Leo was sitting at his desk with his mind a million miles away when his senior staffers came knocking at the door.

"To what do I owe this unexpected intrusion," he grumbled.

"We just thought maybe we should prepare Mrs. Bartlet's statement about forfeiting her license," Sam said.

"I've lined up interviews for her with some women's magazines, but we should probably talk to her about what she should and shouldn't say, " CJ added.

"Maybe we should bring she and the President in and go over this tonight," Toby suggested.

Leo was only half listening to them, but he came to attention at that last statement. Maybe they should be brought in to discuss the interviews. At least that would stop them from…

"I think the President and First Lady have other things on their mind tonight," Josh gave a bawdy laugh.

"Josh, did you actually just giggle?" CJ lifted her brow at him.

"It was NOT a giggle. GIRLS giggle. " He crossed his arms over his chest and gave a sulky look to the press secretary.

"Sounded like a giggle to me." Toby's quiet pronouncement caused more protest from Josh.

"All right, enough with the high school boys locker room stuff." CJ put a hand up to quiet them. "What did you mean the President and First Lady have other things going on tonight?"

Josh and Sam gave each other sidelong knowing grins.

"When we left said couple, they were about to PLAY on the pool table, if you get my drift, " Sam said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yup a little badda bing, badda boo up on the table," Josh added.

"A little music of the night," Sam was into the game now too.

" A little love in…"

"ENOUGH!" Leo's angry voice interrupted them and caused the amused smiles to leave everyone's faces. "Don't you people have anything better to do than wax poetic on the First Couple's sex life."

"Nothing, quite as fun." Josh's quiet comment brought a glare from Leo.

"I have a meeting with the President and First Lady first thing in the morning. We'll make it a full staff meeting and you can all go over the message with them. Now, if that's all," he pointed a finger to the doorway. The staff turned to leave. Leo didn't miss the puzzled glances they gave one another on the way out.

Last to make it to the doorway, Toby turned to look at Leo. Leo could see the concern in his eyes.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" He asked. "You've been in a bad mood all night and now you're biting everyone's head off for a little humor."

"Excuse me for not being taken in by your juvenile jokes this evening, but maybe I don't find it funny to contemplate about the sex life of my best friends."

"I'll be in my office for another hour or so if you want to talk." Toby shut the door quietly behind him.

Great, Leo thought, as he walked down the hall on his way home. Now he'd really done it. He'd gone ballistic on the staff for making jokes he'd heard a hundred times before, all because he didn't want to think about what was going on in that recreation room, on that pool table. Talk about raising suspicions. He was completely losing control over his feelings for his best friend's wife and he was afraid that it was only a matter of time before someone saw right through him. The thought scared him to death. He couldn't believe how much these feelings had grown in just a couple of years. Tonight, as he'd walked away from that recreation room he had actually tried to think of a way to interrupt the couple with some type of situation room crisis. He had rebuked himself right away for the thought, but still, it had been there. Jed and Abbey were married, they had every right to make love in all manners of ways and he had NO right to be upset by that. Still, no matter how much he rationalized that within himself, he WAS upset by it all.

Leo glanced up and realized that he had unconsciously turned down the hall where the recreation room was located. He gave a sigh of relief at not seeing the Secret Service agents outside the door and knew the couple must be finished playing. He continued down the hall and slowly entered the room as if afraid of what he might see. The couple was indeed gone, and the room had yet to be cleaned. He noticed a bottle of beer tipped over that was staining the felt on the pool table a darker green. He ran his fingers along the edge of the table his mind filled with the sounds of last summer. The sound of Abbey's very feminine moans, and crying pleas of pleasure. Somehow, he knew that if these walls could talk they would describe the same breathless, throaty cries.

Why, oh why, did this have to hurt so much now, he wondered? Always before it had been a dull aching pain, why had it suddenly sharpened to such a degree that he felt a very real jealousy? He stared at the half empty bottle of beer with a yearning so strong it nearly brought him to his knees. Beer had never been his beverage of choice; no he'd gone for the hard stuff. His father was a beer drunk; he had always felt he was a higher class of alcoholic than his dad was. Still, he could almost feel the liquid slide down his throat, feel the tingling in his limbs as the alcohol went to work. It was times like these when he realized how easy life used to be. Feel a little pain? Drink until you are oblivious. That had been the way he had dealt with things for so long that it was certainly tempting to fall back into the pattern. He went so far as to pick up the bottle. He stared down at it for a long moment and noticed Abbey's lipstick around the rim. It was like a slap to the face. Both Abbey and Jed had fought so hard to get him into rehab, they would be so disappointed in him if he fell off the wagon. He thought about the last night that Abbey had tried to convince him to get help and how he had treated her. That old feeling of self-loathing was overwhelming. No, he owed it to her, to Jed, to Mallory, and most of all to himself, not to destroy everything that he had become for a few hours of numbness.

