Leo knocked on the front door and stood nervously readjusting his weight from foot to foot. He had put this moment off for far too long. He'd avoided her whenever possible ignored her phone calls, but he couldn't avoid her forever and if he truly wanted to move forward he had to cross this last one last hurdle. The door swung open and he gave a small start.

"Leo?" Abbey stood before him in an old pair of faded jeans and a scoop necked forest green sweater that buttoned up the front and clung to her every curve. It didn't help that Nicholas was on her hip, his little hand pulling her sweater down even lower to reveal more of her breast and a hint of her lacy pink bra, as he struggled to stay in his mother's almost slack arms.

Abbey noticed where Leo's gaze fell and she pulled Nicky's hand off her sweater blushing with embarrassment. Trying to feign a casualness she didn't feel she looked him right in the eye." Did you come here to see Jed?"

"No, Abbey. I came here to see you. I think it's time that we talk."

He could see that he had interrupted playtime. Nicholas wore a smock as covered in bright paint as his hands were and Abbey had a smudge of red paint on her chin put there no doubt by her son. He also knew that he had surprised her but she covered it well and stepped aside to allow him entry into her home.

Once inside Abbey whirled around on him. "Why haven't you returned any of my calls?" She asked in that very forthright, very Abbey manner. Her gaze was steady and unyielding and left him no place to hide. Standing there before him barefoot, with pink painted toes and a baby on her hip, her small curvaceous figure outlined by the form fitting jeans and sweater and her auburn hair tumbling to her shoulders in soft curls, she was everything he could ever want in a woman. A combination of fire and femininity that any man would find hard to resist, and he wasn't just any man. He was the man who had been fantasizing about her for 30 years.

"I…I'm sorry. I've just been really busy; " he looked down at the floor. " No, that's a lie. No more lies. I have been busy but I didn't return your calls because I wasn't ready to have this conversation."

"And you are now?"

"No. But I'll never be ready for it so I better get it over with. I have to make some decisions in my life and I need to talk to you before I make them."

A loud sneeze from Nicholas reminded Abbey of why she was in the kitchen in the first place.

"I have to give him his cold medicine, then I'll bring him in to Jed and we can talk privately."

"Will the President be okay with that?"

"Probably not," Abbey admitted as she set Nicholas on the counter so she could fill the dropper with medicine. "But he says he wants to get past this so he's going to have to deal." She started to slip the eyedropper between Nicky's lips but the baby had become savvy in the days of his illness and pursed his lips against the medicine turning his face from side to side. Abbey began to cajole him while trying to hold his head firmly. Leo stepped forward to help her hold the boy still and when he did so his arm brushed hers. Abbey didn't seem to notice but Leo gave a small start and stepped away from her. He wondered how he'd ever thought he could make his feelings for this woman go away. He wanted Abbey and he would probably want her for the rest of his life.

While she may not have noticed the touch, Abbey did notice the way Leo stepped away from her and was carefully trying not to touch her while he held Nicholas. Now that she was aware of his feelings she wondered how she had been so blind for all these years. It was so easy to see the blatant longing in his face and the way he would avert his eyes when she caught him looking at her. It still felt strange and disconcerting to think that Leo was sexually attracted to her, it changed everything about their relationship. Leo had always been like a big brother to her, someone she could turn to and rely on and confide in and it was terrible to feel that she had lost that. She turned her sad eyes his way and Leo caught the pity in their depths. He let go of Nicholas and turned away from her with a scowl.

"Don't pity me, Abbey," he snapped sharply. "I can't take pity from you."

"I didn't… I don't…" Abbey stuttered at a loss.

"Yes you do. You're full of pity for me. I'm the poor sap who has been panting and pining for you for almost my entire adult life, how much more pathetic could I be?"

"Leo, I don't know what to say to you. I am sorry, especially if I ever did anything to…you know, make you feel the way that you do. I never meant…"

"Don't," Leo ground out, grabbing her wrist. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything to make me feel this way except be yourself. I was lost the moment you stepped off that Greyhound bus at South Station. It was nothing you did, it was simply being who you are."

Abbey finished drying Nicky's now clean hands and slid him back onto her hip. "Let's finish this conversation in the library." She paused at the refrigerator to hang one of Nicky's finger-painting masterpieces on a magnet then made her way towards the porch with Leo following. As he rounded the corner the first thing Leo noticed on the porch were all the toys. Dolls and trucks and stuffed animals lay all over the blankets spread out on the floor. Two easels had been set up and the paper on them was smeared with bright paint. It was quite obvious the family had been playing and painting together. But, Aislinn was not using her easel to paint. Instead, she was standing before her father wearing one of his old t-shirts as a smock to cover her clothes and she was giggling and carefully decorating Jed's face with paint. Jed had his chin lifted and was holding his head still for her so he heard but did not see Abbey's entrance.

