Episode 27: Break of Dawn / Scattered Storms in Shattered Teacups
After several more still, seemingly interminable
moments, Shinji decided that the ceiling panels were no longer worth the
effort to watch. They, at least, seemed real enough. But the
events of the recent past had skewed his conception of reality to the point
where he decided that further exploration of his possibly new environment
would be necessary to convince him of the universe's existence.
Slowly turning his head to the left, he saw
the perspective of the lines in the ceiling converge, then suddenly interrupt
at the right-angled corner of the joint between the panels and the wall.
A change of scenery. The abrupt shift
in his perception brought his slow turn to a halt. The corner was
indicative of a closed space. A room. A room which seemed to
have similar dimensions to the room he once occupied in that other existence.
Some distant portion of his fogged brain had
been shrieking out this entire time to no avail. Something, it insisted,
was terribly wrong. Shinji guessed rather uncertainly that his ability
to take...whatever was happening in stride was due to some sort of post-traumatic
shock. I should probably find some way to prepare, he considered,
vaguely registering that at any moment, the pleasant, neutral numbness
of his conciousness would be toppled like a house of cards by the breaking
dam of his emotions. But how? He shrugged inwardly, figuring
any efforts to ready himself would be fruitless anyhow, and would only
add up to a waste of effort, something he couldn't exactly will up out
of thin air. With a smile, a very faint one, he joked with himself
about the air being LCL. How he could even think of laughing at a
time like this, he had no idea, but nothing was compelling him to stop.
He proceeded with his examination of the room. It all seemed to be
in order, at least from what he could recall. But it was all hazy
anyhow. Unreliable memories, he figured, and made sure he kept this
new image of his room in his mind to fill the tiny gaps left in the old
one. It took some doing, but he eventually gathered his courage to
open his door, step outside, and look around...to see Asuka doing precisely
the same thing. He wondered briefly if his expression of shock looked
as ludicrous and surreal to her as hers did to him.
There was a very, very heavy silence as something
important leapt to the front of their minds.
"Wh...where's Misato?"
Asuka was grateful for the distraction.
She didn't want to think about her...him...wherever that was. She
shuddered briefly, but not so Shinji would notice.
"How should I know?" She couldn't seem
to muster the same snap, the same bite as she used to, in a past life.
The feeling was akin to a gunslinger raising a revolver only to feel the
weight of the bullets missing from the cylinder. "I..." The
hammer clicked uselessly against nothing.
Shinji was caught off-guard for the umpteenth
time that...what was it, morning, afternoon, evening? Did it matter?
Should he be tired?
Asuka just stood there, her eyes seemingly
boring directly into his forehead. She's afraid to look me in the
eye. That he understood it so quickly surprised him. That he
did understand gave him a feeling of power. Until he noted the feeling
was more than mutual. He cast his eyes downward.
"We should...look, maybe?" The conversation
took yet another turn for the absurd. Nothing made sense. And
it didn't look like it was about to, for two very confused, frightened,
and, at the moment, hollow children.
* * *
Two eyes popped up, very slowly, from behind
the desk.
"Whoa." Shigeru had been scared.
Lots of times. He worked at NERV, so this was more or less anticipated.
But this was beyond fear. This was...total and utter mental breakdown.
The army of laughing clones that had seemingly led him to his death had
put a decidedly bad spin on an already unpleasant day. The JSSDF,
an N2 bomb, a ballistic missile strike, nine seriously screwed-up Evas,
a giant white...thing...and what felt like the end of the world all bounced
around in his head like ball bearings in a tin can, every bounce giving
off a loud rattle that shook him like a force of nature. In his state
of confusion, he neglected to notice the two sickly amber puddles almost
within arm's reach. "Where is everyone? What the hell happened?"
"An excellent question," came a voice that
seemed much too calm from behind him, "I don't think anybody can answer
that at this moment in time."
A trained reflex kicked into his mind, forcing
him to his feet, and spinning him around to face the voice of authority.
He noticed three things. First, he was staring at a metal wall; second,
his legs were asleep; and finally, he was falling down.
As he fell, his head was tilted backwards,
and he spotted what looked like a more haggard and less stoic version of
the Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki.
The man stabilizing himself on the command
tower muttered something about this being the first time nothing had gone
quite exactly to Gendou's plan. He leaned subconsciously over the
railing, as if to vomit, but, realizing for the second time that there
was a subordinate officer almost directly below him, choked back the strangely
thin contents of his stomach. His smile afterwards was equally thin.
Shigeru gathered his mind together slowly,
not wanting to drop what little of it seemed intact. "I guess this
means that...um...NERV...we...still exist. I think."
Fuyutsuki nodded slowly. Since that
was obviously the case, and since Gendou was no longer there, he decided
that it would be best to try and get things running again, if only out
of curiosity. "Are the MAGI still working?"
Shigeru groaned, and dragged his body over
to what had been Ibuki's station, trying not to get too close to the sticky
mess near the seat and hoping what he'd heard about the nature of the liquid
wasn't true. He was seized by five very powerful headaches all at
once.
"I think so...the power's on," he offered
weakly, "Maybe we should run a diagnostic."
"That'll do for a start. We need to
try and find out exactly what...has occurred."
Shigeru noticed the Commander was choosing
his words carefully. "Also, try to find out how many NERV personnel
have actually survived, and reestablish contact with the other MAGI systems.
And, try to locate the JSSDF...for some reason, they aren't here.
Whatever has happened, it would be unsafe and unwise to assume it's over."
Shigeru only nodded at the prospect of such
a Herculean task.
* * *
In an empty room, twelve black monoliths stood
as they had countless times before, to discuss a topic they had approached
a thousand different ways, with a rage and anxiousness they had never before
achieved.
A hollow tone echoed from one of the monoliths.
"Kihl, we have failed. This is the only conclusion."
"I cannot accept this! What have we
miscalculated?"
"The circumstances were right. The timing
was perfect! We had all the tools!"
Inevitably: "Ikari is to blame."
"His treachery has crippled us!"
"We most unfortunately underestimated his
audacity and temerity."
"What can be done now?"
For a long time, no sound found its way through
the chamber. Silently, and without moving, eleven of the shapes were
turning towards the final one for guidance and leadership.
A voice more hateful than the rest combined
burst forth.
"The failure of our scenario leaves open the
possibility for recovery of the materials. If we can attain this,
we can still reach our ultimate goal." The air upon which the sound
traveled seethed almost visibly with his wrathful intent. "We must
seek out Ikari. His plan must have failed as has ours. When
he is found, he must be disciplined as no other has been."
Fantasies of Ikari's undoing filled the minds
of the twelve shapeless occupants of the room. All were terrible.
"We will proceed with a new scenario.
Our first action must be to obtain information regarding the failings of
the Work. We must know what was faulty before we replace the cogs
and try again."
Another voice spoke, almost afraid.
"What has become of the Eva series?"
"There can be no telling as yet. We
must assume that they were lost. Other materials must be used to
replace them. If required, we can begin again." The prospect
of such arduous tasks as those that lay ahead would have withered the resolve
of any normal man. The twelve were unfazed.
* * *
Days passed. About a week, by Shinji's
reckoning. Nothing had really changed. The phone had never
rung, Misato was nowhere to be found, Pen-Pen had not magically reappeared,
and he himself was still composed of matter. As far as he was willing
to estimate, Asuka was as well. He couldn't bring himself to confirm
it through contact of any kind. Even when he caught her eyes sideways,
something stabbed at him. He found himself watching her often enough
that he was sure she had caught him doing so as well.
