"Dr. Akagi, can I talk to you?"
"Sure, Asuka. What is it?" Ritsuko had never seen the girl look so nervous before. This was very odd.
"I know how much older you are than me, and I know you must have had... relationships with men."
Trying to keep her composure, Ritsuko answered, "I suppose you could put it that way."
"What do you do to get a man to... notice you?"
Of course it would be a question like that. Nothing simple and clinical... Next thing Asuka would want to know would be what love was. "Well, it all depends on the man. Who is it that you're trying to get the attention of?"
"Just... someone."
Ritsuko nodded, figuring it was Kaji. That was an unhealthy infatuation, and Kaji didn't help it at all by acting like some high school Casanova. "Well..." she began, thinking over what she should say. "Depending on how old he is, I think maturity, and looks, of course, is the best way to get attention. Some men like intelligence, or an outgoing personality. Others like forward women... There's no right answer."
Asuka nodded. The doctor wasn't being particularly helpful, but she couldn't deny the truth in the words she was being told.
"I can't imagine someone not noticing you, Asuka. This... person must be an idiot." An accurate description of Kaji, if ever she had heard one.
"No, he's not at all. He's just... busy, I guess." Asuka released a frustrated sigh and put her head in her hand. This was more difficult than she had planned. But why did she even care? To just observe her subject, it was better that he didn't notice her.
But she refused to be ignored! She was a pilot, and they needed her. All of those times, with her life on the line, and all she ever got was criticism, if any reaction at all. She deserved the recognition.
Heck, even Shinji and Wondergirl did.
"I'm sure you'll think of something, Asuka. Just remember: all men are animals. You find their weakness and they won't be able to resist," Ritsuko continued.
I think the commander's found your weakness, doctor, Asuka thought as she nodded. The advice was sound though. A weakness... That wouldn't be easy since there really wasn't anyone that would know.
Except... maybe...
"Yes, I'll manage. Everything would be so much easier if people would just do what I want," she said, not giving away anything at all what she was thinking.
"Hey, Wondergirl!"
Rei stopped and looked back at Asuka.
"I need to talk to you," Asuka said as she caught up to her fellow pilot.
Rei waited until Asuka was next to her then started walking again.
"I wanted to ask you something about the commander."
Rei only looked at her.
"Does he--"
"Why?" Rei stopped walking and stared at Asuka.
"Because I wanted to know."
"You should ask the commander."
Asuka just sighed and shook her head. "Forget it, Wondergirl. I didn't think you'd be much help." Talking to Rei always gave her a headache, and that was the last thing she needed.
Rei watched her walk off. How odd.
Asuka sat with one elbow on the desk, head resting in her hand. She was staring off into space, wondering how Rei managed to be such a basket case. Asuka was sure she knew something, probably more than even Dr. Akagi, but getting answers out of either one of them would probably be impossible.
Sighing, the command center slowly came back into focus, and she found her eyes directed right at Commander Ikari. Asuka blinked and sat up straight. How long had he been there? How long had she been staring?
Swiveling around in her chair, Asuka tried to appear as if she was doing something. Even if playing minesweeper was overlooked, she didn't want the commander to think she was a slacker.
"Pilot."
Unreasonable dread filled her, though she turned back around to meet his gaze. "Yes, Sir," she answered firmly.
"Where is Dr. Akagi?"
Strange. He probably knew right where she was. The doctor had been courteous enough to leave her a message that she wouldn't be in, so why wouldn't the commander know? Answer: he did.
So why was he asking her? "I believe she's sick today, Sir." Answer: to rattle her.
He nodded at her, then stood and walked out of Asuka's view.
That was weird. The more Asuka observed the commander, the more she felt she understood why Rei seemed closer to him than anyone else.
With sudden determination, Asuka stood and marched out of the command center. She had had enough.
This time, his back was to her as he walked down the corridor. "Sir!"
Unlike Rei, he reacted. Gendo stopped walking and turned around. "What is it, pilot?"
"Sir, you knew Dr. Akagi was out sick."
"Of course."
"Why did you ask me then?" Asuka would have her answers.
"It is not your concern."
