Jed stood outside the party listening to the laughter and music spill over into the night. He leaned wearily against a pillar, hiding in the shadows, his heart heavy with guilt. The evening had started out with such optimism. Well, for him anyway. Abbey had been consumed with a kind of foreboding anxiety, but then that had been the case for weeks now. Her barely simmering anger was merely a symptom of the fear she had felt presenting herself to the medical review board. But, he had been bouncing with optimism. At least that was the impression that he tried to give his wife. He HAD to believe that everything was going to work out for her, because the alternative was too painful to comprehend. If she lost her medical license it would be because of him and he wasn't sure if he could stand that. Now, it looked like that might be the exact scenario that was unfolding all around him. CJ had just crushed his confident belief that everything would work out all right for Abbey by telling him that Robert Nolan was going to step down from the board because of his friendship and close ties to the first couple. Without Nolan's swing vote he was quite sure that Abbey was going to lose her license.

Jed's throat tightened at the thought. Being a doctor was as much a part of Abbey as being a teacher or a politician was to him. This was going to devastate her. His mind wandered back in time, seeing her as she had been while in medical school. The way he had found her night after night sleeping nose first in a heavy medical tome. The way he would bounce little Elizabeth on his knee while quizzing her with flashcards and learning almost as much as she did from Gray's Anatomy. He remembered the first time he had seen how cute she looked with her small form engulfed in hospital scrubs and how professional and sexy she was in her high heels and white lab coat. He remembered how her face had lit with pride when she was finally able to wear the name pin that read "Abigail Bartlet, MD". MD, medical doctor, it was a profession filled with incredible ups and downs, just as in politics. There were nights when she came home bursting with energy having just saved a patient that she had been sure was a hopeless cause, and other nights when she could barely make it up the porch stairs, having lost a patient that she thought for sure would make it. He had shared in her joy and comforted her through her sorrow. They had been there for each other through all the ups and downs of their respective professions and now, because of him, she was going to lose that part of herself.

He made his way back to the party, standing just outside the French doors to stare inside. His eyes were drawn immediately to his wife. As usual, she was the center of attention. People were lined up around her wanting to have their pictures taken with the First Lady. Abbey was smiling dutifully and acting as if she didn't have a care in the world. While in the privacy of their home Abbey allowed her emotions free reign, she had been a doctor and a politician's wife for so long it was easy for her to hide her real emotions in public. She would never allow anyone to see how she had been hurt, never allow them the satisfaction of seeing her pain.

Jed heard her laughter filter across the room. That wonderful laugh and that radiant smile. They were what had first attracted him to Abbey all those years ago at a frat party at Notre Dame. It hadn't been her magnificent breasts as Lord John had suggested and Abbey had agreed was so. Not that they weren't magnificent of course, but it had been that engaging laugh and the easy, cheerful, delight that she took in life that had made his more serious heart flutter with the first stirrings of attraction. Nobody could turn it on like Abbey could and none of the guests would believe that she wasn't having a simply marvelous time. That is, unless you knew her well. Unless you knew her better than you knew yourself. Unless you knew her the way that Jed did. He was able to see the anxiety that shone brightly in her eyes and the strain in her smile that spoke volumes about her state of mind tonight.

He watched CJ approach her. He had been the one to tell CJ to let Abbey know about Nolan. But, as he watched the taller, willowy woman approach his smaller, more curvaceous wife as if in slow motion, he wanted to reach out a hand and stop her. He wanted to stop all this from happening. He felt his breath tightening in his chest as he watched Abbey smile up at CJ and saw that smile fall from her face as CJ began to speak to her. He felt the burn of tears in his eyes as he watched the impact her words made in the stunned look that crossed Abbey's lovely features. He could almost see the tears glistening in her eyes and the way she squared her shoulders and pulled herself together. He couldn't hear what she said but he saw the determined look on her face and the way the two women grabbed champagne bottles and made their way through the crowd. Somehow, some way, he had to make this up to her. He knew that Leo and the rest of the senior staff would want to kill him. They had all warned him against interference, but dammit, this was Abbey. This was the woman who meant more to him than anything in the world. There was no way that he was going to stand idly by while a part of her was torn away, not if there was something that he could do to help her.