Conversation, indeed any sort of relations
at all, were strained to say the least. They hadn't had anything
that resembled real conversation, and each was more interested in the new
self with which they seemed to have been saddled. The discoveries
were fairly amazing. Shinji found a sense of irony. Asuka,
the ability to be silent around another human being, though whether that
last was the product of a profound spiritual change or just the aftershocks
of an unbelievable trauma was unclear even to her.
Gradually, they started spending more time
in the same room. It was really unavoidable, they both reasoned.
One of us cooks, the other...well, she eats. It all works out nicely.
Shinji spent less and less time bothering to clean up and do chores, as
there was almost nothing messing up the apartment save laundry. He
had no idea if anyone else existed. It seemed to him that, at least
for a while, he had consigned himself to an existence consisting solely
of himself and Asuka. That was in the moments before this existence.
He still wondered if this existence was the end result of that...happening.
He had no evidence to the contrary, and wasn't certain that he really wanted
to know either way.
Asuka, for her part, spent less and less time
wondering about other people and more and more time wondering about herself.
A simple task, for most, but for her it was something new, almost exuberant
in the joy it brought her. She realized just how badly she had closed
herself off. When she first flung that door open, it was as though
she were born again. Despite all of this, the experience was still
troubling, in a way. Just because she saw most of the mysteries of
her self exposed didn't mean she had to like what they told her.
When it reached a point where neither could hide from it any longer, they
both simultaneously suggested that they find out something about the world.
"I was thinking, Asuka...maybe, since we have
all this laundry...and we're almost out of food..." He intently studied
the weave of his socks.
Asuka didn't have to say anything, but she
did anyway. Some parts of us never change.
"I guess you should. I mean, I'm hungry,
and some fresh food would be great. And it would be nice to have
some clean underwear." She immediately slapped herself for saying
that. Why? It was true. Laundry had to be done.
Still, she railed against the fact that something like that...something
so close to her...had been revealed to Shinji. Yet...the same part
that suggested laundry would be a good idea also pointed out that they'd
eventually have to talk. About something. Anything. And
this was as good a springboard as any.
Uncharacteristically, Shinji beat her to the
punch. "Asuka...I, uh...I know things are...strange...now, but...I
want to talk to you...Maybe after I come back? I'll know for certain
then...what's happened to me. I hope." He had moved on to the
hem of his trouser leg, the brown thread sinking in and rising again strangely
compelling to him.
Asuka nodded gently. She tried, very
hard, to look at his eyes, but she couldn't. She settled on his throat...no,
she decided. Rather his chin. "It's a good idea. I'll
wait for you to get back, then."
A number that had been rising astronomically
this week had been the number of long, pregnant pauses between the two.
This was now just water off a duck's back to Shinji. In a way, it
had become a comfortable norm in this new world.
What came next wasn't.
Asuka gulped slightly, though her mouth was
totally dry. "Hurry back. It's too quiet here." Ironically,
that statement itself was almost silent.
Shinji acknowledged by rising from his shoes,
opening the door, and glancing backwards to where she had been standing
moments before.
Her door shut.
* * *
Six days, eighteen hours, and at least a few
minutes had passed since Shigeru found himself thrust into a position of
undue responsibility, and he was finding the job description somewhat to
his liking. He managed to surprise himself with some sort of newfound
confidence. No, not quite. That was the wrong word.
He wasn't sure what the word was. It
didn't matter, really, because at the moment he was getting stuff done.
An improvised bridge crew, a long checklist prepared with Commander Fuyutsuki
and a liberal quantity of caffeine added up to a highly productive work
week.
For not the first time this morning, Shigeru
turned to Fuyutsuki's seat on high and shouted up. "One more task
complete, sir. Contact with MAGI-06 in Moscow has been completed
and maintained. The link looks strong enough to start the mutual
update."
Fuyutsuki looked visibly relieved. "Excellent
work. What's next?"
Shigeru frowned as he looked at the next part
of his little shopping list. "Hmm. All that's really left is
to ensure the safety of our remaining Evangelions, and then we can commence
a head-count. Afterwards, we can start re-crewing our own branch
from the others. For one thing, I'd like a permanent bridge crew."
It seemed a little strange to Shigeru that Fuyutsuki had placed these items
so low on the list. It almost seemed like Fuyutsuki was...avoiding
them? Perhaps he didn't relish the prospect of taking rolls of the
dead. Or maybe he was just very confident that these weren't problem
areas and that the priorities needed dealing with.
That last thought was downright ridiculous
to Shigeru. Confident? With the command staff decimated and
two-thirds of the bridge crew just vanishing? He sighed and started
to make his way over to a communications console. He anticipated
that eventually this headache of his would give up and go away. For
now, it would stay with him.
Now locked in the Commander's Office, Fuyutsuki
leaned back in a chair which he had frequently seen, but never occupied.
I
hope you've managed to find her, Gendou. I hope your dreams are fulfilled.
In that way, I envy you. His task now, while never clearly defined,
needed something in the way of constructive guidance. What should
NERV be used for now? Would there even be a need for the MAGI and
NERV's facilities any longer?
He shook his head, clearing away the rubble
in his brain with two short movements. He knew that the Angels had
been a cause for NERV's establishment. Were there still more?
NERV had also been built for the purpose of maintaining the Evas for Third
Impact. Would they still be needed? Could they be decommissioned
and broken down for study? Could the pilots be released, their still
viable talents thrown to the winds?
More questions came to him, and he came to
the inevitable conclusion that there were no clear answers to any of them.
Frustrated by his comparative weakness to Gendou, he leaned down onto the
desk and cradled his head in his hands.
Gendou had a goal...An objective towards which
he strove in every way and with all his strength. I lack such
a goal. I lack the desire. An object, placed surreptitiously
in the corner of Gendou's 'Delegation Box', a shallow container into which
he'd placed everything work-related that was distasteful to him and that
was to become delegated to Fuyutsuki, caught his eye.
What's this? Fuyutsuki fished
his hand into the box and dug out the offending plastic composite memory
chip. It was unmarked except for a date. He recognized it as
being the date of Yui Ikari's death, a date sorrowfully remembered by her
husband and former teacher alike.
You continue to think five steps ahead
of me, Gendou. Even in death, you outsmart me. Fuyutsuki
smiled grimly as he slotted the card into his personal computer. In
a perverse way, Gendou, I'm very proud of you.
* * *
It was pleasant surprise to see that people
were still here. The first few steps out of the building onto the
desolate street had brought the bile in Shinji's gut to a near-frenzied
churn. He had been fairly sure he wouldn't be able to cope with whatever
he found, but even more sure that he'd be hard pressed to go on at all
without some sort of indication, one way or the other. The moments
of abject terror when he stepped onto the empty sidewalk made the instant
of jubilation when he saw another walking, breathing, living human being
all the more intense.
Effectively, it had taken him several minutes
to gather the courage to carry himself beyond the lobby of the building
in which he had lived, and still appeared to be living in. The automated
laundry booth did little to encourage him, though. It, too, was devoid
of life, and the other machines were not in use.
