What Lies Beyond
~1~
Buffy jumped. She leapt forward, sacrificing herself
for the ones
she loved, saving the world yet again from complete destruction.
Those that she loved were alive and more or less kicking, and she
was gone. In heaven? In hell? Wasn't ever quite sure. Then, a couple
months later,
lollypops…never is. There was darkness and pain, but they got
through it…we all did, and in the end, we were together. I finally
had her, and she wanted me, and everyone was supposed to be happy.
But she used me and I hurt her, and bloody fucking hell! Even in my
dreams, even in my fantasies, it doesn't end happily. I knew it was
wrong from day one, but I couldn't get her out of my head. She
became my obsession, and even in my dreams, even then, things still
unravel and fall apart, and even then she doesn't really love me.
But that isn't the way it worked out. Not even close. In the end,
she wasn't the only one to perish. The First came and it would not
be stopped. I didn't stick around to help their little group
afterwards, and she didn't save the world. Well, not exactly. At
least, not all of the world. And I never, not in a million years,
would have ever guessed it would turn like this. Don't know if this
is better or worse than the fantasy I had conjured in my head. Still
not sure exactly how this one goes. Still not sure if we get the
happy ending or not. Still not sure about what lies beyond.
* * * * *
"Harmony, this file on the lady who thinks her cat has been
possessed by the ghost of her late husband? It doesn't make any
sense," Angel called out to his secretary as she ran into his office
and shut the door behind her. He tossed the file onto his desk.
"It makes perfect sense…Maybe you just aren't reading it correctly,"
she countered haughtily.
"Harm, the only thing it talks about is her husband's fondness for
catnip, and I don't even understand who she's trying to sue,
because…" Angel was cut off when the door to his office was thrown
open and they looked up to see the blur of something rushing in.
They both stood there, staring in stunned silence at what appeared
to be a very battered blond vampire carrying a large bundle in his
arms. He was panting slightly and looked about ready to pass out at
any moment.
"Spike," Angel ground out and took a menacing step closer to the
younger vampire.
"Angelus, help…her," he whispered hoarsely, holding out his arms a
little toward Angel. That was when he noticed the bit of red hair
peaking from beneath the blanket that was wrapped around her.
"Spike, is that…" Harmony began to question.
"
the blanket back to see her face. She was extremely pale and looked
to be full of cuts and bruises. Quickly snatching the girl out of
the arms of the blond, he growled. "What the hell did you do to
her?" Last he had heard,
"Me? I didn't do anything, you fucking ponce! Now help her! I'll
explain it all to you afterwards," Spike shouted back, sounding more
frantic and pleading than he intended. He stumbled over to a chair
and slumped down onto it. "And could I maybe get a little blood
here?" He looked up at Harmony, who scowled at him, and then looked
to Angel. He thought for a moment and then nodded to her, sending
her off to retrieve some blood for the unwelcome guest.
Angel, in the meantime, laid
unwrapped the tattered blanket from around her. He gasped, looked
down at her, taking in her appearance. She looked nearly dead,
though he could hear her heartbeat was slow and steady. Brushing a
bit of tangled red hair away from her face, he looked up at the
other vampire. "Spike, what happened?"
"Long story, mate. End of the world kind of stuff, lot of carnage,
none of it good," Spike answered, none of his usual dark humor
present in his voice. After hesitating for a moment, he
continued. "She gonna be ok?"
"I think so. I mean her heartbeat seems strong enough, but without
having a clue what happened to her, it's a little hard to say,"
Angel glared at him.
"She passed out a few hours ago, drained all her energy," Spike
explained.
"Well, let me just take her upstairs and get her into a bed. I'll
have Fred keep watch over her incase anything changes or she wakes
up, and then YOU will explain to me exactly what the hell happened."
Angel gently lifted her back up and carried her to the elevator that
led to his apartment. Several minutes later he returned to see
Spike still sitting in the office, finishing off a warmed mug of
blood. He stood over him, his arms crossed, his body rigid with
anger.
"Start talking, now, Spike," he commanded.
"Now hang on just a second there, peaches," Spike sat up a bit
straighter. "I saved her life! Don't go gettin all mighty and pissed
at me until you hear what went down, got it?"
Angel sighed and sat in a chair across from him. "Ok, Spike, tell me
what happened."
~2~
(one year earlier)
“
“Don’t fear me,” he said, reaching out to caress her cheek with long, bony
fingers. She cringed and shuddered, trying to back away. “In another place, you
were my childe. You sat at my right hand and you were magnificently powerful.”
“Yeah, well here, it doesn’t work that way,” she stated, her own voice sounding
distant and foreign as she tried to appear braver than she was.
“It is in you…the potential…I’ve seen it. All you can do, all you are…it’s a
part of you. Your magic, you can pretend it comes from a place of goodness, but
we know where its origins really lie, don’t we? Anger, vengeance…ahh, yes…dark
hatred. Finish what you’ve started, my precious, and become what you were
destined to be.”
“No!” She stepped back and stared at him in cold defiance. “You, you aren’t
even real, and it’s not true! What you say…I…It’s not true!”
“Oh no? Come on, honey, I’ve seen what you can do.” Suddenly, the Master was
gone, replaced by Glory. “I saw all that cute, little power you had, even
before you went all evil-wicca-girl.” The hell-god smiled at her, making
“No, I’m not. Not unless it’s to kill you,”
“Kill me? You couldn’t kill me before, when I stole your lover’s mind. And now?
I’m beyond anything you’ve ever fought before, little girl. I’m evil,
absolute.”
In a flash, Glory disappeared, and
“Hey, Sparky. Remember me? I would guess I’d be hard to forget, huh? Killing
me...something you'll always remember, vividly. Remember the way it felt,
torturing me before you ripped my skin from my body?”
“Stop it! STOP IT!”
“You’re a killer.” She heard the words whispered in her ear and looked up,
seeing him standing over her. “That’s right. We both know it, don’t we? It’s
who you are. It’s in you now. It’s a part of you. You killed me, and it felt
pretty damn great. Come on, admit it! Your soul is already damned, you know. No
turning back now. At least this way, you’ll have accomplished something, right?
Come on, you know you’re just itching to lose control again.”
“No! No, I-I don’t want to. I won’t,” she sobbed, her hands covering her face.
“I’d die before I’d let myself lose control again.”
“
Her heart was racing and her breath coming hard as she looked around the small,
dark room. She could hear the cold rain hitting the roof above her. It always
seemed to be raining there. Giles told her that it was
As she tried to calm herself, the redhead concentrated on the sound of the
pitter-pattering rain, and her own deep breathing, before eventually sinking
back into her pillows. Another nightmare. They had been coming much more
frequently lately, and she would have done anything to make them stop.
Tomorrow, she would be returning to Sunnydale. Not only was she worried about
seeing her friends again, but now she knew there was something stirring
underneath, around the hell mouth, and that knowledge couldn’t possibly lead to
anything good.
* * * *
There was a knock on the Summers’ front door. Dawn jumped up to get it,
thinking that maybe Giles and
“Spike,” she whispered.
The blond vampire nodded at her before looking down. He looked like death, even
for a vampire, as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks.
“Dawn who is…” Buffy stopped short as she came out into the foyer and saw him.
Spike looked up with his eyes, his head still tilted downward. “Buffy,” he
whispered.
“Get out.” Her tone was cold and even, and Dawn immediately began to close the
door.
“Wait!” He shouted, his head suddenly shooting up, his eyes wide. “I need to
see
“
“Where can I find her? I need to find her, Buffy, please. Need to find Red.
She's take the spark away, make it all right again.” Something was different in
his voice, but the slayer chose to ignored it.
“She’s out of the country, with Giles,” Dawn said quietly.
“Well, what about her little girl friend? Not as powerful, but maybe…”
“No!” Buffy shouted, taking a step closer to the door.
“
“Well, when will Red be back? I need her help. The magic…”
“Stay the hell away from
“I’m not gonna hurt her,” the vampire told her. “I need a spell or somethin. I
need to stop the voices that…The voices...the don't stop, but maybe...”
“I mean it Spike. Stay away from her. Do not ask her to do any magic.”
“Look, I know she’s on the wagon and all that, but this is important. You don’t
understand.”
“No, Spike, YOU don’t understand.
“What are you talking about?”
Buffy sighed. “Short story…
“I’m sorry,” he said, more to himself than anyone else.
“You are? Why?” Dawn asked softly.
“What?” He looked up at her in confusion.
“Why are you sorry? You’re a soulless killer. Why do you care?”
Spike looked back down in shame and turned to leave.
* * * *
The next night, the blond vampire was making his way through the cemetery, when
he caught a familiar scent and followed it to a secluded little area, seeing a
very familiar person before him.
As she knelt down in front of the grave stone,
Suddenly, she was startled by a hand on her shoulder. The redhead looked up in
surprise.
“Spike!”
“Think the hole’s all closed up now?” He questioned, his eyes looking slightly
less lucid than she remembered.
“The…the hole? You mean the hellmouth?” She asked in confusion.
“The HOLE,” he repeated in exasperation, pointing at her chest. “I can still
see it, you know, gaping wide open. Gotta be careful there, could get
infected.”
“Huh?”
“Go along thinking it’s mending, it’s healing, doin all the right things, as if
you can just pick up your heart, didn’t know…leave it unbeating long enough and
it’s too late…too cold. Worse off than ever before and more blackened.”
“Spike, what are you talking about?”
“Can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. Too hard to hide those tears. THOSE tears…can’t
hide those, not this time. Can just about smell the fear, even when it’s buried
and dead. Still can smell it, brewing, bubbling…start feelin again, start carin
again, and then what? Faced with no one to love you.”
“Spike, are you talking about me or you?” The redhead asked.
“Well, obviously!” He responded, throwing his hands up. Then, suddenly, his
eyes seemed to change, become a bit clearer. “Red, I’m sorry,” he told her. She
could see the sincerity in his eyes and didn’t question it. He knelt down
beside her and they stayed like that, in silence, for a long moment, before she
turned and looked at him again.
“How long have you been back?” She asked.
“Couple of days,” he answered with a shrug.
“Where did you go?”
“That’s a bit of a long, complicated story.”
“Oh.” She was silent, looking as if deep in thought for another minute, before
speaking again. “You look terrible.”
“Gee, thanks pet,” he said with a slight grin.
“Well, I just mean that you look like you haven’t eaten much lately,” she
clarified.
“Haven’t.”
She cocked her head, silently questioning why.
“Haven’t wanted to,” he told her.
“You mean haven’t been able to,” she corrected.
“No.” He looked her right in the eyes. “Haven’t wanted to.”
After a moment, she realized, “You have your soul! How?”
“Again with the long story.”
“Did…did you eat a gypsy?”
“Not quite, pet,” he replied with a slight chuckle.
“How do you feel?”
He was surprised at that question. “Haven’t much thought about that. More
thinkin about how all my victims felt.”
“Yeah,” she said with a nod of her head. “I get that.”
“
“They didn’t tell you? I…I killed people, Spike. I almost…gods….I killed
people.”
“I…I didn’t know,” he told her. “Buffy said it was bad. Said you’d gone dark,
but I didn’t think…I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” she said quietly. “So, um, was there something you wanted?”
Spike thought about that question for the moment. He had come to her,
desperately hoping that she could extract the soul from him, take away the pain
and guilt that he had foolishly asked for, but now…he just couldn’t bring
himself to do it. He couldn’t ask her to do something like that. And so,
instead, he simply shook his head and sat with her a while longer, in the dark
silence, among those they deemed so much better that had gone before.
~3~
Spike had been hearing voices. The voices had been telling him to do things.
Bad things. Everyone knew this by now. What they didn’t know was that Willow
was hearing the voices as well, and they were telling her to do things, too.
She had been able to hide that fact so far, and hoped her luck would hold out.
The last thing she wanted was for her friends to know the things that the First
whispered to her when no one else was around. She couldn’t even imagine what
they would say or do if they found out.
As it was, they were always watching her. She had thought it would get easier.
Time heals all wounds, and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But she
didn’t feel stronger. She felt weaker than ever before, and more tired. And
things weren’t any easier than the day she fell apart.
Willow went away, and struggled, and learned, and toiled and began to heal, but
then she came back, and with her came all the demons screaming in her head.
They smiled and they hugged and they pretended that it was alright, but she
knew it wasn’t. She knew the images that they had playing in their minds,
because they constantly plagued her own as well. She knew they saw her now as
the black-eyed girl attempting to destroy them all. She knew this because it
was what she was. She could hide behind the red and the green, but they all
knew now, and she couldn’t make them forget.
She had tried that once before. Learned that lesson. No more mind games for
this redhead. Wouldn’t do any good anyway. One thing she came back with was the
understanding that the universe will set things as they should be, and if she
tried to mess with what she didn’t have authority over, it would come back to
bite her in the end. She was still the smart one, after all.
They never looked her right in the eye. Maybe they didn’t think that she
noticed, or maybe they didn’t care, but she did notice and it killed her just a
little bit each time. They never looked her in the eye, and when she wasn’t looking
at them, she knew they watched her. They watched to be sure that she was still
on the straight and narrow. She was still the good girl with the restrained
magic, and she couldn’t blame them, after all. They had every right to be
watching. But still, it hurt, to know they were always watching, but never
looking at her.
“Spike! Spike, are you here?” Willow called out, slowly navigating the ever
changing maze that was the high school basement. She had been told that he was
down there and was hoping to find the vampire and talk to him, maybe get him to
leave the basement, which was clearly NOT helping with his sanity issues.
Just as she craned her neck to peer around a corner, the blond vampire suddenly
jumped out in front of her, startling the redhead.
“Geez, Spike, don’t do that,” Willow chastised, clutching her chest as her
heart thumped heavily below.
“You don’t have permission to be down here,” he told her. “I didn’t hear the
bell ring.” His eyes were wild and unfocused.
“Spike, you scared me,” she told him, still willing her heartbeat to slow down.
“Scared, strong? No different, no different than all the others. Think you were
wronged, do you? Think it wasn’t your own fault?” He was shouting questions,
and looking away from the redhead, off to his side.
“What? I…I know it was my fault, Spike. I know that…”
“After everything you’ve done, after all the trouble and pain,” he growled,
still not looking at her, “And…oh…now look at you.” His gaze shifted slightly,
though he still didn’t look toward Willow. “Well, aren’t you a sight. Not
expecting that. All glowy and pretty...little bird…so happy until the nest fell
down. Tragedy that, not right…”
“Spike, please, I…” Willow was trying to get his attention, though he was still
looking away from her and talking. “She hurts, you hurt. All wrong, nothing
right. All wrong. Flame flickering, flickering…needs fanning, it does….needs a
little push, maybe.” He stopped suddenly, his eyes shifting back to where he
had been looking a moment earlier.
“Well, decide what it will be then! Dead, alive, dead, alive…” He was angry
now, and didn’t seem to notice Willow at all. “Does she live or does she die?
Why should I? Why should I be the one? It was your trigger, wasn’t it? Your
arm, your hand, and her…” He glanced at Willow for a moment. “So red, so black,
red…hurting, but not enough.” Spike’s head suddenly shot back to the empty
space he had been talking to a moment earlier. “Not hurting enough? Need more?
When is it enough? Huh? Pain? Death? Love? Life? No differences, not anymore,
not in her.”
“Spike,” Willow called out, trying to get his attention again, his words making
her increasingly uncomfortable.
“Get out!” He shouted, shutting his eyes and bringing his hands to his head. “I
won’t! I won’t help you! Not to do that! Not to her. No! Won’t help! Get your
kicks somewhere else! Not here, no admission, gates have closed. Get out!”
At that, willow turned and ran from him, through the maze and out of the
building, tears pouring down her cheeks.
Spike opened his eyes and looked to where Willow had been standing, seeing that
she was gone, and then looked back to where he had been talking before.
“Nice move, Sparky. You had her right here, all that power, all that darkness?
And you just let her run? You’re pathetic. Completely useless.” Spike squeezed
his eyes shut again, pounding his fists against his temples for a moment, and
then opening them again, looking away from Warren and at the other figure.
“And you…What do you have to say?” He asked.
“Help her, and let her help you,” she responded in a soft, sad voice.
“And what did I just do? And what more would I have done? I told him, I won’t.
I won’t hurt her.”
“She needs you now, needs your strengths, and you need her, her power. Help
her, protect her and she will help you. Together, you can heal.”
“She hurts since you went away,” he responded quietly. “She needs you, not me.”
“That is not to be. This is the way, and it must be you.”
“I’m weak! They’re all in here, tellin me, tellin me, hurt the girl. Hurt, kill,
hurt, kill…Tell a child an apple is an orange long enough, and he’ll begin to
believe you. I’m a killer, a monster. She doesn’t need me.”
“You will be a champion, along with her,” Tara whispered, before fading away.
~4~
Buffy and Dawn were at school. Xander was at work. Anya was…God only knew where
Anya was. The shop most likely…Which meant that left Willow to vamp-sit their
resident crazy demon. They had finally gotten him out of the basement, and he
had eventually ended up at Buffy’s house, along with the rest of the refugees.
He was on the slightly more sane side now, which made understanding his
occassional rants a lot easier. It sort of reminded Willow of when Spike first
got the chip, except he wasn’t chained up in the bathroom, and he wasn’t being
mean and snarky. Oh! And apparently he could kill them all now. Willow began to
think that she missed the days of angry Spike.
She glanced around the wreckage that was Buffy’s living room and sat down on
the floor with her laptop. Funny. There was a time when she lived there and it
was her real home. Willow was the head of the household. The grown up. Now, she
mostly felt like a vagrant, given a room out of sympathy. She knew that Buffy
and Dawn didn’t see it that way, but still…
Willow should have been at school. She was still trying to play catch up with
her classes, and already she was unexcused-absence girl. It would be kind of
hard to explain to her professors that she couldn’t come to class because she
had to stay with an insane vampire that was being manipulated by some unknown
evil force that was threatening to devour the world. So, she was beginning to
think that maybe she wouldn’t be graduating in the spring as planned…or ever
for that matter. After all, this evil…thing…they didn’t have a clue what they
were up against. The only thing she knew was that it wanted her dead, but she
was guessing that thought wasn’t exactly reserved merely for evil things.
They had done a pretty good job cleaning up the after math of Dawn’s little
visitation. It had been a night filled with ghostly conversations, and Willow
knew that Dawn didn’t fully believe that it wasn’t her mother that had come to
her. She didn’t really blame her. If she had actually seen Tara in the library,
instead of the girl pretending to deliver a message, Willow would have believed
it, too. Buffy never bothered to ask what the thing that talked to Willow said,
and if she had, Willow wasn’t sure of exactly how much she would have told her.
She was pretty sure that she didn’t want anyone to know that the First wanted
her dead. That just didn’t seem like the kind of news that you wanted spread
around.
Hearing a door open upstairs, Willow looked over to see Spike coming down into
the living room. She shivered a little nervously, wrapping her arms around
herself as he walked in. She knew that she could defend herself if she had to,
but that didn’t mean that the house wouldn’t crumble around them in the
aftermath of her defense, or that she could guarantee the safe return of the
vampire in one piece. She had put up a barrier, preventing him from leaving the
house. It was kind of like a vampire needing to be invited in, only opposite,
and intended to keep him from going out and killing again, should the First
suddenly get the nifty idea to send him out to make minions once more.
The blond vampire unnerved her, soul or no soul. Knowing that he could attack
was part of it. The way he looked at her, as if he could see everything she
thought and felt? That was unsettling as well. Spike sat next to her, and
Willow had to struggle to not move away. She looked down at the computer, not
sure of how to act. A smile crept across her face as she thought about how
proud of himself the old Spike would have been to see her now. The old,
soulless, demony Spike would have gotten the biggest kick out of knowing that
he could scare her again. But this one…this one just gave her a sad look of
apology.
“Something funny, Red?”
She shook her head at his voice, it reminding her of what she was dealing with-
A souled vampire that could be talked into biting her in a heartbeat. Her smile
quickly faded.
Standing up, Willow wearily made her way into the kitchen. After pouring
herself some coffee and replacing the pot with a shaking hand, Willow glanced
behind her to be sure no one was around. Satisfied that she was alone, she
quickly slipped a small bottle of whiskey from her sweater pocket and poured a
generous amount into the mug. Quickly recapping the bottle, she sighed as she
slipped it back into her pocket.
“Red?” The accented voice made her jump, nearly spilling her drink. “What have
you got there?”
“Uh, Spike, I, uh, was just getting a drink…some, um, coffee.” Her eyes darted
nervously around the room before coming to a rest on the mug in her trembling
hands.
“How about you be a good girl and share a little?” He said, holding out his mug
of blood. She looked at him in confusion.
“Uh, you want coffee in your blood? Is that really a good combo? ‘Cause…”
Leaning down, he whispered in her ear, his voice husky and low, with just a bit
of amusement. “I can smell the whiskey, pet.”
She blushed and turned away. Reaching back into her pocket she grabbed the
small bottle and thrust her arm out backwards without looking. He took the
offered object, and added the rest of the contents to his drink.
“I…I just,” she started turning back around, but still did not look at him. “It
just…”
“Takes the edge off,” he finished. She nodded, her sad, green eyes meeting his
tired blue ones before they both headed back into the remains of the living
room.
It was several minutes before the deadly silence was finally broken, Spike
choosing to speak.
“What did it say to you?” He questioned. She looked at him, seeing the pain in
her eyes reflected in his own. She tried to shrug and act as nonchalant as
possible.
“To stop the magic or I’d kill everyone,” she said matter-of-factly, looking
away.
“Why didn’t you believe it? How did you know it wasn’t true?”
The redhead continued to look away, knowing that her face, her eyes would
betray her. “It said other things, and I…I just knew.”
“How?” He sounded almost desperate to know, and she couldn’t deny him the
answer. Looking up, she knew he could see the tears in her eyes. It was the
first time that she had told anyone.
“It…it said that it was Tara. That she…she wanted me to kill myself, to save
the world, and I could be with her.” His eyes widened at her confession, and
though she had said all she needed or intended to, Willow suddenly seemed
unable to stop the flow of words, or the flow of tears.
“It told me that she could see me, see all I’d done, and that she was singing
to me, even though I couldn’t hear her.” At that, she let out a deep sigh,
wiping at the tears and closing her eyes before yawning and leaning back
against the couch.
“And you didn’t believe it?”
Willow shook her head. “I knew that Tara would never tell me to do that. The
First…It was trying to tell me that I wouldn’t be able to control the magic,
that I’d kill everyone.”
“You know, that was just to try and stop you. Means you can hurt it,” Spike
told her.
“I know what it was trying to do. It was trying to scare me, but…but what if it
was telling the truth? I…I mean, maybe it doesn’t even know it’s the truth, but
what if it is?” Spike gave her a questioning look and Willow sighed. “What if I
lose control? What if I try to use the power to help, and I can’t control it,
and it takes over…and…and what if I…”
“Won’t happen,” he said simply, shaking his head.
Willow gave him a doubtful look, before glancing back down at her hands in her
lap.
“Red, you are the strongest of all of us. You have more strength and power and
courage and compassion than everyone else combined, and when the time comes,
you’re going to be bloody amazing.”
Willow shook her head, fighting the tears. “You don’t know, Spike,” she said
with a small sob. “You don’t know what it’s like, to feel so much power, and to
know…it could break free, and you could lose control at any moment. I can feel
it, right at the edge, pushing, and every time I need to use it, I feel my
resolve slipping. You’re wrong, I’m not strong, and I couldn’t hurt them…I just
couldn’t…”
The vampire wrapped an arm around the redhead and shushed her. “Red, I
understand, more than you know,” he whispered, and she leaned back a bit, still
in his embrace, looking up at his face. “You ARE strong. Look at all you’ve
been through, and still you come out on top. Every day I have to battle with my
demon, fight what I am, and if I, weak, book-wormy, unassuming William can
fight my demon, then surely you can fight yours. What doesn’t kill you, love,
it makes you stronger.”
“I used to believe that,” she replied quietly. “But now…now I’m thinking
that…sometimes what doesn’t kill you just leave you to slowly bleed to death.”
“Maybe for some, but not for you, Red. You are strong, believe me.”
“But I feel so weak,” she whispered.
“Then maybe we need to help each other, lean on one another, help each other
with this whole redemption thing,” Spike suggested, remembering what Tara had
told him. “You lean on me, I lean on you, we pull from each other’s strength,
yeah?”
Willow nodded with a slight smile. “Yeah, I think I could do that,” she mumbled
through a yawn.
“You should sleep, pet,” Spike stated quietly.
She knew she must look awful, having not really slept in days. “I…I really
shouldn’t. I can’t,” she stammered, struggling to sit up, but Spike pulled her
back into him and shushed her.
“Red, I’ll tell you what. Anyone at all comes to talk to me, I’ll wake you up
straight away. Alright? Even if it’s just some Bible salesman, I won’t listen
to a word till I wake you up. Last thing I want is to hurt you.” She heard the
sincerity in his words and knew, too, that he was probably desperate to feel
needed, and to know that she was not afraid of him, which strangely enough, she
no longer was. And so, she settled back against his chest as he leaned against
the couch, and let him lull her to sleep with soft, whispered words and a hand
gently stroking her hair, and for a few moments she was able to relax, with no
one watching, waiting for her to break.
~5~
“Hold it. Let’s start right there.”
Xander turned toward the door, only to stop upon seeing a still unmoving
vampire looking past him at the redhead.
“What?” He turned and looked back at Willow, who was reassembling her spell
ingredients. RJ needed her. He needed her to show him how much she loved him,
even if he was a boy. Of course, no one seemed to think it too strange that she
was suddenly in love with a guy. They all thought it was some silly spell, but
she knew better. This love was real, even if she didn’t know him that well, and
he was kinda young, and yeah, okay...a guy.
“Willow, look, you really need to stop this. It’s a spell, and…”
“I know,” she smiled proudly at him. “It’s a spell to make him a her, and
then…”
“No! No ‘and then’ anything,” Xander interrupted, covering his ears with his
hands and closing his eyes. Not hearing Spike clearing his throat, he jumped
when the vampire grabbed his shoulder.
“Still got the whole Slayer ganna kill the principal thing, remember?” Willow
rolled her eyes. Apparently Buffy thought that the best way to show RJ that she
loved him was to kill his principal. Yeah, like THAT was going to work.
“Yeah, I…” Xander glanced over again at the redhead on the floor. “I…don’t want
to just leave her, and I’m thinking that taking crazy, love-sick wicca girl
with us is really not a good idea. I…”
“Alright, look, you go find Buffy and I’ll stay and look after Red,” Spike
grumbled with a sigh.
Xander glanced nervously again at his friend before finally conceding.
“Anything happens to her…” He glared at the vampire who simply rolled his eyes
and pulled out a cigarette.
“Yeah, yeah, heard all the threats before, now go before the Slayer chops her
boss into little bits.”