He put the bottle down and as he rounded the table he gave a soft groan at finding Abbey's discarded garter belt and silky stockings. She must have forgotten them when they left the room. He bent and lifted the items and began to run his finger over the silky smoothness. Her lingerie spoke volumes about Abbey as a person. Delicate, classy, sensual and just a tad of provocative naughtiness. He started to drop the garments back on the floor, then on a whim stuffed them in his pocket.

Oh Christ, he thought to himself. Now he was stealing her lingerie. Wasn't that exactly what Marcus Hughes had done? Hughes obsession with Abbey had led him to hurt her and he never wanted to hurt her or Jed. Disgusted with himself, Leo withdrew the items and threw them back on the floor. Somehow he had to get a grip on himself. He had to get over this before everyone was able to see through him. It had come so close to happening so many times now. He didn't know how many lives that he had left, but it couldn't be many.

* * * *

"Well, we certainly make a dignified First Couple, don't we?" Jed asked as he entered their private kitchen in the residence. He was barefooted, wearing only the pants to his tux and his jacket without the shirt underneath. Abbey's lipstick was smeared on his jaw and neck and he carried her heavy dress over his arm. Slightly ahead of him and leaning into the refrigerator already, stood an equally barefoot Abbey. Her only attire was the white dress shirt that he had worn with his tux. Her hair was rumpled and her pale skin slightly reddened from his rough shaven jaw. They looked like they had been doing exactly what they had been doing and neither was particularly ashamed of that.

"Sometimes dignity isn't all it's cracked up to be. Let's see, we have chocolate cake." Abbey dipped a finger into the icing, but before she could taste it Jed grabbed her hand and sucked the frosting laden finger into his mouth.

"Mmm…that's good."

"I'm not really in the mood for cake." She reached into the freezer and pulled out a carton of coffee Haagen Daz.

"Oh God, she's taking out the big guns," Jed teased. Whenever Abbey was down in the dumps or upset it was Haagen Daz she turned to.

"I need comfort food."

"Well, I'll take a piece of the cake."

Normally Abbey would have ridden his butt about eating all that sugar so late at night, but they both had been too upset earlier in the evening to enjoy the elaborate meal that he had planned. Now, thanks to some great sex they were both ravenous.

Jed sat at the table with his chocolate cake and a tall glass of icy milk. Abbey lifted herself up onto the counter and propped her toes on the chair next to him. His shirt barely came to mid-thigh and Jed couldn't resist reaching out to caress her smooth bare leg every so often, more from his need to touch her than for a need to stimulate. He watched her as she began eat straight out of the container. She was staring into it deeply, as if it held all the secrets of the universe. He could see that she was studiously avoiding the conversation she didn't want to have this evening. But, he couldn't have this hanging over them. When they spoke with the press in the morning he wanted to know all the ins and outs of Abbey's decision. What was in her heart as well as what was in her mind.

"You're awfully quiet," he finally mused, breaking the silence.

"I don't know where to start."

"Why don't you tell me what happened."

"When?"

"When I finished making love to you and you burst into tears."

"I thought you liked it when I cried after an orgasm." She tried for lightness.

"Don't be a smart-ass, Abbey, " he said sadly. "Not tonight. I like tears of passion. I DON'T like it when you cry like your heart is breaking."

"It was breaking, " she said softly. "At least a part of it was. I tried so hard all night long to be strong, put on a good face and not let anyone see me sweat. I didn't want to cry."

"Why not? You deserved a good cry."

"Crying doesn't help. It only makes you look like crap."

"Ah, Abbey, you could cry all day and not look like crap." He gave her a rueful smile and cupped the side of her cheek.

Abbey took his hand and pulled it away to kiss his palm. "Jed, you are so full of shit." She shook her head at him and he smiled.

"Why didn't you come and talk to me?"

"Because I was angry with you. At least I wanted to be angry with you."

"But you came looking for me anyway?"

"I went looking for you after we talked and I wasn't angry anymore. I know I didn't say it at the time, but you can't know how much it meant to me that you went bat for me."