Animals were still to be seen. He could
still hear the cicadas, and birds occasionally flew overhead, but he hadn't
known if anyone else had survived. Not, at least, until he had entered
the local grocery store. There, quite a few people were going about
their lives. Not, of course, as if nothing had happened, but somewhat
tentatively, rather like himself.
Somehow, the atmosphere was very peculiar
in the city. Something about the way people carried themselves...some
were less confident than they had been, others more, but on the whole they
were all slightly bothered by something. He thought it might be rude
to simple out-and-out ask them what had happened, so he simply didn't say
anything. The others seemed happy to oblige his stonewalling.
Of course, he admitted, he knew damn well what had happened and didn't
really wish to be reminded of it from the mouths of strangers.
The most peculiar thing of all, however, had
been that the entire city had been converted from a colossal hole in the
ground into...a city. The very place in which he was standing was
once located on the very edge of that massive crater. This, too,
seemed to bother the populace. Most people weren't sure whether or
not to consider at least a month of time as a complete dream.
It seemed that the buildings were all back
to the state prior to the 16th Angel, the snake of light that had attacked
and penetrated...
Rei! That's it! Some light
in the recesses of his mind flicked on unbidden. She was important.
He knew she was. Why had he not thought of her all week? Where
was she? Was she all right? Did the event have the same effect
on her as it did on everyone else? If so...what would she be like?
He couldn't even wrap his mind around her, really. As though she
were simply a construct of his mind now, not a true part of existence.
What of her could he recall? Of that, what could he trust as memory?
And what was him vainly trying to fill the gaps in his highly suspect perception?
He could remember something of Third Impact...but
it was too vague for him to put together a coherent picture of even the
most basic events. He knew they were there, and he was sure none
of them had been good, but it was as if they were puzzle pieces that had
been randomly scattered across as floor by an ill-behaved toddler.
Even then, the fragments were too small to make out clearly.
But, as to Rei...something very, very different
had happened to her, he thought, thanking the cashier and reappropriating
his NERV card.
* * *
Waking up on one's left side was not special
in any way for the vast majority of the population. Waking up on
that side to find your weight supported by an arm and a leg is a particularly
strange feeling when you've been a double amputee. One particular
boy that woke up in this manner, had been waking up every morning for the
past week wondering if his regenerated limbs were nothing more than an
illusion, some kind of fully visceral hallucination pressed upon him by
some evil demon.
Like the other previous five mornings, the
boy carefully examined his appendages in the pale light of the rising sun,
running the fingers of his right hand over every line, every imperfection,
every raised vein...sometimes even fingering the individual hairs that
seemed to grow in regimented rows along his flesh.
And like the previous mornings, he continued
to test their ability to feel in the shower, alternating cold and hot water,
and surprised every time to find that the senses, too, had been reinstated
to him.
Moving without the aid of his sister was also
a strange feeling.
Naturally, the question remained: where did
they come from? Not that he wasn't appreciative, of course.
He wouldn't dare question his gift out loud. And never again would
he take his appendages for granted. But the back of his mind was
being chewed completely ragged by this seeming impropriety. Something
happened. Something very important happened. I'm not sure what,
but I'm guessing the Evas were involved. And Shinji... Touji flexed
the fingers on his right hand, then his left hand, trying to compare the
suppleness of his knuckles on either side. I suppose he was in on
it somehow, too. He kept thinking. His father had already received
summons back to Tokyo-3, leaving himself and his sister to essentially
live off of what was left in the small apartment. He judged it would
be but a matter of time before he was called back, too. I wonder
who else is left. What will school be like? Is anyone dead?
Is everyone dead? He still wasn't thinking straight.
The best thing for a situation like this,
as far as young Suzuhara was concerned, was a little basketball.
He wandered over to his closet, removed his ball, and went outside ready
to test the functionality of his new -- and old -- limbs.
* * *
Shinji's eyes were wide open as he stood on
the threshold. In one arm, he lugged about a sack filled with clean,
folded, and wrapped laundry. In the other, a large bag filled with
perishables and some cooking supplies.
He decided sadly, that the laundry and food
would be of much, much more use to himself and his surprisingly quiet companion
inside the dwelling than outside. The effort he would need to open
that door and cross over into the residence seemed incomprehensible.
As though it were beyond humanity to attempt such a feat. He would
rather have been anywhere but there. He had the sinking feeling that
something important would happen and he wanted to delay whatever consequences
it might entail.
Wait. Why am I worrying? He asked
himself this question boldly, in a way he had never asked before.
What's the worst that can happen? We said 'talk' not 'fight'.
She's in at least as bad shape as I am. Maybe even worse. I'm
used to this silence. How does she feel? Why are you worried
about getting hurt yourself? You know very well that you're past
that. It's time to suck it up. The strength and bluntness of
his inner self surprised him. As did the realization that he was
doing something entirely for another's benefit.
He was going to consider this, too, except
his sudden burst of courage and enlightenment physically forced him to
open the door, enter, and shut it behind him.
"I'm home!" he announced cheerfully.
He was greeted by an eerie silence.
He removed his shoes, and started placing the food in storage, silently
panicking that his reserve of bravado would wear off before he got a chance
to talk to her. That would be disastrous. He knelt down to
file away some fresh greens.
"...hello."
The voice yanked Shinji by the scruff of his
neck and dragged him into a standing position, ignoring the fact that a
part of the fridge's frame was directly above his head.
He grunted in sudden agony and winced until
he could no longer see.
"Um...are you...uh..." That voice again,
this time with a little bit of concern. It was hard to say, exactly,
as he'd never heard that emotion associated with that voice. He found
it somewhat pleasant, but mostly disconcerting. For now, though,
the rapidly-growing goose egg on his skull held most of his attention.
"I didn't mean to, ah, can I get you something?"
Shinji was surprised again, this time she was offering help. It was
like some wonderful dream. He waved her off, rising to his feet.
"Don't bother...it's nothing...it'll go away
soon."
He turned to her, and almost by reflex the
eyes avoided each other again. Shinji was more than a little embarrassed
by his smacking his head on the fridge. The same old story...they
just stared, a vague fear hanging cloud-like over their interaction, making
it more or less impossible for anyone to take the initiative.
Shinji eventually got fed up with the status
quo.
"Would you like to...sit down? We should...uh,
I think we need to...talk, maybe? I can get some tea, and..."
His voice wasn't anywhere near as strong as he imagined it should be.
Asuka was visibly relieved by the fact that
he had decided to shoulder the burden. She only nodded, and carried
herself laboriously over to her customary seat at the table. After
seating herself, she picked a suitable spot on Shinji's lower back, now
retreating to the tea cabinet, and kept her focus that way.
She had spent the entire day running the scenario
through her head. There was a right way to say it, and it was something
she'd never said before. That was odd, considering the nature of
the assertion. There had to be someone she'd spoken to, once...wasn't
there? Her quivering fingers screamed out to her that she needed
to calm down. Shinji's offer of tea was more on-target and welcome
than he could possibly imagine.
Just as she was starting to grasp her situation,
Shinji jarred her thoughts with the clacking of porcelain on faux-wood.
"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you take with it. It's not Japanese,
I decided better safe than sorry, so it's...something European, I don't
know what." The words stumbled over each other clumsily to get out
of his mouth and he wondered if he had ever sounded more nervous in his
life.