"Hey Abs, I know we thought we had a little Georgia O'Keefe on our hands but it looks more like Aislinn here is going to be geared toward being a Hollywood make up artist."

Aislinn's giggle turned into a full-fledged belly laugh as she dabbed some bright orange paint on her dad's nose. She has his laugh, Leo thought with a pang. He continued to watch father and daughter somewhat wistfully until Jed turned his painted face in their direction.

"You look like something out of 'Braveheart', "Abbey laughed, as she set Nicholas down on the floor to rejoin in the fun.

Jed's laughter faded when he saw Leo. His immediate thought was that something had gone wrong with the Shareef assassination.

"Leo, what's up? Is there a problem?" He started to get to his feet.

"No, no nothing's wrong. Stay and play with your kids."

"He came here to see me, Jed, not you." Abbey held her breath awaiting her husband's reaction. How he dealt with this would probably determine Leo's fate in his administration and in his circle of friends. She saw the emotions warring on his face, saw him struggling not to lash out.

"I think he can say what he needs to say in front of me," Jed said flatly.

"I could," Leo said, "but I'd rather not. The three of us can talk later but right now I have some apologizing and explaining to do and I'd like to do that in privacy, if it's all right with you."

Jed eyed his friend for a long moment. The fact that Leo was asking his permission meant a lot to him. He also knew that Abbey had been trying to have this talk with him for over a week now and that he had been avoiding her. It was probably not a coincidence that Leo had chosen to come to their home while both were there so there could never be a question of impropriety or doing something behind his back.

Abbey was giving him the evil eye, just daring him to make an ass of himself and say he wouldn't allow it. No, saying something like that would definitely not go over well with his very independent wife. Finally he acquiesced.

"I trust Abbey," he said grudgingly. Leo noticed that he didn't say that he trusted him. He supposed it was going to take him a hell of a long time to win back Jed's trust.

With Aislinn sitting on his lap, Jed watched the two of them walk away with little pinpricks of jealousy stabbing at him. He didn't know why he was feeling this way. He did trust his wife. He knew that Abbey was not attracted to Leo sexually or otherwise. He knew that Leo would not jeopardize things by coming on to her, yet it was still there. Just the idea of another man telling his wife that he loved her and was attracted to her made him crazy. It had always been this way with Abbey. He had never really had a jealous day in his life until he met her. With the kind of upbringing he'd had, one would think that he would have been jealous of kids with more demonstrative and loving parents, but really, in his experience, most parents of the wealthy, privileged boys at his school were exactly like his own. And, as far as members of the opposite sex went, he'd dated girls from local private girl's schools, but he'd never felt any kind of gut twisting jealousy when he saw them dance with other boys. No, gut-twisting jealousy had only come after Abbey. As he sat stroking his daughters hair, twisting the wispy strands around his finger his mind began to wander down memory lane to the first time he had experienced jealousy in it's most ugly form. He and Abbey had only been dating a couple months before being separated for the whole summer. Both were anxious for the day they would reunite in the fall back at school and pick up where they had left off. It had been a summer of yearning for her and missing her, of spending hours every night pouring out his heart to her in his love letters. He had lived for the moment the mail would arrive delivering her own heartfelt declarations of love and longing. Still, once they had been reunited he had been just a tad unsure of himself. Love like what he was sharing with Abbey was completely alien to him and deep inside he had to wonder if one day she would realize that he was not worthy of her love. All his life his parents had made him feel that way and the scars from his childhood were still far from being healed. Letting go of those feelings was not easy. It had all come to a head one night at a fall harvest dance that he and Abbey were attending with Millie and her new boyfriend, Joe. Millie had sprained her ankle and was not up to dancing and it usually took a few dances before Abbey could cajole him out onto the floor. So, while Abbey and Joe hit the dance floor, he and Millie went to get the drinks. He had been fine until the dance ended and he saw Ron Ehrlich walk over to Abbey. He expected her to send him on his way but she didn't. When she smiled at Ron and took his hand, he nearly dropped the drinks he held. He was not a violent person, had never felt the urge to fight, well except for the time Ron had called Abbey a cocktease in his presence, but, at that moment, watching the two of them dancing together, the unfamiliar rage of jealousy rose within him. It was a sick feeling, a violent feeling and he clenched his fists at the urge he had to flatten Ron out on the dance floor. Watching them, he thought about the things they must have done while they were dating, the kissing, the touching…By the time the song finished and Abbey approached him, he had worked himself up into quite a temper.