Xander nodded and took off out the door, leaving the blond vampire staring down
at a frustrated witch.
“You know, Spike, you really don’t need to stay here with me,” Willow told him,
as she put the last of her spell ingredients away in her trunk. He raised an
eyebrow at her as he watched, seated on her bed.
“Really, I mean, you know…I think you guys were right. I think it was some kind
of spell. I mean what was I thinking? Being all in love with a boy…a-and with
the spell and all…But I’m feeling much better now, so you really don’t have to
stay.”
Spike stared at her for a moment before breaking out into a smile and shaking
his head.
“Not fooling anyone, witch. I turn my back on you and you’ll be tryin that
spell again faster than I can blink.”
“No, I swear, really…no more being in love with the…nice, cute…uh…stupid…boy,”
she said, looking up at him hopefully.
“Well then, I guess you won’t mind if I just hang around for a little while,”
he replied with a smirk.
Her hopeful smile turned quickly to a frown and she stomped her foot.
“Damn,” she grumbled. “Stupid vampire. Y-you know, I could still use that spell
on YOU.”
The amusement disappeared from his face and he scowled at her. “Don’t even
think about it, witch.”
“You know, I DO have a real, actual name, SPIKE,” she shot back, hands on her
hips. “Or is it that you just aren’t capable of actually remembered it?”
“I’m well aware of your name, Red,” he shot back, purposely trying to further
piss her off. “And enough with the pouting already. It’s not a good look on
you.” Actually, that wasn’t true. It was a perfect look on the redhead, but
Spike wasn’t about to tell her that.
Continuing with the scowl on her face, she walked over to the bed and flopped
down next to him.
“Well, at least I have someone to talk to for a while, even if it is an insane
vampire,” she mumbled.
“What are you talking about? You have upir whole little gang to talk to anytime
you like.”
She shook her head, sadly looking down. “They…they still aren’t…normal with me.
Ever since…I came back…They still seem uneasy, and they won’t talk about a lot
of stuff. I’m still not really back in the group, unless they need some special
research help or something. I mean, I know I deserve no less, but…”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” he said, looking away in thought for a moment,
before looking back at her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you,” he said
quietly.
Her head shot up and she looked at him in surprise.
“I…don’t think I ever told you, but I really am sorry about what happened. Your
witch…she was a good lady, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you…after.” He
saw her face soften as he spoke and hoped she wouldn’t start crying. Couldn’t
bare to see a woman in tears. “I know it doesn’t mean much, coming from an
evil…thing, like me, ‘specially all the times I tried to kill you, but…”
“Spike, you might be evil…or sort of evil, or something, but…even though, yeah
you might have tried to kill me a couple times…hey, who hasn’t attempted murder
now and again?” She smiled weakly at him.
“But I’m pretty sure you also saved my life a bunch of times, too, and I don’t
think you would have been so much helping me as you would have been trying to
take me out,” she said, looking down.
“Why would you think that?” He asked in surprise.
“Spike, I tried to kill Dawn, and then I tried to kill Buffy, and you’re trying
to tell me that you wouldn’t have gone after me if you had been here?”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have, really,” he caught her eyes in a sincere
stare. “I would never have tried to kill you. I would have tried to stop you,
and to help you, and most likely gotten myself turned into a nice, big pile of
dust for my troubles, but…I wouldn’t have tried to kill you.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “That’s just the soul talking,” she said quietly. He
stared at her, not answering. She could see the truth in his eyes.
“Why?” She asked, feeling her lips tremble a little.
“Because…I know what it’s like, to love someone so much, and to lose control…to
be out of your mind with the pain and anguish…I know what it’s like.”
She looked up at him with a weak smile, and nodded sadly. It appeared that she
and Spike really did have a lot in common, and while it might seem strange to
be glad about relating to a demon, she was extremely thankful for it.
~6~
The fiasco with the magical, lust-inducing jacket was over and done with,
thankfully, and Willow had moved on to one of the new potentials, Kennedy.
Actually, Kennedy had been the one to do all the moving, practically cornering
Willow every chance she got, and dragging her into flirty conversations,
whether she liked it or not. While the redhead was reluctant at first, she
eventually found herself beginning to let go, and allowed this new girl into
her heart, however guarded it remained. There were still things, of course,
that Kennedy didn’t know, like the voices that still paid visits when no one
else was around. No one else really knew about that, other than Spike. She
remained silent on that topic, willing the voices away each time they came
calling.
“So for now, what? We just sit and wait? We go back to waiting for The First to
come up with some exciting new way to kill us?” Dawn paced back and forth in
front of her sister, impatiently.
“No, we just bought ourselves some time until we figure out how to defeat this
thing.”
“But, Buffy, you know what Giles said. It can’t be defeated.”
“Ok, well, so technically it can’t be defeated, but I’ve come up against it
before and stopped it, so we just have to figure out how and do it again.”
“Yeah, well last time seemed a little easier. Just keep Angel from killing you
or himself and evil is averted. This time is sounding much harder. It’s
attacking from all sides.”
“Look, Dawn, I know. I don’t have all the answers, but we will defeat it, or
stop it, or whatever it is we have to do to it. Ok?”
Dawn nodded and sat back down opening a book on her lap. A few seconds later,
the door opened and both of the Summers girls looked up to see Willow walking
in.
“You know, I think the neighbors are starting to wonder about this house, what
with the massive amounts of people coming in and out, a-and with the boarded up
windows and, well, the constant nightly attacks,” Willow stated with a lopsided
smile.
“Gee, only seven years of vandalism, attacks and strange paranormal activity,
and the neighbors are finally taking notice,” Buffy pondered. “Makes you really
love the citizens of Sunnydale and their ability to be completely oblivious.”
Willow smiled and looked up toward the stairs before looking back at Buffy. “Is
Kennedy around?”
Buffy’s smile widened and she sat up a little straighter. “She’s downstairs,
training with Spike and Xander. So what’s up with you two, anyway? You seem
pretty tight lately.”
“What? Oh, no…no…tightness, really. Very…loose. She just…we’re just friends.
She’s nice to talk to…sometimes.” She said. ‘When she isn’t trying to seduce
me, that is,’ the witch added in her head.
“Uh huh,” Buffy simply responded, clearly unconvinced and still smiling
broadly.
“I think it’s sweet. I think you’d make a cute couple,” Dawn told her.
Willow rolled her eyes. “Really, guys, nothing’s going on. With everything
that’s been happening lately, haven’t really had a whole lot of time to pursue
romantic involvements, and even if I did, it’s still too soon after…”
The slayer raised her hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m not trying to be
pushy-girl. I’m all for the taking time to heal thing. It just seems like you
guys have a little…chemistry, that’s all.”
“Yeah,” Dawn chimed in, “and the way she was all concerned that the big bad
vamp guy was hurting you when you were holding up the barrier against it? I’m
just saying…it was sweet.”
Willow shuddered, remembering when she had tried to fight off the Turok-Han. Up
until then, she had thought that regular vampires were difficult to fight, but
these new super-vamps…they made the regular, garden-variety seem, well, sorta
tame. That thought bled through to another recent memory, when The First had
turned her magic around on her, getting inside her head. Willow could remember
the sheer evil running through her. It had terrified the witch, and afterwards,
she had begged Buffy to not make her use the magic again. Of course, that
didn’t last long. Her power was needed, and Willow had never been able to deny
her friends. She just hoped that her help wouldn’t leave them all dead and gone
in the end.
Just then, Giles walked into the room, interrupting the conversation, much to
Willow’s relief. She was still so confused and unsure about her own feelings
for Kennedy…she definitely wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone else yet.
Well, almost anyone. She and Spike had talked about it a little bit. The First
had captured the blond, sliced him up pretty good, bled him quite a bit.
Finally, Buffy had managed to rescue him, and he was slowly healing. The slayer
had brought him back, tending to the most severe wounds, before leaving him in
the basement to sleep. A few hours later, Willow had slipped down to check on
him.
“How are you?” She asked softly.
“Been better,” he told her honestly, sitting up a bit on the cot. Willow moved
forward and gingerly sat next to him.
“I was worried about you,” she told him, her voice barely above a whisper.
Spike smiled softly. “No need to worry ‘bout me. I can handle myself just
fine.”
“I can see that," she replied, giving him a knowing look and rolling her
eyes. "Did it…did you…did you hear the voices again?” She asked
tentatively. Spike raised an eyebrow at her question. He had suspected that
there were things she wasn’t saying, and that perhaps he wasn’t the only one
that The First was tormenting on a regular basis.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Saw and heard quite a bit.”
“Do they…do they taunt you?”
“Do they taunt YOU?” He responded, causing the redhead to lean back a bit
nervously.
“I don’t…They aren’t…What do you mean?”
“Come on, Will,” he pushed. “You gonna tell me The First isn’t exercising it’s
visitation rights with you, same as me? You gonna sit there and pretend that it
doesn’t whisper nasty little suggestions to you now and again? It wasn’t just
the one time in the library, was it?”
Willow shook her head. No point in denying it. “What does it look like to you?”
Spike shrugged. “Changes a lot. Sometimes it’s Drusilla, sometimes it’s The
Master, ugly bastard that he was, sometimes it’s that crazy hell god, Glory,
and sometimes…it’s Buffy.”
Willow’s eyes widened slightly. “Really? Buffy? I didn’t know that…Sometimes…I
think I see Tara…but it’s only for a second…Just a split second, and then she’s
gone.”
“She’s watching over you,” he told her softly. “Talked to her, just once, and
only for a minute. Was a little less sane then, but the message was still
pretty clear."
"You saw her? What...what did she say?"
"Said we needed to take care of one another. Something about being
champions.”
“I don’t really feel much like a champion,” Willow told him.
Spike chuckled, wincing at the pain in his ribs. “That’s what I said.” He
closed his eyes for a moment, willing the pain away as he shifted a little.
“You’re still hurt,” Willow stated. “I should go and…”
“No, stay,” he interrupted quickly, pulling the retreated redhead back down
beside him and wincing again. “It’s…it’s better when you’re here.”
Willow nodded, biting her lower lip. “At least let me do a little healing spell
on you.”
“Won’t have to ask me twice,” he responded, watching as she held her hands
above his abdomen and closed her eyes, chanting softly. He closed his eyes as
well, and a moment later, Spike felt the pain disappear. Looking up again, he
reaching out and took the witch’s hands in his own, breaking her concentration
and stopping her spell. Willow cracked an eye open, giving him a disgruntled
look.
“All better,” he assured her, bringing a smile to her face. “Thank you.”
Willow’s smile broadened and she sat back next to him, allowing the vampire to
sling an arm over her shoulder.
“So, how are you?” She asked. “Other than the physical stuff, which, thanks to
the magnificence that is me, is all taken care of.” She gave him a lopsided
smile, causing the blond to chuckle before sighing.
“Feelin a little cocky now, are we?” He teased, before adding, “She doesn’t
love me,” his voice quieter at that confession.
Willow nodded. “Finally figured that out, huh?” Her voice was soft and
sympathetic.
“Yeah, well, I can be surprisingly thick about some things,” he replied.
“Try telling me something I don’t know,” the redhead stated, rolling her eyes.
Spike gave her a warning glance before changing the subject. “How about you and
that new slayer? You seem to be gettin pretty close.”
Willow shrugged, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “She’s nice, a-and funny, and
she likes me, and that’s great, but…”
“Tara,” he finished.
“Yeah, I just…I’m not ready to love someone again. Not like that. I’m not even
sure I want to, and I mean, Tara was the only girl I was ever with. I don’t
know how to really act around Kennedy.”
“Just give it time,” he told her. “No one expects you to forget about Tara. You
won't, but don’t push this one away, just because you’re afraid. Let her in.
You have a lot to give. Just gotta find someone deserving.”
“You too, Spike,” Willow replied. “You have a lot to give, too.” Spike began to
shake his head no, but she quickly stopped him. “I mean it. You’ve changed. You
really have, and maybe Buffy isn’t the right one, but just wait…the right girl,
she’ll find you, and she’ll appreciate all that love and passion.”
“Thanks, pet,” the vampire replied, his voice catching in his throat as he
pulled the redhead closer, hoping beyond hope that she was right. “And if not,
I can always fall back on my devilishly handsome good looks and charm.”
~*~
“Buffy, I just got off the phone with one of my contacts. It seems there is
some major apocalyptic activity occurring in Los Angeles right now,” Giles told
her.
“Apocalyptic as in…”
“As in the apocalypse. End of the world? I think you might have heard of it
before,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
“Ok, well L.A. is pretty much Angel’s territory, right? I’m sure it’s nothing
he can’t handle. I mean it’s not like none of us has ever had to avert an
apocalypse before, and especially with everything we’re facing here, right
now…why are you telling me this?”
“Because, I believe that what they are facing there and what we are facing here
are connected. The First…it has been attacking across the globe, and I don’t
believe that an apocalypse just happens to be beginning only a few hours away
by sheer coincidence. Not to mention that the last time The First was here, it
was attempting to use Angel as a weapon, and we can not rule out that it would
not be attacking Angel now, or that it doesn’t have intentions of using him
again, much in the same way it has been using and manipulating Spike. Whatever
is happening in LA, what ever they are fighting against, it is winning, and I
think they are in need of your help there.”
“What’s all this about L.A. now?” Xander questioned as he entered the living
room, followed by Kennedy and Spike.
“Hey, how was training?” Willow asks, as Kennedy walked over to her and gave
her hand a small, inconspicuous squeeze.
“That girl is an animal,” Xander responded. “A killing machine. Nearly took me
down. Well, okay, took me down several times, and nearly knocked me out…a
second time,” he said, holding his side and rubbing the back of his head for
emphasis.
“She’s doing good then, huh?” Buffy questioned.
“Could give you a small run for your money, I’d wager,” Spike answered with a
grin. “Girl’s tough. Solid fighter.”
Willow smiled with pride at Kennedy, who was frowning slightly. “Don’t you love
how they talk about me like I’m not here? Maybe you should just start spelling
out the big words,” she says, glaring at Spike and Buffy.
“Hey, now,” Spike responded, “was paying you a compliment. The proper response
would be a thank you…and bowing down a bit wouldn’t hurt either.” Kennedy
merely rolled her eyes and glared at him.
“Uh, if we could get back to the issue at hand,” Giles interceded.
“Oh, right, big nasty in L.A.,” Buffy recapped. “Giles thinks I should go and
help Angel fight it.”
“Now?” Xander asked in alarm. “Right now? Is that really a good idea, what with
The First Evil trying to kill us and all? Is this really the time to be sending
Buffy away?”
“Well, actually, I was thinking that you should all go. They can use all the
help they can get, fighting this…whatever it is they are fighting, and we have
bought ourselves a bit of time, however short, so there is little more to do
here right now but wait as it is.”
“What about research?” Willow asked.
“Yeah, I mean, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but shouldn’t we all be locked
down with the books and the research while we have the time?” Xander
questioned.
“Well, we’ve pretty much exhausted the resources I have here, and Wesley might
have information there that may prove useful. The bottom line is that whatever
we are up against, whether separate or connected, we stand a better chance as a
larger unified group than we do fighting separately,” Giles explained.
“He’s right,” Buffy admitted. “They need our help, and it wouldn’t hurt to have
them giving us a hand either, and if whatever is happening there is connected
to what is happening here, we stand a better chance fighting it together.”
Everyone else slowly nodded in agreement.
“Alright, it’s nearly sunset, so I suggest you all pack quickly and leave as
soon as night falls. I will stay behind, continuing with what research I can do
here, along with training the new girls and waiting on any more word from my
contacts. If I hear anything, I’ll let you all know right away.”
“What about me?” Kennedy questioned. “Can I go with? I mean, you heard what
they said, I’m a kick ass fighter, and the more the better, right?”
“I don’t know…” Giles began before Buffy interrupted.
“I think it’s a good idea. She’s moved far beyond the other girls, and she
could be a help to us.” Finally Giles agreed, though clearly not happy about
it.
“If you feel she is becoming more of a liability than a help, or is putting
herself in too much danger, send her home at once.”
“Again with the talking about me like I’m not here,” Kennedy grumbled to
Willow, who smiled sympathetically and squeezed her hand.
~7~
“Angel, man, all I’m sayin is that we should be sticking together right now.
Not fighting each other.”
“Right, and you and Wesley have been best pals throughout this whole thing, right?”
“Well, that’s different, and as much as he might not be my favorite guy, I’m
still fighting along side him when I have to.”
“Look, Cordy and Conner are fine. They are together, and they both know how to
take care of themselves.”
“Angel, Gunn may have a point,” Wesley interjected. “This beast seems to be
somehow connected to your son, and it appears as though he is going after
Conner. It would seem to be in everyone’s best interest that Conner be here,
with us, if or when the beast does come after him.”
“Look, I’m not worrying about that right now, alright? We still don’t even know
how to defeat this thing, so we aren’t going to be able to do a hell of a lot
of good for Conner just now, are we? Besides, I’m a little more preoccupied
with the hundreds of walking zombies this thing keeps leaving in its wake.”
“All the more reason to be going after the beast itself, isn’t it?” Fred asked
quietly.
“We go after that thing when we know how to fight it. Until then, we lay low,
fight off as many of the zombies as we can, and research like hell.” With that,
Angel swung open the front door to the hotel, and the small, worn out group of
fighters entered the lobby. The last thing that Angel wanted to think about
just then was Cordelia and his son. Second on his list of unmentionables...the
Beast that had so recently kicked his ass.
“Well, now, if I'm not mistaked, you would be the slayer. And, hey, you brought
along some groupies,” Gunn commented, as he was the first one to look up and
spot the group of people sitting in the middle of the lobby.
“Buffy?” Angel looked up, stunned to see the group from Sunnydale. “What are
you doing here?”
“We came to help,” she told him.
“Yeah, well I don’t recall asking for your help,” Angel stated gruffly, just as
Buffy stepped up closer to him.
“Look, we don’t have a lot of time for the witty repertoire, what with all of
L.A. burning down around us, so let’s say we skip the friendly banter and get
to the slaying of evil demons. Now I’m thinking we go in, all of us, heavily
armed, and…”
“Buffy, we’ve been through this,” Angel interrupted, rubbing his eyes and
looking clearly pissed off at the world. “This is my city, and we don’t always
do things your way, following your command. In fact, we don’t need you here. I
don’t need you…and what the hell is HE doing here?” He pointed at Spike, a
murderous look in his eyes.
“He’s one of the good guys,” Dawn explained. “He has a soul now, and he's
helping us. Well, except for when The First is manipulating him into killing
and turning people…”
“What, do those things come standard issue with vampires now?” Gunn asked.
“You don’t want us here? Fine. We’ll just wait for it to come to Sunnydale. I’m
sure after it demolishes the city, it will head on over to the hellmouth,”
Buffy stated, glaring angrily at Angel, her hands on her hips.
After a long moment of silence, Angel finally let out a deep sigh in
frustration. “Fine. I suppose we can use all the help we can get. So far we
haven’t been able to make a dent in this thing.”
“What is it exactly?”
“Don’t know. Some kind of hell beast. Don’t know where it came from, don’t know
how to kill it. It’s murdering by the hundreds, and leaving a path of zombies
where ever it goes.”
“Zombies? Did he just say zombies?” Xander asked in fear.
“They’ll eat your flesh, but are extremely dim-witted, and not hard to kill.
Simple beheading will do the trick, and they are easily distracted,” Anya
supplied rather cheerfully.
“And I thought I was supposed to worry about the pollution in the city. Turns
out it’s flesh-eatting zombies and a constant rain of fire. Hmmm, amazing the
things they leave out of travel brochures.”
“It sort of reminds me of Spiderman number one hundred and…” Andrew began,
before his voice trailed off, seeing everyone stare at him.
“Who’s this?” Angel questioned with an arched eyebrow.
“Andrew,” Anya responded.
“I am a huge fan,” Andrew told him, walking up to the dark-haired vampire,
grabbing his hand and shaking it heartily. “Fighting for your redemption,
protecting the good. You should have your own comic book, really. I myself know
what it’s like to be on the rocky road of redemption, and…”
“Who is this?” Angel asked again, his voice an octave higher as he looked
toward Buffy, pulling his hand away from the young man.
“Tucker's brother,” Buffy stated.
“Huh?” Angel still looked confused.
"The guy who send the hell hounds to the prom," Xander supplied.
“Hey, you know, I did my fair share of…” Again, Andrew stopped, this time
seeing Willow and Anya both glaring at him. “I’ll be quiet now.”
“What is he doing here?” Angel asked.
“Long story. He was being manipulated into killing people,” Buffy explained.
“And you thought it would be a good idea to bring him along?”
“If I left him home, Giles would have killed him. Trust me,” Buffy told him
with a roll of her eyes. “So what is this beast thing doing here?” She
questioned, desperately wanting to change the subject.
“Not entirely sure. It seems to possibly have a connection with Angel’s son,
but…” Wesley began, before being interrupted by a loud chorus of “Angel’s son?”
“Uh, yeah, that… Darla and I…we sort of had a son,” Angel explained, not
looking Buffy in the eye.
“A vampire son?”
“No, the human kind. He was taken to an alternate dimension by…an enemy of
mine, and returned a few days later, but fifteen years older.”
“Wow,” was all Buffy could muster.
“Yeah, I know, it’s a lot to take in,” Angel said quietly. “We don’t know what
the exact connection with Conner…his name is Conner…and the Beast is, but there
seems to be one. The only thing I do know is that the Beast was able to suck
the life out of a very old, very evil entity. I’m thinking it’s preying on
powerful magical sources.”
Kennedy gave Willow a worried look and Willow tried to shrug it off.
“Anything else?”
“Nope. We haven’t really had a chance to do any research on it yet.”
“Well, then I guess we can start there.”
~*~
As the sun began to rise, Angel, Fred and Gunn showed their visitors to their
rooms, after many exhausting hours of researching, and finding nothing. Angel
knocks softly and entered Buffy’s room, carrying a few sheet and blankets.
“Sorry the accommodations aren’t better,” he said quietly. “Wasn’t really
prepared for guests.”
“Sorry to be any trouble,” she replied awkwardly, looking down as he handed her
the blankets.
“I’m glad you guys are here, Buffy. I am,” the vampire assured her. “I’m sorry
if I acted…”
“Like an ass?” She supplied.
“Yeah,” he replied sheepishly, looking down.
“Things seem…kinda tense here,” she told him.
“Yeah, well, getting your ass kicked repeatedly by an unstoppable, evil hell
beast will do that to you,” he said wryly.
“Yeah, tell me about it,” the slayer responded.
“So, things must be slow on the hellmouth for a change, huh?” He asked, wanting
to change the subject.
“Hardly,” she told him. “Remember our old buddy, The First Evil?” He nodded.
“Well, it’s back…with a vengeance. It’s trying to wipe out the entire Slayer
line, which apparently it can do now, thanks to my death and rising act I like
to do so much.”
“Then, why are you here?”
“Knew you needed us, and Giles insisted it was alright for us to take a small
break from fighting that unstoppable evil, in order to come help you fight your
unstoppable evil.” She smiled slightly at him.
“Well, we’ve been through worse,” he commented.
“That we have. After last year, with the coming back from heaven and everything
after, and then Tara and Willow…I thought after that I could handle anything.”
“Yeah…Willow seems to be doing much better now,” Angel noted.
“She’s healing, slowly, and learning to control the magic. She has power beyond
anything I’ve ever seen, but she’s still a little fearful about unleashing it.
“Understandable, but it may come in handy now. Hope she can handle it if we
need her.”
“Still our good, old Willow. Still always ready to jump in and help in any way
she can,” Buffy told him, sounding a little sad and wistful. “She’s healing. We
all are.”
Angel nodded in understanding. “One more thing I gotta ask about. Spike…a
soul?”
This time Buffy nodded, looking up at him with a tired, worn expression. “It’s
a long story, and not entirely mine to tell, but basically he went off to get a
soul, thinking that I would love him if he had one.”
“Do you?”
Buffy paused, seriously thinking over the question. “I’m not in love with him.
I don’t think I ever could be. But I do care about him. He's trying really hard
to be good now, to do good, and it’s commendable, and it’s been so hard for
him. The First has been manipulating him, and it’s costing him his sanity.”
“I’m sure part of that is the demon rejecting the soul, and the soul dealing
with all the demon has done in the last century,” Angel added.
Buffy nodded. “Maybe you could talk to him. You’re probably the only one that
can understand what he’s going through.”
Angel said nothing, and seemed to be pondering what she had told him, when he
suddenly blurt out, “I’m in love with Cordelia.” Buffy’s eyes went wide in
shock and she simply stared at him, her mouth slightly open. “I’m in love with
her, and just before I had the chance to tell her, the powers-that-be took her
away, and when she came back, she didn’t remember anything, including me, and
then when she did, not only did she remember how we felt about each other, she
remembered everything I had done in the last 250 years, including all the
horror Angelus inflicted, and then I saw her…sleeping with my son.” Buffy
blinked. Once. Twice. Wow. Turns out Angel could babble as much as Willow.
“Sleeping with, as in…”
“As in the kind of sleeping that doesn’t actually involve sleep…the kind I
can’t do with her,” he explained sadly. Buffy was shocked, to say the least,
and was at a completely loss for words. Finally she simply leaned forward and
hugged him.
“Angel, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, as he allowed her to wrap her arms around
him in comfort.
* * * * * *
“Well this room seems cozy.”
“Uh huh.”
“Nice, antique furniture, and, I mean look at this mirror,” Willow commented,
as she walked past a hanging mirror, brushing dust off the top and watching it
sway.
“Yeah, I still think it’s a little creepy to be staying in the home of a
vampire. Even if it is a hotel, and even if he does have a soul, it’s still
creepy,” Kennedy told her. “Not to mention…Why are there so many mirrors in the
home of a guy with no reflection.”
“I think he keeps them around to remind him to brood, in case he forgets for a
few hours, and then he’ll suddenly catch his lack of reflection and be like, oh
yeah, forgot, I’m supposed to be feeling all sad and mopey,” Willow said while
absent-mindly nudging the mirror and watching it sway back and forth. Noticing
there was something behind it, she pulled it aside. “Hey look! A hidden wall
safe. Oh, and the key is still in it. Goody! I can keep some of the more potent
magic ingredients in there,” she stated, pulling out the key and tying it
around her neck.
Kennedy noticed the way Willow avoided her gaze as she made her way to the bed
and sat on the far edge. “You know, we didn’t have to share a room, if you
aren’t comfortable. I mean, there are, like, a hundred empty rooms in this
place, if you’d rather…”
“No, I like having you here,” Willow assured her.
“You sure?”
Willow nodded and looked down at the small pile of magic supplies at her feet,
remember what Spike had said...give someone a chance to move into her heart.
“You make the silence less…noisy.”