It made no difference to her, she just needed
some liquid. It would help, that was certain. She tried again,
valiantly, to look him in the eye. And again, she failed, deflected
from her course and ending up looking at the tip of his nose. Close,
but not close enough. Her fear made no sense to her. Why was
she delaying the inevitable? Afraid of him? That's silly.
Who's afraid of wimpy little Shinji? Except...he was different.
He is different. He could have... Her fear now had an object,
and it was him. She decided that there was no time like the present.
She leveled her gaze at a point somewhere near the middle of the back of
his head. As he turned around to bring his own drink to the table,
she caught him. At last.
"Shinji," she said, the strongest word this
apartment had heard all week, "I'm sorry."
There was a crash as the teacup fell to the
floor and Shinji stared dumbly at her. What the hell? Where
did that come from? His anxiety began pacing circles in his psyche.
Not what he'd anticipated. Not at all. He started stammering.
"W...well, uh...I...um..." Finally, he spat
out the only words that made sense. "...Sorry for what?" His
normal level of confusion had risen to new heights.
"Everything." Asuka, at least, had some
sense of destination in this little exchange. "Everything.
I did nothing right."
Shinji was still confused.
Asuka pressed on, daunted but determined.
"I don't know what happened. I don't think I ever will. But
I do know that something changed for me that day, when I...died..." The
absurdity of the statement might have been funny at any other time.
"I mean, when you and I were there, at the... I mean, I was there,
but I felt detached. Like it wasn't really me. Like you were
killing someone else...and I was just there... But...I should have
known. What I'd been doing to you. I never saw what you really
were. Something about you scared me." She leaned her head against
her palm. Shinji's dumbfounded silence continued, giving her plenty
of room to keep on going. "It was all my fault. At least, a
lot of it. I never let up on you. I've never said this before,
but I understand what was wrong with me. I didn't want it that way,
but I couldn't stop and didn't know how, and I kept being stupid and mean.
I can see why you'd hate me. Why you'd want to kill me. I just
want you to know that I'm sorry. Okay? I...I said it.
I'm sorry. And I don't hate you."
Had he another teacup to drop, Shinji would have done so. Fortunately,
his hands were empty. He was still stunned. Asuka, however,
seemed oddly immobile. Like there was something she expected him
to say. No, she knew he was going to say it. Whatever that
time had done to her, she saw something in him, too. Somehow she
counted on him to wake up.
It took a while, but finally Shinji decided
to alert his legs to the fact that they were going to sit down with him
and try to approach the situation logically. His prior bravery and
plans lost, he couldn't help repeating the words 'she doesn't hate me'
in his mind over and over again. But his overwhelming confusion continued
to keep him from doing, or saying anything in response.
After a few minutes of silence, he noticed
something very strange. The table under her chin had a strange sheen,
as though the light were catching somethi...
The realization hit him like so many others
had this week, like a sledgehammer to the belly. He suddenly felt
nothing but compassion. The moment she touched him...that wasn't
real, but the emotion was briefly the same. He disgusted himself.
He was letting her sit there, emptying herself onto the table...
He leaned forward. He had learned that
he could live with pain if he had to. But that didn't mean he could
sit and watch others struggle through it. And to tell the truth,
it pained him to see her like this.
"Asuka, I don't know what..."
His voice suddenly died in his throat as what
she had just said kicked into motion something profound. In an instant,
a broken recollection of the events surrounding Impact seemed to fall into
place in his mind in such a way that he finally saw exactly what it was
that had touched her. The emotions and the snippets of incoherent
thought melded together, giving form to a horror the likes of which he
could've hardly imagined mere minutes ago. His unforgivable abuse
of her empty shell, his selfish refusal to board Unit-01, even in the face
of Misato's pleas and the rest of the doomed NERV personnel...his mind
plummeting into madness, and then on the beach, the hatred that had filled
his breast, the ferocity that had forced itself upon him, and finally a
release, a softening...and the images of the unyielding and stern Asuka
at once defenseless and wounded. What had he been for the space of
those hours?
I'm a monster.
Whatever self-esteem the young Ikari had left
was pulverized under the weight of the memory of his despicable actions.
His heart became heavy, felt sickly and soiled, and its very infernal beating
seemed to be a blight on humanity.
He'd tried to kill Asuka. And she didn't
even hate him for it.
"I...I don't know what to say...I..."
He swallowed the hard lump building up in
his throat.
What could he possibly say? How do you
apologize to someone you had attempted to murder, even if it had been,
as he suspected, all in his mind? That she herself had been subjected
to it made it all the worse. And she...didn't hate him.
All his life, he'd been seeking forgiveness.
Forgiveness for everything about him that bothered anyone. Was this
forgiveness? To some extent, it was. As she had said, she didn't
hate him, even though she could remember what he'd tried. This was
a supreme level of pardon. The yoke of guilt he felt hung even lower
and heavier around his neck.
Without waiting for him to ask, without waiting
for him to remember what he'd done to her, she had forgiven him.
The one time it really, really, mattered, she'd deprived him of the only
release he knew to find for his soul. But, he'd changed. They
both had.
He'd been keeping counsel with himself and
himself alone for ten years, and it was time that it stopped. To
leave her now, in the state she was already in, would be...horrible.
But if he stayed, he would likely be reminded every day of everything he'd
done.
Yet...there was something else. Something
else he'd admitted to himself many times before, even though he'd never
found the courage to confront it outside of his own mind. He knew
that he needed her to survive, needed her presence to continue on.
What had he left?
"Asuka... Please...I need you."
It was her turn to stare dumbly. There
was something in the way his voice cracked, suddenly losing even the quiet
resolution she'd heard something of in the last few days.
They were silent, again. The situation
finally felt less awkward. At least the air was clearer than it had
been. Asuka hadn't moved, though. He sensed something else
needed to be done, something simple yet... His previous words gave
him an obligation, something akin to newfound strength.
"I'm sorry..," he finally whispered, hoping
at the same time that she would understand and that it would help redeem
him.
Gradually, she rose on very shaky knees.
For an instant, Shinji was struck by the frailty of the scene, like a newborn
gazelle trying not to fall on its face in its first few hours of life.
She stood, but her trembling legs offered her little purchase on the linoleum,
and he caught her in what amounted, awkwardly, to an embrace. After
a few moments of her burying her face in his shoulder, he let her brace
herself against him and walked her back to her room.
In a very real sense, he realized, she was
doing for him precisely what he was doing for her. He needed something
to fill the empty spaces around him just as she did. And as he looked
back at her form on the disheveled bed, he found himself weeping and pawing
at the wet spot on his chest, staggering back to his own room, his own
bed, and collapsing in a broken heap of his own. But sometimes, bones
need to be broken to be set a second time, to heal properly.
The SDAT lay ignored on the floor.
Some part of him gently noted that there was
a mess to be cleaned up, but it could wait.
* * *
"They are? Both of them? Excellent.
We'll get in touch with them as soon as things settle down a little more
here." Shigeru set down the handset and sighed. Intelligence
seemed to be more or less intact, with almost all personnel accounted for.
They were still useful, for whatever that was worth. He turned to
the new NERV supreme commander.
"Sir, I've just received word that pilots
Sohryu and Ikari are both still present in the Katsuragi residence."
"Very well. Notify them tomorrow morning of
the recall. Also, issue the final recall order to the pilot pool.
Get whoever else was here back in the city." Fuyutsuki felt oddly
rejuvenated by the challenge he was facing, trying to piece back together
the shattered NERV infrastructure. Physically, he was a wreck and
needed sleep. Mentally, however, he was just getting his second wind.
