of that' she had been hurt. She knew that with some time she would get over the hurt. But would she ever be able to get over losing the trust she had in Jed?

TBC...