Kennedy smiled at her words. “Good, ‘cause I like to be the one to fill your
silence,” she whispered, just before leaning over and placing a soft, chaste
kiss on the redheads lips.
~8~
"This is the dumbest plan I've ever heard."
"Buffy, this isn't your decision."
"It's ridiculous! It's like me saying `hey, look, a big demon to
kill. I think I'll go on vacation! But first, let me introduce you to
my evil twin.' It's stupid!"
"It's not stupid, Buffy," Angel argued. "Angelus knows how to
kill
this thing. I know he does."
"The guy is inside of you!" Xander shouted. "He's you! I've been
saying this for years. YOU know the answer."
"It doesn't exactly work that way," Angel explained. "There are
certain memories of when I didn't have the soul that I can't access."
"And I'm sure he'll be just dying to help us," the slayer responded,
rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.
"I'm not sure about the help part, but I'm definitely seeing some
dying figuring into the equation," Xander stated. Angel turned and
glared at the young man.
"You're creating another enemy for us to fight, and taking away a
warrior," Buffy argued.
"Buffy, I'm doing this," Angel stated firmly. "That's all there
is to
it."
"How? How are you going to lose your soul? Because if you think that
you and I are going to…"
"Willow," he interrupted.
Buffy raised an eyebrow, her body stiffening slightly. "Willow?
You're going to sleep with Willow? Over my dead body!"
"Not sleep with, Buff," Willow explained quickly, a slight blush on
her face. She glanced around the room, avoiding the dark haired
vampire's gaze. "Gay lady standin right here. Angel's just a little
too y-chromosomey for my liking." Turning toward Kennedy, she smiled
as the younger girl squeezed her hand and smiled. "I'm going to do a
spell to remove the soul. We'll put it in a safe place. After he
defeats The Beast, I'll just pop it right back in, good as new."
"You can do that?" Spike questioned.
"Yep. It's actually pretty easy," she told him. "Just have to
trick
Angel's mind into thinking he's experiencing prefect happiness."
"So, we take away the soul, and then what?" Anya questioned. "I
mean,
even if he does get rid of The Beast, how do we contain Angelus."
"Oh! Well, when Superman had to contain Lex Luther, in episode…"
Andrew began, but quickly stopped at the numerous glares.
"Someone remind me of why you brought him?" Angel mumbled.
"Containment's ready to go," Gunn explained. "Got a cage all set
up
in the basement."
"You just happen to have a cage handy, able to hold a vicious
vampire?" Dawn asked. Wesley and Gunn just glanced at each other and
shrugged.
"When does this exciting plan take form?" Buffy questioned.
"Tonight."
~*~
"You really think this is a good idea?"
"Spike, get out," Angel growled as Spike stopped in the doorway to
his room.
"I remember the last time Angelus was loose. A bit of an insane
prick, if I recall correctly," Spike told him.
"We don't have any other options, Spike," Angel growled.
"Believe me,
this is not my favorite idea."
"Seems a little selfish and cowardly, if you ask me," the blond told
him.
Angel looked up from the book on his desk, glaring at the younger
vampire. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Fight gets to be a little too much, can't take the burden of that
pesky soul anymore, your son is shacking up with your girl…"
"Shut up," Angel interrupted with a deep growl.
"I'm just sayin…Sounds like you're taking the easy way out," Spike
told him, leaning against the doorframe and lighting a cigarette.
"The easy way out? You think this is easy? Ripping my soul from my
body, by choice, and letting HIM loose…You think that's easy?" Angel
chuckled bitterly and shook his head. "You never change, Spike."
"Me? Could say the same for you," Spike countered. "The brooding
act
only takes you so far, and then what? You finally give in and let the
evil out to play for a while. I mean, let's be honest, mate. I know
how it feels, I know what it's like, to feel the demon fighting for
control. Bet it feels damn good to let him out to play now and again,
no consequences when it's all over. After all, it wasn't YOUR fault."
"YOU have no idea what you're talking about," Angel yelled, shoving
his chair back as he stood up and slammed his fist on the desk.
"Oh, don't I?" The blond vampire chuckled and tried to look as
carefree as possible.
"No, Spike, you have no idea," Angel told him, as he moved around the
desk and stood in front of the younger demon, coming nearly chest to
chest with him, and speaking in a low, deep voice. "You go off and
win yourself a soul, sit and moan in a basement for a few days, and
suddenly you think you know what it's all about. You have no idea.
I'm a champion for the powers. I spent over a century dealing with my
guilt and remorse. You spent a week. Not exactly the same thing."
"What can I say, Angelus? You always had to take the round about way
with everything? Always had to play your damn little games, fuck with
everyone around you, push everyone away. I prefer the more direct
route." Spike told him, blowing smoke in Angel's face.
With a movement so fast that Spike barely saw it, Angel grabbed the
cigarette, dropping it to the ground, and gripped Spike's neck
tightly, slamming him against the wall, his vampire features coming
forward.
"There he is!" Spike laughed. "Knew the bastard was closer to
the
surface than you were letting on."
Angel released the blond and took a step back, willing his human mask
back into place. "You know nothing about me, Spike. And you can
pretend all you like, but you'll never change. Soul or no soul, you
are still a murderous bastard."
Spike felt as though he had been slapped in the face, and turned,
ready to walk away, unwilling to allow the brunette to see that his
words had affected him.
"It didn't help, did it?" Angel asked. "She still doesn't love
you,
does she? See…that's the thing. The reason it could never work with
her and I? It wasn't my soul that was the problem. It was the demon.
Doesn't matter what mask you wear, the demon will ALWAYS be there,
and that's the part that she'll never be able to see past."
Watching Spike walk away, Angel let out a deep, unnecessary sigh. The
words meant for Spike stung the dark haired vampire as well, but he
knew they needed to be said. Now was not the time for Spike to be
going soft. He hoped that if and when the time came, Spike would be
willing and able to take Angelus down.
~9~
Spike stormed down the hall, tears burning his eyes as he clenched
his fists at his sides. He knew that Angel was right, but that
didn't mean that the words were any easier to hear. The truth was,
he had already begun to accept the fact that Buffy would never love
him, but that still left him lost and alone. With the chip, he
didn't feel that he could truly be a vampire, and he knew that he
could never be a man, but somehow he had deluded himself into
believing that a soul would make him worthy…worthy of her love,
worthy of humanity, but he knew now that such things were
impossible. He was a demon, a thing, whether he had a soul or not.
Gripping the doorknob to his room tightly, Spike threw the door
open, letting out a startled yell as he heard another one on the
other side of the door.
"Spike, gods!" Willow yelled, holding her hand over her rapidly
beating heart.
"What the hell are you doin in here?" He asked gruffly, stomping
into the room and tossing himself onto the bed.
Willow stood up slowly, gathering up the incense and matched from
the floor. "I'm sorry. I just needed a quiet place to get ready for
the spell, a-and you weren't in here, so I…" The redhead moved to
the doorway, muttering an apology.
"Wait!" He called out, letting out an unneeded sigh and rolling his
shoulders. "You don't have to go, pet. Just startled me is all."
"Sorry," she said sheepishly, placing the objects on a dresser and
moving to sit next to him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, fine," he told her, sniffling slightly. Willow gave him a
look, clearly not believing the vampire, but before she had a chance
to question him further, there was another voice from the doorway.
"Willow, you ready?" Angel asked.
"Yep, all set," she told him with a forced smile, before brushing
past him and heading out the door.
Angel was about to turn and follow, but paused for a moment.
"Spike…If…if anything happens, and I…if it comes down to it, and
Angelus needs to be stopped, I want you to do it."
The blond looked up in slight surprise, arching an eyebrow.
"My pleasure, mate," Spike responded.
"I don't want Buffy to have to do it. Besides, I figure you'll enjoy
it the most. You or Xander," Angel told him with a smirk, before
turning and walking away.
~*~
"Sure you're okay with doing this, Willow?" Angel asked, for what
must have been the twentieth time.
Willow sighed, setting up the ingredients for the spell. "For the
last time, Angel, I'm okay. Really."
"Sorry. I just…I don't want to push you into anything you aren't
ready for," he told her.
"I know," she responded with a smile. "And I appreciate your
worrying, but really, it's not even a very difficult spell. I'm more
worried about you."
"Ih, this is getting to be old hat for me," he told her with a wry
smile. "I guess we're just lucky that you can remove the soul so
easily."
"She who givith can takith away-ith," she told him, lighting the
last candle. "Ready?"
Angel nodded from the other side of the cage bars. "Do your worst,"
he told her, and she did.
~*~
"What do you mean, the soul is missing?"
"Buffy, I told you," Willow explained. "I put the soul in the
jar, I
put the jar in the safe. I opened the safe this morning, and no jar."
"What does that mean? Did anyone else have a key to the safe?"
"No, that's the thing. I have the only key tied around my neck. Been
here the whole time," Willow told her. The redhead couldn't be sure,
but she thought that she saw a flicker of distrust in the slayer's
eyes before Buffy turned away.
"So what now?" Fred questioned nervously.
"I…I'm not sure," Willow told them. "I mean, okay, so Angelus
killed
The Beast, yay him, and Faith and Buffy, you guys got him back here,
in one piece, so yay you, but now, without the jar, I'm not sure
where to go from here." It had been a rocky week, to say the least.
Angelus had escaped from the cage, killing a woman in the hotel
before taking to the streets. Buffy had tried to track him down,
with Spike and Gunn's help, but they hadn't been able to find him.
Wesley decided to break Faith out of jail, and they finally found
Angelus, just as The Beast had found them. After allowing the huge
demon to beat them all half to death, Angelus destroyed The Beast,
and then they were finally able to take him down.
It hadn't been an easy fight. Buffy could barely move after taking
on The Beast, and though Spike could hold his own, he was never
quite as strong as Angelus, and they both knew it. Finally, Faith
did the only thing she could think of. She injected herself with a
mystical drug, before taunting Angelus into drinking from her. It
left her nearly dead, and Angelus weak and disoriented, as the drug
pumped through his body.
Seeing Faith fall to the cement floor, clutching her neck, Spike ran
forward, punching Angelus with all his might. The older vampire
stumbled backwards before tripping and falling back, glaring up at
the blond.
"Go on, Spikey, do it," Angelus taunted, his words becoming slightly
slurred. He grabbed Spike's hand that held the stake, as the blond
loomed over him, and pointed the wooden weapon at his heart. "I know
you've been dying for this moment. Well, come on, now's your big
chance. Take me out, once and for all. Come on, boy! Do it! Give me
your best shot!"
"Don't mind if I do, mate," Spike responded, pulling his arm back
and punching Angelus as hard as he could, finally knocking the
vampire unconscious.
~*~
Willow trudged quietly down into the basement, seeing only a small
light on near the large, steel cage.
"Willow," Angelus called to her, sounding as friendly as possible.
The redhead simply looked up at him, stopping several feet away from
the cage. "So nice to see you again. To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Where is it?" She bit out, trying to act as brave as possible.
"Where is what?" He asked innocently.
"The soul," she clarified through clenched teeth.
"Damned if I know," he told her. "Hey, I thought you were the
one
holding onto that. Tsk tsk…Angel's gonna be so disappointed in you
when he gets back…Well…IF…he gets back."
"He WILL be back," she growled, feeling her nails digging into the
palms of her hands.
"You sure about that?" He taunted. "I'm surprised that you even
had
the nerve to come down here. Last time I saw you, you were nothing
more than a little mouse, just the slayer's shadow, a love sick
puppy chasing after XANDER, of all people."
"Things change," she told him.
"So I hear," he answered back with an evil chuckle. "The little
girl's all grown up, but you're still just the slayer's shadow,
aren't you, Willow? No matter how hard you try, no matter how dark
you go, no matter how bad you turn, you still can't get anyone to
pay any attention to you. You're still just a meek, little bookworm,
pretending to be tough."
"I am the one that gave you back the soul last time. Let's not
forget that," she ground out.
"Oh, I haven't little girl," he growled, remembering several years
back in Sunnydale, when the little witch had cursed him. "You'll be
punished for that, and I bet you'll enjoy every minute of it."
Feeling her control slipping at his words, Willow raised a hand up
as she shouted, "shut up!" And a flash of energy left her hand,
hitting the bars in front of the vampire.
Angelus stepped back, his hands held up before him in mock
defeat. "Well now, the little kitten's gotten herself some claws."
"Thought I was a mouse," she shot back. "Make up your mind.
Which is
it?"
"You tell me," he responded. "I know what you've done, Willow.
Everyone knows it, and no matter what you do, your little friends up
there…they'll never forget it. You're a killer, the same as me, the
same as Spike. Hey, maybe that's why Spike has such a little crush
on you!"
Willow opened her mouth in surprise at those words. "Spike? He
doesn't…he…He's not…Shut up! Alright, just shut your mouth!"
"Oh, come on, don't tell me you don't see it," he stated, watching
her face for a moment. "You don't! You really don't see it! Oh, this
is just precious! My boy has the hots for you, kitten, whether you
want to believe it or not. He can see the darkness in you, same as
me. You're bad, baby. No matter how hard you try to play the good
girl, you're tainted, and we can see it. Hell, we can FEEL it."
"Shut up!" Willow spun around at the voice behind her, and Angelus
looked up to see Spike standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Leave
her alone," he commanded, his voice cold and harsh.
"Hey, she's the one who came down here to see me," Angelus told
him. "Guess she needed to find a real man."
"What? Hello! Gay now, remember?" Willow shouted. "Why does no
one
seem to believe that?"
"Maybe it has something to do with you being in love with that moron
up there for years," Angelus told her with an evil smirk, "or maybe
your little relationship with dog boy. You didn't look too gay then,
Willow."
"Well, like I said, things change," she told him.
"Not you, precious," he shot back. "You can pretend all you
want,
but you'll never change. I get why Captain Peroxide over here has a
thing for you, but…"
"Hey! I do not have a thing for…" Spike began to argue.
"Oh, give it up!" Angelus interrupted. "I've seen the way you
look
at her. Angel saw it, too. The longing in your eyes, the way she
ALMOST makes you feel human. Almost though, Spikey, isn't exactly
the same as really being human, is it? It's just enough to slowly
drive you crazy. Are you sure that it wasn't really out little
Willow here that you got the soul for?"
"Fuck you!" Spike yelled again. "Don't talk about things you
don't
understand!"
"Spike, let's just go back upstairs," Willow began to plead, as she
grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the staircase.
"That's right, Spike, follow your girl like the whipped puppy you
are," Angelus called out. Willow tightened her hold on his arm,
silently willing him to ignore the taunts. "You were never enough
for Dru, you were never enough for Buffy. Wonder how long it will
take Red here to figure out how pathetic you really are?"
"Shut up!" Willow yelled, letting go of the blond's arm and throwing
another flash of power forward, knocking the dark-haired vampire
back on his ass. She looked back up at Spike, shaking slightly, her
eyes darkened, and they both moved up the stairs, hearing the
vampire in the cage laughing as they went.
"That stuff, that he was saying," Spike began, once they shut the
basement door.
"Spike, I know he was just trying to get to us," the redhead told
him. "Don't worry about it."
"Oh, right," Spike responded, sounded slightly deflated. Her eyes
had returned to their normal green color, though she still looked a
bit rattled. "Good. Just wanted to be sure. No harm done then."
"Nope," Willow said with a soft smile.
"Willow! I've been looking everywhere for you," Kennedy called out
as she came through the front door of the lobby, holding it open
slightly. After Angelus defeated The Beast, the sun had immediately
returned to the city, much to the vampires' disappointment, and the
humans' relief. Of course, they still had hundreds of zombies to
deal with, but after battling The Beast, that seemed simple in
comparison.
"Thought we could go out for a bite to eat, take your mind off of
the whole soul thing for a little while," the brunette told her.
Willow glanced back at Spike, who smiled softly at her, before
looing toward her girlfriend, who was silhouetted in the sunlight
behind her.
"You gonna be okay?" She asked Spike quietly.
"I'll be fine, pet. Go. You need a break," he told her, shooing her
with his hand. Biting her lower lip, Willow nodded slowly, before
turning and walking to her girlfriend, taking her hand and heading
out into the sunlight.
~10~
Willow finally found a way to break the jar that held Angel’s soul, without
actually being near it, and was able to return it to the vampire. No one ever
figured out that Cordelia, or the demon residing in her body, had taken the
soul, or what she had planned to do with it, but in the end Willow finally
managed to re-curse him, although she had altered the spell slightly. No more
happiness clause. She had always thought it was rather stupid on the gypsy’s
part anyway, and no one was too keen on seeing Angelus again, least of all,
Willow.
“Giles, how goes the potential slayer training?” Buffy asked as she held the
phone between her shoulder and chin, and filed her nails.
“Very well, and you sound rather happy. I’m assuming all is going well there?”
Giles responded.
“Yep. Killed The Beast easily enough, stopped the rain of fire, brought back
the sun…you know, the usual. Just a few zombies to clean up and we should be
all set. Figure we’ll be heading home in a day or two.”
“Wonderful. Seeing as things are going so well there, perhaps Angel could spare
a few of you. I was hoping that you might be able to send Kennedy back, to
continue with her training, and Spike has been such an asset in training the
girls…I could use his help.”
“Yeah, I guess we could spare them…”
“And actually, if you could, send Willow along with them. I’m trying to work
out a very difficult translation of some old text about The First, given to me
by an acquaintance of The Council, and I could really use her help.”
“Sure, Giles, I’ll send them packing as soon as the sun goes down.”
* * * *
“Heard you were heading out.” Willow looked up at the sound of the voice,
turning and seeing Angel in the doorway, the usual guilty look marring his
handsome face. She smiled softly and nodded, before turning back to finish
packing her bag. Kennedy was waiting downstairs with Spike, and neither of them
were exactly known for their patience.
“Willow, I don’t know how to thank you,” Angel told her as he walked into the
room. “You’re the most amazing…” His voice trailed off at the loss of words as
his emotions took over.
The witch blushed slightly and tucked a bit of hair behind her ear before
stuffing the last sweater into her small bag and zipping it shut.
“It was nothing,” she mumbled, suddenly feeling shy.
“It was everything,” he said softly, gripping her shoulders gently and turning
her around to face him. “I owe you…I mean…If there’s anything I can ever do
to…”
“Angel, really, you don’t owe me anything,” she told him honestly, smiling at
the happiness that danced in his eyes, just behind the guilt. “Happy to do it.
No more Angelus, not exactly a bad thing in my book.”
“Willow, the things that he said…He…I…They were just words. He didn’t mean…”
Willow shook her head, placing her hand over his mouth, stopping him and
smiling sadly. “He was trying to get to me. I know that. Maybe it was true,
maybe not. Doesn’t matter.”
“The stuff about Spike. He does care about you, Willow,” Angel told her, his
eyes burning into hers. “Just…know that. I can see it. Spike…when he gives his
heart away, it’s forever, and it isn’t just to anyone.”
Willow laughed nervously. “Angel, we’re friends, Spike and I, same as you and
I. Friend. Nothing more. He loves Buffy and…”
“He’s falling for you, Willow. Trust me. He might not even know it yet,
but…can’t say as I blame him.” The redhead raised an eyebrow at that, taking a
wide step back, and Angel chuckled. “I’m just saying, you’re an amazing woman,
and thank you. If you ever need anything…”
"Just promise me you'll go easy on the brooding and allow yourself a
little happiness," she responded with a smile.
"Done," he told her. "And just think about what I said, about
Spike."
"Angel, I'm not really the kind of girl that vamps fall all over,"
she told him, rolling her eyes.
The brunette arched an eyebrow and smirked. "Trust me, Willow, you
are."
Willow simply nodded, before hugging him tightly, knowing that a small part of
her was staying behind with this beautiful soul.
~*~
“We’re here…finally,” Willow said, glaring at Spike accusingly.
“What?” He questioned innocently. “It’s my fault we got lost three times?”
“You WERE the one driving,” Kennedy reminded him from the back seat.
“Well, Red here should have been able to just beam us back here with a little
nod or wiggle of her nose,” he told her.
Willow gave him a dirty look. “I’m not supposed to use my power just for your
convenience, Spike, and besides, teleporting, if you aren’t me…doesn’t feel so
good.” Kennedy gave her a questioning look. “Feels kinda like having your
insides ripped out,” she explained.
“Fun,” Kennedy said flatly.
Willow and Kennedy exited the car and headed toward the house, Spike trailing
behind. Stopping on the porch, Willow grabbed a note that was taped to the
door.
“Doesn’t look like anyone’s here,” Kennedy pointed out.
“The note says that Giles sent the Potentials out to train in the cemetery.
Spike, you should go find them, to help out. Kennedy, you should probably go
with…”
“I’m sticking with you, for right now. I’ll go back to training tomorrow,” she
said. Willow shrugged, unlocking the front door. Spike turned and headed out to
find the potentials as the two girls went into the house.
Walking into the Summer’s home, Willow smiled at Kennedy as she felt the
younger girl slip a hand into hers. Locking eyes for a brief moment, she
eventually turned and closed the door before looking around.
“You know, compared to this place, L.A. seemed almost like a fun vacation,”
Kennedy noted.
“Yeah, sure. The kind of vacation where if you’re not too careful, you get your
flesh eaten by a zombie,” Willow joked.
“And doctors are always warning us about protecting our skin from the sun,”
Kennedy quipped. “Back to the grind, I guess.”
“Yep,” Willow simply replied, looking slightly nervous.
“Hey.” Kennedy squeezed her hand, noticing the redhead’s discomfort. “We took
down that beast thing with almost no trouble at all. We’ll kick this evil
things ass, too.”
“I hope you’re right,” Willow responded with a weak smile. “I know I’m going to
have to get down with the mojo when the time comes, one way or another.”
“You think you’re ready? I mean, you did the whole soul thing for Angel, so…”
“The soul restoration…that was the first spell I ever did…well, correctly
anyway. But here, dealing with The First, am I ready for it? If I say no, will
you be completely petrified?” Willow questioned, genuinely worried about the
answer. “I mean, The First, it’s been able to manipulate me before, and…”
Kennedy interrupted her with a soft kiss, smiling sweetly as she pulled away.
“I have every bit of faith in you, Willow,” she told her. “You’re going to be
great. Trust me. Actually, you already are pretty great. Look at what you’ve
overcome!.”
“I hope I make you proud,” the redhead told her softly.
“You already have,” Kennedy whispered.
Willow grinned, the smile more genuine this time, and kissed the brunette
before turning her head away and looking around, her body stiffening somewhat. The
house seemed quiet, 6oo quiet for a place full of potential
slayers-in-training. Even if they were out on patrol, there should have been
some sign of life in the house. It looked like no one had been there for days.
“What’s up?” Kennedy asked, seeing the pensive look on the redhead’s face.
“Not sure,” Willow told her, still looking around. “Something just feels…off.”
“Part of that whole magic thing again, huh?”
“Maybe…” Willow walked cautiously into the kitchen. Something in the air
definitely felt wrong. “Giles?” She called out, waiting for a response that
didn’t come.
“Maybe he’s down in the basement, and didn’t hear us,” Kennedy suggested,
opening the door, ready to head down stairs. As soon as the door opened, Willow
braced herself against the kitchen counter, feeling something very bad and very
wrong hit her, but unable to pinpoint what it was.
“Willow, what is it?” Kennedy asked, stopping and looking back at the redhead
with concern.
“I don’t know, but something’s wrong. I don’t think that…”
“Willow? Kennedy? Are you girls up there?” Giles called from the basement,
startling them both.
“Yeah, we’ll be right down,” Kennedy yelled back before smiling at Willow.
“See, like I said, nothing to worry about.” Willow still looked unconvinced,
but followed her down the stairs.
* * * *
“Hello? Giles, hi. Did they make it to you okay? What? Willow and Kennedy…a-and
Spike…you know…Giles! You asked to have them come back to Sunny-“ Buffy paused,
trying to understand Giles as he spoke.
“Buffy I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days. What in the world are
you doing in L.A.?” He asked, his voice sounding both weary and frantic.
“What? Giles, you sent us here, remember? And…and you just talked to me earlier
today. What is wrong with you? Are you feeling alright?”
“Buffy, I assure you that I did NOT send any of you to Los Angeles, nor did I
talk to you any time within the last several weeks.”
“Giles, stop this, it isn’t funny!” Buffy yelled.
“Buffy, you must listen to me. The First…it’s back, and…”
“Yeah, Giles, well aware of that fact,” she interrupted.
“It destroyed the entire watcher’s council and…”
“Again, well aware…thank you, oh King of the re-cap.”
“Buffy, listen to me!” He shouted, causing her face to fall and her voice to go
silent. “I was attacked by The First. Ac-actually, technically, I was killed
by…by a bringer, and a friend of mine found me just after and was able to
revive me, though I’ve been unconscious and…”
“Giles…are you saying…”
“Buffy, if you believe you’ve been seeing and talking to me, I can only imagine
that it’s actually been…”
“The First,” Buffy finished, dread in her voice.
“And you say that you sent Willow and Spike back to see me…or…it, rather?”
Buffy nodded her head mutely, staring forward in a daze, her mind swimming.
“Buffy?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry…yes, they left a few hours ago, on their way back to
Sunnydale…a-along with one of the potentials, and…oh my god! Giles, the
potentials! We left them all alone with him!”
“I’m at the Sunnydale airport now,” he told her. “I’ll head out and begin to
search for them immediately. Just get back here as soon as you possibly can.”
“Already on the way,” Buffy said, before hanging up.
~11~
Willow and Kennedy slowly descended the staircase into the small, dark
basement, a horrible odor over taking them as they reached the bottom. Looking
up, their eyes were immediately met with a sight more gruesome than they could
ever have imagined. In the center of the basement, stood Giles, cleaning his
glasses. Surrounding him, spread out over the cold, cement floor were the
bodies of all the potentials, battered, bloody and broken. Some of them had
puncture wounds in their throats. Others appeared to have had their necks
broken, and some looked to have been simply ripped apart.
Kennedy gasped and Willow brought her hand to her face, covering her mouth as
she looked toward Giles. The man glanced up and grinned slightly at them.
“Good. I’m so glad you’re finally here. We’ve been waiting for you,” he told
them, taking a step toward the stair case. "The girls were just dying to
see you."
Immediate understanding came over Willow. This wasn’t Giles. This was The
First, which meant that Giles was dead. That last part briefly flickered
through her mind. It was something she would ponder further later, if she lived
through whatever was about to come.
Grabbing Kennedy’s arm, she tugged her upward. The girl seemed to be in shock,
not moving an inch.
“Kennedy! Run, now!” Willow yelled, finally able to break through the girl’s
mental fog. The two ran up the stairs, nearly tripping over themselves on the
way up, and stopped dead when they reached the door in the kitchen. There,
standing between them and the outside world, was Giles…or what looked like
Giles.
