Abbey walked down the basement halls of the White House with a determined stride. She wore tight black biker shorts and an exercise bra that left her midriff bare. Her hair was pulled into a no nonsense ponytail and the only jewelry she wore were her wedding and engagement rings. She was on her way to do battle, not take part in a warm and fuzzy aerobics class.

Just two months ago the agents following her might have sent each other raised eyebrows in admiration of the First Lady's trim and sexy little body. Might have kept one eye on her shapely rear and the provocative sway of her hips. Might have commented to themselves on just how well she filled out that exercise bra. But now, while they certainly couldn't help but notice the sexual allure of her outfit and the contours of her lithe figure, any lewd thoughts they might have had about her were pushed aside with an uncomfortable sense of dishonor. Suddenly, given what she was going through, even looking at the First Lady in an improper manner seemed offensive and wrong. Instead they noted just how petite she was without her heels, how easy it would be to overpower and subdue her, and they felt that protective urge that had only a little to do with their job and a lot to do with being men. This lovely determined woman was not just the First Lady to them. She was a wife they had watched teasing and flirting with her husband, a mother they had watched comforting her crying children and a friend they had watched laughing with her staff. They had observed her regally greeting the leaders of foreign countries as gracious as any Princess. They had been witnesses to her utter panic and her grief when the President had been shot. They were among the first to hear the squalling newborn cries that had signified her baby's arrival that seemingly endless night when they had stood duty in the hospital hallway while she labored and gave birth to the twins. They had witnessed intimate moments that perhaps they should have turned away from and joyous moments that broke their stoic faces into smiles. THIS was the woman they were protecting, and they could well understand why the President was blowing his stack constantly over the need to protect and defend her.

Yet, thoughts of being protected were not going through Abbey's mind as she entered the gym. She wasn't going to depend on anyone else to save her. She was going to learn to save herself and by having that ability maybe the choke hold that fear seemed to have on her would loosen just a bit so that she could find herself again. Find that fearless, laughing Abbey that she had been just a few months before. She was just so damn tired of being afraid.

* * * *

"Come on Abbey, you aren't even trying now." Ron stood in front of her in a white padded suit that made him look totally ridiculous but was supposed to protect him from her blows. They had long since dispensed with Dr. or Mrs. Bartlet, or even ma'am, and had moved on to a first name basis. "I just watched you hit and hick the shit out of the punching bag. That's what I want you to do with me. Don't worry, I'm totally protected."

"It's no use Ron" Abbey tipped her head back and took a swig from her water bottle. "I guess I'm just not cut out for beating the hell out of somebody." Abbey thought back to those lessons in decorum when she was a child. A lady mustn't hit, a lady doesn't fight, but what exactly did that mean, she wondered? She knew that she was a lady in every sense of the word, but that didn't mean that she had to lay there and take it when she was being attacked.

"You don't have to beat the hell out of him, you just need to know the vulnerable areas to attack. Your most important weapon is not going to be your fists or you feet; it is going to be your brain. But, right now I want to see your brawn. I want you to use the heel of your palm to jab me in the throat, then knee me in the groin".

"I've never had a man actually ask me to do that before," Abbey grinned. Ron shook his head with a half smile. He had really enjoyed the time he had been spending training the First Lady. She had a keen mind, a quick wit and a determined spirit. It was that spirit he was afraid he was going to have to break if he was ever gong to tap into the rage within her and make her fight back.

"Aw, come on, you can do better than that. You hit like a girl." He taunted her.

"I AM a girl in case you haven't noticed. " Abbey took a breath and jabbed at him with the palm of her hand. Ron gazed down at her chest. Her breasts were rising and falling enticingly with exertion and he noticed, not for the first time, the slight definition of her nipples. Oh yes, he thought, I have noticed indeed. He dragged his eyes back up to her face looking her straight in the eye.

"Abbey, you have to hit me harder than that. Put everything into it.”

"I DID" Abbey insisted. She just couldn't seem to build up the anger needed to make her let go and really inflict some damage on Ron

"No you didn't. I know there is more in you than that. Pretend I'm him."

"What?" Abbey asked in shock.

"Come on, hit me. Pretend I'm Marcus Hughes."

"Ron, I can't," she pleaded.

"Yes you can. Come on; remember what he did to you. Remember how you felt. Remember how he hurt you. Don't you want to hurt him back?"

"Yes" Abbey choked.

"He hit you, he humiliated you. He touched you wherever he wanted. He tore off your clothes Abbey, and he RAPED you"

It was as if a dam burst somewhere deep inside Abbey's soul and for the first time she felt the rage flood her entire being. It wasn't fear this time. It was the pure undiluted rage that so far only her husband had experienced.