"What?" He looked confused.

"You called Nolan and tried to persuade him not to leave the review board. I talked to Leo and Josh and CJ. Everyone on your staff tried to persuade you not to make that call." She reached up and pushed a lock of hair back off his forehead and stared deeply into the cerulean eyes that were gazing at her so earnestly. "You didn't listen to any of them. You put what you thought was best for me above politics and perception. You took a real risk."

"Yeah, I really laid myself in front of a train," he stated, bitterly mocking his own heroic moves.

"Don't you downplay what you did, Jed. That call could have caused you some serious problems in the re-election campaign. You know the Republicans would have had a field day portraying you as pushing your power around to save your wife. You didn't think like a politician, though. You thought like a husband, and that's why I went to find you. I wanted to get away from the prying eyes. I wanted to forget everything that was happening."

"And did you?"

"Briefly."

"Then, what happened?"

"Nothing happened. You just loved me."

"What?" His brow furrowed. "You've lost me Abbey."

"I wanted to be angry with you. I wanted somebody to blame. And then you looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen, you kissed the scars on my breast so tenderly it made my throat hurt, and then you touched me and made love to me as if you couldn't desire anything more."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No, you fool. It was a wonderful thing. But when my body let go with release so did my emotions. And then, when you thought you had hurt me, you looked at me with such concern. I just loved you so much in that moment I lost it. All I felt was this overwhelming sadness for what I was losing. I didn't want to argue or be angry with you; I wanted to be comforted. THAT'S why I started to cry."

Jed nodded and put down his fork. "But I am to blame, Abbey," he swallowed. "It's my fault that this is happening to you." He looked up at her with eyes so filled with pain it made her heart ache.

"Don't you do that, Jed." She angrily jumped off the counter.

"Do what?"

"Take all the blame onto yourself. You never let anyone else be accountable. I know that your stupid ass father made you take the blame for everything. He blamed you because you were smarter than he was, he blamed you because you were wittier than him, he blamed you because you were warmer than him, he blamed you because people liked you and they didn't like him. NONE of that was YOUR fault, sweetheart and THIS isn't your fault." She knelt in front of him and cupped his face in her palms to look into his eyes that were now filling with tears. "I don't blame you for this. I'm an adult, Jed. I had every opportunity NOT to do what I did. I know that you wouldn't have blamed me if I had refused. But I did it anyway, ME, Jed, not YOU. You're being pretty damn arrogant if you think you could make me do something that I didn't want to do. Besides, what did you say to me when I asked you why you decided to take the censure?"

"I don't remember, " he mumbled trying to lower his head.

"Of course you do. " She tilted his chin back up so she could look him in the eye. "You said that you were doing it because it was the right thing to do. Because nobody takes responsibility for their mistakes anymore and you wanted to show the nation and your daughters that you were taking that responsibility. I want that too. I want to be able to look anyone in the face and tell them that I made a mistake and I rectified it. End of story."

"But YOU might have won, Abbey. If Nolan doesn't re…"

"No. It's over Jed. I should have realized that from the start. I DID realize that from the start. It was Oliver who convinced me to fight. But, he wanted me to fight for a different reason. He wanted me to fight because they had no right to go after me in an effort to get to you, and he was right about that. I don't want to give them the chance to say, WE took Abbey Bartlet's medical license away." Tears threatening, Abbey swallowed and bit her bottom lip to keep control. Once control was regained, she lifted her stubborn little chin and Jed saw the fiery determination under the tears. "I want to be able to look all my daughters, every citizen, every voter, in the eye and tell them that I voluntarily gave it up to make up for a mistake. A mistake that certainly would not have cost any other doctor his or her license. I went above and beyond what was expected of me."

"But why do that? Why not say you'll give it up for a year? That's all they were going to hit you with."

"The duration of our stay in the White House was for you."

"For me?"

"I know that you think part of the reason you are to blame is because you broke our deal. If you weren't running for re-election, none of this would be an issue."

"It's the truth, isn't it?"

"Yes," she agreed. "But I told you when I forgave you for that, that I was behind you 110%. The deal had nothing to do with me wanting to go home and be a doctor again. The deal was completely about your health."