(South Bend, Indiana)

"Put the drinks down, Jed, " Abbey said. "You want to dance?"

"No, I want to leave." He grabbed her elbow.

Abbey knew he had seen her dancing with Ron. A wicked part of her had thrilled at the idea of making him jealous. All summer she had gotten letters proclaiming how much he loved her and missed her, yet in person he was so contained. She needed to know. Needed to know exactly how he felt about her.

He waited until they were outside and then he turned on her. "What the hell was that all about, Abbey?"

"What was what all about? I was dancing with an old friend."

"Not and old FRIEND, an old BOYFRIEND. You knew exactly what you were doing. You wanted me to be jealous."

"So, maybe I did," she flashed angrily.

"Why?" He asked with a puzzled frown. "Why would deliberately want to hurt me?"

Abbey softened. She hadn't thought about it as hurting him, just spurring him on. "I'm sorry, Jed. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know it was childish and immature, but I just…I just wanted to know…"

"Wanted to know what?"

"How you really feel about me."

"Haven't I told you over and over how much I love you."

"In your LETTERS. Since I've been back I just get a perfunctory 'I love you ' with my kiss goodnight. Where is the poet from my letters?"

"It's easier for me to write how I feel than it is to say it. You don't know how hard it is for me to even give the perfunctory 'I love you'."

"Is it so hard to love me?" Her eyes were filled with hurt and Jed knew he couldn't let her believe that it had anything to do with a lack in her.

"No, it's almost too easy for me to love you. I've never felt this way before and every time I tell you that I love you I'm afraid that it won't be enough, afraid that you will reject my love."

"Jed, how can you believe that?" She ran her hand over his cheek. " I've never felt this way before either. You've become the center of everything for me."

"It's not you, Abbey. It's just that all my life I've tried to be the person my parents wanted me to be, hoping that it would make them love me, but they never needed my love. They never wanted my love."

Abbey's heart ached for him and with tears filling her eyes she wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her head under his chin. "I need your love, Jed," she whispered against his chest. "I want your love."

Jed pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes. "Do you really want to know how I feel? How I felt tonight watching you in Ron's arms? I felt like I wanted to slam my fist into his grinning face and tell him never to put his filthy paws on you again. I wanted to haul you up against me and kiss you senseless in front of everyone there, especially Ehrlich, and show them all that you are MINE." He said it fiercely, possessively. Abbey knew she should set him straight about that male dominant response but the truth was that it sent tiny ripples of excitement throughout her body. This was her first truly adult relationship, what she'd had with Ron now seemed so childish compared to what she and Jed shared. Having a man like Jed who was so crazy in love with her was a very heady experience. "I suppose I should call you a sexist pig, for that statement."

"Why don't you?"

"Because I happen to like the idea of being your woman. I like that it drives you nuts when I dance with another guy and I love that you feel so strongly."

"Oh, I feel strongly all right. I don't want any man to ever touch you the way I do. I want to be everything to you, your best friend, your boyfriend… your lover." Jed slanted his mouth over Abbey's and pressed her back into the brick building. Abbey's pulse began to race at his words and the pressure of his lips on hers. His lover. Oh God, for the first time in her young life she wanted to throw all caution to the wind and give in to the demands of her body. Never in any dating she had done had she ever wanted a man the way that she wanted Jed right now. His arousal was growing harder against her belly and a shot of erotic excitement went through her at the thought of what it might be like to make love with him. Lover; it was such a grown up word, so much more adult than boyfriend was. They had only been dating a few months but when she felt his hand move up to cover her breast and felt him growing even harder against her, any resolve she had about waiting went flying out the door.

"Abbey, please?" Jed groaned, as he began to massage her breast over her blouse.

Abbeys breath was coming in short soft sighs and her fingers tangled in his hair. "Yes Jed, " her voice caught with emotion and passion. "I want to be your lover." Jed's kiss deepened his body unconsciously rubbed against her in an imitation of the actual act of lovemaking.

