An Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic by

Ottoman 27

Or

Jason D. Sullivan:

Writer, Scholar, and Part-time Roadwarrior

The lovely Ms. Rei Ayanami woke up feeling rather *blah*. This was highly unusual. Normally Rei didn’t really *feel* anything. Well, hunger or maybe in pain on certain accasions. The naked girl sat up and looked about. She saw her very dirty and dinjy room with its trash and bloodstained bandages untidily piled up in the corner. She hopped out of bed and hissed as her feet hit the freezing floor. Rei quickly slid into her slippers and grabbed a towel off the floor as she walked into the bathroom.

Soon she was taking a shower. For our emotional challenged cutie, showers were the highlight of her life. It was the closest thing to pleasure in her existence. However this shower was not a usual one. She just felt very strange. Ayanami had never felt this way before. She soon turned off the water and got ready for school. She paused briefly to scoop up her book bag and headed out the door without locking it. She never locked it.

She walked to school as always. She followed the same path, never once having deviated. The bad feelings worsened as she reached the subway station and got on. Now she was cramping something awful.

Andrew Tonada sat in the next seat whistling to himself as he often did. He looked to his side and saw the strange blue-haired girl who he sat next to almost every day. He then looked ahead and went on whistling. He would never… Never once in a million years have predicted what would happen next.

Rei began to develop a headache. Her brain just started pounding. And then she heard that whistling.. It sliced through her skull and penetrated it like a prog. knife.

With out warning Rei reached over and grabbed Andrew by the collar, yanking him over.

"Shut the FUCK up! My head is killing me!" she yelled, her face red. Then she let him go and sat there fuming.

"S.. Sorry!" Andrew gasped. He was completely shocked and had good reason to be so.

It was going to be an interesting day for everyone around Rei.

* * *

Morgan Elson watched as Rei exploded at the hapless passenger. As usual he was 200 percent ready to run to Rei’s protection. That was his job, he was one of over a hundred people charged with protecting the three Children of Tokyo 3. He too was shocked at Rei’s behavior. Of all the pilots she was the quietist and most introverted. Even Shinji Ikari was nothing before her apathy. Notes of a KMFDM song rang though his skull. He quickly concentrated at the problem at hand. Deciding what was necessary, he pulled a small cellular phone out of his jacket. He dialed and put it to his ear.

"This is Mr. Elson," he said in English. "She acting a bit buggy today. No. We just had an incident… Nothing serious though. Just watch her a little more carefully than usual today. Later." Click. He replaced his phone as Rei began biting her nails.

Morgan put his hand in his hands and shook it, sighing. Man, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

The train reached Rei’s stop and she got up to exit. Her headache had stopped, but she still felt yucky. She hadn’t felt yucky since certain medicines after she had been injured last.

She continued on her way, oblivious to the 6’3 foreigner that followed her for awhile. Morgan got into a car and tagged the next shadow.

In five minutes Rei reached school. Everything was as it normally was. The three Stooges Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji were shooting the breeze. No one noticed Rei enter the classroom except a certain red-haired hellcat.

Asuka eyed her hated rival as she sat down and started to stare out the window. Briefly she fantasized about Rei being a real doll and her abusing the doll in a multitude of ways. Asuka could be a very sick person. She got a huge grin on her face and Hikari started getting nervous and developed a sweatdrop..

"Say Asuka, why are you smiling? " she asked.

The poster-girl for Amazon Redheads was startled and yelped. She spun and replied, "Uh… Um. No reason, just happy I suppose." She smiled a much less frightening smile.

Asuka then turned back around and scowled. It was Rei’s fault. She decided to go pick on Rei. She had picked on Shinji all morning and wanted to have a change of pace anyway. Asuka rose up and trotted over to Rei.

Rei was feeling a bit better, but still most unusual. She could not concentrate on her own little world today. She found it impossible to drown everything out and daydream as she generally did. She pondered this for a while.

"Guten Morgan, Wonder Girl. How is Ms. Perfect feeling today?" Asuka egged.

Rei turned around and dropped the bomb. It made second Impact seem like a cherry bomb. "Oh, hi Asuka. How are you doing today," Rei said cheerfully.

A very surprised Asuka had her arms up in the traditional Evangelion "I am completely shocked out of my mind" pose.

Rei’s smile changed into a concerned visage. "Oh, Asuka I didn’t make you mad at me again?!" She stood up. "I’m SO sorry! Please forgive me!" she bowed in apology.

"Th…th… th.. that’s alright… I’ll just go sit down for awhile…" she stammered, then slowly walked back to her desk.

* * *

Two hundred yards away in an apartment, a NERV agent watched Rei’s very unusual display. He lowered his field glasses and fainted.

* * *

"Yo boss," a female voice called out over the car’s radio between Morgan Elson and another agent. Morgan picked up the mike.

"This is Elson, what’s up," he said.

"Boss, Sato has passed out. He was watching the classroom and just dropped."

"Check on the children and get out the smelling salts," Morgan replied.

"He might be having an attack of some kind!"

"Trust me. Just do as I say."

"Right."

"What do you think it was?" asked Akira the other shift supervisor asked.