Asuka frowned and barely stopped herself from raising her voice. That would prove fruitless against the commander. "I beg to differ, Sir. You ask me for the answer to a question you already know, and it's none of my concern?" She shook her head.
"I pilot, and I follow orders, even when I know you don't care one way or the other about my survival, but here--"
"Are you done?"
Asuka blinked. "What?"
"I asked you if you were finished, pilot."
"I... guess so."
"Good." Gendo turned away from her and resumed walking.
Asuka snorted as she watched him. She did it again, this time with some amusement. Finally, she began to giggle. She had never been so insulted, and yet she couldn't bring herself to be angry in the least.
He had planned on that confrontation.
No matter how Asuka analyzed the situation, it always came back to the same conclusion: he was toying with her.
Maybe this was his way of getting back at her for talking back to him on that first day. Or maybe he was testing her; this seemed to be what everyone else at NERV dealt with... Maybe he just didn't like her, and then the feeling would be mutual.
"Dr. Akagi, can I ask you something?"
As long as it wasn't about men. "Sure."
"It's about the commander."
It wasn't about men; it was worse. "What about him?" Ritsuko tried to sound curt, but figured she sounded nervous and evasive since that was just how she felt.
"The other day, when you were sick, he asked me where you were, but I knew that he knew."
Ritsuko nodded. "Sounds about right."
"So then I asked him why he bothered if he already knew."
Eyebrows climbing quickly up her forehead, Ritsuko said, "You asked him that?"
"Yeah," Asuka answered simply. "I was pretty annoyed. But he said it wasn't my concern. Why?"
"I think," Ritsuko answered slowly, choosing her words carefully, "that he enjoys keeping people off-balance. It makes them easier to... deal with."
"Manipulate, you mean."
"That too. It's best just to go along with it."
"Maybe that's why he always gets his way."
Ritsuko froze. "Maybe," she answered quietly, avoiding Asuka's gaze.
"I don't get it. He goes out of his way to bug me, and then doesn't even say anything about it. He even gets mad when I react the way he wants me to. Maybe I should just go back to school. At least I know why the teachers are annoying."
That made Ritsuko laugh. "My suggestion would be to just ignore it when you know he's trying to get something out of you," she said. "You'll be less confused that way."
"Then why don't you?" Asuka asked, her voice suddenly quiet.
"Why don't I what?"
"Ignore it when he tries to get something from you."
The smile fell from Ritsuko's face. "What--"
"Let me ask you something personal... What do you get in return from him? I don't really get much for being a pilot, but you... you must get something in return."
Ritsuko swallowed hard, narrowing her eyes at Asuka. "You... What did you...." Something sour rose up in her throat. "I think we're done here. You can leave now."
Not waiting for Asuka to comply, Ritsuko stomped off in apparent consternation, leaving the girl alone.
Asuka felt mysteriously... cold inside. Usually, she would feel some malicious glee, but not this time.
Asuka left NERV, not informing anyone. This was something she just wanted to think about it on her own.
School was pleasantly uncomplicated. Asuka sat with Hikari at lunch, each of them quietly eating. In fact, Asuka had been like that all day, being unnaturally withdrawn. She didn't appear melancholy though, just distant.
Her phone ringing made them both stop eating. Hikari just looked at Asuka as the phone rang again.
"Are you going to answer that?"
Asuka shrugged. "I suppose." She pulled out the phone and switched it on. "She held it to her ear without saying anything. Sighing, she nodded, then put the phone back. "I have to go."
"Oh. Bye," Hikari said as Asuka stood and walked away. Whatever Asuka's problem was, her mood was catching.
She knocked, the two raps almost timid, and waited for the inevitable. No doubt this really was the end for her. No increase in her clearance this time, no games.
"Enter."
Asuka did so and stood in front of the desk. There were no papers to distract this time, no stunts, no excuses. She was determined though, and would not go through this meeting like she had done anything wrong. Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes from the desktop and looked directly at Commander Ikari.
He managed it somehow, controlled the light, adjusted his glasses just so...
"Pilot," he said, looking at her with long-practiced disinterest.
"Yes, Sir." That look.... She hated it, hated the way it made her feel. It was worse than being ignored; it made her feel less than human.
If only he'd move a little so the light would reflect off the lenses and hide his eyes. Swallowing thickly, Asuka managed to speak. "Sir, if I could just explain--"
"Denied."