(Present)

The only thing that had stopped them was Millie coming out to see if they were coming back inside. He had been embarrassed and ashamed to have gotten so carried away. He had asked Abbey to make love with him yet where exactly would they have done it? He didn't even have a car on campus. He wanted his first time with Abbey to be special, not off in the bushes somewhere. She deserved better than that. And, that wasn't even the worst of it. He had asked her to become his lover and he wasn't even prepared to protect her. The next day he had gone out and, though embarrassed, he had purchased his first box of condoms so he would be ready just in case. How ironic that the first time they made love he didn't have his wallet with him and Elizabeth had been conceived. What was truly amazing was that all these years later, five children later, he still could feel the same intensity of jealousy that he had felt when he was 21 years old. In fact, if possible, the intensity was even stronger now when he had so much more to lose. It took a supreme amount of effort for him to stay and help his children finger paint and not follow Leo and Abbey, not be a part of their conversation. He figured that if he told himself that he was a mature adult who could handle this enough times it might actually become so.

* * * *

Leo followed Abbey down the hall and into the library, his eyes resting on the graceful swing of her hips. He wondered how in the hell he was going to convince her that he was working through his feelings for her when they were obviously just as strong as ever. No woman, not Jenny nor any of the bimbos he had slept with when he was drinking had ever affected him the way that Abbey did. She had a piece of his heart and she always would, nothing would ever change that.

Once in the library they sat across from each other, neither quite knowing what to say. Finally, Leo bit the bullet. "Abbey, before we start I just want to apologize for this whole mess. I never thought…"

"Leo, don't, "Abbey cut him off. "You've apologized enough for that night. I admit that when you came to me the next day I wasn't sure if you were really sorry for kissing me or if you were just trying to get me not tell Jed. But, after rehab, when you came back from AA and asked for my forgiveness I knew you were really sorry and that you were trying to make amends for everything you had done. I accepted your apology. I forgave you. I'm not going to make you apologize for that mistake for the rest of your life. It's over."

"But is it? Is it really over?

"It has to be, Leo," Abbey said sadly. "We all need to move forward, not look to the past."

"But it isn't in the past, Abbey. That's the biggest problem. It's come back to hurt us and I never wanted you to be hurt by any of it. I guess I'm really apologizing for making you promise not to tell Jed even though I knew that if he ever found out it would be worse for you. I should have gone to him after AA and made my peace with him as well. I should have let you off the hook."

"Maybe you should have, but we can't change the past, all we…"

"He went to you first with that picture," Leo interrupted. "I can't imagine what he must have been like, what his reaction was to you."

"Leo, are you trying to ask if he hurt me?"

"Well…I…" He began to stutter inanely.

"He didn't hurt me," Abbey said, gently. "You should know Jed better than that. As much as he might have wanted to, he'd never lift a finger to me. He was furious and he was hurt and he couldn't even look at me. He thought I had cheated on him with you."

"Oh, Abbey" he said softly. He closed his eyes at the image of a raging Jed confronting her. "I'm so sor…"

"Don't say it again, Leo. As I said, you know Jed. Yes, he was angry and bitter but he was also more hurt than I had ever seen him in my life. It killed me seeing him in pain like that and I couldn't let him think that I had betrayed him."

"I don't blame you for telling him, Abbey. Of course you had to tell him what really happened. As I said, I should never have made you keep a secret like that from him."

"Leo, I may have let you sway my thought process but in the end it was my decision not to tell Jed. I didn't want him to know what you had done. I didn't want to hurt him."

Leo nodded and looked down at the deep swirls of red and green and gold in the oriental carpet beneath his feet. He couldn't look at her when he said this. "I'm assuming that Jed told you how I felt… and how I feel about you."

"Yeah," she whispered. "It was a bit of a shock."

"It couldn't have been too shocking. That night that I kissed you I told you exactly how I felt. When I was pleading with you to have sex with me I told you that I had wanted you for as long as I could remember.

Abbey nodded. Those had been his exact words. "Leo, you were drunk and you were begging me to have sex with you, I figured it was just a line to get me to sleep with you. I didn't think you really meant it."

"Oh, I meant it all right. You were and are everything I could ever want in a woman."

"Leo." Abbey got to her feet and began to walk along the wall of bookshelves. She was very uncomfortable with where this conversation was leading.

"I just… I just finally need you to know, Abbey, what it's been like for me all these years. Do you know what a living hell it has been wanting someone I know that I can never have? For years I've been this outsider watching you love my best friend, tease him, worry about him and carry his children. I've watched you night after night going to bed together hand and hand knowing that he would be the one to have you and wondering just what it would be like to be Jed for one measly night."

Abbey was stunned for a moment by Leo's passionate outburst and when she finally did speak her voice was filled with compassion. "I never knew you felt that way, Leo."