"I HATE YOU!" She shrieked. She began to kick and hit him with a violence she had never known she possessed. "You FUCKING BASTARD, I want you to pay for what you did to me, for what you put me through! I want you to HURT like I did! I want to tear your flesh the way you tore mine! I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!!!!"

With a final kick to the groin Abbey collapsed to the floor in tears. She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face on them while sobs shook her body. Ron pulled his headgear off not knowing exactly how to handle this. Her kicks he could deal with, her tears he could not. He placed a hand awkwardly on her shaking shoulder.

"You did good Abbey, real good." But Abbey was beyond listening. She was completely spent from her emotional outburst. Ron was wondering if he should maybe call for the President, when he noticed the man waking across the floor of the gym tears clouding his blue eyes. Before he touched her, Jed sat down beside her.

"Abbey" he touched her shoulder. His voice was able to draw a response from her and she tilted her tear-ravaged face toward his.

"Is this ever going to be over for me Jed?" The words were laced with pain, her eyes filled with anguish.

"Yes" he said with confidence. "I promise you that we are going to get through all of this Abbey You and me, together babe, just like it's always been and always will be." He pulled his wife's weeping form into his arms and Abbey buried her face into his chest.

"I hate him. I hate him so much Jed" her fingers were clutching at his shirt. "I wish he was DEAD."

"Me too babe," he stroked her hair. "Me too".

* * * *

Balloons and "Happy Birthday" banners filled the living room of the residence. A few babies and toddlers sat around the table in high chairs and booster seats, while the adults milled around behind them refilling bottles and sippie cups. At the head of the table, seated in their high chairs, Nicholas and Aislinn Bartlet reigned supreme A chorus of "Happy Birthday" had just finished and they were being helped by their parents and sisters in blowing out the big number 1 candles on their separate cakes. Their mother had been adamant that, although their birthday was celebrated together, they were separate children, with separate identities. Aislinn's cake was trimmed with pink and decorated with Beatrix Potter bunnies, while Nicky's was trimmed in blue with a big picture of Tigger, his very favorite Pooh character.

But, at the moment, what intrigued the babies were not the pictures on their cakes but the cake itself. Their parents had each placed a big piece on their trays. It didn't take long for their chubby little hands to dig into the frosting and cake and to try and smash as much into their little mouths as possible. While they happily played with the mess smearing frosting everywhere, Annie was snapping pictures with her grandmother's Nikon.

Abbey stood smiling with Jed's arms around her from behind. There wasn't any pretense today and both wore jeans, T-shirts and loafers. Jed rested his chin on top of Abbey's head. His grin broadened as he watched Aislinn try to feed Nicholas a piece of her cake. Nicholas opened his mouth for it like a little bird but his sister missed and rubbed it into his chin instead. Nicholas took this philosophically and simply reached over to grab a handful of her cake himself. His greedy little hand tried to push too much into his mouth and he began to sneeze as frosting went up his nose.

Abbey broke free of Jed's arms and moved forward to clean her son's nose with a napkin. Nicky's face turned from side to side as he tried to avoid his mother's ministrations. When her hold proved too firm he pushed at her face with a cake-covered hand smearing the gooey blue frosting from her nose to her chin. The room suddenly quieted to see what the First Lady's reaction would be. Abbey merely threw her head back and laughed as she began to lick the frosting off her lips.

"Let me help you with that sweetheart." Jed moved forward with a napkin but when Abbey tilted her chin up so he could wipe it off he kissed her instead. While kissing her he licked at the sweet frosting that covered her lips completely undaunted that he was doing so in front of staff, family and guests. He was relieved that for the first time in, he didn't know how long, Abbey didn't tense up at the touch of his lips. A few whistles and catcalls filled the room and Abbey pushed away with an attractive soft blush.

"This is a kid's birthday party Jed," she said as she ran her thumb over the frosting that now adorned his upper lip. She received only a sexy wink from her husband in response.

Jed couldn't help but think how much he was enjoying watching Abbey today. Her face was softer. She was smiling and relaxed. And, for a few hours, she had seemed to be able to lose her anxiety. Since her outburst a couple of days ago, she had seemed so lose some tension. Having finally released the volatile emotions within had been somewhat cathartic for her, and while she was still high strung, she was no longer filled with the almost crippling fear that had plagued her after that last note had been sent.

* * * *

A little later, with most of the guests gone, Jed sat on the floor putting together the Fisher Price train set that had been his gift to Nicholas. Abbey was putting away all the new toys the kids had received with a little help from Leo.

"Jed, are you watching them?" Abbey's tone was accusatory as she stood in the doorway with her arms filled with toys. He looked up and noticed both babies crawling over Max who lay resigned on his side. "Aislinn," Abbey continued. "Take Max's tail out of your mouth. He is not a toy"

Aislinn looked back at her mother and defiantly put the dogs tail back in her mouth. Max gave his mistress a baleful look.

