2/20/2002
Well sheesh, I realize I suck because it has been forever since I have posted on this thing...crap since July of last year. Well I suppose it is time for an update and to change this from Daily Journal to just journal =P Well I just turned 18 in January, Happy Birthday to me! I am almost ready to graduate the dreaded high school and to go on with my happy little disfunctional life. Transitioning has been put off for a little while due to the fact I am moneyless and jobless. I need to get a job so i can get insurance so i can get a lisence so I can get a CAR. LOL I am hoping that I will be able to update more often now that I have been given a little bit of time. But I just want yall to know that I am still out here in my sucky state of North Carolina. Take care.
6/21/2001
Well guys, its me again. Is it just me, or do I post farther and farther apart each time? :) Well I am trying to update my site at often as I can but unfortunatly, library computers don't help. But some good news is, my dad is going to let me get my name changed! I think that is quite a step if you ask me. The deal is, if I can get the money to pay for it he will let me do it. So now I have to find a way to get money and such. But that is a task that is easier said than done for someone with no job. *sigh* I'll find a way I suppose. But other than that it has been going well. My grandmother came back from a trip to the mountains. She bought me pencils with my name on it. But the name wasn't my original name, she had Sean on it. So that made me smile. So at least a few of my family members understand me. Well the 4th of July is on it's way. If I don't write back by then, happy Independence Day!
3/20/2001
It has been a very long time since I last posted. Some sad news would be that my computer has finally died on me. It was old to begin with, but it had a short life span. Updating this site will be harder and less frequent. Not much has been happening lately except that I have finally turned 17! I turned 17 in January. My transition is coming along well. I have been called sir a lot more and tried to be at peace with my family. But really, my family needs a little more maintience. I hope to update my links soon and keep the site running well. My new e-mail to contact me at would be seanmiller32@yahoo.com. Well, hope to post again soon.
12/22/2000
Merry Christmas! Well, another year has gone by and I have survived! Thats a reason to bring out the noise makers! But a few days ago I would have said I wasn't ready for the big ball to come down. My great grandmother was all over me for looking like a man and said I wouldn't get anywhere looking like that. I just brushed it off because I hardly see her anyway. I was also with my grandfather and my dad. We were driving down the road and all my great grandmother could do was complain. My grandpa said "Make the world happy and be quiet" LOL But then he said something that almost made me fall over. He looked back and said to me "Don't worry, I like girls too". That made the whole car go in silence. That was all that was said. I am still chuckling about it. Maybe he is coming around. I know one thing, my father is making me angry. He is telling almost everyone he meets about my plans to be a guy. I mean my family would find out sooner or later, but I'd rather tell them than have him say it the wrong way or something. Well, the bright side is he accepts me, at times anyway. But as I said last year and I will say this year, I hope I don't get any skirts for Christmas! UGH!
11/26/2000
Happy Thanksgiving! Mine was pretty good. I am glad I came out of it alive without anyone saying anything about how I look. So thats a plus. School has been fine. I can't wait until Christmas comes around though. I have been trying to lookup more information on my transition including surgeries and name change. I have heard of a MTF lawyer that will do all the papaerwork for T and name changes d such for only $100.00! Thats a pretty good price to get everything out of the way. When I get all the information I will add that to this page. Well thats about all I have to write. Happy Holidays!
10/15/2000
Well it's been quite a while since I last wrote. Not too much has been going on except I finished my first semester of the Adult High School Program. I passed with flying colors. I start my next semester tomorrow and truthfully, I can't wait :) I have enjoyed every moment of school so far. There are so many people there like me. Maybe not TG, but simular personalities. The teachers seem to like me which is another plus. I was scared to death the other day because I almost had to have surgery. Funny thing it was going to be on the ovaries. I was hoping that they would just remove all of it. I won't give all the details, but I will just say it was a cist of some kind. If I was going to have to surgery they would just burn it off, not take everything out. That was a bummer. But they didn't find anything wrong so I am happy to a point. But I knew they wouldn't take everything out. They usually won't o that type of surgery for anyone under 20! And even if you are older than 20 it is a hard surgery to get. So there is another obsitcle I have to overcome. My great grandma got on my ass yesterday about me wearing guys clothes and looking like a boy. She said "People are gonna think you are crazy and you will go into college looking like a boy." Then she asked if I liked boys or girls. I was reluctant to answer that questions. But I managed to squeeze my way out of it. I am sure when Christmas comes they will probably buy me a bull load of dresses and frilly tops and shit. I'll just have to hand it back and say "NO thanks". Really, I feel so much more confortable in jeans and a tank top than anything else. Too bad they don't see it the way I do.