* * * *

Abbey re-entered the party with quite a little champagne buzz going. But, it was more than the buzz that was making her feel better. She had invited CJ, Amy, and later Donna up to the residence to drink away her pain. Oh, she had been quite ready for a little pity party but it hadn't quite turned out that way. She had been expecting sympathy and commiseration, but it turned out that all the other single women thought that she had it pretty darn good. They had expressed to her just how incredibly lucky she was to have a husband who loved her as much as Jed did, wonderful healthy children, a beautiful home, and as the First Lady, a pulpit from which to speak and change lives. No, instead of allowing her to wallow in self-pity they had given her a swift kick in the ass.

Deservedly so, she now mused. She had known for a long time that she would probably never be a surgeon again. Eight or even four years were a long time to be away from such a cutting edge career. Still, it was a part of her. Dr. Abigail Bartlet, it was a huge part of who she was and would be no longer. She had snapped at the other women about Jed only getting a slap on the wrist while she was going to lose her career. She wished that she could take that back now. It made her sound like she wished that Jed had been forced to pay a higher price than he had. That wasn't what she had meant at all. She, more than anyone, knew what a toll the censure had had on her husband's fragile psyche. She had only meant that it didn't seem fair that she had to pay a higher price than him. The girls had forced her to see that it really wasn't anymore of a punishment than he had received. Her punishment was only going to be for a year, a year in which she wouldn't have been practicing medicine anyway. She could still be a doctor, if not a surgeon, again in four more years (yes, she was sure that Jed was going to win re-election). It would be different, probably a smaller practice or teaching at a medical school, but then that was what she would be looking for anyway. With six-year-old twins, and all that came with being an ex-President and First Lady, she couldn't see herself in such a high-pressure career anymore.

She had been feeling sorry for herself for so long she hadn't seen the flip side of the coin. She hadn't been able to see just what a wonderful life she actually had and how she could save thousands of lives at a time by using her power as First Lady rather than doing it one by one as a doctor. Having realized that, there was only one tiny thing that stuck in her craw. She DESPISED the idea of giving those sanctimonious sons of bitches the satisfaction of slapping her on the wrist and taking her license away. But, there was another way. The germ of an idea had been planted when Amy told her how proud she had been to vote for Jed when he stood up and accepted the censure like a man. She had felt the same way. As much as it had hurt her to see Jed go through that and as painful as the aftermath of his re-birth had been, she knew it had been the right thing for him to do. He was able to move forward now without guilt. He had admitted his wrongdoing and taken the punishment. He had confessed and been given absolution. Maybe that was exactly what she needed to do. Donna had hit the nail on the head when she had said that she knew exactly what she was doing when she gave Jed the prescription medication made out in her name. The fact that she did it because she loved her husband with all her heart and would do anything in the world for him didn't make her any less culpable. She had been wrong and maybe now it was time to stand up and take her punishment the way that Jed had. Perhaps it was the only way for them to be able to move forward without any extra baggage hanging from them. The added benefit of pulling the rug out from under the review board and taking away their power over her was not lost on Abbey either. Suddenly, she felt much lighter as her burden slowly lifted off her shoulders. Now all that was left was to tell Jed and she knew that sure as hell was not going to be easy. Jed was a fighter, especially when it came to her. He was not going to take this well at all.

* * * *

Abbey knew when her husband led her away from their friends that he was all geared up for a famous Jed Bartlet pep talk. Leo had given her the dour, stiff upper lip speech, now it was time for Jed to give her the uplifting, "we can beat this", side of things. She had assumed correctly. He started right in telling her how he had begun to fix things for her.

"I called Nolan." He put a hand up to ward off the argument he had thought she would start over that. "I know I shouldn't have, but I'm sorry the rules are different when it comes to my family and there isn't a man in America who doesn't understand that."

Oh yes they were, Abbey thought. That was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

"I also think partiality isn't a vice in this case. He knows you and that's a good thing. He's gonna consider not recusing himself."

"I'm going to voluntarily give up my license for the duration of our stay in the White House."

Jed's eyes widened with shock and he simply stared at his wife. He hadn't expected that. He had envisioned many responses to what he had just told Abbey but that had not even been close. His wanted to emphatically tell her, NO. He wanted to tell her not to give up, not to let them do this to her. What stopped all his protests was the look in Abbey's eyes. He watched the tears pool in their luminous blue-green depths and he saw the pleading there as well. Please, please understand why I have to do this, those beautiful eyes implored. Please, don't fight me on this. Please, understand. Jed read it all very well and in that moment he did understand why she had to do this. His throat tightened as he struggled to keep his composure. Unable to bear the drama playing out in her eyes, his own gaze fell to the floor and then to the guests that surrounded them. There was so much to say and yet there was nothing to say, at least not here and now.