"Aislinn Faith Bartlet you take that dogs tail out of your mouth NOW," Abbey said sternly.

Jed got to his feet and began to approach his daughter. Both children had skipped their afternoon naps today and were starting to show the cranky effects of that. Still, it was hard to be severe when his little girl looked so damn cute. She wore a little pink party dress and, while she shared his honey colored hair, it decidedly had Abbey's curl to it. She also had her mother's big hazel eyes that were, at the moment, guilelessly gazing up at him.

"OK Sunshine, you better listen to your mother." He leaned down to take the dogs tail away from her and Aislinn gave a whiny over- tired cry. "I think you need a nap young lady." He lifted her from the floor and Aislinn gave a high pitched cry of protest and she kicked out catching him on the knee with her little dressy patent leather shoes.

"Ow" he exclaimed. Abbey had to hold back a smile. Their daughter had definitely inherited both of her parents' Irish tempers. "You're starting to take after your mother."

"Honey, if you're really mad at Daddy you need to kick him somewhere other than the knee," Abbey said sweetly.

"Don't give her any idea's Abigail," Jed grumbled.

"Hey, that's some watch dog you got there," Leo grinned. They all turned to see Nicholas sprawled over Max tugging on his ear. The big dog didn't even move his head. He still lay prostrate on the floor.

"Oh yeah. Watch this." Jed handed Aislinn to Leo then stepped toward Abbey and grabbed her around the waist. Max rumbled with warning and sat up. Jed then pulled her tightly against him and Max got to his feet his growling becoming deeper. It wasn't until Abbey told him to settle that the Shepherd relaxed and somewhat reluctantly sat back.

"Not only is he here to protect Abbey, I think the damn dog is in love with her," Jed grinned. He had wondered quite a few times over the past month what exactly the dog would do if he tried to make love to Abbey in his presence. Probably bite a chunk out of his ass he thought ruefully. Unfortunately he hadn't had the chance to find out. It seemed like eons since he had made love to or even just had sex with his wife.

* * * *

The thought of making love to Abbey only got stronger as Jed lay in bed later that night supposedly reading. Instead, he was watching Abbey seated at her vanity table in only her lacy bra and a pair of his silk boxers. He rarely wore the boxers and, like many of his T-shirts, they had been confiscated into his wife's wardrobe. Watching her was an old game they had played many times before. He pretended not to be paying attention to her as she went about her nightly ablutions and she pretended she didn't know he was watching her. Yet, all the while she made her moves more sensuous, making sure that he saw her rubbing the creamy lotion into her belly until he was so aching and hard he fairly pounced on her by the time she made her way to the bed.

Tonight, she was not playing a game. Her moves were economical, not meant to tantalize and tease and yet they did. He watched her run the brush through her fiery hair. He knew the routine. 100 strokes every night. And when she was done it flowed like molten lava over her creamy bare shoulders causing his fingers to itch with the need to thread through those silky tresses.

He watched her tip her head back to smooth the sweet smelling lotion into her neck and collarbone. His lips ached to follow the delicate line of her jaw and slide down the fragile column of her neck. He felt his erection begin to pulse and he nearly groaned aloud when her hand slid under the lacy cup of her bra to smooth the lotion into her breast. He could feel the silkiness of the soft warm mound that he had caressed so many times, could feel the nipple harden as he flicked his thumb over it. Oh Christ, he thought closing his eyes, he was going to come just watching her if he didn't get himself under control.

Re-opening his eyes a few moments later had not been a good idea. Abbey was standing now with one foot up on her chair as she smoothed the cream into her shapely calf, up higher over those sweet knees and higher still into the silky skin of her thighs. His fingers itched to follow hers higher still until he slid into the wet warmth between her thighs.

He couldn't stand it anymore. He needed his wife back. Abbey had been so relaxed today, so approachable. Maybe it would be OK. Maybe she would let him love her and take away all the bad memories.

"Coming to bed?" His voice was husky with need as he placed his hands on her shoulders to turn her around.

"In a minute" she smiled, unaware of the need throbbing in Jed's body.

"How about now?" He covered her lips with his, careful to keep their bodies apart at the moment.

It felt so good to kiss Jed like this again. Maybe, just maybe, she could let herself go, let herself feel….

"I want you so much baby" Jed groaned. His lust got the better of him and he pulled her up against him. Abbey felt his penis hard and insistent against her belly and she immediately tensed up.

"Jed, please…wait” she tried to push back and give herself some breathing room.

"I miss you…I miss this. I hate what he's done…" He slid himself against her needing the friction and totally unaware that Abbey was no longer participating and was merely frozen in his arms.