"What's the status of the available Evangelions?"
Shigeru turned back towards his console, covered
with printouts from the week of heavy activity in the command centre.
"Units 01 and 02 are both nominal, in cryostasis in the 5th and 7th Cages.
Science division has yet to compile a full report, but they're reporting
that the two Evas don't seem significantly different, other than Unit-02's
modification. They don't think it'll affect the Eva in any way, not
yet. How did they get all the way back in here, anyway?"
Fuyutsuki frowned, but ignored the question.
"Insist that they accelerate the examination of both Evas. We need
to know everything we can about those two. They can't possibly have
survived the ordeal unchanged."
Shigeru winced at the prospect of trying to
coax faster work from NERV's new chief scientist. "Dr. Masaharu's
next report is due in four hours. Should we wait until then?"
The older man paused. "I suppose.
In the end, the loss of four hours wouldn't hurt." Ah, Gendou.
If only I had your ability to intimidate. Perhaps I'm just soft.
He gently fingered the memory chip in his pocket. He would make a
point of checking that again in the near future. "The other Evas
under production, what's their status?"
The long-haired man flipped through some more
papers. "Unit-14 is in the final growth stages and should be ready
within the week. 15 and 16 are similarly progressing, though there's
some doubt as to the functionality of 15's power system. That may
be a major problem, depending on how it develops. It should get here
from England the first week of next month. 16 is almost ready to
begin the final stage of armor plating, and should be en route from Russia
by the third." He took a deep breath. This was something he
almost wished he didn't know. Three more Evangelions? Why?
Aren't 01 and 02 enough to handle whatever might come? And who gave
the construction order? The last question's answer was so obvious
he had to force himself not to laugh. Commander Ikari, of course.
But he's not here anymore, so I guess we can't ask him any questions.
Shigeru set the papers down and called up
to Fuyutsuki again. "Sir? If you don't mind my asking...what
happened to the ones who went missing? Do you have any idea?
It feels wrong here...no Hyuuga, no Ibuki, no Katsuragi...who'll take their
places?" He was genuinely worried about this, especially the more
he thought about it. Where exactly had they gone? If bad became
worse, as it tended to do around here, what would they do without Katsuragi
calmly directing combat? As capable as Fuyutsuki was, he didn't seem
like the type to replace the Commander... And the enigmatic First
Child...he tried not to think about her. The images he had of her
disturbed him on so many levels...
His superior became suddenly stone-faced.
"I understand your concern. I think Dr. Masaharu would be the one
to ask, though. I myself don't want an answer. It's enough
trouble worrying about the people and tools we have at our disposal now."
That was enough for Shigeru. He nodded,
finding himself agreeing with the man's words. He turned back to
the consoles and continued the painful job of teaching a new set of bridge
operators the ins and outs of the command centre. He hoped they wouldn't
have to work under the kind of pressure he did.
"Our last concern, given the near state of
readiness of Unit-14, is the selection of a pilot."
Shigeru looked up at his Commander.
"Sir, there is no Marduk institute. I did a complete MAGI search.
It doesn't exist. Commander Ikari made most of the decisions, according
to the records."
Fuyutsuki looked grim. "I know.
So will I."
* * *
The phone rang.
Not an unusual incident. The telephone
had been conceived with a warning tone to alert anyone to the presence
of a possible interlocutor on the other end of the line.
But, like everything else since about a week
and a half ago, it was like it was brand new again. A novelty.
Something so completely extraordinary and out of place that it stunned
the two people who were supposed to pick up any one of the apartment's
many receivers.
Shinji and Asuka stared at each other, shaken
out of an early morning conversation by the strident and insistent tone
of the machine. After the second ring, they both mumbled something
about taking the call, and moved for it.
Since the scene in the kitchen two days ago,
the atmosphere had changed utterly. Gone were the uncertain moments
of avoidance, when neither could look the other in the face. It was
still uncomfortable, sometimes, but they circumvented this by the mutual
convention of discussing trivialities. It was simpler that way, and
it was preferable to the alternative, namely having a serious conversation
about the ways in which they had both changed. Neither Asuka nor
Shinji was entirely sure about exactly what had changed in themselves,
so a discussion would have been futile in that they wouldn't have known
what they were talking about.
In any case, they could look at each other
now. There was no hatred or fear, no wanting or regret. All
had been forgiven. A fresh start. A new beginning. A
new series of days, every one starting with the rays of the sun pouring
comprehension into the dwelling. Walls were coming down. What
they concealed or protected couldn't be seen or heard, but the work itself
was obvious.
They were content, a state of peace and tranquillity
that makes one forget misfortunes of the past, if only temporarily.
The phone's third ring succeeded in breaking
through the numbness of the shock it had instilled.
Shinji picked up the handset.
"Hello?"
"Am I speaking to a Mr. Ikari, Shinji?"
"Yes. Who is this?"
"I'm from NERV. I have been instructed
to inform Ms. Sohryu, Asuka Langley and yourself that your Evangelions
have been recovered and re-equipped. The first of the reactivation
tests will occur next week, at the usual time. Thank you for your
time." There was a pause, then a click, as they hung up.
Shinji stared at the earpiece.
"Who is it?" Asuka wondered aloud.
"NERV. They have the Evas, and..."
"They want us to pilot them again. There
are more Angels?"
Shinji shrugged. "I'm sorry, I don't
know. They didn't say."
There was a soft noise as Asuka leaned herself
back against the wall next to the telephone. She looked down at her
cup of tea, in which the infusion was still swirling around turbulently.
"You know, I never got a straight answer out of you as to why you do it."
"Do what?"
"Pilot."
He considered this. To tell the truth,
despite the effort he'd put into answering this question, he hadn't wrung
a clear motive out of himself. He'd been asked by his father, ordered,
really, but that certainly wasn't the reason in itself. Then he thought
he did it for the praise and for the boost it gave his self-esteem.
That wasn't it either, really. Other possibilities crossed his mind,
too, but they were likewise rejected.
To tell the truth, he didn't really know,
and he told her.
This time, there was no rebuke, no puzzled
look or insult. Instead, the corner of her mouth was pulled upwards,
and she raised her head.
"I don't think I really ever knew either."
Then, with a fluid motion, she pushed off the wall.
Shinji was left confused and not a little
dazed by this sudden shift in Asuka's view of her role as a pilot.
Must be another change wrought by whatever that was, he thought to himself.
* * *
At roughly the same time the phone rang in
the apartment, another phone rang elsewhere, far away from the glittering
structures of Tokyo-3. This time, it was answered almost immediately.
"Hi, Suzuhara residence."
Touji and his sister had been alone for most
of the week now. His father, always as obsessed by his work at NERV,
had been one of the first recalled to help put the Evas back together.
Touji had never seen much of his father, given that he was always at work,
doing late hours and unnecessary checks, and so, he'd taken on that role,
or so he hoped, for his sister.
Mari poked her head around the corner.
"Is it Dad?"
Touji held up a finger to keep her quiet.
"Is this Mr. Suzuhara, Touji?"
"Yes."
"I'm from NERV. I have been instructed
to inform you that you have been reinstated as an Eva pilot, and will be
resuming your duties within the week, pending the completion of the Evangelion's
construction. The official transfer of your personal belongings to
your preassigned residence in Tokyo-3 will take place starting tomorrow.