“Leaving already?” He questioned with an innocent grin. “Willow, I’m surprised
at you. After all that time we spent together…”
“You’re not Giles,” the redhead ground out, feeling the magic within her begin
to spark around her.
“Well, you were always the smart one, now weren’t you?” He asked.
Kennedy looked back and forth between the two, utterly confused at the
exchange. “Willow, we have to get out of here,” she whispered.
“Ah-ah…No secrets,” he scolded. “You have something to say, you share with the
rest of the class.”
“Leave us alone,” Willow commanded, her teeth still ground tightly together.
“Oh, well I don’t think that will be happening. You see, I have some very big
plans for you,” The First responded.
“Leave us alone, or else,” the redhead threatened again.
“Or else what exactly? I’m curious, Willow. Are you going to try to kill me
again? Is that the master plan? Going to go all dark haired and black eyed?
That WOULD be fun, wouldn’t it?”
“YOU are NOT Giles,” Willow ground out. “I won’t listen to this.”
“Oh, actually, I think that you will,” Giles told her. “If you know what’s good
for you, you’ll listen very carefully.”
“You have nothing to say that I want to hear,” Willow told him.
“Maybe not, but…” The First paused, suddenly morphing into a blonde female.
Willow’s eyes widened in horror as she saw the image of Tara standing before
her. “I’ll bet you’ll listen to me.”
At the sight of her dead lover, Willow’s eyes went black and she squeezed her
fists tightly at her sides. “You’re not her,” she spat.
“Willow, how can you say that?” Tara asked in a soft voice.
“Who is that?” Kennedy questioned.
“No one,” Willow whispered harshly. “It’s not real.”
“Have you forgotten me already, baby?” Tara asked. “Already found someone new
to warm your bed?”
“Shut up!” Willow shouted.
“Look at you, still the magic junky, no matter how hard you try,” the First
teased. “You should have listened to me, Willow. No good can come of your
magic.”
“Is that…Is that Tara?” Kennedy asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Willow ignored her. “Leave us, now!” She commanded, feeling the control on her
magic slipping.
“I don’t think so, sweetie,” Tara whispered. “We’re all just catching up, like
old friends.” At that, the blonde’s head flew back as she yelled out,
“refurgere!”
A moment after the word was called out, Willow and Kennedy were thrown back
into the wall, the plaster cracking around them from the impact. Both struggled
to stand up. Once back on her feet, Willow looked up, surprised to see the form
of Giles before her again.
“You aren’t the only one that knows a little magic, Willow,” he told her.
“Incendium!” He yelled out, waving his hand and sending a small ball of fire
toward them.
“Speculum!” Willow shouted, holding her hand up, as Kennedy ducked
instinctively. The fireball bounced off of an invisible barrier, moving to the
side and impacting with the back wall of the kitchen, leaving a large hole in
it’s path.
“Good trick,” Giles commented. “My turn. Incendium infinitus!”
Hearing the words, Willow grabbed Kennedy and dove to the ground, just before a
larger ball of fire collided with the wall behind them.
“Retrogradior!” Willow yelled out, her eyes widening when nothing happened. She
yelled it again, louder, with the same lack of result.
“Little thing I forgot to mention,” the First told her. “Your magic can’t touch
me.”
Willow’s eyes widened in terror as she grabbed Kennedy, hauling her up and
pushing her toward the front of the house, realizing that her powers were not
going to help them this time.
* * * *
As Spike walked through the dark cemetery, he noticed something. It was quiet.
Too quiet, for a cemetery that was supposedly full of patrolling potentials.
Lifting his head high, the vampire stretched his senses, something nagging at
the back of his mind. Suddenly, and without explanation, he knew that something
was horribly wrong. Turning back around, he ran, heading back to the slayer’s
house, hoping against hope that his senses were wrong, but expected that he
would not be so lucky.
~12~
“Kennedy, run! Get Buffy!” Willow yelled out, pushing the potential slayer
through the living room, toward the front door. The house was now burning all
around them, smoke filling the rooms. She could barely see. The First could be
standing directly in front of her and the witch would not have known.
“I’m not leaving you here!” The brunette yelled back, reaching for a box of
weapons that she knew was by the front door.
“Go! You have to!” Willow shouted, trying to pull the locked door open. “You’re
the only one left! You have to go!”
“I don’t think anyone will be leaving just yet.” Both girls whirled around,
hearing Giles behind them. “We were just starting to have fun,” he told them
with a sickeningly evil grin that reminded Willow a little too much of the
man's alter-ego, Ripper.
Finally getting the door unlocked, Willow threw it open, ready to push Kennedy
through.
“Claudo!” The First shouted, just before the door slammed shut again. “Not nice
to leave before the party is over. Thought I’d taught you better than that,
Willow,” he scolded.
“YOU’VE never taught me anything!” She shouted, trying to pull the door open
again, finding that it wouldn’t budge.”
Giles simply shrugged. “A shame that. So much potential in you for darkness.”
At that, he held up his arm and both girls backed up into the living room,
seeing a fireball growing in size over his hand.
“Kennedy! Get out! Find Buffy! Tell her what happened!” Willow yelled, pushing
the girl away, hoping to draw The First’s attention to herself. Maybe she could
finally do something right.
“I told you I’m not leaving.”
“Touching, isn’t it?” The First taunted, just before propelling his arm
forward, hurtling the fireball at them with an evil cackle. The airborne
inferno was aimed straight at Willow, and just as she held up her hand, ready
to call out a barrier spell, she felt Kennedy lunge at her, pushing her away.
The fireball hit, breaking through the front wall of the house and throwing
both girls back several feet. Willow hit the ground with a sickening thud, just
as the world went black.
* * * *
As he got closer to the house, Spike could make out the faint smell of smoke,
and eventually saw the flames licking at the roof. Reaching the front yard, the
vampire stopped, staring in horror. It looked like a war zone. The house was
engulfed in flames and looked like nothing more than ruins, with holes in the
walls and much of the inside already charred. Rubble and debris lay strewn
around the front yard, and panic set in as he realized that the two girls much
have been inside when this happened.
“Willow! Kennedy!” He began shouting, searching through the large piles of
plaster and brick that littered the lawn. “Red! Willow!”
Spike stumbled forward, stopping as he nearly tripped, and looked down at his
feet. “God, no,” he muttered, squatting down to take a closer look. Reaching
into a small pile of brick and glass, Spike carefully lifted up the limp body
of Kennedy. Turning her around, he gasped, seeing the charred remains of her
face, most of her features no longer distinguishable. It sickened the vampire,
and he dropped her ungracefully as he realized that she was already dead.
Straining to listen, he attempted to hear a heartbeat, praying to a god he no
longer believe in that the redhead would still be alive, but could hear nothing
over the crackling and sizzling of the fire.
As his eyes scanned over the remains of the house, he stopped suddenly on a
small bit of familiar red. Running over toward the edge of the living room,
Spike pulled away several large pieces of rubble before kneeling down and
pulling Willow into his arms. He turned her over, and smoothed the hair away
from her face. She had a few cuts and burns, but did not like Kennedy had.
Shifting the limp body slightly in his arms, he brought his hand to her neck,
immediately feeling the weak pulse, and quickly stood, hefting the redhead
easily in his arms and taking off down the street as fast as he was able to
move.
~13~
Angel stepped up behind Buffy, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder, as he
glanced over at the sleeping redhead.
“How is she?” He questioned quietly.
The slayer turned her head slightly to look back at him. “The same,” she
replied, her voice soft and flat. “The doctors…well, they aren’t much help, not
knowing how she actually got like this.”
Angel nodded. “And Spike?” He asked, gesturing toward the vampire who sat in
the room.
“He won’t leave her side. I’ve had to practically force feed him blood. The
doctors can’t even get him out. He blames himself, I think, for leaving her
alone.”
~*~
“Time to wake up, love,” Spike whispered, squeezing the lifeless hand that lay
in his own cold palm. Reaching out with his free hand, he smoothed a few
strands of red hear away from her stony, bruised face. “Time to open those
bright eyes and give me a smile, or give me some smart-ass little remark about
what a ponce I've become.” His voice caught in his throat and he swallowed
heavily.
He had been sitting in that same chair for what felt like forever. No one had
been able to persuade him to leave. It was his fault, and he knew it, even if
everyone else denied it. He should never have left them to go into the house
alone. Never. But he had, and now…
“Red, come on, wake up,” he pleaded, tears welling up in his eyes. “They need
you, ya know. Buffy, and Xander, and Dawn, and…and I need you, love. We need to
get through this together. Don’t think I can do it without you. Supposed to be
chums, remember? You lean on me, I lean on you?”
Spike dropped his forehead to the bed before him. Suddenly, he felt a slight
movement, and his head shot up, staring at the witch intently. Her eyelids
fluttered and her hand twitched. His expression turned hopeful as he continued
to talk to her.
“That’s it. Come on, love. Open your eyes and look at me.”
Willow tilted her head slightly to the side. “Tara?” She whispered, her voice
hoarse and barely audible. “Tara? Where are you…Don’t go.” Her pleading turned
desperate, if not still faint, as her body began to tense. “No, baby, I’m not
ready. Not yet…Tara…baby…”
Spike watched as Willow struggled against the images that only she could see,
and her eyes slowly began to open. Looking around the dim, unfamiliar room, her
gaze finally settled on his face.
“Spike?” She whispered, confused and dazed. “Where am I?”
“The hospital,” he told her.
“Wh-what happened?”
“There was a fight,” he explained, hesitantly. “A bad one.” Again, his voice
caught in his throat. He didn’t want to be the one to explain this to her.
Looking up for the slayer, he saw that Buffy was gone.
“A fight? Did I win?” She asked, a small smile creeping over her face. “Oh!”
Suddenly, she tried to sit up, crying out and falling back as pain shot through
her side.
“Willow, shhhh…You need to stay still,” he chided, lifting her blanket and
double checking that she hadn’t reopened any wounds. Finally, satisfied that
she hadn’t caused herself further damage, he tucked her back into the blankets.
“Spike! Giles! He’s…he’s dead, and The First, he came, and Giles is dead, and…”
Her voice was panicked as she spoke, and Spike leaned forward, placing a finger
on her lips, quieting her.
“Willow, we know. He’s not dead,” he told her.
“No! You don’t understand! He is, and The First…”
“He did die, but only for a minute, before he was resuscitated,” he explained.
“Like Buffy?” She asked uncertainly, remembering years ago when Buffy had gone
against The Master and drown. Spike nodded.
“Is Kennedy here? Is she okay? Can I see her?” The redhead questioned, looking
around the room.
Spike bit his lip as he swallowed hard. He really, really didn’t want to have
to be the one to tell her this. Grabbing her hand again, he fought back the
tears. “Willow, love,” he began, though his voice didn’t seem to want to work.
“Spike, what is it?” She asked, alarm filling her again. He didn’t answer and
only looked away. Willow yanked her hand from his, and Spike looked up into her
angry eyes. “Spike, is she alright? Where is she? Can I see her? Tell me!”
“She didn’t make it, Willow,” he told her, his voice cracking with emotion as
he spoke. He watched her face intently as the words sunk in.
“She…she didn’t make it?” She…no…” Willow raised her hands up, covering her
face, shaking her head back and forth in denial. “No…she…I…I told her to run,
to leave, and she wouldn’t,” she sobbed. “I told her, and I was supposed to
protect her, but she…she wouldn’t leave, and…and…I was supposed to protect HER!
Why did she…”
The redhead broke down completely, and Spike pulled her hands away from her
face, getting little resistance from her weakened form, before leaning down and
wrapping her in a tight embrace. The small witch grabbed onto him like a
lifeline, refusing to let go as she sobbed. Her tears broke his heart. This was
his fault. He should have been there to protect them, and instead, she had just
lost her second love in a year.
~14~
Things slowly began to return to normal in Sunnydale…or as normal as they could
be as The First continued to battle the small group for control. Faith returned
with them from L.A. to help in the fight, and Giles, the real Giles, had also
returned. Willow was extremely nervous around the watcher, which saddened them
both, but was the very least of what anyone expected. The redhead was acutely
aware of the way people were avoiding her, afraid of saying the wrong thing to
her, looking at her the wrong way, and it was slowly making her crazy. She
wanted nothing more than to return to her normal life, though she had no idea
what that even was anymore. She mourned for the loss of Kennedy, and felt
consumed with guilt over the fact that she didn’t feel more for the girl. She
was still trying to move past Tara’s death, and Willow didn’t think that she
had enough left of her shattered heart to devote more to her second fallen
lover. She resigned herself to the fact that she was not meant to love or be
loved. That much seemed clear. The thought that perhaps she was being punished
crossed her mind, filling her with more guilt at the comprehension that
Kennedy’s death would then be her fault, on her hands.
She and Spike still talked, late at night, two broken souls huddled in the dark
basement. They didn’t speak of Kennedy or Buffy or Tara. It was an unspoken
understanding that those topics were off-limits. Mostly, Willow told the
vampire about growing up on the hellmouth, in a home with no parents and a
school with no friends besides Xanders, and Spike told Willow of his life in
England, before his life after death. They still did researched, and fought and
helped when they could, but their existence was nothing more than blurred
action, their quiet nightly bonding the only solid, stable fixture in their
lives.
~*~
“Thing are getting weirder and weirder at that school,” Buffy told the group.
“All those things that we saw happen when we went there, they’re all happening
again, but all at once.” They were quickly losing control of the school.
Everyone was very aware of that. It had been foolish to think that the
building, centered right over the mouth of hell, would not slip from their
grasp.
“What do you mean?”
“Students turning invisible, a kid’s head exploding…there’s probably mutant
fish on the swim team again. It’s bad, guys, and it’s getting worse.”
“Maybe I can come with you, to school, and check it out,” Willow suggested, not
entirely sure, herself, if it was a good idea.
“Yeah, maybe,” Buffy responded slowly, thinking it over. “I mean, it couldn’t
hurt, right? Maybe you can do some kind of protection spell or something on
it.”
“We’ll come along, too,” Xander added, motioning to Anya and himself. “Scout
the place out.” The slayer simply nodded in agreement.
“There’s a dance tomorrow night. Maybe that would be the best time to…”
“A dance? They’re holding a dance, now? With everything that’s going on?”
Xander questioned.
“Hey, life on the hellmouth,” Buffy mused, shrugging her shoulders.
* * * *
“Okay, so you guys check out the basement. Spike can take you down there,”
Buffy told Xander and Anya.
“Is that a good idea?” Xander questioned nervously. “I mean, last time he was
down there, it was kind of a mental free for all for blondie, right?”
“He’s better now, Xander,” Buffy told him. “Will, I guess just take a little
tour of the school, see if anything feels…wrong…or wronger than usual. I have
to go and pretend to chaperone a bunch of hormonal teens gyrating to bad music
now.”
At that, everyone turned and went their separate ways. It didn’t take long for
Willow to know that something was very wrong. There was something wrong with
several of the student’s that passed by in the halls. Their auras seemed to
flicker and look unnatural, though she didn’t understand why.
“Hey, watch it, rude boy!” Willow yelled out as one student ran right into her,
before growling slightly and moving on. Turning and looking up, Willow saw an
older woman coming toward her, and was about to try to move out of the way,
when the woman suddenly walked right through her.
“Hey, sorry I…” Willow stammered, trying to understand what had just happened.
“That’s perfectly alright dear,” the woman told her, continuing to make her way
down the hall. Willow watched as the woman stopped near the end of the
corridor, in front of a boy that looked to be about sixteen years old. She saw
the woman lay her hand on the boy's head, and noticed that he looked up, his
face a mix of confusion and sudden pain, though he didn’t seem to see the woman
before him. He clutched at his head as they both started to shudder, their
images beginning to flicker. His mouth opened, as if he were about to scream,
though no sound came out, and Willow saw a bright light emanate from his chest,
and then the flickering stopped. The woman turned away with a smile as the boy
let out a growl and stalked down the hall and around the corner.
A moment later, the woman turned around and looked directly at Willow. She
gasped, seeing the old woman grin at her evilly. She moved toward her, and
Willow was not as surprised, this time, when she moved right through her. She
looked around at the other students in the hallway. No one else seemed to have
taken any notice of what had just happened. It was as if no one could see it
but her.
Willow watched, her feet rooted to the floor, as the woman stopped in front of
a girl, raising her hand to her head. Quickly centering herself, Willow
suddenly began to chant as she saw the woman lay her hand on the girls
forehead. She was stealing their souls, Willow knew. Picking off the weaker
auras, one by one. A moment later, the girl’s head flew back as she opened her
mouth to scream, though again, nothing came out.
Buffy came strolling around the corner, hoping to find Willow, when she stopped
at the end of the hallway. She saw a girl, in the middle of the crowded
corridor, shaking and flickering, and Buffy’s eyes traveled further down,
seeing Willow at the other end, chanting and beginning to glow.
“Willow! What are you doing?” Buffy shouted, immediately coming to the wrong
conclusion about what she was seeing. The redhead ignored her friend’s distant
shouting, and concentrated on the demon and the girl.
“Willow, stop!” As Buffy shouted, she saw Xander, Spike and Anya run up behind
Willow. “Xander, stop her! She’s gonna kill that girl!” The three new comers
stared on in confusion, Xander unaware of how to stop her, and Spike and Anya
unaware of why Buffy wasn’t going after the demon.
With a sudden blast of power, the demon was thrown from the girl, who stopped
flickering and fell to the ground. Willow hit the hard floor as well, as Xander
ran forward and tackled her.
“Xander, stop! What are you doing?” Anya shouted, running over and trying to
pull him off of the panting redhead. Willow struggled to push Xander away, and
looked up, seeing the demon moving up behind them.
“Xander! Stay back!” She shouted.
“What? Willow, no, I’m not going to let you hurt people again!” He shouted,
trying to pull away from Anya’s grasp.
“Xander I…” Willow stopped as she felt pain flow through her head, and looked
up to the see the woman bent over her, holding both of her hands on the
redhead’s temples. Closing her eyes, trying to block out the pain, Willow
quickly threw the demon from her.
“Willow, you need to stop this now!” Buffy shouted as she approached the witch.
“Stop?” Buffy heard Spike speaking behind her. “She’s the only doin anything to
fight the bloody demon!”
“Demon? What demon?” Bufffy asked, looking around as she fell into a defensive
stance.
“Yeah, no demon ‘cept you, Spike,” Xander confirmed.
“You can’t see it?” Anya questioned.
“Spike!” Willow shouted, scrambling to her feet and running toward the blond
vampire. The demon now had her hands on his head and Willow could see the
vampire beginning to flicker.
"No point in trying to save this soul," the woman cackled.
"Don't waste your time. He's already doomed to hell."
"No! That's not true!" Willow shouted.
“What’s happening?” Buffy asked.
“His soul!” Anya shouted. “She’s taking his soul!”
“Willow?”
“No! The demon! Why can’t you see it?”
“I don’t know,” Buffy told her, “but how can I fight what I can’t see?”
Gathering up all the strength left in her, Willow began to shout out words that
no one but Anya understood, and a moment later, there was a bright flash of
light. Spike fell to his knees, holding his head and gasping as the demon
disappeared.
“What the hell?” Xander mumbled.
Willow stumbled a few feet, panting heavily, her eyes completely black.
“Willow,” Anya called out softly, moving to help the redhead.
Willow held her arm out, keeping the blonde away. “No, stay back,” she
whispered, before turning and stumbling out the front door of the school.
“What just happened here?” Buffy questioned.
“Willow just stopped a demon from stealing Spike’s soul,” Anya told her, as
Spike stood up and headed out after the redhead.
Once out on the front lawn, Willow fell to her knees, gasping and sobbing. A
moment later, she felt a hand on her back, and tensed up slightly, not having
the energy left to pretend to fight.
“Red, are you alright?” Willow turned her tear stained face up to see the blond
vampire looking down at her with concern. She nodded weakly, though they both
knew it was a lie.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he chided. “It was too dangerous.”
“I had to,” she told him. “I knew what it meant to you…the soul. You went
through so much to get it, and…”
“Might have been better off if you had let her take it,” he told her.
Willow shook her head, before smiling slightly. “Besides, who would have been
my redemption buddy, then?”
Spike chuckled softly, before moving to help her up. “Come on, love, let’s get
you home.”
~15~
Willow smiled, occasionally, when it seemed appropriate, but Spike wouldn’t
have really called it an actual smile. It was enough…enough to appease her
friends, who had hurt her so badly that night, with their distrust. These were
the people who claimed to know her better than anyone else, to care about her
more than anyone could. They had always been strongest when they fought as one,
but now they were falling apart, nothing more than pieces, dangling at loose
ends.
Her smile...It was enough for them, and Spike couldn’t help but wonder…Had they
forgotten what her smile used to look like? Did they not remember how those
green eyes used to shine? Now, when her lips curled up after a joke or in some
small triumph, it was never complete. She wasn’t complete. He never saw it
fully reach her eyes. He never saw them crinkle up like they used to, and he
wondered how he, a demon, could notice that, and they didn’t. Maybe they
thought that this was part of her penance, and maybe it was, or maybe they
never really paid enough attention to her to notice how innocent and pure her
joy used to be. Now, it was just forced, acted, incomplete.
Standing near the window in her bedroom, Willow leaned close, peering out past
the driving rain that poured down the glass. Nervously, she glanced out one
square, and then the next, before taking a step back and pausing as she caught
her own reflection. Frowning slightly, she tucked a lose strand of hair behind
her ear, and turned back to the quiet room, jumping as a large body came into
sight, just inches in front of her. Clutching at her chest and gasping for
breath, Willow glared at the blond vampire.
“What did I tell you about sneaking up on me?" She complained as she moved
to sit on the bed. “A-and you should know better, with that whole lack of a
reflection thing. It’s not fair.”
Spike cocked his head, looking at her as she pouted slightly and reached over
to the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of water. Remaining silent, Spike moved to
sit next to her and watched as she struggled to open the bottle.
“Stupid twisty bottle top thingy,” she mumbled to herself as she struggled with
the bottle.
“Wouldn’t that be a lot easier if you just zapped it with a little of that
magic mojo?” He inquired.
Willow rolled her eyes. “Supposed to only use that for really important,
absolutely necessary kind of situations, and I’m thinking that me being
thirsty…not one of those. There are more important things.”
“Like saving souls?” He asked softly.
Willow paused for a moment, and then finally nodded. “Yeah, like saving souls,”
she told him.
After watching her struggle for a few more seconds, he finally took pity on her
and reached over, lightly running his hand across hers as he gently extracted
the bottle from her grasp. Willow looked up at him again, and gave the vampire
a thankful smile as he easily twisted the top off and handed the bottle back to
her. He gave her a nod, noting how her smile did not spread past her lips, and
remembering how it used to reach all the way to her now hollow eyes.
“Thank you,” he whispered harshly, the deep emotion in his voice startling her
slightly. Willow was about to correct him, thinking that he had just stolen her
line, when she suddenly found herself pulled to him, her lips meeting his in a
gentle kiss. They parted a moment later, and she tentatively raised a hand to
his chest, touching him with hesitant movements, as if afraid that he might
burn her. She looked up at him, green eyes searching blue ones. Spike felt as
though she were seeing right into his soul, and suspected that perhaps she was.
After a moment, she closed her eyes and tilted her head forward and up, again
greeting his lips with her own. Moving a hand up his arm, she squeezed the hard
muscle beneath the cotton shirt, and felt his tongue dart out, flicking across
her moist lips, silently requesting access. Slowly, her lips parted and she
felt him sweep in, claiming her mouth with his own.
Their gentle, almost reverent kissing soon became more fevered and passionate,
both desperately needing the comfort provided by the other. After several
minutes, she broke away, shoving at his chest, gasping for air. Spike looked at
her, his face a strange mixture of remorse and contentment. He tilted his head,
trying to gauge her reaction, not sure of what to say or do. He reached out for
her hand, but as he touched her, Willow yanked her arm out of reach, looking up
at him, her eyes glossy with unshed tears.
“Red, I’m sorry if…” He began, unsure of what he had done wrong.
“No, Spike, I’m…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…I can’t…” He could see the guilt washing
over her features, and wanted more than anything to pull her into his arms and
make all the bad in the world go away. But now…now she wouldn’t touch
him…wouldn’t even look at him, and her eyes darted around the room before
settling on her hands.
“I can’t do this…I can’t…I can’t,” she mumbled over and over, trying
desperately to keep her tears at bay.
As understanding crept over him, Spike felt both extreme sadness and anger at
what he knew she was thinking.
“Willow, you know she’s not coming back,” he said in a low, quiet voice. She
knew who he meant. He wasn’t talking about Kennedy. She had never let herself
be free with Kennedy, not truly. But in that one moment with Spike, she had.
She had accepted that Tara was dead and gone, and even if just for the smallest
moment, she had moved on.
“I…I know,” she stammered, still not looking at him, her voice catching in her
throat.
”Do you?” He tried to look into her eyes.
“But…but it doesn’t make it any less horrible,” she whispered.
“Horrible?”
“I love her so much. She was my world. She’s gone less than a year, and here I
am, ready to run into the next pair of available arms. A-and Kennedy…Oh god…And
the worst is…The worst…I can’t stop thinking that, with everything that’s
happening, what if…”
“What if what?” He asked cautiously.
“What if she did somehow come back?” She whispered in a voice so small that he
barely heard it.
“Red…”
“No, I mean, I know…I know, but…” Suddenly, she looked up at him, tears now
sliding down her cheeks, her eyes shining with false hope. “It’s the hellmouth.
Stranger things have happened, and…”
“Willow,” he interrupted her, grabbing her hand tightly with his own, and
looking her in the eyes, “she isn’t coming back. You can’t spend the rest of
your life alone, waiting, just in case she does.”
“But…but how can I not? How can I not?” She sobbed, falling into his embrace,
burying her face in his chest. “If…if she came back, and I had already moved
on, then…”
“She isn’t coming back,” he told her adamantly. “I’m sorry, Willow, but she’s
not. She’s not coming back.”
“What the hell is going on?” Both Willow and Spike looked up, surprised to see
Buffy standing in the doorway, and they quickly pulled away from one another.
“I think you should go,” Willow whispered to the blond demon.
Spike looked from Buffy to Willow, contemplating the situation. “Yeah, I think
that might be a good idea,” he mumbled, standing up and making his way to the
door.
Buffy stood, hands on hips, blocking his path out. “So what is it, Spike? Huh?
You gotta sleep with all my friends?” The slayer clenched her jaw and fought
down the hurt and jealousy that she refused to acknowledge. Now was the time to
be strong...To steal herself. The general of an army does not allow her
weakness to show.
“We weren’t…”
“You sleep with me, you tell me you love me, then you sleep with Anya, and now
Willow? Just how much do you want to hurt me?
“This isn’t about you, Buffy. Not everything is about you,” Spike shot back,
anger bubbling up inside of him. “This wasn’t to hurt you. You don’t want me,
remember?”