8/19/2000
Well it's August now, time to go back to school and lose precious sleep hehe :) Yes, I have already started. I started on the 7th of this month. As you may know I don't go to "regular" high school now, I go to a community college. I am in an Adult High School program where I will still get my high school diploma instead of a GED. There have been a lot of great things with this new school year. First off I will graduate before my regular high school friends. I will be done in 2001 so I will be done in a year verses the 4 years I would have had to go. Yes this is a year round school but I don't mind :) Only 4 days a week, and 3 hours a day. Its a good schedule :) I have met a lot of interesting people. A lot of homosexuals which I am happy about, more people to relate to. I go by Sean now which makes me even more happy :) And pretty much 70% think I am a male and I get called "he" and such. One of my teachers even knows I am TG and he is cool with it So this year will be a great year :) Nothing else has realy been going on. I bought my school clothes about a week ago. No, no frilly dresses and hair bows LOL Mens clothes and stuff. My father didn't care what I bought or what I wear to school so that is one positive thing :) I am hoping to get new pics on this site soon of me, because I do look a lot different :) My dad is becomming more and more accepting of me. But right about now I don't know if thats a good or bad thing ;) He wants to call me "Irving" instead of Sean. *raises eyebrow* Maybe thats why I wasn't born male, so I wouldn't be stuck with such a cheesy name LOL Oh well, any male name is better than my female name I suppose :) I just added a surgery info page on here today. It took me a while to finally get around to it. Oh well, at least I finally did. Okay, now I am just blabbing :) Until next post!
7/4/2000
Well happy July 4th! I went to the beach the last week of June with my grandmother. We talked alot about me being TG. She did take me shopping and she bought me swim trunks and other guy clothes. So that is a few points for the home team :) The real excitement so far is that when I have gone out lately I have used the mens bathroom. It went very well actually. Unfortunatly I had to use the stall, but no one was the wiser :) My dad claims it is illegal to do that, but I think it is bull. First of all how will anyone know? I am sure that police don't gaurd the doors of the bathrooms. They can't strip search me and they can't send me to jail for life. He over reacts way too much. But I do feel a lot better going to t mens than the womens. I know the way I looked the other day, if I went into the womans they would have all came running out and screaming LOL Definatly not my type of scene. But hey, I am getting somewhere :)
6/9/2000
Well its actually been a half good month. I wrote my grandmother a few weeks back, a veeeery long letter. I explained a lot of things I didn't get a chance to explain from my previous journal entry. I told her exactly what I had in mind for the future, and I told her things that I've kept between me and my SO for so long. Just a bunch of things that needed to be said. To my delight she replied and said that she was totally accepting and understood what I said. She lives at the beach, not far from me. I will be visiting her in a few weeks. She said he was going to buy me swim trunks instead of a stupid bathing suit and also tank tops, ect. This was great news for me. Now if the rest of my family was as acceting as she is :) Other than that basically school is out. I dropped out anyhow so it looks like I will have an extra long vacation :) I will be going back in August though except I will be at a community college. I definatly want my education, just not at the school I was going to. The people there definatly were homophobic and trans illiterate. I want to start over and get a degree in computers :) Well thats basically it for now.
5/18/2000
This month hasn't been very busy. I am trying to update my page as much as possible but it seems I haven't done as much as I need to. The one thing that has been on the bright side is that my father called me son the other day and if someone calls and asks for Sean he will give the phone to me. He accepts me somewhat. He slips at times calling me by my female name and calling me "she". But he tries. My grandmother came for a visit around the first of the month. I don't remember how we got onto the subject about my gender issues but we did. My dad brought out a surgery book which happened to have FTM surgery in it and showed it to my grandmother. My g/m did look surprised but she has seen this website before. She said that she will always think of me as female and by my female name, but she accepts me for who I want to be. So I suppose there was good and bad sides to this. I know my grandfather doesn't accept what I want to be. But the way I see it, if you are going through he same thing I am right now, if they don't accept you just leave it at that. Others opinions should not have to mold your future. Do what you think is best and don't let anyone get you down. Your happiness comes before anyone else's. Well that is basically all that has happened. I will try to write again soon.