Please have a transportation manifest prepared for the shipping agent."
Touji felt like he'd just been hit over the
head with a large blunt object.
"What? They want me to do what?"
There was a momentary pause.
"I have been instructed to inform you that..."
"I heard you the first time...why?"
"Any inquiries can be directed to the NERV
Public Relations Office at 0422-53-5568. Thank you for your time."
The click only emphasized the impersonal way
in which he had been thrown into an equally impersonal bureaucracy that
obviously didn't care whether or not Mari would have anyone looking after
her, nor that he had just been blessed with the miraculous regrowth of
two limbs. He crashed into a chair, supporting his head on his left
arm, and wondered how long it would be until it was lost again.
He could only speculate how long they'd been
watching him.
"What is it, Touji?"
He looked up, and gave Mari a bland look.
"I have to pilot the big robot again, Mari."
"You have to go away?" The enthusiastic
little girl seemed suddenly crestfallen.
"I guess. Don't really have a choice,
do I?"
Damn bastards never gave him a choice.
Not the first time, and not now. He ground his right hand into a
fist, as if he was crushing the very life out of whatever idiot had ordered
his return. Damn.
Gingerly, he picked up the phone, and prepared
himself for a long series of automated voice messages. After all,
he had to keep Mari with him. Alone, she could get hurt again, and
that was the last thing he wanted. Once again, he'd have to ask for
a condition.
* * *
The activation tests had gone flawlessly, under
the direction of Dr. Masaharu, currently the temporary chief scientist
at NERV, after all attempts had failed to locate Dr. Akagi. Dr. Masaharu
probably wouldn't last long, she was retiring for good in a month or two
anyway, after which another replacement would have to be found. One
interesting discovery made by the science division had been the addition
of an S2 organ to the miraculously regenerated Unit-02. The origins
of this modification were probably not worth worrying about. And,
much like the intact status of the Eva, it was chalked up to the rather
unique situation that succeeded the Unit's original destruction.
Effectively, it had all been filed under "Better Not to Ask" in the minds
of most NERV personnel.
Another strange surprise was the extremely
good synchronization results both pilots had managed to achieve.
Both Shinji and Asuka had managed to break 150% and maintain it, which
pleased the command staff to no end.
When Shinji entered the facility's change
rooms after the test, his hair still matted and sticky from LCL, he discovered
a black-clad form holding its head in its hands sitting on the bench that
ran down the centre of the room. It looked up and smiled in what
was, to Shinji, an altogether too cheerful manner.
"Hey, Shinji."
"T...Touji?" It was like a dream.
Not only had he never expected to see Touji again, but he also noticed
the missing appendages had returned. "Are you real? And how?"
He started trailing off just as Touji nodded. "Yeah. I've become
a pilot again." He gave Shinji a wry smile. "Unit-14."
Visions of the horror he'd been forced to
assist danced through Shinji's head. How he'd been helplessly forced
to watch as his father had unleashed the world's most powerful weapon on
his friend, how the black Eva had been systematically torn apart before
his eyes.
An uncomfortable silence ensued. Shinji
found himself unable to say anything, afraid that what had happened might
have destroyed the friendship. Conversely, not saying anything could
cement that impression.
The truth.
"Touji...I want you to know...I wasn't in
control...I would never do...something like that..."
Touji only nodded. "I know. You're
not that type. But it's great seeing you again. I'll see you
later, I have to go."
The smile hadn't faded.
There was, for Shinji, another uncomfortable
pause. Touji levered himself off the bench, and stood, facing Shinji.
"My sister's waiting for me."
Touji edged around past him, heading for the
door.
"I live just up the street from where you
are. If you want, you can come over."
"S...Sure. Good-bye."
"See ya."
He left. Shinji's mind felt locked,
like he should be thinking, but couldn't for some reason. Touji was
back. With his arm and leg intact. And piloting again, too.
After a long time, it occurred to him that Touji didn't look too happy
to be piloting Eva, like he didn't want to. Just like himself.
He'd have to talk to him, later.
There was an impatient knock on the door.
"Hurry up, Shinji! I'm getting hungry!"
He realized he was starving too. How
long had he been sitting there, how long had Asuka waited for him?
In any case, it didn't look like she'd lost too much of her edge.
"I'll...I'll be right out!" he yelled, then
quickly got changed.
"You're worse than me," she teased, as he
emerged from the room.
"I met Touji...he's...back." His expression
became somewhat sickly. "And he's piloting again."
Shock registered on Asuka's face. "But
I thought...after the Angel..." She made a slicing motion on her upper
arm, absently.
Shinji shook his head.
* * *
"There it is. Unit-14."
Shigeru gasped, and his jaw hit the floor.
"That's...Unit 14."
Fuyutsuki nodded slowly, and the elevator
continued upwards on its course. "It's an exact genetic copy of Unit-03,
just as Units-15 and 16. It's pilot..."
"That Suzuhara boy?"
"Yes. He's had some very good test results
before, and they don't appear to have changed much. It's quite surprising,
given the fact that he had very little or even no rapport with the soul
of either Eva. He'll make a good addition to the roster."
"Wasn't he hurt pretty badly last time?
I mean, wouldn't he be kind of averse to doing this all over again?
How did you get him to accept?"
Fuyutsuki stared ahead. "He says he'll
do it...on condition that we place his sister in the safest possible place
whenever an Angel comes. Also, he wants someone to be watching after
her. I've got a security team working on it."
He paused, then shook his head sadly.
"It's a crying shame we have to make them do this, but I guess it's all
for the good of the future."
Shigeru frowned. "What about the dummy
plugs, sir? Couldn't we use them instead?"
"No. Dr. Akagi destroyed them all.
We could rebuild them, but a lot of the data has been corrupted by Third
Impact, and we don't have any of the original building materials any more
anyway. Besides, I personally feel that a real, live pilot will always
be better."
The elevator pinged and the doors slid open.
Shigeru was still confused. "Say...how
do we know there will be more Angels? Wasn't that the end of it all?"
Fuyutsuki absently stroked the plastic datacard
in his breast pocket. "Oh, I know there will be more. 'We've
just come half-way.'" The odd smile on his face worried the other
man.
By this time, Fuyutsuki had already reached
the control room's door.
"We can begin the test now."
Shigeru recovered, and forgot any other questions
for the time being. He had a job to do. That would keep him
distracted long enough, to avoid asking any more questions he knew wouldn't
be answered properly. He also realized he wouldn't have dared to
ask such questions to Ikari...they wouldn't have been answered at all.
Fuyutsuki definitely had a different style, but he was still being quiet
about a lot of things.
"Oh, and I'll have three people selected as
a permanent bridge crew by the end of the week."
That, at least, was good. He wouldn't
have to put up with people who didn't know what they were doing.
With that thought on his mind, he stepped
into the room where Dr. Masaharu was preparing to put Unit-02 and its pilot
through the last of the reactivation trials.
* * *
"This is the Yamashiro! We have detected
an enormous mass moving at high speed towards the Tokai region! Requesting
permission to attack!"
The ship bobbed on the waves. Several
sailors, leaning over the rails, could now see the enormous black shadow
gliding past to port, contrasting heavily with the reflected light of the
rising sun.
"Permission denied. Break off immediately."
"Sir?"
"NERV has this one, again."