"I have my suspicions," Morgan sighed as he grabbed another long-john.

* * *

Rei watched Asuka sit down stare down at her desk. Rei looked over at Shinji and Co. She wondered what they were up to, so she went over to investigate. It never occurred to her that her actions were highly irregular. She stepped up behind Ikari who was listening to the other to go on about video games. Rei looked down at his head and thought that his hair was very interesting. She leaned her head down closer. By now two thirds of the three had noticed Rei and looked at her. Shinji didn’t realize were Rei was and turned around to see what everyone else was staring at. He saw Rei and fell out of his seat.

"Sorry, did I scare you?" she asked Shinji.

"Yeah. W.. W.. Why did you do that?" he exclaimed.

"I said I was sorry!" she stated harshly. "Why do you always have to be such a twit!"

Shinji’s and every other jaw in the room dropped. Rei Ayanami, the apathetic one, had just expressed emotion. Annoyance.

"Y’know, its bad enough Asuka is always on my case, but you.. You’re always staring at me! You PERV!" she slapped Shinji and stormed out of the room.

* * *

Noiko put down her binoculars and turned around, fumbling for the phone.

"B.. Boss…" she stammered.

"Rei’s acting weird isn’t she?" the deep voice chuckled.

"Yes, sir," she said, still dazed.

"Well, its like I said, keep an eye on her and warn everyone to be prepared to deal with a very emotional Rei Ayanami, Elson out."

* * *

Morgan replaced the mike and looked over at his chuckling partner.

"Akira," he started to snicker badly, "I know what you’re going to say and I want say it too, but its very sexist…" Both started flat out laughing.

Akira regained control slightly, "Do you want me to say it or you?" He started to laugh again.

Between guffaws Morgan managed to say, "You."

"Okay." Maniacal laughter from both parties. "I think.." Yet even more laughter. "That it’s.." More cackling. "That time of month.." The laughing reach a crescendo. "For Rei!" The two laughed solid for the next ten minutes.

* * *

Meanwhile, mayhem ensued back at the school as Rei’s mood swings had everyone going nuts. But back to our two friendly if not tactless gentlemen in the car.

* * *

Morgan and Akira had managed get most of it all out of their systems. However, they had half their forces believing they were on drugs or at least a caffeine high. In truth Morgan could not get into such a state.

"Okay," Akira finally said, "I know what we have to do. We have to call back to base and tell someone, a woman about this, and see if it is a period or something worse."

"Yeah, but who is going to make the call…" Morgan stated coolly.

"Rock, paper, scissors?"

"Uh, hu."

They balled fists and went.

"Ha! Paper beats rock! You do the honors Elson!" Akira laughed in triumph.

"Damn Japs," Morgan mumbled.

"Damn gaijin," retorted Akira.

Morgan took out his celphone once more. He quickly dialed up the command center.

"Hello, HQ. This is Lt. Aobe," a male voice replied.

"Hey Aobe, this is Supervisor Morgan Elson here. I need to talk to one of three people. The Boss Lady: Major K, the good Dr. Akagi, or the lovely Lt. Ibuki."

"Lt. Ibuki’s up here right now. You want to talk to her?"

"Affirmative."

* * *

On the bridge, Aobe called out to Maya who was reading a book.

"Hey, Maya! We got a call for you on line 7!"

"Okay!" she reached over and picked up the phone.

"Lt. Ibuki speaking."

"Hello, gorgeous!"

"Sgt. Elson!" she knew it had to Morgan. He was the only man who would dare and had before greeted her as such. "If this is another attempt to get me to go out with you-."

"Nope. As much as I’d like to, I have other business today. Rei has been acting really weird today and I need you to confirm something."

"Oh."

He told her what all had been happening.

"So, what do you think, Lieutenant Ibuki?"

Maya blushed. "It sure sound’s like umm… Hygiene problems," she said uncertainly.

"Why, Lieutenant. Are you embarrassed?" Morgan prodded.

Maya’s face grew much redder than before.

"If that’s all.."

"Thank you, Maya. Now, go get a drink of water and calm down. Bye."

Click.

Aobe and Hyuga noticed Maya’s face.

"Are you alright?" asked Hyuga.

"I just need to get a drink of water," she squeaked.

* * *

"It has been confirmed."

"Great, now what to we do."

"Just what we’re paid for," Morgan rumbled. "When I get off shift I’ll go tell Ikari. You know his orders. Tell him directly if something is wrong with Rei."

* * *

Rei confronted Kensuke, actually it was more like cornered…

"Say, Kensuke do you think I’m fat?" she asked innocently.

Kensuke stuttered incomprehensibly. "Well, um. You, well um uh. Oh, geez. I uh oh."

"You think I’m fat?! Don’t you!" Rei whined.

"Well, I uh-."

"I’m fat! Waaaaaaaahhhhh!" Rei cried.

"No Rei!" Touji said coming to the rescue. "You’re no where near fat! You’re very.." Touji halted in search of good word.

"Slender!" Aida offered quickly.

Rei frowned, "You think I’m a skeleton! Waaaahhh! Wait.. How dare you insult a girl like that!" She slapped both of them and stormed off.