4/11/2000
I've decided to rename this to "Journal" instead of "Daily Journal" since, obviously, I don't get to write in it daily ;) It seems I only getto write once a month lol Well lately its been topsy turvey. I have officially dropped out of school. It was a last resort for me. I didn't fit in and I have known most of those people for most of my life. I will miss a lot of my friends though. I will still be getting my real high school diploma at a community college. I expect to meet a lot more people there like me. On a higher note I was able to go see the movie "Boy's Don't Cry", the story of Brandon Teena. It was an excellent movie, very graphic though. It did make me sniffle a little :) But it gave me a better understanding of Brandon's life and made me focus on mine a lot more. I highly recommend this movie, but the faint of heart and stomach should watch out for a few parts. And I was very excited to see that Hilary Swank won the Ocar for that movie. Quite a step for TG people. Well thats about it except that my father is thinking about me getting my name changed, I hope he lets me. I want to go to this community college known as "Sean", not my female name. It would be a good thing for me. Only time will tell though.
3/3/2000
Today I was pretty sick. I think I might have the flu. I was in a chatroom and we were discussing beards. I personally don't want one, but maybe a 5 o'clock shadow. I am thinking about starting a page about info or surgery. I know this isn't much but I feel like writing.
2/24/2000
Today something interesting happened. My neighbor died on Tuesday, she was a really nice lady and great neighbor. I didn't know her that well. So today we decided to go to the viewing. I decided to wear a suit. At first my dad didn't want me to but eventually gave in. He even put the tie on me. It was the first time I went out in public in a suit. I liked wearing a suit much better than any dress. I do have pictures from that night and as soon as possible I will scan them and put them on my page.
1/26/2000
Over 20 inches of snow has been dumped on us. We haven't gone to school for nearly 2 weeks! Not that I am complaining. But I will be when we have to sit in school this summer! My birthday was on the 6th, yay! It went okay except my birthday cake bursted into flames! hehe
12/31/99
Happy new year! Christmas was okay. I did get a Nintendo 64 and no skirts, thank God! :) But my family did harass me about how boyish my hair was cut and how I should look more like a young lady. Blah. My dad said he would be estatic if he saw me in a dress. I guess he will never get that feeling because I will never wear a dress. The day after Christmas we got into a car crash. No one was hurt but it was a pretty nerve wrecking event! Both cars are still drivable. But the front end of ours looks bad. Oh well, I guess thats how it goes.
11/25/99
Happy Thanksgiving! Today I found out that someone in my family is transgendered. She is my step grandmothers sisters daughter. hehehe I saw her at the Thanksgiving dinner. She dresses like a boy, has her hair cut short and carries a wallet in her pocket. i talked to her for a little bit. She says that the way she dresses is comfortable. We didn't talk long, I was a little nervous and didn't think she wanted to talk about things like that that day. oh well, it was interesting anyhow! :)
11/23/99
Its been a VERY long time since I last wrote. I guess I am lazy ;) Today was weird. In English class I had to act out a character to see if the class could guess it. I ended up doing Tigger, what an embarassment that was. I don't do very well in front of big crowds. Lately people in my school haven't been bothering me. maybe they found someone else to torture. I just got over the flu last week. It was terrible. I have been researching a lot on Testosterone and muscle pills and such. I am happy with the results I am getting on sex changes. Its giving me hope for the near future. They can already do so much now, who knows what they will be able to do in the future!
10/27/99
Eh, today was okay. I was mad because my computer was wacking out yesterday. It kept crashing. But it seems to be okay today. One of my friends said that I was a good looking guy. She said thats what she would say if she saw me for the first time. Another girl said I was sexy. I was very surprised at these comments, but of course I am not complaining. ;) A lot of people have been wise cracking on me today so I am in a little of a bad mood. Today was picture re-takes. I went to get mine taken over. They said that your first pictures go in the yearbook, I hope not! I hate my first ones. ::yawns:: what a day.
10/25/99
Today I tried on one of my dad's suits. Yes it was a little big but I thought that I looked good in it. I did get a little upset because dad said that it was stupid and that I wasn't supposed to dress that way. I thought "Your no prince charming yourself." I might wear a suit for Thanksgiving when I go visit relatives. I am risking it but I dont care.