Willow winced, suddenly feeling more used than she liked.
“And I don’t want you anymore either,” Spike stated quietly. Neither of them
noticed as Willow brushed past and moved down the stairs. “This is about being
needed by someone,” Spike told the slayer. “It's about someone who can quiet
the voices, and who accepts me as I am.”
Willow walked out onto the front porch and sat down dejectedly.
“Hey, Wills, about earlier...I wanted to explain that..." The redhead
looked up and Xander simplpy sighed. "This isn't about earlier, is it?” He
asked as he walked up to the house., just before Spike stormed out past them,
followed by Buffy, who stopped and glared at Willow.
“I want to know what the hell is going on, right now,” Buffy demanded.
"Before, in the school, I want to know what you did. And just now..."
“What’s happening?” Xander asked. “What did I miss?”
“Oh, just Willow and Spike sleeping together,” Buffy replied haughtily. So much
for keeping her emotions in check.
“What? What is it with you girls and sleeping with that guy? Is everyone going
to take a turn?”
“Xander,” Willow growled. “We were NOT sleeping together. We’re just friends.”
“Are you evil again, Will?” Buffy asked.
“What? Buffy, how can you ask me that?”
“After tonight…”
“Tonight, I stopped a demon from stealing souls. How does that make me evil?”
Willow asked angrily. “Is this how it’s always going to be? Will you guys never
trust me again? Cause if that’s the case, I can’t stay here, evil or no evil to
fight.”
“Willow, you’re sleeping with Spike!”
“No, I am not! A-and anyways, if I was, which, again, very much NOT…Anya slept
with Spike and she wasn’t accused of being evil.”
“Actually, Anya’s a demon who hurts and kills people, or, well, she was when
she was with Spike,” Xander pointed out. “And you’re a witch who…”
“A witch who what, Xander? Who killed people? Yes, I did, and I have to live
with that. But the bottom line is, if you don’t trust me, I can’t be of any
help to you. And as for Spike, what is or is not happening between us is
BETWEEN US!”
“No, Willow, you are clearly not…well…thinking clearly, and I’m not allowing
this to continue,” Buffy told her.
“Uh, you’re not ALLOWING this? Buffy, last time I checked, I was a grown woman,
capable of making my own decisions.”
“Really, ‘cause last time I checked, you were on a rampage, trying to kill
everyone I love, and destroy the world.” Buffy felt immediate remorse flood her
as she saw Willow visibly flinch at the words, and shake slightly. Her face
fell and her eyes suddenly appeared cool and distant.
“Buffy, that was kind of a low blow, don’t you think?” Xander interjected.
“Will, I’m sorry,” Buffy told her, her voice softening for a moment. “It’s
just…he’s a vampire!”
“You know, Buffy, through out everything with Angel, I was the one who
supported you. Even after he tried to kill us, and went to hell and back, I was
still the ONE person in full support of whatever Buffy-decisions were made.”
“That was different Will, and…”
“And I know what this is, Buffy. I’m not setting myself up with false hopes
here. I know he doesn’t love me.” Willow didn’t notice Spike walking up behind
her as she spoke. “I know that he never will. I know I’m with a man…or
demon…or…whatever, whose in love with one of my best friends. I know that, but
right now, I need what he gives me. And I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking
about companionship, absolute. Even if I know it’s not real…it…sometimes, for
just a little while, it feels like it is, and at least for that moment, I don’t
feel completely dead inside, and I’m not wishing to just disappear forever.”
Everyone stared in shock, not knowing what to say. Finally, Buffy broke the
silence.
“Willow, I didn’t…I didn’t know that…”
“Please,” Willow interrupted, “please just forget about it.” She stood up and
walked down the steps, not even noticing as she brushed past Spike.
“Red,” he said quietly, grabbing her arm. She looked up in mild surprise at his
voice and touch, before her face fell again.
“Please just let it go,” she whispered, the desperation in her voice causing
him to release her arm and allow her to walk away.
~16~
Nothing more was said of that night.
conveniently empty house, and Spike was staying with Xander. The
redhead avoided the rest of the group, mostly researching with Giles
and concentrating on her magic. A few nights before the battle,
Xander found her alone in the cemetery, meditating near
"
The witch turned her head slowly and looked up, greeting her life-
long friend with a warm, slight smile. "Hey," she said softly.
"What
are you doing out here?"
"That was gonna be my question," he responded, walking up to her and
kneeling down on the dewy grass beside his friend.
"Just getting ready," she told him. "Practicing control."
Xander nodded, frowning. "This might not be the best place for that."
The redhead smiled at his concern. "I feel safe here, near her."
"I get that," he told her. "
Spike and Buffy…I don't care. I mean…I mean, I care, in the way that
I don't want you to be hurt, but the whole you and Spike thing…I can
get past that. I might not like it, and I definitely don't get it,
but…but I just don't care. If you're happy…"
frowned. "Xander, Spike and I are not…together," she
explained. "We're just friends. It just turns out…we kinda have some
stuff in common. We relate well. That's all."
"Really?" He questioned, looking hopeful. At
out a deep breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. "Oh, man,
what a relief. I mean…Spike…of all people…What was Buffy thinking?"
"Well, he can be pretty great when he wants to be,"
him. "But he's still a little male for my tastes." Xander chuckled
and
guess the whole liking only women thing. She was beginning to think
it had more to do with the person, with the soul, rather than what
the gender was, but Xander certainly didn't need to know that right
now.
"Well, either way, I just wanted you to know, I support you. Any
decisions you make, anything you do…I mean, hey…You're Willow! Never
steered me wrong yet!"
tears. "Hey! What's that? No tears! Tears bad," Xander said quickly,
seeing her eyes.
"Happy tears," she explained with a giggle, before enveloping her
best friend in a tight hug. "Thank you, Xander," she whispered.
As they pulled away, the brunette cleared his throat a little. "You
know, Buffy feels the same way that I do. She just…she has a lot of
pressure, what with trying to save the world and all, and…but she
still loves you too, Will. She really does."
We've seen too much to stay the same. We just see things differently
I think."
Xander simply nodded, knowing that she was right, but eternally
grateful to have still found a place by her side.
~*~
It wasn't until the night of the battle that
She hadn't seen Spike much at all. He had spent most of his time
patrolling with the two slayers, and the witch had forced all
thoughts of him and their kiss from her mind. The battle, that was
what mattered right then.
"You sure you can do this?" Buffy asked, walking up behind
and handing the scathe to the redhead. The scathe had been found a
few days before, and it appeared that with her power, she would be
able to use the object to trigger other potential slayers in the
world, giving them the strength and abilities that they would have
been given when called. It was a lot of pressure, and
entirely sure that she wouldn't completely lose control and become
the very thing they needed to fight, but she knew she had to try,
and so try she would.
she mumbled. "Look, Buffy, I know you don't trust me, but…"
"Willow…" Buffy interrupted. "I'm so sorry. I should have…I
should
have done so many things differently, but…I'm sorry, and I just…I
don't want to go into this thinking that you hate me and…"
"Buffy, I don't hate you,"
trust me…"
"But I do! I really do! I just…I don't know…I do trust you,
I guess I didn't realize just how poweful you'd becomes...but I get
it now. You're still my big gun. Always have been."
make a much better cudgel," she told her. The slayer laughed
slightly, before pulling the redhead into a tight hug.
"You're going to be amazing," Buffy told her, her voice muffled as
she spoke into
didn't tell you ealier."
"Me too,"
go and headed their separate ways.
* * * *
Things might have been different. If they had still had the
potentials, they might have won…or at least, they would have stood a
better chance. As it was, they moved into the final battle knowing
deep down that their humble little group would fall one by one, and
fall they did. Buffy was the first to go down.
at the time, of course. She was off in a separate room, chanting and
holding the scathe. But she understood later, the minute the slayer
fell, that was the very moment that she knew how to stop it. The
demon army numbered in the thousands, and was quickly over running
the town. Feeling a sudden surge of power go through her,
tightened her grip on the scathe, her hair turning white as pure
energy poured from her. It bled out to the mouth of hell,
effectively sealing it. How, exactly, she wasn't sure, but the
minute it was closed, she knew.
Unfortunately, what she found out just a little too late was enough
to devastate her. Buffy was dead, and as
so went Spike's soul with it. Apparently that had been a special
little gift, directly from The First to the blond. It made it easier
to control the vampire, and once the ultimate evil entity was gone,
so was the soul. One minute he was fighting beside Xander, the next…
he felt a searing pain, and he knew…the soul was leaving. A mix of
horror and relief filled him, just before it was gone, and he was
free. Spike had still fought along side them, until coming upon
Buffy's body. Realizing that he had failed her, failed them all, yet
again, and that she was gone for good this time, his emotions ran
wild. Besides losing Buffy, he had lost the soul...the very thing
that
guilt, despite the distinct lack of conscience, he turned and ran in
shame into the night.
What came next was a blur of pain and confusion. People were dying.
Willow knew that much, and yet, no matter what happened, she
continued to live, to breath, to carry on, whether she wanted to or
not. Eventually, she found herself bound in the basement of an old,
abandoned building, located near the edge of the burning town, the
personal blood bank to whatever vampire held the key to her chains.
~17~
It had been about three weeks. At least that was what she thought. After the
first two she had pretty much lost count. In and out of consciousness, never
seeing daylight, one had a tendency to lose track of these things. It didn’t
really matter anyway, at that point. All that mattered was that she was still
alive, and she prayed that wouldn’t last much longer. At first she had wanted
to live, to fight, to once again prove that good does win over evil. But now,
she just wanted, begged for death. The hours when she was awake and alone, she
constantly thought back to that night, to the battle they had fought. She
constantly thought of what she might have done differently; different spells
she might have cast, different ways she might have fought. But it always came
back to the same horrific ending. They were all gone, dead, and she was alone,
trapped in a literal hell on earth.
* * * *
He walked out into the cemetery, or at least where he thought the cemetery had
been. Nothing was really recognizable beyond the well worn "Welcome to
Sunnydale" sign that he had passed on the way in. If it hadn’t been for
that, he suspected that no one would ever guess a town had once been there. It
was nighttime, though that didn’t really matter much anymore, what with the
perpetual darkness that consumed Sunnydale. It was a vampire’s dream come true,
and yet, of course, he was miserable. She was gone. Dead. And he hadn’t been
able to save her. He had tried, fought. He’d tried so hard, but in the end he
just wasn’t good enough, strong enough to save the one he loved. He had gotten
a soul for her, and then, just as quickly, lost it for the same cause. Every
time he closed his eyes, he saw her face…the expression of horror at realizing
this was her end. He watched as the opening to hell grew and grew, sucking the
deserted town down into it, and then eventually stopped and slowly retreated,
but not before the damage had been done. Sunnydale was nearly destroyed and the
few remnants were over run with the demons. In a matter of moments, the town had
turned into a hell on earth, in all literal senses of the word. The demons were
in control, and there was too much evil in the air, and they knew…They knew
just as he knew…as he could feel, immediately, that there was no one protecting
this place anymore, and that they had free reign.
No one seemed to know what had stopped the hellmouth from devouring the whole
world, and Spike didn’t wait around to find out. Buffy hadn't been the only one
that he'd failed.
* * * *
After doing the spell, the events following were mostly quick flashes in her
mind, like flipping through tv channels very quickly, and she guessed that it
was probably better that way. Buffy’s body, dead on the ground, the magic
surging through her as she was suddenly able to do what she hadn’t known how to
a moment before, the power that radiated from her as she commanded the mouth of
hell, the sparking, cold feeling in the air. She knew that feeling. It was pure
evil all around them. The darkness, the demons, everywhere. Hands helping her
up, pulling her, running. A door shutting, figures moving, eyes open, closed,
open, closed. She had tried to stay awake, but she was too weak, too tired.
The door opened and she slunk back against the wall. The floor was cold and
hard, but she didn’t even notice anymore. Just as she didn’t notice the torn
remains of her clothes, or the ache running through out her body and pulsating
at each bruise and bite mark. Her senses were all so dulled, her body so weak,
her mind so muddled. They had taken her, chained her, hurt her, fed from her,
but would never give her what she most wanted, needed…death.
Smelling the faint scent of blood, he had gone into the charred building with
the hopes of finding a small, left over meal, though he didn’t have much hope
of that. The town had been evacuated, only a few, stubborn, stupid people
remaining beyond the slayer’s gang, and he was sure they had all long since
perished. As soon as he entered, though, he was hit with something. A feeling,
a sense…something drew him in. A scent that he couldn’t quite place. The rooms
were empty, besides the corpses and a few nearly dead humans. The demons were
out, most likely gathering up more victims to bring back.
As he made his way down into the basement, the scent became stronger, and he
nearly fell over as he reached the bottom of the staircase and saw what was
before him. There, in a ragged heap on the floor, her arms chained above her to
the wall, was the witch.
She closed her eyes, tightly, and hung her head low, waiting for whatever pain
was about to come. She waited and waited, holding her breath for what felt like
hours. The longer she waited, the more impossible it was for her to open her
eyes, until finally the terror in the back of her mind had pushed itself so far
forward that it forced her eyes open. She gasped for breath as she saw him
standing before her, looking down, his face expressionless. She opened her
mouth to say something, but nothing more than a nearly inaudible squeak came
out. She watched with wide eyes as he reached down and unchained her hands from
the wall and then felt him lift her up. She was too weak to support her own
weight, and he quickly flung her over his shoulder and began to walk out. The
rush to her head was too much, in her weakened condition, and she passed out,
going limp in his grasp.
~18~
Quick, blurred visions passed before her. Xander, his goofy smile beaming at
her. “The library, where the books live.”…”Are you here with someone?” “No, I’m
just here.” Buffy, jumping back as her eyes widened, realizing the sword had
gone through her midsection…Sitting with Xander, watching cartoons…”We used to
go out, but we broke up. He stole my Barbie.” Hearing a yell, before a soft cry
and a sickening thud. “Why are you attacking me? I’m trying.” “Wow and it looks
so much like giving up.” Buffy, in their dorm room, laughing. “I’m not supposed
to have boys in my room.” Angel. “Well, he saved me from a horrible, flamey
death.”…”She only did it to hurt me. So I said, I’m not putting up with this
anymore, and she said ‘fine.’…”There will be no having of any kind with me.”
Spike. A shadow, moving further away, limping, but still moving too fast. “Aww,
you’re my person blanky, this is my place blanky.”…”Oz, don’t you love
me?”…”Not drowning, just wading.”…Dancing at The Bronze. “I’ve see honest faces
before. They usually come attached to liars.”…”You didn’t want to bite me. I
just happened to be around.”…”But if you could?” “IF I could…yeah.”…Giles,
books, a computer, “Oh, right, unfeeling guy.” A painful cry piercing the
silence. “It’s fine, I don’t need to be snuggled.”…”I am you know…Yours.”…”
It was all too much. The images became more and more twisted and horrifying.
She felt herself suffocating. With a strangled cry, the redhead shot up in the
bed, gasping for breath, feeling the tears streaming down her face. She looked
around desperately in the dark, not knowing where she was. Suddenly, she
noticed, she was on a bed, soft, with blankets and warmth. She was dressed in
different clothes and wasn’t chained to anything anymore. In her confusion, she
went to try to move from the bed, to figure out where she was. It wasn’t until
that moment that she first noticed that she wasn’t alone in the room.
Spike had been amused, watching her twist and turn in her sleep, clearly
fighting a nightmare. He had stayed quiet, sitting in the corner of the room,
knowing she couldn’t see him, watching her, waiting to see what she would do.
When he saw her to try get up, he finally moved, making his presence known. He
saw her jump, startled and terrified, and smirked a little at her reaction.
There were feels that this girl stirred up...Feelings he'd rather not think
about, but he was a vampire, soulless, with no chip, and it felt good to see
someone cower in fear before him again. He walked toward her and saw her
struggle to stand, only to nearly fall and slump back down onto the mattress.
Moving to the bed, he looked down at her.
“You’re too weak to get up, Red. Just stay put,” he finally spoke, sitting down
next to her.
Instinctively she shrugged back against the headboard, as far from him as she
could get, and then cringed when he still moved closer. She quickly closed her
eyes as she felt him reach for her face and gently brush the loose strands of
hair back. Slowly she opened her eyes and peered up at him, waiting to see what
he was going to do, shaking slightly.
“Red I’m not here to hurt you,” he said, silently cursing himself for sounding
so damn pathetic. ‘I’m evil! Remember! So what if she’s helped me before? I’m
still the evil vampire...remember that!’
Suddenly seeming as though she was just waking up, he saw a spark come to her
eyes and heard her hiss. “Spike. What DO you want?” She knew his soul was gone.
If she hadn’t felt it go through her at the end of the spell, during the
battle, the look in his eyes would have been enough to clue her in. He was,
once again, a soulless killer, and yet he was helping her. She knew that
Spike’s soul was gone. What she didn’t understand was why hers still remained.
“Hell Red, show a guy a little gratitude won’t you? I’m saving you’re pathetic
life. I don’t WANT anything.”
“You’re saving my life?! Now? You’ve suddenly come back to save me? Well, gee,
you’re just a bit too late.” Her voice was low and bitter, and nothing like he
remembered.
“Seems to me you’re still alive, pet, so I would guess I was just about on
time,” he countered. Immediately he saw the anger harden her face.
“You left, Spike. You left us. Why are you back?” Her voice held more hatred
than he would have thought imaginable. He sighed and looked away from her.
“I had to leave. I couldn’t stay, and I am very sure no one would have
appreciated it much if I had. I failed you, all of you. I failed her. I let her
get hurt. Bloody hell! I was right there and I let her die! I failed her.”
After a long silence he looked at her again, her face completely
expressionless. He now noticed how pale and drawn her face looked, how dead her
eyes seemed.
“You didn’t fail her Spike,” she said in almost a whisper. “You fought for her,
you put your life up for her, you were ready to die for her. You did EVERYTHING
you could. No one could save her at that point. You didn’t fail her.” He saw a
look of sympathy pass over her quickly, before being replaced by the hard,
bitter look he had seen early. When she spoke again, her voice was even quieter
and more unsteady. “It was me you failed, Spike. I know you are a demon. I know
you were there because you loved her, but after she was gone, you just left.
You left us alone to fight a fight we couldn’t win. You left me alone, and
after they were all gone, I was still left here alone. You left me alone to
suffer day after day, when you were the ONLY one who could have helped me.”
He stared at her in shock as he saw her eyes brim with tears, threatening at
any moment to spill over.
“At first, I thought it was just a nightmare, and I would wake up, but
eventually I realized that I wouldn’t wake up. I was too weak to get a hold on
my magic, and they made sure that I stayed that way. Then, I just prayed that
you would come back and find me. But you never did. I waited and waited and you
never came. Finally, I gave up hope, and I let myself die.”
“You seem to still be alive to me, pet,” he said softly. “Sittin here in front
of me, can see you breathing, can hear your heart beating.”
“But it isn’t me,” she said in almost a whisper. “It’s just the shell. My soul
died along with them, and I’m just waiting for the body to catch up.”
As she turned away from him and tried to stop herself from shaking, he tried
desperately to think of something to say, but could come up with nothing.
Finally he gave up, quickly standing and moveing to the door. Grabbing his
coat, he opened the door, passing through and quickly out in the night,
slamming it shut behind him.
He wouldn't do this again. He wouldn't allow himself to care about someone,
especially a mortal, human someone. Spike couldn't go down that road again. The
soul was gone, but it had never taken a soul for him to feel...feel things that
a vampire never should. Love, devotion, remorse, and...yes...guilt. He was a
demon, he had his bite back, he had accepted that he was a killer, and nothing
more, and he'd be damned if he would allow this girl back into his long dead
heart. He may be loves bitch, but Spike was no fool. Have your heart broken
once, shame on her, have it broken twice, shame on you. He definitly didn't
believe that third was a charm.
The next two days were spent constantly in the little room. During the day,
They also hadn’t spoken since that first night. When he returned near dawn on
the third day, Spike found the redhead sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up
to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, looking off into space with that
empty stare in her eyes. He could stand the silence no longer.
“Red, say something.”
Her eyes looked up, the first acknowledgement that she even knew he was in the
room, and she looked toward him, but remained silent.
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going through that mind of yours,” he demanded.
“It wasn’t a request,” he clarified, his teeth gritted as he tried to control
his growing anger. “Tell me. I save your pathetic life, the very least you can
do is provide a little entertainment.”
He sounded every bit like his former self...before the soul, before their
friendship, and it made her sick inside. Finally, she looked up at him again,
and he was surprised to see something in her eyes resembling the old fire that
used to be there.
“What do you want me to tell you, Spike?” She could hear her voice wavering,
but the anger and hatred swelling inside of her was ready to burst forth. “Do
you want to hear about how everyone was killed, one by one? Would that make you
happy? Do you want to hear about how it took two days for Giles to die?” She
was raging now. Her nails were digging into the sheets on the bed, and her
glare toward him held pure hatred. “Or maybe you want me to tell you about how
I had to watch Xander be beaten to death, or how I can still hear Dawn begging
for someone to end the pain! Is that what you want to hear? Or maybe how I hate
them all, because they’re suffering is over, and mine is never ending! I got
left behind, all alone, to take it all!”
She laughed a little, her eyes wild with a touch of insanity. “Lucky me! They
let me live, so that I could be beaten and used, and watch all the people I
know and love be tortured and killed. So that I could be some vampire’s pet. So
that I could suffer through unimaginable nightmares every night of my life,
silently begging for it to just end, knowing that if I had somehow done
something different, something better, this could all be changed. Is THAT what
you wanted to hear?”
When he was sure that she was finally sleeping, he gently moved her on the bed
and covered her. He stood over the girl and frowned. She was one of the people
he had hated, at one time. They had humiliated him, again and again when he got
the chip, but then, eventually, things had changed. They had bonded over burden
souls and shameful guilt, and now, all he wanted to do was protect her, take
care of her and make it all go away. Finally, shaking his head at the nonsense
he was thinking, the vampire undressed and slipped into the bed.
About twenty minutes later, as he lay there, still very much awake, and somewhat
annoyed at the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about all that had happened,
Spike heard a little moan from the body next to him. Glancing over, he saw her
head start to move as her body began to shake. He knew, the nightmares were
starting. Every time she slept, she had cried and moaned and thrashed about,
mumbling incoherently through one nightmare after the next. He had been amused,
loved to see some good mental anguish. But today, knowing what she was seeing
in those dreams, what they were making her think, he didn’t want her to suffer
through them. At least, not this time. Gently, but firmly, he pulled her body
over to him, hushing her and brushing her hair away from her flushed face,
stroking her cheek. Eventually, she calmed down and her heartbeat steadied. The
nightmare was over. He knew, though, that several more would come before the
day was over. With one arm around her waist, and the other resting on her hand,
he eventually drifted off to sleep, holding the deceptively fragile human against
him.
~19~
It was several hours before she woke again.
blond vampire moving around the room, and didn't want to open her
eyes. She hated what she had said, hated that he knew how much he
had hurt her, how weak she had become. But it was clear now, and she
didn't even have the strength to get up and run. She had to face him.
Finally opening her eyes and looked around,
things into a few bags. She stared at him for a moment, a confused,
questioning look on her face. Finally, Spike let out an annoyed
sigh, and looked up at her.
"We're leaving, getting out of this town once and for all."
"Where?" Was all she asked.
He didn't answer right away. Spike had given this a lot of thought,
and finally come to the one and only conclusion that he could. He
would take her to Angel. He hated the idea of having to go LA and
face his grandsire again, but he was the only one who would be able
to help the redhead now, and that was the most important thing.
Besides, Angel lived for that crap, helping the helpless, saving
lost souls…It was right up his alley.
"We're gonna take a little trip to see your old pal Angel," he told
her, closing a small suitcase with a loud click.
* * * *
Of course, it wasn't as easy as that. Getting out of Sunnydale, or
the charred remains of the town, at least, wasn't all that easy.
They had to make a fast getaway. Not an easy thing with a weak girl
who could barely stand. He had helped her along, trying to call as
little attention to them as possible. They were stopped by more than
one group of vampires, but Spike had put up a good front. He was a
master vampire, after all, and she was his new pet, or so they
thought. It was that simple. He was leaving this god-forsaken town
before there were no fresh bodies left to bite, and he was taking
his new found pet with him. If any of them had a thing to say about
it, they would quickly find out what it felt like to be a pile of
dust. None of them had argued the point.
Some other demons had been less intimidated by him, though. Just as
they reached the edge of town a group demons decided that they
weren't too keen on him leaving, and that they would like his "pet"
for themselves. Gently steadying her against a building, Spike
turned away from
wouldn't win.
As he pulled his first punch,
were strong, and Spike was unable to hold up against the attack
coming from all sides. He was bruised and bloody, and weakening
quickly.
black. The magic flowed from her in waves, crackling and sparkling.
In the end, she was able to surround Spike and herself with a
defensive protection spell, and closing her eyes for a moment, she
let loose with stronger, more powerful magic than he would have
guessed she was capable of, causing every demon surrounding them to
immediately burst into flames.
Hearing screams of agony all around them, Spike looked over to see
her briefly open her eyes again, looking around, before she
collapsed into unconsciousness. Running to her, he swiftly scooped
her up into his arms, placed her in an abandoned car nearby and took
off for LA.
~20~
The room was dark.
Angel's guest room was surprisingly small, considering the looks of
the rest of the apartment, but she was more than grateful for it.
She had awakened from another nightmare not too long ago, and was
now doing a calming mediation that she had learned with the coven in
A soft knock brought her back to reality, and the redhead sighed,
calling out an invitation and smiling slightly as Angel walked in.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt," he told her, looking around
sheepishly as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
"That's okay," she replied with a soft smile. "I was just doing
some
exercises."
"I have to do more exercising like that," he told her with a wry
smile. It was something she wasn't used to seeing Angel do, joke and
smile, and she felt slightly startled by it. "Much less sweat
inducing than most exercise."
"You'd be surprised," she replied with a roll of her eyes.
"Thank
you…for letting me stay here, Angel. I didn't mean to impede on your
personal space. Thought you still had the hotel. Guess a lot's
changed since the last time I was in town."
"No more hotel," the vampire told her. "Just a multimillion
dollar
evil law firm."
"Yeah, well, who doesn't have one of those? They're selling like hot-
cakes on ebay," she quipped, making a poor attempt to smile.
"You're always welcome here, Willow."
The redhead nodded before looking away uncomfortably. She suspected
that he wanted to ask about Buffy, and at the moment, Buffy was the
very last topic that she wanted to discuss.
There was a long silence between them, before Angel finally spoke.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" He asked, surprising the
witch at just how well he knew her. Leaning forward, he reached out,
touching her shoulder before quickly pulling back, seeing
jump, and hearing her heartbeat speed up. Fear began to pour from
her, and Angel was immediately remorseful.