The first of the new Angels. We have a mission now. A goal. Fuyutsuki sat down in the command chair, and found it to be slightly odd. His usual perspective over the bridge and command centre had been disrupted, but he also found that he could see all of the stations at a much better angle. "Call in the pilots. Go to first stage alert, and prepare the Evas for launch."
Shinji put the phone back down onto its cradle.
"There's another Angel, Asuka. We have to go..."
She yawned. "I know. I heard the
announcement. Why do they even bother calling us?"
Just as the world had become a livable place,
where life had become a boon rather than a burden, another monstrosity
was showing its face.
There were no smiles as they left, but also,
no fear, no worrying.
"C'mon, Mari."
"I'm not going to a shelter?"
Touji smiled at her. "No, that's not
safe enough for my little sis. I'm taking you straight to headquarters."
The little girl could see right through her
brother's show of bravado, but knew enough to afford him the dignity of
keeping it up in front of his charge, and took his hand. He squeezed
it, and the moisture in his palm confirmed it for her. She squeezed
back.
Asuka looked around the empty dressing room.
It was strange. She'd become so accustomed to sharing it with Rei,
even though she never quite understood her and had been frankly scared
by the way she was, that the room's emptiness bothered her. Also,
Rei's conspicuous absence meant one of two things, neither of which she
was quite willing to accept as truth yet. Either she was late, which
was ludicrous in its own right, or dead, which didn't seem possible.
Hadn't she survived a self-destructing Eva already?
Rei was just freaky. Asuka suppressed
a shudder, and put on her red plug suit.
She decided she didn't want to think about
Rei at all.
Shigeru tugged at the hems of his jacket, straightening
it. He was still getting used to the new uniform, and wondered if
he'd be able to pull off the same sort of situational control Katsuragi
had always managed to dredge up.
He sighed, and gave his briefing. "Since
Major Katsuragi is no longer with us, I'll be coordinating your defence
from now on. The Angel was detected making an approach from the south.
Since then, it has slowed down and is approaching the harbour area.
When it gets here, Units-01 and 02 will launch and engage the Angel at
close range, in the harbour."
"What about Touji?"
Touji looked resigned to his fate, but the
fact he hadn't been mentioned in the briefing seemed to cheer him up a
little.
Shigeru nodded. "We'll be holding him
back as a reserve. His synchronization isn't that good yet, and he
still has to go through some training. We'll keep him as a surprise."
Touji breathed out a barely audible sigh of
relief.
"Any questions?"
Shinji suddenly noticed that Asuka hadn't
said anything, and had been contemplating a point fixed in the air before
her face. She appeared to be concentrating her entire self on something.
Just as suddenly, the effort evaporated, and she proclaimed "Nope!
Let's go!" in a jovial voice. Shinji wondered what she could have
been thinking
about. Maybe it had something to do with the fact she had previously
lost the ability to pilot.
The elevator ride to the Cage was a long one,
and they had frequently had conversations there before, on the way to tests
or to fight Angels. This time, it was mostly silent. Asuka
stood in her usual place, on the left side, as it was the nearest approach
to her Eva. Touji leaned against the wall, his arms folded over his
chest, almost as if he was asleep.
Shinji drew up his courage and took a step
towards Asuka.
"Asuka? I've been meaning to ask something...about
you."
This was strange. Shinji? Asking
questions about her? All week, she'd been hoping that the atmosphere
they'd constructed wouldn't be broken by what she was afraid he'd ask.
Eventually, she'd have to give him an answer, but she was sure it wouldn't
be a straight one. She collected herself, and, maintaining her false
enthusiasm, gave him a casual, "Shoot." Hopefully, he wouldn't ask
her...that.
Shinji quavered slightly. "Um...about
your Eva...I remember, by the end, you couldn't...I mean...how...?"
He trailed off. Shinji was regretting the question even before he'd
finished asking it.
Asuka, internally, breathed a sigh of relief.
This, she could cope with.
"I'm sorry." He sounded like his old
meek self.
"I don't really want to talk about it right
now."
"I'm sorry," he insisted, "...just...forget
it."
The elevator came to a stop, and the doors
opened.
"Good luck, Shinji."
"You too."
On that, they separated. Shinji headed
out onto the umbilical bridge that crossed in front of Unit-01's chest.
Sliding into the chair in the exposed entry plug, he glanced over at Unit-02
just on time to catch Asuka looking at him before she was obscured by the
hatch closing.
"External sensors have the Angel now.
It's in the middle of the harbour. Pattern Blue confirmed."
"Visibility is bad, recommend the pilots use
multiple spectrum enhanced viewing. Foggy conditions."
"Right. Asuka, Shinji: prepare for launch."
Both pilots experienced the bone-crushing g-forces
of the electromagnetically assisted launch system, and suddenly found themselves
on the surface, among the buildings of the city.
"No visual contact. I have the AT Field
on sensors." Asuka reached over to one of the numerous armament buildings,
which produced a palette rifle. Unit-01 swung up the barrel of its
gun, and the lock indicators turned into a steady white circle. And,
as he pulled down on the trigger, Shinji realized he felt no fear.
The shells tore out into the mist, and the
heat of their flight ripped open the fog, making it all too easy to see
the Angel. It was a thin and lanky humanoid shape, it's handless
arms swinging gently by its sides with every step. A long crest adorned
its hard, armoured face, and a red core glowed in its chest. The
shells detonated against its body, and, even as Asuka poured her fire into
it, it didn't even slow down.
"No effect, as expected," she muttered.
By now, the mist had disappeared in a thin
corridor between them and the monster. Suddenly, its eyes glowed,
and Asuka was forced to leap out of the way to avoid being hit by the immensly
powerful beam of pure energy that lanced into the water. An enormous
cloud of hissing steam burst into the air, superheated by the Angel's attack.
"Charge!" she shouted. A muddy wake
was left by the two Evas as they ran, churning up dirt and water into a
black stew. Suddenly, the Angel extruded a pair of energy lances
from its handless wrists, which shot out across the intervening space between
the Angel and Unit-02.
"Asuka!" On reflex, Asuka dodged.
But as she did so, a black shadow leapt into the path of the oncoming spears,
eclipsing the light. They burrowed through Unit-01's torso, and as
they did so, two lances of burning pain pulsed through Shinji's chest.
He screamed. "Go, Asuka! Do it!"
From his vantage point in Central Dogma, it didn't look too good. Aoba decided he should commit Unit-14, now, before the Angel did anything more serious to Unit-01.
Inside the entry plug, Touji felt mildly claustrophobic,
even though he could see out in front of the Eva. The feeling of
fluid moving around in his lungs didn't help either, and he tried hard
not to think about it. "Touji, we're launching you now."
A hard ball knotted up in his chest.
Fear? Maybe. If Shinji and Asuka couldn't handle it, then who?
After all, they were much better and more experienced than him. To
attack meant an almost certain death.
But at the same time, he ought to do something
to help them. Staying behind and letting them deal with it would
be the coward's way, and he decided he was definitely not a coward.
The Eva shot upwards through the shaft.
Before Asuka could react, the Angel pulled
Unit-01's inert form towards it, smashing some of the chest armour with
its particle weapon. The Angel then pulled its left arm free from
the purple Eva's torso, retracting the spear. Blood shot out of the
massive hole, spraying wildly into the air and colouring the mist.
Shinji screamed again, and reached for the ejection handle.