"Yes, but…"

"No, no buts." She placed a finger over his lips. "Yes, I miss being a doctor but being the First Lady has opened so many doors to me. YOU'VE given me that opportunity. Talking to CJ, Amy and Donna tonight, I realized that I haven't completely taken advantage of that. Sure I've fought for some things that I thought were important but through it all, I still saw myself as Dr. Bartlet, not the First Lady. They helped me to see how much more that I could do if I would just accept the complete mantle and pulpit of the First Lady, and what better way to do that than to drop the title of doctor until I am no longer First Lady. After all, nobody calls you Dr. Bartlet anymore." She tried to smile and he ran his finger over the delicate curve of her cheek.

"It's still gonna hurt, babe."

"I know that. It's going to hurt every time I walk into a hospital and talk to the doctors and realize that I am no longer one of them. It's going to hurt every time I want to prescribe medicine for you or treat you. But, I just have to remember that being a doctor is not the sum of who I am, anymore than being a wife or a mother is. I am more than that."

"You sure as hell are, " he agreed. "You're the strongest damn woman I know and I love you to pieces. There are just two things that I have left to say and you have to let me say them."

"OK."

"First of all, I want to take my share of the responsibility in this matter and just tell you how very sorry that I am."

"Apology accepted," she lifted his hand and kissed the palm again and he pulled her up against his chest.

"And you will be a doctor again," he whispered into her hair. "They can't take away your brilliance, or your compassion, or the part of you that wants to heal. You have to believe me in this, you will be a doctor again."

"I don't know why, but I do believe you."

"You know," he smiled down at her. "I never did get a dance with the birthday girl. Care to trip the light?"

"I'd love to, sir." She gave him a quick little curtsey and moved to turn on the radio that she kept on the counter. She felt a slight little pang in her chest at the apropos words of the song that was playing.

"Smile, though your is breaking…"

Jed gave her a rueful half smile and held his hand out to her so he could pull her into his embrace. Abbey snuggled into to him as she had hundreds of times before. The feeling of his arms around her was so wonderfully familiar. She found that sweet spot where his neck joined his shoulder and rested her head there, the move as instinctive as breathing. She inhaled deeply the secret, warmly masculine scent there. Combinations of shampoo, soap, aftershave, sweat from their earlier exertions, and that particular male scent that was his and his alone. His hands were strong, rougher than hers were. He was a scholar but also a farmer. Those hands had done their share of farmwork and splitting wood. She ran a finger softly over a callus on his palm and felt his other press harder into the small of her back. She felt small and safe and cherished. Her eyes were closed so she didn't notice when Jed slowly danced her over to the wall and hit the light switch plunging the kitchen into darkness save for the bright moonlight.

Jed's eyes were not closed. They were wide open as he looked down at his petite wife. She was so small that holding her was one of the few times that he felt tall and powerful. The moonlight played over her fiery auburn hair. She'd tried to straighten with the blow dryer but the wavy curls were already coming back. He gathered up a handful of her coppery curls and buried his face into them, filling his nostrils with the scent of honeysuckle and lilacs.

"God, I love your hair, " he sighed.

"And I love the way you smell," she murmured sleepily. They were barely swaying now to the music. Jed gazed down. Abbey's shirt was unbuttoned well below her chest and where it gaped open he saw the faint scars on her breast that she had tried to shield from him earlier. For the first time he was able to look at them without rage coursing through his veins. He laid his palm flat against her breast, over the scars. Abbey gave a small start, but it was a healing move not an erotic one.

"Tonight was what it means to make love." He told her. "Remember what I told you a while back. One has NOTHING to do with the other." He began to trace a finger up and down the scratch marks. "Let what we did tonight erase what he did to you. Dream about lovemaking, not violence, and never, ever feel you have to hide something from me."

Abbey swallowed tightly and she nodded against his shoulder. She hadn't even realized that he had noticed her self-consciousness when it came to the scars and her heart swelled with love for him. This was her man. This was what was important, flesh and blood, not a piece of paper that proclaimed her profession.

"At least we're over the worst of it now," she said kissing his jaw lightly. "No more fighting the congressional panel, no more fighting the review board. I'm so tired of fighting, Jed."

"Me too, sweet cakes, me too."

* * * *

"CJ" Danny poked his head into her office. "I really need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait? I'm exhausted."

"Nope. I think you'll want to speak to the President in the morning." He handed CJ a manila folder. She spared him a confused look, then opened it. Danny watched her eyes widen and her face pale with shock. She sank back weakly into her chair. Her shock was genuine and Danny knew that she was completely unaware of the goings on in the photo.

"Oh my God, " she finally sighed. "How can I go to the President with this?"

TBC...