Abbey watched Jed's emotions play across his sapphire eyes. The shock, the disbelief, the pain, and most of all the guilt. It was what she hadn't wanted to see and what made it all the more difficult for her. Watching his acceptance of her decision nearly did her in. She hadn't counted on it hurting this much to tell him.

"OK" he stated gently, then glanced to his side as he was forced to remember that they were standing in the middle of a room full of people. "Now I'm going to tell the ditchdigger story but I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much." He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms, tell her how terrible he felt about this and just how sorry he was. He wanted so badly just to reach out a hand and touch her. He knew, however, that his touch would not be welcome at this moment. He could see Abbey's own struggle with her feelings, the tears that were threatening, and he knew that if they touched the tenuous hold they both held on their emotions would be lost and now was not the time for that to happen.

"I love you too Jethro," she tried to lighten the moment as she usually did, by using humor.

"Don't call me that."

"I think I will."

"ABIGAIL!"

"Lord John," Abbey turned and smiled. Never had she been so relieved to see John Marbury. She and Jed had been in serious danger of getting much too heavy in the middle of a party. John was always good for lightening the mood, but she certainly was not prepared for what he did to lighten the mood this time.

"May I grasp your breasts?" John approached her with his hands cupped just at her chest level. To her credit Abbey didn't show her complete shock, did not even step back. John had always been an outrageous flirt and he LOVED to tweak Jed, but this was a bit much even for him.

"I'm standing right here, "Jed said sternly. He stepped forward to stop John from latching on to his wife's breasts if need be.

"You may kiss my cheek." Abbey diffused the situation diplomatically and accepted his exuberant kiss to her cheek.

* * * *

Leo entered the party ready to apologize to Abbey and wish her a Happy Birthday. He made his way across the dance floor but stopped when he saw Jed draw Abbey aside. He saw the pain etched on both of their faces and knew instinctively that the conversation had to be about the medical review board. Talking to Abbey about that topic earlier had been incredibly difficult for him. Tonight he had treated her as if she were just the candidate's wife, not his friend Abbey. Tonight he had advised her to hide her pain from the world and go on as if nothing had happened. Tonight he had wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. But, that wasn't his role, had never been and never would be. No, tonight he had played bad cop just as he had so many times before and for the first time in a while Abbey had called him on it. He had been duly, if charmingly, chastised for bringing up the weighty topic at her birthday party. He still didn't know how that woman could get her point across so forcefully and still have a smile on her face.

That smile was certainly gone now, he thought as he watched the plaintive, heartbreaking sadness in her eyes as she stared at her husband. Jed wasn't doing much better. His best friend had seemed bowed by melancholy all night. Now he stood squaring his shoulders as if trying to collect himself from whatever it was that he was feeling. Not wanting to interrupt them, Leo waited for the couple to part before going over to offer his best wishes. Lord John Marbury had no such qualms.

"ABIGAIL!" He heard the man shout her name all the way across the dance floor. God, did the man always have to make such a spectacle of himself, Leo scowled. He didn't know how Jed and Abbey could stand him. His eyes widened with shock as he watched the man nearly cup his hands over Abbey's breasts. He started to step forward to stop him but came to a halt when he saw Jed do the same. He took a sharp breath as he realized his mistake. She wasn't his wife; it wasn't his place to be proprietary over her. Jed could handle any overzealous man making a play for his wife just fine on his own. He looked from side to side to see if anyone had witnessed his faux pas, and seeing that everyone was too busy watching Marbury make a fool of himself, he moved forward to wish Abbey a Happy Birthday.

* * * *

Danny Concannon watched the scene unfolding across the dance floor with a keen professional interest. He was a reporter; a people watcher and he had been watching Leo McGarry tonight like a hawk. Unaware that he was being scrutinized, Leo had given much away in body language and tone. Danny had seen the ache of longing on Leo's face as he watched the first couple talk. He had watched the outrage fill him as Marbury made his outrageous pass at the First Lady and the way he had stopped himself with a guilty side to side look to see if anyone had seen his reaction. He had seen the gentle, tender look in his eyes as he pulled Abbey away from John, and the sweetness of his tone as he wished her a "Happy Birthday." None of it had made sense to him before. It had been so far fetched, so way off base. Now he looked back at the picture he had been given and thought that it might not be so ludicrous after all. Maybe, just maybe, there was more to all this than he had given credence to. It was time to talk to CJ.

TBC...