"Sorry," she muttered, pulling her knees up to her chin. "I…I
don't
like to be…touch much…these days," she explained softly. Angel
simply nodded, understanding more than she knew.
"I think they forgot me," she whispered, her voice so soft that he
barely caught it. She sounded more like a small child than the
strong woman that sat in front of him. "Maybe they forgot to take me
with them. I…I should have gone with the rest of them…and…and I
think that maybe…maybe they forgot me."
"Willow…" He began, unsure of exactly what to say to that.
"Am I THAT forgettable?" She sobbed.
"Trust me,
tone leaving no question of his sincerity.
"Then why? Why am I still here? I…I feel like…like they all left,
and…and they're all together now, and happy. I miss them so much.
Buffy, and Xander, and Dawn, and Anya, and Giles…a-and Joyce, and
Kennedy…and…and
gone to this big party, and no one's noticed that I'm not there, and
I don't understand WHY. It's so hard, and I'm so tired, and I just…
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to continue on, alone,
without them. It's just so hard."
slipping down her cheeks.
"You aren't alone," Angel assured her, once again reaching out for
her, and this time being allowed to take her hand in his own. "You
have us now. You have everyone here, and you have Spike, whether you
want him or not. And…you have me."
she let out a deep breath that she hadn't realized she was holding.
"Why am I still here?" She questioned softly. "Angel, I tried to
die, and I couldn't. It's like, wherever you go…after…they don't
want me. Why?"
"I guess you're just not done here," the vampire told her.
"You're
still needed."
"I don't think the world needs me anymore," she told him honestly.
"Maybe, maybe not. But I do know that I need you,
you."
The redhead simply looked down at their joined hands, contemplating
that. Angel said that he needed her. She didn't know if he was
telling the truth, but apparently she would get the chance to find
out.
~21~
“How is she?”
“Alright. She’s resting.”
Spike simply nodded, deep in thought.
“I don’t get it, Spike,” Angel spoke up, sitting next to him on the leather
couch, and pulling the younger vampire from his musings.
“Me either mate. I mean, a vampire living in an apartment full of
windows…You’re just a glutton for pain, aren’t you?”
Angel rolled his eyes, knowing that Spike was trying to get to him. The blond
never did like it when his vulnerability showed. “They’re tinted,” he told him.
“And I meant you and
Spike let out a deep sigh, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. He saw
Angel give him a look, clearly not wanting him to smoke in his apartment, and
delighted in the puff of smoke that he exhaled in the direction of the dark
haired vampire.
“Helping Red…It was never about trying to impress the slayer, or anyone else
for that matter. It…she and I…we’re kindred souls is all. ‘Sides, I made a
promise…” His voice trailed off at that, not willing to say more.
“You don’t have a soul, Spike,” Angel pointed out, knowing that there was more
that Spike wasn’t saying.
“Yeah, well I’m connected to the girl’s darkness as much as to her light, I
guess,” Spike told him, taking a long drag on the cigarette.
“You always did have a little more humanity than a vamp should,” Angel stated.
“Hey! Watch your mouth!” Spike shouted indignantly, jumping to his feet.
Angel stood up as well. “It was meant to be a compliment, Spike.”
“Well keep your compliments to yourself,” the blond grumbled.
“You’ve changed. I can’t believe it, and I never thought it would be possible.
I mean, you’re still a pain in the ass, but you really have changed.” Spike
simply raised an eyebrow, surprised at the older vampire’s words. “You care and
you love without the soul. That was something that I was never able to do.”
“Yeah, well, always knew I was better than Angelus,” Spike replied with a smirk
as Angel rolled his eyes.
“I’m glad you came here,” he said quietly, surprising the blond yet again. “You
belong here. Both of you.”
“You gonna try and kiss me now?” Spike asked, desperate to break up the tension
and emotion that suddenly filled the room.
“You wish,” Angel replied, rolling his eyes again and smirking. There was a
long pause before Angel spoke again. “So Buffy…she’s…”
“Yeah,” Spike responded softly.
“And you and she were…”
“We were what?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow and enjoying watching his grand
sire squirm.
“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” Angel grumbled. “Maybe you
haven’t changed all that much.” Spike simply smirked at him. “Fine. You and
Buffy…You were in love?”
Seeing the pained look on Angel’s face, Spike sighed and rolled his eyes. “I
was a little, shall we say, obsessed? She didn’t return my ardor. She loved you
right up to the end.”
“I’m sorry, Spike,” Angel said softly.
“Not lookin for your pity, Angel,” the blond growled. “All your fault, far as I
can tell, anyway. You always manage to worm your way into their hearts, and
then leave me with the broken pieces.”
“I mean…I’m sorry about what happened with us,” the brunette said, his voice a
harsh whisper. Seeing the younger vampire, and hearing what he had done for the
group in Sunnydale, Angel was reminded of what the blond had once been like,
the good times they had shared, and he suddenly, and surprisingly found himself
missing that. They shared a new commonality now, too. They had both loved and
lost the slayer, and now were both in need of solace, though neither would
readily admit it.
Spike simply stared at the older vampire, not understanding his words.
“We used to be close, you know? We used to be…”
“I remember,” Spike interrupted, leering at the other man, “intimately,” His
voice was suddenly husky with need and something else. “But that ship’s long
since sailed, mate. That’s in the past.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Angel told him, taking a step closer.
Leaning in a little, Spike thought for a moment before pulling back again.
“Yeah, it does. What’s done is done. We can’t go back now, and even if we
could, can’t say I’d want to. Been there, done that, got the emotional scars,
thanks a bunch.”
Angel could see Spike erecting the hardened wall before him. The blond always
did put up a good front.
“Fine! You know, Spike, you can really be a stubborn son of a bitch at times.”
“You wouldn’t have me any other way,” Spike shot back, just before Angel lunged
at him, one hand clamping down behind the blond head, as his lips claimed
Spike’s, his tongue plundering his mouth. A moment later, the older vampire
pulled back and turned, sauntering out of the room, leaving a very dazed Spike
behind.
~22~
“Willow! How are you feeling?” Fred called out as the redhead walked into the
research lab.
“I’m so glad. Is there anything I can get for you?”
“No, actually, I was thinking that maybe I could give you hand. I am some what
of a science wiz, as you know. Not that I’m sayin that I’m as good as you. I
mean, I never wrote my own Theory on alternate dimensional portals or anything,
but…”
Fred blushed and giggled sheepishly. “It was nothing, really,” she told her.
“And you shouldn’t trouble yourself here. We have more than enough staff on
hand. You should just relax.”
“I’m sorry, I really have to…” Fred began apologetically.
“No, that’s fine. Really, I’ll just poke around the rest of the place,”
Walking into the lobby, the redhead suddenly heard someone calling her name.
Turning slowly with a sense of dread, she rolled her eyes and looked up as
Spike bound down the stairs.
“Red, you’re up,” he stated as he reached her.
“Yeah, I did notice that,” she responded, the indifference in her voice
startling him slightly. He hadn’t seen the girl since bringing her in, Angel
giving him specific instructions to give her space and let her rest.
“Sure you should be runnin about so soon after…” His voice trailed off as she
glared at him.
“I’m fine, Spike. Restless. Looking for something to do.” At those words,
“Wesley, hi!” She greeted the man.
“
“Well, it’s just that, after an ordeal like the one which…Everyone is just
concerned,” he explained softly.
“I get that,” she replied, “but I just want to not think about it, which is why
I wanted to talk to you. I thought maybe I could help you out, you know, with
the research. I mean, I am, after all, well versed in demonology, and…”
Seeing the Englishman frown,
“I’m sorry,
“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, turning and looking around the bustling lobby
wearily. Having one last idea, she sucked in a deep breath, pulled herself up a
little straighter and marched into Angel’s office.
“
“Don’t say it!” She interrupted. “Don’t ask. Angel, I’m fine, but I’m going
crazy with nothing to do. I…I have skills. Lots of useful skills. Please, just
give me something to do. Let me help.”
“
“I don’t want to take it easy!” She shouted. “If I don’t give my mind something
else to think about…” She let the rest of the statement hang on the air.
“Angel, please, give me something to do.” Her voice was desperate now, and
Angel could feel his resolve beginning to crumble. He began to suspect that
there was nothing this girl could ask for that he wouldn’t give. “Come on, ya
must need a computer wiz for something, right? Hacking into evil corporate
files…Other than your own evil corporate files, of course, or…or tampering with
email, or…Do you even have a web page?”
Angel chuckled, understanding her need to feel useful. It was one of her most
admirable traits: helpful, kind, and loyal to a fault. “I suppose we could use
someone to supervise the technology department…someone I trust.”
“Thanks,” she said again, before turning and heading out of the office.
“Harmony!” Angel yelled, the blonde vampire appearing in the doorway a minute
later. “
“
“You think that’s really a good idea?” Angel looked up as he sat back down at
his desk, seeing Spike walking into the office.
“Spike,” Angel sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. Everything with
the younger vampire had to be a battle. “It’s not your concern.”
“The girl just went through hell, and you’re going to just sit her down and put
her to work?” Spike shouted.
Angel growled. “Spike, she wants something to take her mind off of things.”
“She’s avoiding dealing with her emotions,” Spike argued. “She’s pretending
that she’s fine. Seen her do it before. She’s a pro, but she’s hurting and
mourning, and if you aren’t careful, you’re going to end up with an out of
control witch. If she doesn’t deal with the things she’s seen and felt…”
“Spike, drop it,” Angel interrupted. “She’s dealing, alright?”
“Like hell she is!”
“Enough! Just leave
“Don’t know what you’re talkin about,” the blond lied.
“Spike, don’t play games. You know what you’re feeling, it’s the same thing as
me,” Angel told him. The truth was that the emotions stirred up by Spike’s
return, and learning of the things he had done, had been a complete shock to
Angel, and something he was still trying to figure out.
“Wrong, mate,” Spike replied. “You don’t have a clue what I’m feelin, and don’t
think for a second that we’re anything alike.”
“You know you felt something when we kissed,” Angel argued.
“Repulsion?” Spike replied flippantly. “Disgust?”
Standing up and moving quickly around the desk, Angel came nose to nose with
the blond. “Lust, desire, need,” he whispered, his arm shooting up as he
grabbed onto the back of Spike’s neck and pulled him into a searing kiss.
A moment later, Spike yanked his head back, his own hand now tangled in Angel’s
dark hair, and both vampire’s glared at each other for a moment, golden eyes
meeting golden eyes.
“You don’t know me, Angelus,” Spike told him. “You never did.” Again, Angel
pulled the younger vampire into a passionate kiss, his tongue demanding
entrance to his mouth, dueling for dominance with Spike’s.
After another moment, Angel pulled back, seeing desire in the golden eyes
before him. “Wrong, Spike. I made you. I molded you into what you are.” At
that, Spike tightened his grip on the back of Angel’s head and claimed the dark
haired vampire’s lips with his own, nipping and biting as his vampire visage
slipped forth. Strong hands groped feverishly at hard muscle as the two
vampires rediscovered one another’s touch, both now thoroughly aroused.
Gripping Angel’s shirt, Spike tore it open, spraying buttons around them.
“Hey,” Angel growled. “That’s silk.”
“
“Iwwwww.”
Both vampires paused, pulling their mouths apart and turning slowly to see
Harmony standing in the doorway, a disgusted look on her face.
“Get a room!” She told them.
“Already have one,” Angel growled.
“Oh yeah,” she mumbled, “right. I, uh…just wanted to let you know that
“Great, thanks,” Angel replied, running a hand through his tangled hair and
looking around with slight discomfort.
“Are you guys, like, together?” She asked, scrunching up her nose.
“No!” They both shouted at the same time.
“It’s just…It’s not what it looks like,” Angel tried to explain. “It’s a…sire
and childe thing,” he said lamely.
“I thought Drusilla was his sire,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, well…” Spike began. Not coming up with anything convincing, he finally
shrugged and headed out of the office, brushing past Harmony on the way.
“He better not get a raise for this,” she pouted. “Because if that’s what it
takes to move up in the company, then I’m more than willing to…” Seeing Angel’s
glare, the blonde quickly turned and fled the office.
~23~
Willow flipped on a small light in the kitchen, trying to keep quiet as she
searched for something to eat. Most of the cupboards were void of anything
edible, and her growly tummy was growing impatient. Finally finding a small box
of pasta, she grabbed a pan and started to boil some water. A few minutes
later, she leaned against the stove, stirring the macaroni.
“Bit of a late night?” Hearing the voice behind her, Willow jumped, nearly
knocking over the pan of boiling water.
“What have I told you about startling me?” She complained, turning her back to
the blond vampire.
“What are you doing up so late?” He questioned, trying to keep a smirk from his
lips.
Willow rolled her eyes, not bothering to look at him. “What does it look like?”
“Will, we have to talk,” he told her, his voice serious.
“I disagree,” she responded, her voice equally void of any jovial amusement.
Turning the burner off, the redhead went to the refrigerator, looking for
butter or milk. Spike watched as she searched through the jars of cold blood.
“Willow, you need to talk about…”
“Doesn’t Angel keep anything around here besides blood?” She shouted, slamming
one of the jars onto a shelf and throwing the door closed.
Spike shrugged. “Vampire, pet. Not much need for food.”
“Yeah, well, you’d think he could stock up for the occasional human that
happens by, you know? I mean, the guy surrounds himself with living, breathing,
EATTING people!” She could feel the tears fill her eyes, knowing that her
frustration had nothing to do with the cooling pasta, and everything to do with
the vampire before her.
“Willow, calm down,” Spike said softly, reaching out to touch her arm. “Just
tell me…”
“Stop!” Willow shouted, jumping back just before he touched her, her eyes wide
with panic. “Spike, please just leave me alone,” she whispered. “There is nothing
I want to talk to you about. I’m fine.”
Seeing her jaw clench and her eyes turn cold, he let out a deep sigh of
frustration. The girl was holding things in and it wasn’t good…for any of them.
Never being known for his patience, or his ability to take rejection of any
kind well, Spike resorted to his main defense…anger.
“Oh, yeah, you’re fine. I can see just how fine you are,” he shot at her,
seeing her back stiffen slightly. Anger. Good. He’d take any emotion at this
point. “You just keep on tell’n them all how fine you are, and meanwhile, you
keep wallow’n on the inside, until eventually you lose it again and try to flay
us all.”
“Shut up!” She yelled, her hands fisted tightly at her side.
“You can’t keep pretending nothing happened, Red,” he told her. “I know you
like to play the martyr, but give it a rest already, will ya?”
“What? How can you say that… No, forget it. I’m not going to get into this with
you,” she told him.
“Right, cause you’d much rather just sit on the pain, let it continue to burn
you,” he stated. “Let’s face it, baby, you’ve got a bit of a masochistic streak
in you, and we both know it, don’t we? You know, I’d be happy to help you out
with that, if…”
“Spike,” she growled in warning.
“Oh come on. Let’s call a spade a spade, love. You like the darkness and the
pain. Reminds you of just how good and wholesome you used to be.”
“Shut up,” she whispered.
“Problem is, you aren’t sweet, innocent, little Willow anymore, are you?” A
part of him hated what he was saying, but Spike knew that she had to unleash
her emotions sooner or later, and he figured that if she wasn’t willing to
talk, he might at least be able to goad her into a good fight.
Grabbing the pan of hot water, Willow spun around and glared at him with what
he could only interpret as hatred in her eyes. “Spike, unless you're looking to
be scalded, I suggest you shut your mouth, right now,” she stated, her voice
low and deadly. “I can help you out with your masochistic tendencies too, you
know.”
“Knew the kitten had claws,” he stated with a cocky smirk.
Her face seemed to falter for a moment before she slammed the pan down and
walked across the kitchen.
“You don’t have to be alone in this, you know,” he called after her.
Willow paused in the doorway, not bothering to turn around as she spoke. “I’d
rather be alone than to have anything to do with you,” she growled before
walking away.
Storming into her room, Willow slammed the door behind her, only to hear a
knock a moment later.
“Go away, Spike!” She shouted.
“Willow?” Angel called. The redhead let out a deep sigh before opening the
door.
“Sorry, Angel, didn’t mean to wake you,” she said apologetically as she moved
to sit on the bed.
Angel followed, sitting down next to her, and they both looked up, hearing a
growl come from across the apartment, followed by several pieces of kitchenware
hitting the floor.
Angel winced. “He’s destroying my kitchen, isn’t he?” He asked.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, her shoulders hunching forward as she looked down.
“Not your fault,” he assured her. “Spike’s never been known for his…restraint.
He is right, though, you know.” Willow gave him a questioning look. “About you
holding things in. It isn’t good, especially after all you’ve been through. You
should at least talk about it.”
“I’m fine, Angel, really,” she insisted.
“No, you’re not. Willow, I know you. I know that you’re used to being the one
that others lean on, the one that helps them, but right now you have to let us
help you. Remember that time you told me off for not taking time to have a cup
of coffee with Buffy? Man, was I ever surprised by you. You were quite the
little spit fire when you wanted to be,” he told her with a chuckle. “You had
all that fire just hidden away, but you know, even then, you were helping
everyone else. Please, let me help you.”
Willow looked down, biting her lower lip for a long time before suddenly
looking up again.
“Do you miss her?” She asked, her voice soft and timid.
“All the time,” he told her with a gentle smile. “Buffy, she was one of a kind,
just like you are. Always willing to put her life on the line to save someone
else.”
“Yeah, she always was,” Willow mused quietly. “They all were. Seemed like there
was always some horrible evil to fight.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure you have lots of good time to remember too, right?” He
questioned.
“Living on the mouth of hell doesn’t exactly make for loads of happy memories,”
she told him sadly, before a thought hit and her face brightening slightly.
“Oh! Although there was this one time when Buffy was fighting a Guarmoli demon,
a-and she kept calling it a Guacamole demon, which really just kept pissing the
thing off.”
“Guarmoli demon?” Angel questioned. “They’re harmless. They never go after
humans.”
“I know! I kept trying to tell them that, but no one would listen. Giles was
trying to keep Dawn back behind the counter, and Anya was flailing her arms,
yelling that the demon was trying to shop lift from her store. Turns out he
wanted to do a love spell to get his mate back, but boy did he ever pick the
wrong shop to steal from.”
Angel listened for hours, chuckling and smiling as Willow recounted tale after
tale of the group demon hunting.
“Buffy was so mad when she found out that it could regenerate itself. Oh! And
then, of course, Xander had to play the strapping hero and try to save her. He
took an ax and sliced it right down the middle. Buffy complained for weeks
about it ruining her new sweater.”
“She did always keep things in perspective,” Angel mused.
“And Xander felt all manly and proud…until he realized that he’d now created
two demons by splitting it in half,” Willow said with a giggle.
“That’s Xander, always the first one to jump in front of the bullet for his
girls,” the vampire stated, smiling proudly.
Willow nodded, her eyes clouding over a little, her expression falling.
“They’re still with us, Willow. As long as we remember, they’re still…”
“Yeah, I know. I just wish…I just miss them,” she whispered, swallowing a lump
in her throat.
“Me too.”
Willow took a deep breath and gave him a little smile. “Oh! And did you ever
hear about the time that Giles got turned into a Fyarl demon?”
Outside of the room, Spike stood, listening. He was glad that she was talking,
even if it was to Angel. There was a part of him that desperately wanted to be
the one to make that girl smile and laugh, but the other, more logical side of
him quickly reminded the vampire of exactly what he was and where he stood. He
was a demon, and she was a human. His soul was gone, and though it angered him
to think about it, he knew that she deserved more than he could give her.
~24~
Several weeks went by, and Willow seemed to be slowly healing, with the help of
Angel. The animosity between the redhead and Spike was still tangible, and
slowly grating on Angel’s nerves. He’d lost count of how many times he’d had to
break up an argument or reprimand Spike for bullying Willow into another fight.
If he didn’t know better, he would almost think that they had a thing for each
other. The sexual tension was thick in the air, but Angel suspected that had as
much to do with him and Spike as it did with Willow.
“Red seems to be doin a little better,” Spike commented offhandedly as they
were out one night, patrolling an area that was rumored to house a new nest of
vamps. Sure, Angel had enough resources at his finger tips to never have to go
out in the field again, but the truth was that he actually enjoyed it. He
enjoyed “a good spot of violence,” as Spike would call it, every now and then,
as much as the souled vampire disliked admitting it. The demon in him relished
a good fight.
“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Angel replied, clearly discontent.
“What the hell is that supposed to me?” Spike questioned angrily. “That girl
wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for me.”
“Yes, Spike, you got her out of there, but the last thing she needs is you
constantly prodding her weak spots. I’ve seen you. You nudge her into an
argument every chance you get.”
“I do not!” The blond denied. “Well…alright, maybe I do, but it’s just so damn
easy to…”
“Well knock it off,” Angel interrupted, stopping his stride for a moment and
glaring pointedly at the younger vampire.
Spike arched an eyebrow daringly. “Giving orders now?”
“Yeah, I am,” Angel told him seriously.
Spike grinned and took a step closer, leering at the brunette. “And what if I
don’t feel like follow’n your orders? You gonna make me?”
“Spike,” Angel growled in warning. The blond simply took another step closer,
still giving the other vampire a lusty grin.
Before Spike could register the movement, Angel grabbed him and spun the blond
around, pinning him against an alley wall, their forms hidden in the shadows,
as Angel’s mouth plundered Spike’s. Four hands groped wantonly at dark cloth
and heavy leather, pushing away barriers blocking the wanted contact of skin on
skin. Both vampires slipped into their demon visage as teeth nicked lips and
tongues tasted blood. Just as Spike felt Angel’s hands slide up under his
shirt, he heard a strange whooshing noise a second before they pulled apart and
a crossbow bolt embedded itself between them in the wall. Two sets of golden
eyes shot up, looking for the source of the bolt, neither immediately seeing
anything.
Spike sighed in frustration. “Someone’s always out to interrupt us,” he
complained.
Angel simply shushed him, a moment before they caught a flash of movement
across the street. The two vampires gave each other a look before taking off
after their attacker. It didn’t take long for the demons to catch up to the
assailant, Angel knocking the person down with a flying kick. Both vampires
stepped back slightly as the fallen attacker jumped up and spun around, her
long, dark hair flying around her face. They were slightly startled by the fact
that it was a young woman that had attacked them, and their uncertainty gave
her just enough time to jump and spin, knocking both of them back before she
took off running, disappearing around a corner.
The two vampires pulled themselves up and ran again, both stopping around the
corner when they realized that she was nowhere in sight.
“She’s gone,” Angel said, sounding a little surprised.
“You notice anything strange?” Spike asked. “Feeling anything from her?”
“You felt it too?” Angel questioned. He had been thinking it was just his
imagination.
“She was a slayer,” Spike said, his voice barely above a whisper.
~*~
“The spell. The spell I did, with the scythe…It must have somehow called
another slayer. I mean, we thought we had all the potentials with us, but there
must have been more,” Willow mused in awe. “There could be more of them out
there.”
“The spell?” Angel questioned. “What kind of spell was it exactly?”
“Well, we didn’t know specifically what the scythe would do, or…or what it was
for, but it had something to do with the source of the slayer’s power, and I
kinda just tapped in to the weapon and released the source,” she explained a
little uncertainly.
“We have to go out and find that girl,” Angel stated. “She probably has no idea
what’s happening to her.”
“She seemed to have a pretty good idea, mate,” Spike interjected. “Saw that we
were vampires and attacked.”
“She saw that you were…You mean your faces were all…grrr?” Willow questioned,
causing both Spike and Angel to smile at her description and the cute way she
scrunched up her nose while growling. “Were you fighting something at the
time?”
Suddenly both vampires looked down sheepishly, shaking their heads.
“Well, if you weren’t fighting, why were you…you know…”
Neither Spike nor Angel responded, and before Willow could repeat her question,
Wesley came into the office. “We have a mark on her location, Angel,” he told
them. “She’s been spotted just a few blocks from here.”
“Great. I’ll go out after her,” Angel stated. Spike moved to follow the older
vampire, but Angel quickly stopped him. “She knows what we both look like. Two
of us will appear as more of a threat.”
“Doesn’t even one vampire seem like a threat?” Spike questioned.
“Spike, don’t fight me on this. I know what I’m doing,” Angel growled.
“Trying to get yourself killed is what it looks like to me,” Spike countered.
“Spike…”
“I’ll go,” Willow volunteered, before both vampires quickly shouted “no!”
“Excuse me?” She questioned, hands on her hips.
“Willow, this girl has no idea what’s happening to her. She’s most likely very
unstable. I don’t want you getting hurt,” Angel told her gently.
“Well, hey, big girl here. I’ve dealt with things a lot worse than this, and me
being all human and everything, don’t you think I’d have an easier time talking
to her?”
“You are not going, Red. Me and peaches will take care of it, end of story,”
Spike told her.
“No! Not end of story. I can help, and I’m going!” She argued.
“No you are…” Spike began.
“Neither of you are going!” Angel interrupted, startling both the redhead and
blond with his harsh tone. “I am going, alone, and that’s final. The two of you
will stay here, and…try not to kill each other.”
At that, the brunette stormed out of the office, leaving Willow and Spike
standing alone.
After a long pause, Willow turned to Spike. “You made him mad,” she told him,
turning and walking out.
“Me?” He yelled after her, sighing when he received no response.
~25~
Willow pulled on her jacket as she tip-toed toward the elevator, trying to be
as quiet as possible. She knew that Angel didn’t want her to get hurt, and she
understood that, but she also knew that this new slayer was going to be scared
and confused, and really didn’t think that sending a vampire out to talk to her
was the best idea.
There was another reason that she wanted to find the girl, as well. She was a
slayer, called by Willow’s spell. The girl had been called just when Buffy and
Faith had died, and Willow felt a strange connection to the girl. If she had
made it possible for the slayer line to continue, that meant that it might be possible
that Willow did actually have a greater purpose…a reason to be still be alive,
and that sudden spark of hope drove her need to find the girl.
“And just where do you think you’re goin?”
Willow paused, her hand on the elevator button, and let out a sigh. “Out,” she
stated coldly.
“Thought you were told to stay put.”
“Yeah, well…Angel isn’t the boss of me,” she stated, turning around and rolling
her eyes at her own lame reply.
“Actually, he is. You’re on his payroll. That makes him your employer…the very
definition of ‘the boss of you,” Spike told the redhead with a smirk.
“Don’t get all logical on me now, Spike. You were never very good at it,”
Willow shot at him.
“Oh, right, go on and sling insults, pet, if it makes you feel better ‘bout
yourself,” Spike countered.
Willow shook her head, turning around again and hitting the elevator button a
few times. Damn thing was too slow. “I don’t have time for this,” she grumbled.
“You know, you used to talk to me about everything…Things you couldn’t even
tell your bestest friends,” Spike pointed out.