"You weren't supposed to know. I became a master of hiding my feelings because I knew that if they ever came out I would lose both of you. Jed is the brother I never had. I love him and I love you, Abbey. My attraction to you is not only…sexual…I also love you as a person. I've watched you grow up from this pretty little co-ed into a gorgeous woman. I've watched you become a brilliant doctor and an incredibly loving mother. I'm the godfather to your daughter for heaven's sake; I never wanted to lose my position in your family. My pain was the price I paid for being in the loop. And it really wasn't so bad when we lived so far apart. It got harder on the campaign but it's really only been since Rosslyn and your pregnancy that things have been really hard."

"So I wasn't crazy, "Abbey breathed. "You really DID pull away after I gave birth to the twins. I mean when I was pregnant you were always stopping over, always checking on me."

"I was afraid for you. You've always been so strong, Abbey. But that night in Rosslyn when you thought that Jed was going to die I saw a fragility in you that I had never seen before. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted you to be able to lean on me. When Jed told me you were pregnant it scared me. I was worried about the pregnancy damaging your health and the fact that you had twins in there made me nervous as hell. But, once you gave birth it was so hard to watch you and Jed bonding with your new little family when I had so recently lost mine. Don't get me wrong, I was very relieved that you came through the delivery okay and that the babies were healthy. I was so happy for both of you but it was hard not to envy Jed."

"I thought you were angry with me for getting pregnant and distracting Jed from his job."

"No, I wasn't angry with you. Never you."

"Not me? Were you angry with Jed?"

"Maybe. Yeah, I guess I was. I mean he told me about you forgetting the birth control pills and I guess it just ticked me off that he didn't have any self-control. That he risked your health because he couldn't keep his hands off you. I mean if he'd had more patience he could have had Josh or Sam or even me go to a drugstore to get what he needed."

Abbey saw the faint flush of embarrassment creep up in Leo's cheeks. Discussions of this nature were not something that they generally had. "So he didn't tell you the whole story," she breathed. "He let you believe you were right and that it was all him. Damned if he isn't always a gentleman."

"What do you mean?" Leo frowned.

"You were wrong. It wasn't Jed who couldn't keep his hands off me; it was I not keeping my hands off of him. I'M the reason I got pregnant, Leo. Jed was willing to wait until we came home if need be. And when he tried to…well to take care of matters, I wouldn't let him. I guess he let you believe that it was he out of some sense of chivalry. To keep from embarrassing me." She watched Leo swallow and look away from her. " Have I shocked you?"

"No," Leo smiled. "One of the things that I love about you is your passionate nature. It really wasn't any of my business anyway. Your personal life with Jed is separate from the job. I guess I was just lonely. Jed was all wrapped up with you and those two new babies and my divorce was final. I was going home to an empty, sterile apartment every night. I used to lay there and wonder if I had married a woman like you instead of Jenny if I would have gotten myself into the messes I found myself in."

"What do you mean ' a woman like me'. Am I that different from Jenny?"

Leo gave a snort of laughter. "Honey, you two are light years apart. Jenny was the classic enabler. She was always willing to put on this façade that everything was all right when really, inside, our home was filled with bitterness and silence and separate bedrooms. You wouldn't allow things to get to that point. You don't put up with any bullshit."

"And you know this for a fact?" Abbey grinned.

"Yeah, I think I know you pretty well. Jed told me about the time that he went out with his aides and some constituents for an hour meeting at the Elks lodge and he ended up having a few beers and watching the Celtics game while you sat at home holding dinner for him."

"Oh he did, did he?"

"Yeah, he told me he ended up sleeping on the wicker lounge on the porch."

"He most certainly did." Abbey grinned and her mind meandered back in time to that night in the mid 80's when Jed was a newly elected congressman. She had questioned her decision not to move down to DC with him about a hundred times a day. It had been so hard to let him go, but in the end it had been the only decision she could make. She had worked so hard to get her career just where it was, to finally have a healthy balance between work and motherhood and she also had three daughters to worry about. Elizabeth was starting high school and Ellie and Zoey were in grammar school. With three active girls there was field hockey and soccer, dance lessons and riding lessons, brownies and girl scouts. It had seemed so unfair to uproot them from their schools, their friends and their lifestyle, especially when congress was in session for such a short period of time. Jed would have a very long Christmas break and the entire summer off to be with them all, and he had promised to come home every weekend that he could. It wouldn't be easy but she knew they could make it work. She had to wonder just how wise that decision had been when on one of the first weekends that he had come home she had sent the girls off to dinner at their grandparents so she and Jed could be alone and had ended up spending the entire evening on her own.

TBC...