The two boys looked at each other and shuddered. Shinji was somewhere cringing and Asuka was staring blankly out the window traumatized as Hikari researched demonic possessions in the library.

* * *

Morgan and Akira were parked near the school and watched Rei storm away from the two boys Aida and Suzahara.

"I don’t get it. Why is she acting like this? I’ve seen some bad cases of PMS before but this is ridiculous!"

"Rei is normally the quietist thing around here. She only acts remotely normal when she speaks to Commander Ikari. I suppose she never had it before and the hormones are effecting her more than it would a normal person. Like pent-up frustrations and other emotions. This is may be acting like a catalyst."

"You think so, Morgan?"

"I have no idea."

Akira sighed and wished that his shift would be over soon. He was getting too old for this sort of craziness.

* * *

The day settled down to a certain extent. Rei no longer had any major outbursts but she took to grumbling and growling (Yes, growling!) at people that came to close. The cramps she that had been getting, steadily worsened. Finally classes let out and Shinji and Asuka could escape the moody Rei at last. In the reprieve Asuka regained most of her composure and began insulting Shinji to take her mind of the day’s events. Shinji was very relieved to have his old tormentor back. He could predict Asuka a lot better than Rei.

Despite their improved spirits, they knew that they would be around Rei again at the tests at base.

* * *

All three children reached base without incident, although Rei had brutalized several coke cans on the way. Morgan and Akira said goodbye and the larger of the two ventured into the depths of the Geofront.

In the control room, Misato Katsuragi enjoyed a cup of Hyuga’s coffee. The young man always made a fine cup of coffee. Pity, she had to confiscate the cup from him as he left for home.

Ritsuko hovered over Maya as she made adjustments in the settings.

The three entry plugs descended in the LCL. As Dr. Akagi inspected the readings, Commander Ikari and Fuyutsuki entered the room. Truth be known the two were very bored as a meeting had been called off.

"Hmmm. This readings on Rei seem a little down…" mused Ritsuko.

"Yeah, that’s weird," Misato stated pausing to slurp some coffee.

"Her readings are down?"

The two women jumped at the sound of Ikari’s second in command.

"Commander Ikari! Commander Fuyutsuki! I didn’t expect you here tonight."

"We had some time and decided to check things out," the older man replied.

Ikari studied Rei’s readout and spoke, "Rei, your readings are under the usual rating. Is there anything wrong?"

"Oh, shut up!" Rei yelled.

Talk about your shot heard ‘round the world.

Both Misato and Ritsuko made facefalls as other members of staff made a host of reaction from sweatdrops to falling out of chairs.

Commander Ikari’s jaw dropped and he began to stammer. Fuyutsuki was not much better off. He had to brace himself on a console to keep from falling down.

It was at that moment that Morgan Elson walked into the room. The unshaven man looked around at the dumbfounded staff and noticed the deadly silence. He saw Ikari and strode over the bearded man.

"I see I was too late. I tried to find you sir, but you weren’t in your office. I wanted to warn you about her behavior before something like this happened." He then whispered into Ikari’s ear, "I think she’s having her first PMS, sir."

"Well, you see Wonder Girl’s gone mad!" hollered Asuka, "Can we put her in a straight jacket and send her off, yet?" She got no response from the control room.

"Asuka, quit picking on me!" Rei started crying again.

Shinji placed his head in his and hands and said, "I hate my life."

Asuka started exclaiming something in German.

Miles away Hikari continued reading "Casting out Demon’s for Dummies." Aida and Suzahara were by themselves and holding baseball bats, just in case Rei was criminally insane and out for blood. Later that night dozens of students would have nightmares and Morgan would binge on Terikyi beef jerky. Ikari would take some sleeping pills and take the rest of the night off.

* * *

After the test was finished Misato, Maya, and Ritsuko took Rei into the locker room and explained the facts of life. Rei knew most of it but knew nothing about hygiene. The three women showed her what to do, gave her some aspirin, bought her dinner, and drove her home.

Eventually that night, Rei did her thing, took a shower, and went to bed. Then next morning she woke up feeling normal or whatever passes as normal for Rei. She went to school without incident, though Tonada sat elsewhere.

Morgan sat on a concrete wall on the edge of the school grounds. He hummed ‘Beast’ to himself as he sat there listening in though a device in the classroom.

* * *

Rei entered the class and everything went silent. Hikari looked over her notes and Aida and Suzahara prepared to run if necessary. Rei took no notice of the room staring at her and sat down by the window, staring out vacantly as usual. The class relaxed and began resuming normal activities.

Then Rei turned around looking at the rest of the class.

"I don’t think I’m fat," she said in her usual cool tone. Everyone in the class fell out of their seats.

* * *

Smacking himself in the head Morgan Elson dropped off the wall.

The End.

All that copyright stuff, yada, yada, yada. Evangelion and the characters are made by Gainax. Everyone else is mine particularly Morgan Elson. The music mentioned is by KMFDM. This is my first finished Evangelion Fanfic. I hope you liked it. Send comments and/or corrections to ottoman_27@hotmail.com .