“Things change,” she told him.
“Right. Can’t confide in the soulless demon,” Spike ground out.
“It has nothing to do with that,” she said quickly, her jaw clenched tightly.
“Right. You keep tellin yourself that,” he replied.
Whirling around, Willow glared at him. “You left, Spike! You left when I needed
you! We had a connection, a bond. I trusted you and you left!”
“Oh, give me a break. You know, I really think it’s time that you deal with
your abandonment issues. Your parents ignore you, you try to rebel with the
dark arts. Buffy dies and leaves, you drag her back from heaven. You…”
“Shut up!” She shouted, feeling magic tingling throughout her body as her anger
grew.
“I’m not your pal anymore, remember? Don’t have to sugar coat it for you. No
more sappy soul for Spike.”
“I told you, the soul never mattered,” she ground out.
“Like hell it didn’t!! Buffy only…”
“I’m not Buffy,” Willow interrupted. “But then, that was always the problem,
wasn’t it? She was the only real reason you stuck around. As soon as she was
gone, so were you.”
“Shut your trap!” Spike growled. “You don’t know what your talkin about. You,
little girl, don’t know anything about me.”
“Wrong, Spike. I know you better than anyone. Who’s the one whose shoulder you
cried on? Who’s the one who comforted you when Buffy turned away? Who’s the one
who fought the voices back?”
“Who’s the one who can’t even control her own magic?” Spike shot back.
“Fuck you!” She shouted, feeling her control slipping slightly as she shook a
little. She knew her eyes were black now, and she clenched her fists, fighting
her urges to turn him to dust.
“In your dreams, pet,” he stated lowly, with a cruel grin. “Like you said, you
aren’t Buffy."
Taking several steps toward the blond, Willow raised her hand, just before he
saw a bolt of light flash toward him. Spike dove out of the way, and the magic
that was aimed at the vampire collided with a lamp that had been behind him,
shattering it.”
Sitting up and slowly climbing to his feet, the vampire chuckled. “Ohhh…You’re
in trouble now.”
“Shut up, Spike,” she muttered, staring with wide eyes at the shattered remains
of Angel’s lamp.
“Looks like someone’s due for a spanking,” he taunted in a sing-song voice.
“Shut up!” She screamed, closing her eyes tightly as she clenched her fists.
“But then, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Make you feel all punished and
remorseful,” he commented with another smirk.
“Enough!” Both Spike and Willow turned and looked up to see Angel stepping off
the elevator. “What are you two…Hey! I liked that lamp,” he mumbled, seeing the
shards of glass.
“Willow did it!” Spike stated, his eyes wide with false innocence, as he
pointed to the redhead.
“Spike started it!” Willow countered quickly. “He was the one that…”
“Enough!” Angel yelled again, running his hand through his hair wearily and
sighing. “Willow, go to bed. Spike…”
“What?” The redhead argued, as Spike smirked at her in triumph. “What am I?
Five years old?”
“You’re certainly acting like it,” Angel stated coldly.
Willow scowled and looked toward Spike, who merely grinned and stuck out his
tongue.
“Angel, you can’t just…”
“Willow, go. To. Bed. I will deal with you later. Spike and I need to have a
little talk.”
Pouting and crossing her arms, Willow finally stomped off to her room in a
huff, hating to be treated like an errant child.
Spike chuckled as he watched her go, before Angel turned on him, growling.
“Why do you do it?” The brunette questioned angrily.
“What?” Spike asked, trying to hold up his poor attempt at an innocent act.
“Goad her into arguments. You know how to get to her, and you use it every
time! Why can’t you just leave her alone?”
“Maybe I don’t wanna, alright?” Spike mumbled.
“That’s not a suitable answer, Spike,” the older vampire told him. “Hasn’t she
been through enough?”
“Yeah, and that’s just it. She bounces around here actin as if nothin happened.
I was there. I know what happened. She should be talkin to me about it, not
you.”
“Ahhh. Now I get it. This isn’t really about Willow. This is about you and me.
You know, you really need to do something about that jealous streak, Spike.”
“Wrong,” Spike replied haughtily. “This isn’t about you and me. It’s about me
and her. We were friends. We confided in one another, and she’s so damn quick
to just forget it.”
“She feels betrayed, Spike, and you’ve given her no reason to feel otherwise.”
Angel saw the blond wince slightly at the words, knowing there was more truth
in them than he liked. “You want her back in your life, you have to work at it,
rebuild her trust. Arguing with her is not going to get it done.”
“Yeah, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun,” Spike mumbled, knowing his grand sire
was right.
~*~
“Willow?” Angel called out, after knocking on her door.
“Can’t talk,” she mumbled grumpily into a pillow. “Sleeping, remember?”
Angel smirked as he walked into the dark room, watching the redhead as he made
his way to the bed and sat next to her. She kept her back to him and ignored
the vampire completely.
“I said to go to bed,” he told her softly, reaching out to lightly squeeze her
side and smiling when she didn’t flinch away. “I didn’t say anything about
sleep.”
The redhead slowly turned over and glared at him. “Angel, I really don’t
appreciate the way you…” Angel stopped her with a finger to her lips, earning
another glare from the witch.
“I know that he started it, Willow, but you can’t let him get to you. You’re
smarter than that. You play right into his hand.”
“But…well…He’s older! Shouldn’t he have to be the mature one?”
Angel chuckled at her logic. “He may be over one hundred years old, but he has
the mentality of a twelve year old,” he told her.”
“I just don’t understand why he always has to cut me down,” she complained,
scrunching up her nose a little and sitting up. “And since when did you become
one of the ‘Spike’s-so-great’ cheerleaders?”
“Willow, what does a twelve year old boy do when he likes a cute girl on the
playground?” The brunette asked.
Willow shrugged. “Pulls her pigtails and sticks his tongue out at…Oh no! Angel,
Spike doesn’t like me. Spike can’t stand me!”
“I think you’re wrong about that,” he told her with a smile. Willow started to
shake her head in denial, but Angel quickly stopped her as he leaned down,
gently capturing her lips with his own. Her eyes widened before closing as her
mind tried to register what was happening. In truth, Angel was just as
surprised by his actions as Willow was, but as soon as the kiss began, he could
feel how right it was.
Willow felt his strong arms wrap around her, his hands gently pressing against
her back as he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping
into her mouth and tangling with hers.
When Angel finally released her mouth, Willow pulled her head back slightly,
though she made no move to be released from his embrace. She sucked in needed
breath as she stared at the smirking vampire in wide-eyed shock.
“Spike would have to be a complete moron to not want you, Willow,” Angel
whispered, bringing a small smile to the redhead’s lips as she blushed and
ducked her head down. “I mean, even more of a moron than he actually is,” the
vampire added with a chuckle. Reaching out, he tilted her chin up, forcing her
to look at him again, and gave her another quick kiss. “You should get some
rest. We’ll continue this…discussion later,” he told her in a low, husky voice.
Willow simply nodded as the vampire stood up and left the room.
This part
includes lyrics to the song Walking Wounded by Tea Party
~26~
Willow tried to sleep. She really did. She figured that maybe she had
accomplished all of about fifteen minutes of solid sleeping time, but she was
quickly becoming restless, and her mind kept replaying the kiss with Angel like
a looping movie. The redhead had to admit that there had been some feelings for
the dark haired vampire stirring up in her recently, but she had never dared to
think that he might feel the same way about her. The kiss had dazed her at
best, and left her with a million questions. A part of her empty, broken heart
felt as though it had just been refilled, swelling slightly with the
unaccustomed emotions.
The redhead stood up and looked down at her slightly wrinkled clothes as she
ran a hand through her hair. Deciding that no sleep would come with her head so
full, Willow slowly padded out of her room and down the hall, stopping just in
front of Angel’s door, which was open just slightly. She raised a hand, about
to knock, when she suddenly heard a noise. It sounded like a moan coming from
inside the bedroom, and Willow frowned, thinking that Angel might be hurt.
Hearing the sound again, she leaned into the door, peering through the crack,
gasping softly at what she saw.
Angel, in all his naked glory, was kneeling on his bed, his back to the door,
slowly thrusting forward and back. Willow felt tears immediately prick her eyes
at the sight. She could hear him mumbling, though the words were too low to
make out. It was like passing by a horrible car wreck. The sight before her
twisted her stomach into knots, and yet she couldn’t look away. She saw Angel
speed up his movements, as another moan was elicited from whom ever was below
him, just before he tensed.
“Spike!” She heard him call out, ripping the redhead from her mental haze. A
moment later, Angel slumped down and rolled over, revealing the blond vampire
that he had just made love to. Spike slowly flipped over, panting needlessly,
and leaned back on his elbows as Angel leaned over and kissed him deeply. When
the older vampire finally pulled away, Willow was startled by the cold blue
eyes that rose to meet her watery green ones. She saw a slow, lazy smirk cross
Spike’s face before she quickly turned and ran.
Hearing a noise as Willow left the apartment, Angel looked up. “Was that…”
“Willow,” Spike confirmed.
“Shit,” Angel mumbled, moving to get up.
Spike reached out, stopping the older vampire from leaving the bed. “Don’t,” he
argued. “Let me go.” Angel gave him a doubtful look and Spike sighed. “It’s
time she and I talked…Really talked.”
Spike moved to leave, Angel stopping him in turn. “Spike, I want to make a
place for her…here.”
The blond vampire stared at him for a long moment, deep in thought. “She won’t
come to your bed for a pity fuck,” he finally bit out angrily.
Angel looked slightly startled by the words. “It isn’t about that. It’s not
pity or duty,” he explained gently. “It’s…Willow is used to being the rock for
everyone else to lean on, including me. She was Buffy’s strength, and Xander’s
family, and even with everything they all went through, she would still have
that bright, beautiful smile when it was over.” Spike nodded, remembering well
the perky redhead she once was. “But now, to see her smile, it’s like gold, and
I want to be the one making it so. I want to be the one that makes her eyes
sparkle and her face glow. Do you know how wonderful it is to know that you’ve
made that girl smile?”
Again, Spike simply nodded. He did know, first hand, exactly what Angel was
talking about.
“I want her to be ours,” the older vampire told him, “both of ours, Spike, but
only if you want it. I know you love her. It’s clear to anyone looking, but I
can’t offer her something and then take it away. I can’t be the cause of her
losing anything else, so if you can’t…”
Spike cut his grand sire off with a deep, passionate kiss. “I’ll go talk to
her,” he whispered, finally pulling himself away and standing up, quickly
throwing on jeans and a shirt.
~*~
~Got a letter from a messenger
~I read it when it came
~It said that you were wounded
~you were bound and chained
Looking up into the dark night sky, Willow frowned, the city lights too bright,
obscuring her view. It seemed that tonight, even the stars were abandoning her.
The wind whipped around her sharply, and she cursed herself for not grabbed a
coat before heading outside, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.
Spike watched the girl carefully, waiting to make his presence known. He had
followed her scent to the rooftop of the building, and he could feel the fear
and pain pouring from her as she shivered in the cold. Her face was an open
book, clearly showing any reader what she was feeling.
“You should go inside, love. Cold out here,” he said softly, wincing at the way
she jumped and then tensed, turning her gaze firmly away from him as he came
and sat beside her.
“Felt a little crowded in there,” she admitted quickly, hugging her knees in
closer to her body.
~You were loved and you were handled
~You were poisoned you were pained
~Oh no, you were naked
~You were shamed
He watched the girl quietly for a few moments. She had been through so much.
Losing Tara, losing Kennedy, and then everyone else she loved. She had
effectively lost everything, except for Angel, and he understood that tonight
she believed that he had just taken that from her, too.
“Why are you out here, Spike?” She asked bitterly, not bothering to look at the
vampire.
“Wanted to bring you inside,” he told her. She gave him a quick glance,
disbelief on her face, before turning away again. “I’m not taking him away, you
know,” he told her softly.
Willow slowly turned her head, her eyes widening. “Wh-what are you talking
about?” She asked, her voice shaking.
“You love him. It’s obvious enough. I’m not tryin to take him away from you.”
~You could almost touch heaven
~Right there in front of you
~Liberty just slipped away on us
~Now there's so much work to do
Tears immediately sprung into the redhead’s eyes and she opened her mouth to
speak, though only a tiny sob came out. She was shaking now, and Spike
desperately wanted to reach out and sooth the girl, but he knew she wouldn’t
allow it. She was like an injured animal, make a move too fast, and you would
startle her, sending her running off into the night.
“You…you know?” She whispered, another sob escaping her lips. “How…how do
you…Oh god, does he know?” They had kissed, and Willow had thought that her
feelings had been mirrored by Angel, but then seeing him with Spike, she had
assumed she was wrong, and prayed that the brunette would never realize how she
really felt. She thought that if she could keep her feelings hidden, they could
at least remain friends, and she’d rather have that than nothing at all.
Spike nodded. “He knows.”
“Oh god! How…oh god,” the redhead mumbled to herself, beginning to rock back
and forth. “No, no, no, no…He’s not supposed to know.”
“It’s obvious that you love him, Red,” he told her as she continued to rock
back and forth, her head shaking in denial, “just as it’s obvious that he loves
you.”
Suddenly, the witch’s head shot up, and there was a brief look of hope that
flittered through her otherwise dull eyes. She saw the smirk on his face,
mistaking it for malice, and turned away again.
“Why are you doing this to me?” She whispered.
Spike was startled by her question and raised an unseen eyebrow in question.
“Willow, you don’t have to be alone. He loves you.”
“And he’s with you,” she mumbled bitterly. “I know what you were doing. What
you’ve both been doing. I know Spike! But you don’t have to rub it in my face!”
At that she jumped up angrily, ready to run, but the vampire was quick and had
her arm in a firm grasp before she could even turn away.
“Listen to what I’m sayin, witch,” he growled, pulling her closer to him. “He
loves you. He wants you, just like you want him.”
“But, you a-and he and…”
“No one ever said I didn’t want you as well, Red,” he whispered, pulling her up
against him, despite her struggling.
~Oh the door that closes tightly
~Is the door that can swing wide
~Oh no
~Not expecting to collide
Willow tried in vain to pull her arm away as she glared at him angrily. “You
made it clear how you feel about me, Spike. I won’t be with you because you
feel sorry for me!” She yelled. “Throw Willow a few scraps and she’ll be happy!
God! Am I that pathetic that even a vampire pities me now?”
“This isn’t about pity, Willow. It’s about need and want and love and…and
something beyond all of that! Before, I know you thought it was all about
Buffy, but you’re wrong. It wasn’t about her. In the end, it was all about you.
You were the one that showed me compassion and friendship.”
Willow looked up at him with a mixture of shock and disbelief. “Why are you
doing this?” She repeated her earlier question, another sob escaping her lips.
“Please. I’m so tired. I can’t…I just…I just can’t.”
Spike loosened his hold on her, and pulled the now sobbing girl into him,
wrapping his arms tightly around her, as if to offer her protection they both
knew no longer existed.
“I was angry. I thought, without the soul, you wouldn’t…I should have known
better. I know you’ve already lost so much, love,” he whispered, stroking her
hair. “Let us love you. Both of us. Let us belong to you.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed into his chest. “I…I don’t understand why…”
“Shhhh…Don’t think. Just feel.” At that, he leaned down and captured her lips
with his own in a passionate kiss. Willow felt her heart break and her walls
melt as she leaned further into the vampire, deepening the kiss.
~For a minute i let my guard down
~Not afraid to be found out
~I completely forgot, dear
~What our fears were all about
~Oh no, there's no need to be without
When he finally pulled away, allowing the girl a much needed breath, he smiled
softly at her flushed cheeks, swollen lips and tear stained face. She was, at
that moment, the most beautiful he had ever seen her. She was the picture of
vulnerability and strength, and he knew right then that he could never let her
go.
“Let us love you,” he whispered again, lifting her up in his arms and heading
back into the building. She closed her eyes, resting her head against his chest
in defeat, sure that the wolf had just come upon her.
Spike laid her down on the bed, and Angel was immediately beside her, wiping
the tears away from her tightly closed eyes.
~If there's a chance I would take it
~This desire I can't kill
~Take my heart, please don't break it
~I will crawl to your foothill
“Willow. Willow, look at me,” the older vampire beckoned. Willow reluctantly
looked toward him, unable to deny Angel anything.
“I love you. I should have told you sooner, and I’m sorry, but I love you. Let
us love you.”
Willow’s eyes swept over angel and toward Spike, before sudden panic filled her
again, and she began to scramble away. The blond vampire quickly knelt in front
of her, gently pushing her back down. “Lay still, love,” he whispered, kissing
her again.
“We’re all scared, Willow. We are,” Angel assured her. “But this is right. I
can feel it.” The brunette began to nibble his way down her neck and to her
shoulder, while Spike kissed her passionately. The redhead felt the older
vampire’s arms move around her as he slowly lifted her shirt up, Spike breaking
the kiss just long enough for Angel to remove the offending garment. It felt as
if they were touching her everywhere all at once, their cool fingers burning
trails across her skin.
Suddenly, Willow’s eyes flew open as she gasped. Angel and Spike both stopped
their movements, watching the young woman between them with concern.
“Willow?” Angel whispered softly.
Spike glanced for a moment at the other vampire before looking at the terrified
green eyes before him, wide with fright.
“Love, did we do something that…”
“No…no,” she mumbled, shaking her head slightly. “I just…it’s too much. I
just…” Willow tried to shrug them both away, suddenly feeling like a trapped
animal. Both Spike and Angle moved back a little, giving her more space and
watching her cautiously as she stood up next to the bed, her head hung low, her
arms crossed over her chest.
Angel stood up next to her and gently pulled her hands away from her body,
holding them in his.
“Willow, tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.
The redhead bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry, Angel,” she whispered. “I just
can’t…not yet. I can’t…”
“Shhhh,” he interrupted, understanding finally dawning. “It’s alright, Willow.
You don’t have to do anything. Understand? Just…let us hold you, alright?” The
witch nodded slowly as she allowed Angel to envelope her tightly in his embrace
and pull her back down to the bed. “We won’t push you to do anything you aren’t
ready for,” he told her as she felt Spike move to her other side. She felt the
blond’s hand run over her shoulder and she flinched slightly despite herself,
giving him an apologetic look before trying to stifle a yawn.
“Just let us hold you, tonight,” Angel asked again as the two vampire settled
the redhead down between them. Willow felt Angel pull her closer and she
snuggled against his chest just before she felt Spike spoon her from behind.
The blond vampire felt her tense at his touch before eventually relaxing
against him and falling in a deep sleep. “Won’t hurt you, baby,” he whispered
to her just as she drifted off.
~I’m frightened but I’m coming
~Please baby, please lay still
~Oh no
~I’m not coming for the kill
~27~
Willow woke slowly, stretching slightly as she looked around the dark room, and
then snuggled further into the blankets and the hard body behind her. Suddenly
her eyes popped wide open again as she remembered where she was and who she was
with. Looking around frantically, she realized that Angel was no longer in the room,
and then very slowly, and with slight dread, she turned over to meet the gaze
of the blond vampire behind her.
“Morning, love,” he greeted her with a smirk, brushing a bit of red hair away
from her eyes. He was propped up on an elbow, and she suspected that he had
been watching her for a while.
“Where’s Angel?” She questioned softly, pulling the blanket up a little more
over her chest.
Spike frowned at the mention of the other vampire and the nervous tone in the
redhead’s voice.
“Went down to the office for a while,” he told her. “I think dear old dad
wanted to give us a little time alone, to talk.”
Willow nodded slowly, biting her lower lip. “I…I think I’ll just go and…” She
started to say as she moved to leave the bed, but Spike quickly stopped her,
gently pulling her back by the shoulder and wincing slightly as she flinched
away from him.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, looking down at her hand in her lap, no longer caring
about her half naked appearance.
“Why are you afraid of me?” The question startled Willow out of her thoughts,
though Spike's voice sounded soft and vulnerable. “You aren’t afraid of Angel,
but every time I touch you, it’s like…”
“A lot has happened,” she whispered, not meeting his gaze. “I’m a little jumpy,
I guess.”
“Right, I get that, but you seem fine with Angel, so why am I the one making
you all jumpy?”
Willow pondered the question for a long time before finally looking up to meet
his eyes. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe it’s the soul.” As soon as she
said it, she regretted the words, seeing the pained expression cross his face.
The witch expected anger to follow and was surprised when his tone remained
soft and sad.
“I know you’ve been through a lot, and we meant it when we said that we
wouldn’t push, but you know…I would never bite you without your consent.” He
had seen the bite marks on her neck and arms when he’d found her in the
basement, and knew she had probably been tortured as well as drank from many
times, but surely she had to know that he wasn’t like those other demons.
“There are other things,” she whispered, looking down and biting her lip.
“There were marks that you couldn’t see. I…I can still feel their touch on my
skin, making it itch and crawl.” She made a disgusted face at the memory and he
could smell the salt of the tears that threatened to fall.
Reaching out, Spike slowly and gently took one of her hands in his, noticing
the way her body tensed. Holding her small, warm hand in his larger one, he
began to rub slow circles in her palm with his thumb.
“I’m sorry, Red, for everything,” he whispered, taking note of the fact that
she still wouldn’t look at him. “If I had known....If you knew what I thought,
the agony I felt over thinking I’d failed you...”
“Spike,” she whispered, but he only shushed her. While he continued to make
small circles in her palm with one hand, the other very slowly moved to her
wrist, his hold barely felt as that thumb mimicked the circular motions of the
other over her pulse point. He watched as Willow closed her eyes and swallowed
hard.
“When I’d heard that you’d all been…I thought I’d lost you forever,” he told
her, his voice catching in his throat while one hand moved to her other arm and
he continued making circles over both wrists. He could feel her relax slightly,
and then slowly started to move both hands up her arms, his touch light and
gentle, slightly squeezing the soft flesh as he made his way up, past her
elbows, over her biceps and to her shoulders.
Willow tensed as his hands moved up to her shoulders, and Spike heard her
heartbeat speed up a bit with nervousness. He leaned in a bit more so that he
could feel her now ragged breath on his neck.
“When I found you…I knew I’d do anything to make it up to you…to make things
right,” he whispered, as his hands slowly stroked up and down her back. Very
slowly, Willow began to relax again, eventually leaning a little more toward
him and finally resting her weary head against his chest. The feel of his hands
moving up and down her back began to soothe her, no longer feeling foreign and
cold. Her mind flew back to a few months ago, when this man…this demon had been
her strength and her shield, when she had felt safer in his arms than anywhere
else in the world.
Spike’s eyes widened slightly in surprise as he felt her small arms wrap around
him, squeezing him tightly, desperately, and for once, he was happy that he had
no need to breathe. Leaning back to rest against the headboard, he pulled the
redhead with him, capturing her lips in a soft, tender kiss. Soon, he felt her
opening her mouth to him, deepening the embrace and welcome him to explore. His
hands continued to roam the contours of her back as she gripped his shoulders
tightly, moving to straddle him and rub against him slightly.
Spike moaned softly as she leaned further down and wriggled against him as her
red hair hung like a curtain hiding their now fevered kissing. His eyes widened
again when he felt her move his hands to the clasp on her bra, inviting him to
remove the small scrap of material.
“Are you sure, love?” He questioned softly. The redhead simply nodded with an
impish smile and ground her hips into his. The vampire needed no further
encouragement, and quickly removed the garment, reveling in the feeling of her
warm flesh against his cool chest. Moving his hands over her now bare back,
Spike resumed their kissing, before Willow slowly began to trail kissed up and
down his neck. Sliding his hands around, he gently cupped her breasts in his
hands, very lightly grazing his thumbs over her hardening nipples and delighting
in the feel of her shivering at the contact.
Willow stiffened slightly as she felt his hands on her chest, and bit her lower
lip hard. Sensing her apprehension, Spike stilled his movements. “Want me to
stop?” He questioned softly.
Willow shook her head. “Please, Spike, I want you to touch me, please,” she
nearly begged, just before Spike captured her lips with his again, his kiss
more rough and claiming this time.
“Love you, Willow,” he whispered, his voice so quiet she barely heard it. At
the words she melted a little more into his touch and kissed him deeply. They
continued touching and caressing and eventually the rest of their clothes were
removed as they slowly explored each other’s body.
Feeling the redhead position herself over his now aching shaft, Spike gave her
a questioning look. “You sure, pet?”
Willow nodded. “Make love to me, Spike,” she whispered, just before sinking
down onto him, wincing slightly as she felt him fill and stretch her. Spike
groaned, waiting for her to adjust to the feel of him, and then felt Willow
slowly begin to move her hips up and down, riding him at a slow, steady pace.
It didn’t take long for either of them to reach their peak, both falling over
the edge of ecstasy at the same time.
The witch collapsed against his chest, panting heavily and still gripping his
shoulders tightly. Spike slowly and carefully rolled them so that she was
resting next to him, and he propped himself up on one arm, looking her over as
he lazily ran a hand over her still quivering stomach in small circles.
“Thank you, Spike,” she whispered, giving him a soft, sweet smile.
“The pleasure was all mine, love,” he told her with a smirk.
“I wouldn’t say it was ALL yours,” she corrected with a smirk of her own. “You
give as good as you get.”
“Damn straight,” he replied with a chuckle, leaning down and kissing her
deeply.
“Looks like someone started without me,” hearing the deep voice from the
doorway, Spike and Willow broke away from one another and looked up in surprise
to see Angel watching them, his eyes filled with lust and passion. “I guess
you’ll just have to find some way to make it up to me,” he told them in low,
husky voice, quickly stripping off his clothes and joining his two lovers on
the bed.
~28~
Waking slowly,
The three had made love for hours, until even the two vampires were exhausted,
and then they had just laid in a tangle heap, reveling in the feel of one
another and talking in soft, lazy tones.
Of course,
The city streets quickly grew dark, and
She stopped about half way into the dark, narrow alleyway, seeing nothing and
listening carefully. “Hello?” She called out, peering further into the darkness
and gripping the stake tightly at her side. Hearing a noise, she jumped and
took a few steps further into the darkness, squinting. Suddenly, a thought
struck her, and she mumbled a few latin words, holding her hand up, just before
a small ball of light hovered over her palm, bathing the area with a dim glow.
“That’s better,” she mused with a self satisfied smile. Taking a few more
steps, she peered around. “Hello?” The witched called out again, listening for
any more signs of life. Finally, she shrugged and turned around, letting out a
scream as a figure suddenly jumped down in front of her.
“Conicio!” She shouted, watching as the figure flew back into a wall. The ball
of light fell to the ground and disappeared just before the redhead felt
someone grab her from behind. She yelled out again, pushing her attacker away
from her, and quickly spun around, seeing an angry vampire advancing on her.
“A witch,” she heard growled from behind, the other vampire having gotten to
his feet and now closing in on her. “And here I thought we had another little
slayer on our hands.”