The armour plate on Unit-01's back popped
off, driven by the explosive charges laid around its base, and there was
a burst of smoke and flame as the plug was driven skyward.
The Angel brought its arm swinging down, and
it intercepted the plug before it had even cleared the hole in the Eva's
spine. The top end of the plug was torn asunder, and the remainder
was cracked down its entire length. The Eva stalled, and fell over
backwards into the shallow water.
The Angel pulled out the second lance.
Asuka let out a feral scream of such incredible
intensity it could have shattered an Angel's AT Field without the help
of her Eva.
The red colossus flung itself recklessly upwards,
arched its spine, and descended like some horrendous beast of the sky,
swooping on hapless prey. It collided with its target at a terrifying
speed, and the force of the impact split the air around the combatants
as they were thrown to the earth and grappled in mortal combat. Their
struggle threw up gigantic waves in the harbour, capsizing ships and ruining
lighter constructions around the edges, but neither paid heed; one fighting
for its life, the other for vengeance.
Unit-14 emerged from the fog, running clumsily.
"Asuka! What's going on?"
Touji received no response other than another
inarticulate voicing of rage. A red fist, rendered more so by the
life-giving fluid that covered it, flashed up, then smashed down again,
crushing the Angel's faceplate a second time.
Touji hesitated, but Shigeru reminded him
of his mission. "Touji! The core! Kill it!"
"You bastard!" Asuka had finally found
words, screamed them and drove her Eva's fists into the Angel's head repeatedly.
The head slowly lost its shape under the blows, the hideous rage of Unit-02's
pilot crushing its structure and sending blood in gruesome arcs and streaks
across the thick fog.
Unit-14 produced its prog knife, which Touji
drove down through the Angel's core with all the weight of the titan beneath
him.
"You bastard! You killed Shinji!"
Tears and sweat mingled together in the LCL of the plug, giving it a salty
tang. The Eva rocked again as Asuka forced it to continue beating
what was left of the Angel.
Touji paused, leaving the knife in the still
glowing core. Shinji? Dead? Impossible!
The Angel's core finally died and went dark, and the mist rolled
in again. Asuka's fury died with it, and she suddenly felt extremely
weak. She'd seen the Angel swatting Shinji's ejecting entry plug,
deforming and cracking its surface, before the mass of the Eva toppled
down into the water. Even if he'd survived the initial impact of
the Angel's arm, the stress of his Eva being driven down on top of him
must surely have been enough to finish him. She curled up inside
Unit-02, letting grief overcome her.
She knew for certain now what she could not
have fathomed before, but that certainty had cost her dearly.
Touji heaved Unit-14's black bulk upright,
taking a second to balance it, and he looked at Asuka's image in the small
orange square. We were right all along. Saddened, he
turned the Eva back towards the city, towards NERV. I should have
come earlier...I could have helped.
Then, he looked at Unit-01's form, tangled
up in itself in a messy heap among the waves. Behind it, floating
on the red tide of blood and sea-water, were the remains of an entry plug.
The upper half of the cylinder, minus what had been taken off by the Angel's
attack, appeared to have broken off when it hit the water, separating it
from the other half now crushed beneath the Eva. The hatch was missing,
but the command chair appeared intact.
Touji blinked. Could it be?
The big black Eva gently knelt, and Touji
pushed the magnification up to its maximum, zooming in on the debris.
And there, still in the command chair, was Shinji's white and blue suited
body. He wasn't even bleeding, except from his nose, and the convulsive
gasps of breath he seemed to be taking confirmed that he was still alive.
"Asuka! He's still here!"
* * *
White. Blurry white. Blurry white
with blurry black lines. Black lines arranged into a grid.
Black lines whose form is becoming more distinct, more focused. A
white ceiling with panels, separated by black supports.
Sounds. A beeping. It's steady,
coming from his left. A voice, deformed by an electronic announcement
system.
A strong, mildly unpleasant smell. Disinfectant.
Something else, not quite identifiable. A mild taste of blood, still
lingering slightly in his mouth. Blood. That was the smell.
It was clogging his nostrils. A nosebleed had occurred.
Memory. The ejection, the disappearance
of the viewscreen and the synchronization cutting out, then the jolt...an
enormous, mind-pounding shock. His head still hurts. Darkness.
Touch. Bumpy cloth. A firm mattress.
The soft pillow. Warmth. Where? The numbness disappears
slowly. His hand. Something warm and soft was touching Shinji's
right hand. It departed.
Suddenly, something else interrupted the regular
pattern of ceiling panels. A face? Yes, and surrounded by a
cloud of flowing red. Asuka's obviously angered visage opened its
mouth and let forth an almost visible stream of derisive verbal vinegar.
"Shinji! You idiot! What the hell
were you thinking? You damn near got yourself killed out there!
Do you have any idea how much you scared us? What kind of stupid
idea made you try that? Do you think the Angel wouldn't notice the
huge white thing trying to escape out the back of the Eva's neck?
They're not as stupid as you are, baka! And what did you think you
were trying to do by jumping in like that? Trying to protect me?
I was already clear, in case you weren't watching! I already got
out of the way! Geez! Why the hell did you do all of that,
anyways? Dummkopf!"
There was a short period of silence.
Shinji smiled slightly. "Yeah...I'm
sorry. It was stupid."
Asuka looked away for a second. "They
say you had a major concussion, as well as quite a few partial fractures.
It wasn't just stupid, it was almost suicide." The grating quality
of her voice, found after so long, vanished as suddenly as it had presented
itself, leaving her without a firm leg to stand on in mid-diatribe.
The rigidity became brittle, and then was replaced by a slight quavering.
There was another pause. Asuka realized
that she had been in tears for the past several hours and needed to get
this meeting over with as soon as possible. Before she left, she
needed to ask him the question. She'd already found out what she
would answer if asked; it had nearly taken his death for her to get there.
But, if she didn't find out now, she might never know.
"Shinji..." The pale boy's smile weakened
slightly as the gravity of the situation settled onto his chest.
Something was happening, we was certain, and he was powerless to stop it.
He wasn't even sure that he wanted it to. That didn't mean he had
to be any less afraid of facing it. All thought stopped when Asuka's
mouth started moving again so as to form words.
"Shinji, do you...do you love me?"
There was a long pause of frozen time, during
which Shinji was trying to determine what she intended by this. Did
this mean, that after all the harm and suffering she'd inflicted on him
-- although he admitted he was the more guilty party in that respect --
she actually felt something for him after all? Or was she just playing
some kind of game with his mind and feelings?
He'd always been unsure of what to think about
her...she always managed to confuse him. Either way, he couldn't
let himself dodge this without a real answer. And in the end, wasn't
this something he wanted to know as well? Ever since she had decided
-- consciously or otherwise -- to fall down beside him that night before
the 7th, he'd felt taunted by something so obviously out of his reach,
yet so close to him...
His answer burst free of a fog of uncertainty
though he contained it within his mind for now. He rolled slightly
to the right, and tried to force himself into a sitting position.
This failed when he realized that at least one of his multiple fractures
was in his ribcage.
Asuka watched in abject terror as Shinji growled
in momentary agony, slowly leaning back into the bed. His attempted
motion was enough to convince her that he was going to be honest, at least.
She knelt beside the bed, and took his arm as it reached up to her face,
somewhat timidly. Very quietly, he whispered, "I...yes."
Don't you ever scare me like that again.