"Jed…STOP" She shoved at him hard and it was like a bucket of ice water thrown at him. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes and felt instant shame. He should have been more aware of her feelings.

"Abbey, I'm sorry…I…I miss making love to you. It's been so long".

"Well, I'm so sorry that I've deprived you of your sexual needs" she hurt immediately turned to anger. She turned and moved with quick strides to the bed where she laid back and spread her legs. Jed looked at her in shock.

"Well, come and get it. You miss it do you? Well feel free to fuck me."

"Abbey" Jed protested.

"This IS what you wanted isn't it? I mean I AM depriving you of your husbandly rights."

"Abbey stop."

He watched as she moved across the bed on her knees and stopped in front of him grasping his hips in her hands.

"What are you waiting for Jed? You said you miss sex. So, how do you want it? Do you want my mouth on you or just straight intercourse."

"Abbey!” He was obviously appalled by her actions.

"Go ahead and take it Jed" she tugged at his pajama bottom even though she could see that he no longer had an erection. "That's what you men do isn't it. Take, take, TAKE."

Jed angrily broke free of her hands.

"Don't you EVER compare what we do in our bed to what that BASTARD did to you. One has NOTHING to do with the other. I MAKE LOVE to you, I don't RAPE you." He turned away from her running his hands furiously through his hair. His outburst brought Abbey back to her senses and filled her with shame. From the moment Marcus Hughes had re-entered their lives Jed had been nothing but supportive and loving and solicitous of her, and this was how she repaid him? By pushing him away over and over. By likening him to a rapist.

Jed felt her hands on his bare shoulders. "I'm sorry Jed. I'm so sorry. It's just… When you said you missed sex and that you hated what he's done…"

"I'm not going to lie to you, " he interrupted. "I do miss sex. But what I meant was that I hate what he has done to you emotionally. I HATE it that you wake up crying every night and that sometimes you even cry in your sleep. I HATE it that you jump at every loud noise and cringe at every touch. I HATE it that you are taking five showers a day again. I HATE that you feel soiled and dirty. I HATE that you can't stand my touch…" He broke off as his voice began to choke with the words that finally revealed his deepest fear.

"Jed, sweetie…Look at me." She placed her fingers under his chin and lifted his face. His eyes were so filled with hurt it nearly broke her heart.

"It's not that I can't stand your touch. I DO want to make love with you. I'm just afraid that…What if I can't respond? Sex has always been great between us Jed. I'm afraid to lose that. I couldn't bear that."

"I'm sure it will be fine, and if it's not right away, it will be again. I just want to help you Abbey."

"You can't, not in the way you want to. All you can do is be here for me."

"I want to do more."

"You can't," she said sadly. "You're a man. You can never know what it was like to be completely at the mercy of someone bigger and stronger than you."

"Maybe not, but this happened to me too, Abbey."

"How?" she asked, her voice laced with bitterness. "How did this happen to you? Did he slap you? Did he rip your clothes off and slobber all over your face and breasts? Did he rip you open and pound into your body over and over and over until you thought you were going to die if it didn't stop soon? Did you scream for him to stop and only receive a laugh and harder thrusts? Did you feel his filthy disgusting semen pour into your body and down your thighs? DID YOU!"

Tears were streaming unchecked down Jed's face now. "No" he admitted. "But you aren't the only one who sees his face in your nightmares. I can't erase the memory of seeing him hurting you or of that pleading look on your face when you saw me. If you think that I'm not hurting over what he did to you, you're wrong. Don't you know that I'd do ANYTHING to go back in time and stop him? I'd do ANYTHING, Abbey. But, I can't. I CAN'T!" He sat on the edge of the bed and buried his grief stricken face in his hands.

Feeling incredibly selfish and utterly wretched, Abbey moved forward and began to finagle herself on to his lap. Jed lifted his red rimmed eyes surprised by the move but he helped her settle on his legs and pulled her tightly against his chest.

"I'm sorry Jed. I'm so sorry. I let him win didn't I? I let him come between us."

"Ssh…It's OK Abbey. I can't take away what happened. But I can help you live with it."

"I know" she kissed the base of his throat. "I love you so much Jed. I'm so sorry I pushed you away."

"I'm sorry that I pushed you to be intimate too soon."

"It's not to soon Jed. I DO want you to make love to me. I want us to reconnect as husband and wife."

"I want that too, mo duinne."

"You know I can't resist you when you speak Gaelic to me" she pressed her lips against his, gently, almost hesitantly, but this time it was Jed who pushed back.

"Not tonight, allidh" He ran a finger lovingly over her soft cheek. "Next weekend is Valentines Day. I was thinking that we could have a nice romantic dinner and maybe spend the weekend at Harmony Point."

"Mr. President, are you planning on seducing me?" she asked coquettishly.

"I think I just may."

TBC...