“They’re all over now, you know,” the other told her with distaste. “Like
rats.”
“Only more bitter-tasting,” the other added.
“Look, guys, I’m not really good at the whole witty banter thing, so maybe we
could skip that and just get to the part where I dust you,” Willow suggested.
“Aw, but the witty banter part is so much fun.”
Seeing that the vampires were distracted,
Yelling out in latin again,
“Who are you?” The brunette questioned.
“That was gonna be my question,” Willow told her, panting slightly as she held
up her arm and threw the vampire back into the wall, watching as he slowly
stumbled to his feet.
“How did you do that?” The girl asked her.
“Magic. I’m a witch,”
“Slayer? How do you know that?”
"Trust me, I know, just like I know that you’re about to deliver a…”
Before she could finish,
“You’re human?” The girl asked.
“Everyone freeze!” He shouted.
Before either
“That was a big help,”
“I certainly thought so,” the vampire replied with a sneer, grabbing the gun
and pointing it at
The brunette slayer ran to the witch’s side, looking her over fearfully as the
redhead stared ahead, appearing to be in shock.
“Can you hear me? Are you okay?” The girl called out.
Finally maneuvering her way through her muddled brain,
“Are…are you…how do you feel?” The girl asked in confusion. The redhead should
have been dead already. The shot seemed to be directly through her heart, and
the slayer didn’t understand how she was still conscious.”
“I feel okay,” Willow said slowly, still in a bit of a daze. “Am I alive?” The
blond nodded. “I’m alive,” she muttered with a small smile. “How…how am I still
alive?” She scrunched up her nose, not understanding what was happening.
The slayer felt first her neck and then her chest. “You don’t have a pulse and
I don’t think your heart is beating,” she told, jumping up suddenly and taking
a few steps back.
“What? Wait!” Willow yelled, struggling to stand.
“No! Stop! What are you?” The girl questioned, holing up her stake menacingly.
“What do you mean? I told you, I’m human.”
“Last time I checked, a human had a heartbeat and a pulse,” the girl told her.
“Well, yeah, I know, and I do…or, well, I did. I don’t understand exactly
why…but wait! Don’t go, please.”
“You’re a demon,” the girl hissed, holding her stake up a little higher. “I
kill demons.”
“Huh? Hey, just a few minutes ago, you said you didn’t even know you were a
slayer, and now you’re all ‘I kill demons’, evil…grrrr?” Willow questioned with
annoyance, clutching at her chest.
“I don’t need to know I’m a slayer…whatever that is, to know that I can kill
demons. One day, I just woke up and it was like, boom! I just knew, I was
stronger, more powerful, and I could kill things, bad things. Things like you.”
“I’m not a bad thing! I’m a good thing!” Willow insisted. “You’re a slayer and
I’m a...slayer-helper-person.” The girl gave her an unsure look. Reaching into
her pocket, Willow pulled out one of Angel’s business cards and held it out to
the brunette. “Here. I…I work with him. Angel.”
The girl took the card and looked it over. “Isn’t this a law office? An evil
law office?”
“Well, yeah, but he isn’t evil. He hasn’t been evil for a while now.” The girl
gave her another doubtful look. “We help people and we…well, I used to help the
slayer save the world.”
“Used to?”
“She…they died.” Willow was about to say more, but a noise caught the other
girl's attention and she ran to the end of the alley.
“Shit, there’s another one,” she mumbled, before taking off after another vampire.
“No! Wait!” Willow yelled, knowing that she didn’t have the strength to go
after her. Finally giving up, she looked down at her chest again, deciding
she’d better go back home and find out what was happening to her. “On the up
side, I’m not dead,” she mused to herself. “On the downside, I have a big hole
in my chest and I just ruined my favorite shirt.”
~29~
Arriving home, Willow searched for Spike and Angel, finding that both of them
seemed to have left the building. They were out looking for her, no doubt, and
she was sure they wouldn’t be too pleased with what they found. After she
realized that Spike and Angel were gone, Willow had begun to do a few tests.
She had cut her wrist, finding that it only bled a little and then closed back
up. Eventually her experiments led her to trying electrocution, only managing
to make her hair very frizzy. It wasn’t that she wanted to be dead…not really,
but she didn’t understand why she wasn’t, and wondered what exactly it would
take to finish the job at that point.
Going back down to the offices to check for the two vampires one more time, Willow
ran into Harmony just outside Angel’s door.
“Why do I smell human blood?” The blonde asked as she walked up behind Willow.
“It smells like…” Her voice trailed off as Willow turned around to face her and
she took in the large blood stain on her shirt. The redhead’s eyes seemed wide
and unfocused as she looked at the vampire distractedly.
“Willow, you’re…”
“I got shot,” Willow mumbled, her tone low and flat, her eyes darting around,
searching for something.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Harmony replied, licking her lips and trying to ignore
the scent that called to her, “and this new thing you’re doing with your hair.
It’s very…um…Shouldn’t you be…you know, dead? I can’t even hear a heartbeat.”
“You’d think,” the redhead answered, still sounding distracted.
Suddenly, a thought struck the blonde vampire. “Ohhhh, you are gonna be in so
much trouble when Angel finds out.”
That seemed to grab Willow’s attention and she gave Harmony a questioning look.
“He and Spike came down here a little while ago, growling about you leaving
after being told not to, and saying something about killing the witch if she
wasn’t already dead. You are so gonna be punished. Angel does NOT like it when
people do things he tells them not to. I mean, just the other day, he told me not
to interrupt him during a meeting, but then I had to…” Harmony stopped, pouting
slightly as she realized that Willow was no longer listening.
“Hey, that’s great, um, Harmony? Do you think you could maybe go up and get me
another shirt?” Willow asked as she walked into the darkened office and to the
window, looking out onto the city below.
“Yeah, sure,” the blonde replied. “Try not to get blood on the leather,” she
suggested, pointing at the couch. “Angel doesn’t like that either.”
A few minutes later, the vampire returned with a soft, red v-neck sweater. “I
wasn’t sure what you’d want,” Harmony told her. “There wasn’t exactly a whole
lot to choose from, but I figured this wasn’t too tacky, and it kinda matches
the blood, so…”
Willow took the sweater, ignoring her words, and quickly changed after Harmony
left. She tossed the ruined shirt into the small garbage bin and walked numbly
to the couch, sinking down and glancing again at her chest. Why wasn’t she
dead? That question kept haunting her thoughts. She should be dead and gone,
but she wasn’t. She was here, walking and talking and…well, not breathing,
actually, but still…
“Well, I don’t know where else to look, Spike. We traced her scent to that
alley…”
“Yeah, and there was blood…Her blood.” Willow looked up, hearing Spike and
Angel walking into the office. “She’s hurt. She could be…We need to find…”
“Willow,” Angel whispered.
“Yeah, I know who I’m talkin about, ya…” Spike stopped as he looked up, seeing
Willow on the couch, hunched over and weary looking. The scent of her blood
assaulted both vampires’ senses. Spike moved to sit next to her, taking a hand
tightly in his as Angel knelt before the girl.
“Willow, where have you been?” Angel asked a bit harshly as he grabbed the
girl’s shoulders, shaking her slightly. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.
I told you not to go out, but you went looking for the slayer anyway, didn’t
you?”
Willow didn’t answer, only staring ahead, as if looking right through the
vampire in front of her.
“Willow, are you hurt?” Spike asked softly, trying to get her attention. He
could smell the blood and saw small traces of it on her hands, though he
couldn’t tell where it was coming from.
Willow shook her head numbly before slowly reaching up and pulling at the low,
loose collar of her sweater. Not sure of exactly what she was doing, Angel
reached up to stop her, pausing as he saw what she was showing them. There, on
her chest, just over her heart, was a bullet hole. It was deep and encrusted
with dried blood.
Spike immediately jumped up. “Willow! We need to get you to a hospital,
before…” He moved to pull her up from the couch, but the redhead gave his arm a
sharp tug, pulling him back to sit next to her as he stared at her in
confusion.
“I don’t need a hospital,” she stated calmly, looking back and forth between
the two vampires, her voice void of emotion.
“Don’t need…Willow, you’ve been shot…in the heart!” Angel explained, his hand
ghosting over the mark on her chest. “I don’t even know how you’re still alive,
but it’s only…how long have you been…”
“A few hours,” she mumbled, causing both sets of eyes on her to widen with
surprise. “It, um, it isn’t even bleeding anymore, I don’t think. Ruined one of
my favorite shirts.” She tried to smile at the comment, though the grin barely
surfaced and looked more like a grimace.
“I don’t understand,” Spike mumbled, suddenly looking at her as if she didn’t
really exist, and Willow began to wonder if she really did.
“I…um, I got shot by…well, it doesn’t really matter by whom,” she explained. “I
found the slayer, and…and I know you said that I shouldn’t go looking for her,
but I disagreed, and, you know, you guys coddle me way too much…sometimes, and
I’m a grown woman, more than capable of making my own decisions, and I decided I
wanted to go, but…then I got shot.”
“The slayer shot you?” Spike asked incredulously.
“I knew that girl was unstable,” Angel growled.
“No, not the slayer, the vampire,” Willow explained.
“A vampire shot you?” Angel questioned, glancing toward Spike with a confused
look. “Are we carrying guns now?”
"How the hell should I know?" Spike growled.
"Well, technically, you've been evil more recently than me," Angel
shot back.
Willow ignored them both, continuing on her tirade. “And the funny thing? I
didn’t die. Well, it wasn’t really funny, actually. Kinda horrifying, really.
A-and when I realized that I wasn’t dying, well…well actually, I kinda scared
the slayer away, but then, I, uh, I came back here, and um, sorta tried to…”
She paused, pulling up her sleeve and showing them where she had cut her wrist.
Spike gasped, grabbing her wrist harshly and taking a closer look. “How many
more places you gonna show me that you sliced and diced yourself?” He asked
angrily.
Willow was surprised at the sudden burst of fury, but chose to ignore it and
continued on. “After that, I tried a few other things, but nothing
worked."
Spike continued to gape at her, and Angel’s glare turned venomous as she
talked, the grip he had on her leg tightening to the point of being painful,
not that she felt much of anything.
“Willow, what the hell did you think you were doing?” He shouted, suddenly,
grabbing the girl and hauling her up from the couch, holding her before him and
shaking her again. His tone was low and dangerous, and for the first time in a
long while, she felt afraid of Angel. “Do you really want to die that badly? Is
it that horrible, being here, with us?” She heard the anger, laced with pain,
but tried to ignore it.
Yanking her arms away from him suddenly, resolve slipped across her face. “I
was thinking that I’d just found out that, apparently, I can’t die, and I
wanted to test that theory,” she snapped at him.
Angel flinched at her tone, not knowing what to say, before Spike spoke up.
“You keep testing that theory, love, and eventually one of those methods is
going to work, only it’ll be a bit too late for you to celebrate,” he warned.
Willow’s face crumbled and her head dropped forward as she buried her hands in
her hair, the silvery light of the moon glimmering in through the windows and
illuminating her face. Reaching out, Angel pulled her into his tight embrace.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, reaching around and gripping him
tightly. “I don’t know…” Suddenly, her head shot up and she turned, eyes boring
into Spike. She had that look. He’d seen it before. The redhead had just gotten
a new idea, and he suspected that he wouldn’t like it very much.
“Bite me, Spike!” She begged, startling both him and Angel. Spike took a step
back, nearly tripping over a glass table. “Please, bite me, drain me, make me
dead!” Deep in the back of her mind, Willow knew that she didn’t really want to
be dead and gone, but the suddenly realization that she couldn’t be, that she
had no control over that had scared her beyond reason.
Spike shook his head as the girl pulled away from Angel and advanced on him,
her eyes conveying a lack of sanity that frightened him. “No, Willow, I can’t,”
he told her, backing up until he hit a wall.
“Yes! You can! No soul, the chip’s all gone, you’re all good to go. Come on, do
it!” She leaned her body against his, tilting her head to the side with a
tantalizing smirk. “Bet a sip of nice, hot blood, pumping directly from the
source would be good, wouldn’t it?”
Spike swallowed heavily before shaking his head and shoving her away from him.
Willow stumbled backwards before falling to the floor in a sobbing heap, Angel
immediately kneeling by her. “Please,” she cried. “I don’t understand and I
don’t know what to do, and I can’t make it stop. It never stops.”
Sobs wracked the fragile girl’s body and Angel quickly pulled her into his lap
and wrapped his arms around her protectively, unsure of what to say or do. He
looked at up Spike, seeing a mixture of confusion and horror on his face. What
was the correct way to console someone who just found out that they were
immortal? They had no idea, so Angel simply continued to hold her, rocking her
slightly and stoking her hair, shushing her gently until she was done crying.
“Willow, we’ll figure out what’s happening,” Angel promised her.
“I know what’s happening,” she told him, rolling her eyes as she wiped at them.
“I can’t die.”
“Not exactly the worst news I’ve heard,” Spike told her with a slight grin. He
knew his girl was upset, but the vampire couldn’t exactly pretend that the new
discovery was all bad. The prospect of having their witch with them forever
filled his mind with delightful thoughts. “Having you with us for eternity, not
something you’ll hear me complaining about.”
“He’s right, you know,” Angel chimed in, smirking at the girl in his arms.
“We’re both pretty selfish when it comes to you, Willow, and although I know
that you’re confused and upset, I can’t say that immortality is the worst thing
to have happen to you. We could have lost you tonight. We came so close…” His
voice trailed off as his hand ran over the covered wound before he shifted her
in his lap, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply.
The passion-filled kiss took Willow by surprise, but she quickly regained her senses
as she melted into his embrace. She felt Angel’s tongue glide along her lips,
demanding entrance to her mouth, and she eagerly opened to him, her own tongue
tangling with his. She was only dimly aware as Spike moved up behind her,
sweeping her hair to the side and peppering the back of her neck with soft
kisses.
Willow gasped and pulled back from Angel as Spike gently bit down on her neck
with blunt teeth, and she turned, looking at him almost timidly. The blond
vampire smirked at her before tangling a hand in her hair, tugging her head
back slightly and licking her exposed neck. Gasping for an unneeded breath,
Willow closed her eyes for a moment, only to open them wide again as she felt
Spike pull away from her throat. She looked up to see both vampires leaning
into her, their lips locking in a claiming kiss. She watched with lust-filled
eyes as the two men dueled for dominance, their hands stroking and groping the
witch between them. When they finally parted, both sets of now golden eyes
turned on her with predatory gazes and Willow swallowed hard, licking her lips.
“Red was a bad girl tonight,” Spike whispered in a sing-song tone, grinning
evilly and causing Willow to shiver. “Disobeyed daddy’s orders.”
“I think someone needs to be punished,” Angel growled as he smirked at her with
a look that was all Angelus.
“Punished?” She whispered, her voice catching in her throat.
Both vampires could scent a hint of fear mixed with her arousal and Angel
chuckled. “That’s right, little girl, and I can drag it out for hours. Just ask
Spike.”
Willow glanced back at the blond, her face uncertain as he nuzzled her neck and
growled softly. “Oh, yeah,” he purred. “You’ll love every second of it. Or,
well at least…we’ll certainly enjoy ourselves.” At that, Spike quickly stood
and pulled the girl from Angel’s lap, swinging her easily up over his shoulder
and heading toward the elevator. Angel stood and followed, laughing lightly as
he watched the redhead struggle in his grand childe’s grasp.
~30~
It had been hours. Hours of pure torture and agony. Glaring at the
two vampires,
She glanced up at her hands, which were chained to the headboard,
holding her firmly in place, and yanked on them, knowing all too
well that they would not come loose. Damn enchanted chains. It
turned out that Angel had used a little spell, ensuring that no
magic would release the witch from her bonds. Apparently the older
vampire had been anticipating playing these games with her.
lovers, and though the idea was becoming more tempting, she knew
enough to know that doing so would only earn her more "punishment,"
and she wasn't entirely sure of just how much more she could bear.
For hours, Spike and Angel had kissed and touched and fondled one
another, fucking again and again, filling the air with their moans
of pleasure, while
huge bed, panting and whimpering with pent up need. Watching the
two vampires together drove her nearly insane. When they ignored
her, it hurt, but when they turned toward her, their eyes fixed and
glimmering with lust, she knew that she would nearly die. Time and
again, one or the other would make his way toward her with slow,
predatory movements, lightly stroking a hand up her leg, squeezing a
thigh, running his fingers over her tummy, up and around her
breasts, just missing every spot she'd beg for him to touch. Oh yes,
She was past the point of coherent speech, now simply mumbling
random words, pleading for their touch.
Pulling away from Spike, Angel turned toward
groan as he once again made his way toward her. The girl had been
chained to his bed for several hours, and though he was sure that he
would be happy to keep her there for eternity, he supposed she
deserved a reprieve. He gave her a grin that was pure Angelus as he
crawled toward the redhead, flopping down next to her and watching
as she struggled against the chains, pressing her legs tightly
together.
Reaching out, he easily pried her legs apart, holding them slightly
open. "Do I need to chain your ankles as well?" He asked with a
chuckle, watching as she shook her head wildly. Leaning over, Angel
lifted one leg up and lazily ran his tongue from her ankle to the
top of her thigh, delighting in the soft moans elicited from the
helpless girl.
settling himself on her other side and smirking at his grand sire.
"Looks good enough to eat, wouldn't you say?" Angel growled lowly.
"Absolutely," Spike confirmed, leaning over and running his tongue
over the tip of her breast, lapping at the hardened nipple and
feeling the girl shudder below him. The blond pulled back and
grinned at the flushed witch. "Tastes divine," he told Angel.
The older vampire leaned over, repeating Spike's action on her other
breast.
before he pulled back.
"You're right, Spike. She's divine," Angel purred.
"Please,"
between them.
"Please what, love?" Spike questioned.
him. "Please...need you...both...please," she whimpered.
"What do you think?" Spike asked, looking toward the older
vampire. "Has she learned her lesson?"
Angel looked pensive for a moment before addressing the redhead with
a soft smile, casually stroking her inner thigh with his
fingertips. "From now on,
will you do it?"
The redhead's face flushed with anger and she gripped the chains
around her wrists tightly. "I'm a grown woman. I can make my own
decisions. I've been taking care of myself since I was eight years
old."
Hearing the resentment and anger in her voice, Spike leaned over and
gently kissed her lips. "Nothing wrong with letting someone else
take care of you now and again, Red," he whispered.
wouldn't ask permission for anything. "I can take care of myself
just fine," she said quietly, her voice wavering slightly.
"You call getting shot taking care of yourself?" Angel questioned,
his tone a bit harsh.
"Well that wasn't exactly the plan," she explained, looking away
sheepishly.
When Angel spoke again, his voice was considerably softer. "
I know that you are strong and you are powerful, and capable of many
things. That's part of what I love about you, but on the rare
occasion, you can be a little..."
"Stubborn?" Spike supplied, blinking innocently at the other
two. "Pig-headed? Rash?"
"Spike," Angel warned in a low tone.
"Like you're one to talk,"
vampire.
"I'm not the one that got myself shot," he reminded her with a
triumphant grin.
"Enough," Angel bellowed before
reply. Both she and Spike closed their mouths and looked down
contritely.
Turning his attention toward the redhead, Angel reached up and
gently stroked her cheek as he spoke. "I don't give orders all that
often," he told her, ignoring the indignant snort coming from
Spike, "but when I do, there's a reason. I've been around a little
bit longer than you, little girl, and I've seen a few more things.
If I tell you not to do something, it's only because I don't want
you hurt. I couldn't bear losing you...either of you." He shifted
his gaze from
message.
Taking a moment to consider his statement,
get that, Angel, I do, but you can't always worry about me getting
hurt. I mean, I grew up on the hell mouth. I know what's out there."
"Which apparently now includes gun-toting vampires," Spike grumbled.
"Actually,"
maybe they had talked enough, "never mind."
"I'll never stop worrying about you,
always worry about us," Angel whispered, before leaning in and
claiming the redhead's lips in a firm kiss.
to pull at the chains around her wrists as she melted into the kiss,
feeling Spike's hands roaming over her body, stroking and kneading
her heated flesh.
When Angel finally broke the kiss, he looked down at the woman below
him, her eyes pleading. He gave her a questioning look before
remembering that her hands were still cuffed above her head and he
chuckled. Seeing that the vampire was still making no attempt to
release her,
deep moan, feeling Spike's mouth close around one breast and suck
hard. She shuddered before whispering harshly, "please, Angel."
The dark-haired vampire merely smirked at her. "I don't know, I kind
of like you like this, all helpless and vulnerable," he told her in
a low, silky tone as he moved to kneel between her thighs, pulling
her legs apart. His smile widened as he felt her strong limbs move
around him, the heels of her feet pushing at his back, urging him
toward her. Brushing Spike aside, he settled himself over the now
panting redhead, claiming her lips once again with his own as he
positioned himself at her entrance. With one hard thrust, he was
buried fully within her,
the action. She looked up with wide eyes as Spike moved behind his
grand sire, waiting for Angel to turn and give him a slight nod. A
moment later, Angel hissed, burying himself deeper still within the
witch below him as Spike sheathed himself within the older vampire.
Beginning a slow, steady rhythm, they all moved as together, melting
into one another. Feeling
impending orgasm, Angel reached up, ripping the chains apart and
freeing her arms. The redhead responded by immediately reaching up,
gripping his shoulders and pulling the vampire closer to her,
meeting him thrust for thrust. Arching up a bit, her eyes met
Spike's just before the blond leaned forward, kissing her deeply and
increasing the speed and power of each thrust. Only a moment later,
all three were climaxing together, their bodies shuddering and
quaking with release.
As the three lovers began to recover, Spike and Angel both rolled to
the side, settling once again on either around the redhead, whose
body was still shaking slightly.
"If that's the way you always punish me, I may have to be naughty
more often," she told Angel with a sleepy grin.
"Your heart's beating again," Spike whispered from her other side,
brushing a bit of sweat-soaked hair from her face.
looked at him with surprise, before glancing at Angel for
confirmation.
The brunette smiled and nodded. "It's faint, but I can hear it," he
told her.
"But...how?" She whispered, glancing down at the already healing
wound on her chest.
"We'll figure it out," Angel assured her, wrapping a strong arm
around the witch and feeling her snuggle closer. Spike slipping an
arm around her from behind, nuzzling her neck as her eyes drifted
closed, and both vampire listened as the soft, steady heartbeat
slowly lulled them to sleep.
~31~
“So what you’re saying is that I’m immortal?”
The former watcher eyed her carefully before speaking. “From what I can tell,
yes. The bullet wound should have been fatal. Your heart stopped beating and
you didn’t have a pulse, for hours. Eventually, your body began to heal itself
and your heart began to beat again.”
“Why?” Her voice was tiny and caught in her throat as she sat down in the chair
across from him.
“Well, I’m not entirely sure, but I suspect it has something to do with the
spell you used to close the hell mouth. I’ll have to look a little further into
it, of course.”
“So I really can’t die? Why would this happen?” She looked toward Angel and
Spike who were seated next to her.
“Sometimes the powers that be, they do strange things,” Angel told her.
“Believe me, I don’t always understand why they do the things they do, but they
always have a plan, whether we like it or not.”
“Not the worst thing in the world, to be stuck here with us, is it?” Spike
asked, sounding a little sullen.
“No, no it’s not,” she assured him. “It’s just…I’ll never see my friends
again.” The redhead looked down sadly.
“You will, Willow, some day,” Angel assured her, reaching out and tilting her
chin up, forcing her gaze to meet his eyes. “And in the meant time, we’ll just
have to do everything we can to keep you happy here.”
“Why would the powers that be keep me around?” She asked. “I just don’t get it.
Is this my punishment for the dark magic?”
“Angel?” Harmony interrupted, popping her head through the doorway. “There’s
some woman here to see you. She didn’t give me a name, but she’s really pushy
and insisted on seeing you immediately. I told her you were busy, but she
wouldn’t take no for an answer. Reminds me of Buffy. Hey!
Ignoring Harmony’s last comment,
“Can I help you?” He asked, walking over and picking the weapon up, replacing
it on the wall before gesturing that she take a seat. Spike moved to sit on the
couch while
“I’m looking for Angel,” the girl told him, her eyes not yet leaving his face.
“You found him,” he confirmed, sitting behind the desk and leaning back in his
chair, watching the girl carefully. “How did you know where to find me?”
“There was a woman, redhead. She gave me your card,” the slayer told him.
“That would be me,” Willow chimed in. The dark haired girl looked up, noticing
“You’re…you’re alive!”
“So I’ve been told,”
“Well, you said that I was a slayer, a-and that you’ve helped slayers before. I
had this card, and…I don’t really get what’s going on. Figured maybe you could
fill in the blanks.” As she finished, she looked back toward Angel, her
expression reminding him very much of when he had seen Buffy first called to
her duty. Fear, confusion and strength all played across her face.
“It’s sort of complicated,”
“What does that mean, you called me?” The girl asked. “Can you undo it?”
“Well, I don’t want it! Find a way to undo it. You do magic, right? So do some
other spell or something. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t want it!” The girl
was quickly becoming increasingly upset, and Spike and Angel glanced at one
another, nervous about what the girl might do.
“I…I know that sometimes things happen that we don’t like, don’t want, but
there’s a reason,”
Suddenly, the brunette lunged forward, wrapping her hands around the redhead’s
throat and slamming her back against a wall. “Undo it, now! I want my life
back!” The slayer screamed, just before hearing a snarl and growl from behind
her. Glancing back, her eyes widened in horror as she took in the two demons
now in full vamp mode.
“Let her go, now,” Angel growled, his fists clenched at his sides.
“What the hell is this?” The girl asked, slamming
Grabbing a stake from her pocket, the girl held it high over
“No!” Willow screamed, just as Angel looked up, seeing Willow hold her arm up a
second before the slayer was thrown away from Spike. Angel quickly moved to
stand between the brunette and his grand childe, growling at the girl, who
looked up, stunned and confused, before jumping to her feet and glaring at
“Listen to me,”
“He has a soul? You expect me to believe that?” The girl replied with a sneer.
“Doesn’t look very soulful to me.”
“That’s just because you threatened me,”
The slayer took a step back, eyeing her cautiously. “Why should I trust you?”
The girl’s expression seemed to falter slightly, some of her bravado slipping
away. “You know what I’m going through? You couldn’t possible…”
The slayer stared at her for a long time, her eyes slowly tearing up before she
finally nodded, chewing on her lower lip. “I don’t know what to do,” she
whispered. “I don’t understand any of this, or why it’s happening to me. Why? Why
me?”
Both Spike and Angel smiled softly at the redhead as she spoke.
“I can help you,” she told the slayer. “I think…I think maybe that’s why I’M
still here, to teach and train and help you. I think maybe that’s my purpose…my
reason for being.”
The slayer slowly nodded as Spike and Angel moved to stand behind
~end~