Asuka snapped her mouth shut, teeth clicking together loudly. She hated him, but couldn't help to admire how easily he handled people and situations, including her own.
"Pilot, are you aware of the reason for giving NERV personnel clearance ratings?"
"Yes, I--"
"Then explain why you disregarded yours, whether under the supervision of Dr. Akagi or not."
Blinking rapidly, feeling like she had missed something, Asuka tried to come up with some sort of coherent response. "I... didn't know..."
"Excuses are unacceptable."
"I know, Sir. I just didn't--"
"Consider yourself warned. There will not be another warning."
Asuka straightened up. "Yes, Sir."
"Dismissed."
Turning quickly in an effort to escape before he changed his mind, Asuka walked to the door. She thought she was free when she got her palm on the handle, ready to push it open.
"And pilot."
She stopped, but did not turn around.
"If you undermine the integrity of my command by revealing any information you have, you will be arrested and jailed. No exceptions."
And the axe had come down, though in a surprisingly gentle manner. "Yes, Sir." Without another wasted breath, Asuka exited the office.
Staring up at the ceiling wasn't very interesting. No wonder she had never bothered to do it before. Asuka needed to contemplate though, and that seemed best served by looking at the darkened ceiling.
So what happened? Dr. Akagi had told the commander what she had said, but he had done nothing other than warn her not to tell anyone else. What did that mean? If anything.
But it meant something, because she could easily tell fifty other people before being put in jail. And that wouldn't stop those fifty people from telling another fifty people... Yes, he had threatened her, but... there was an element of trust there as well.
You didn't let someone walk around with your secrets unless you trusted them, after all. Asuka frowned and let her eyes drift close. Did he really have so little regard for the doctor though? Did she?
Asuka liked the doctor much more than she had when she first arrived at NERV, and that simply made things all the more confusing.
Swearing to herself, Asuka tried to get some sleep.
Kaji. Rakish, charming Kaji. More like a brother, though he was ruggedly handsome enough that Asuka would have liked him as something more.
A pleasantly familiar dream where Kaji's hands moved up and down her back, dealing out the world's most perfect massage. With her hair pushed to one side, his breath came down on the back of her neck. The touch was featherish, tickling, gentle as she'd always imagined it would be.
"Mm... Kaji..."
The whispering voice. "Asuka...." No longer Kaji, but Shinji...
She hadn't quite been able to figure that out yet. Why Shinji? What was it about him that made him invade her dreams?
Oh, but Shinji's hands felt just as nice as Kaji's. If only she could get a massage half as good while she was awake. Sighing, Asuka melted under the practiced touch.
"Go lower," she said, wiggling pleasantly against the silk bedding that caressed her skin, the strong hands kneading her shoulders expertly.
"Request denied, pilot."
Asuka sat up in bed, her body bathed in a cold sweat. She gulped air, clutching the blanket tightly. Her entire body was quivering. She could still feel... his hands on her.
Kaji was fine. Shinji she could handle. But... the commander? She honestly hoped she had just mistakenly eaten some of Misato's cooking.
She flopped back on her bed and pulled the covers over her head in an attempt to get back to sleep.
"What happened to you? You look terrible."
"Bad dreams," Asuka mumbled, her eyes still mostly closed.
"Going to school today?" Misato asked, watching the girl wander around like a zombie.
Asuka nodded, then headed back to her room.
Bad dreams... Misato would have wagered it was more than that by the look of her young charge.
Twin glares were directed at Toji and Kensuke. Shinji had been smart enough to keep totally out of it for once.
"It was just a joke. Don't get yer panties in a twist," Toji stuttered, backing away.
If anything, the glares became more severe.
Kensuke couldn't take it any longer, and turned and ran.
"I was joking... sorry," Toji apologized reluctantly.
"You should be sorry, Toji Suzuhara! You have no right to say those types of things about..."
Asuka tuned the rest out. Her head was already hurting, and she didn't need to listen to any more shouting and yelling. The thought came unbidden to her: what does the commander when he has a headache?
The mental voice answered promptly. He doesn't get headaches. He doesn't have to deal with things he doesn't want to. You could only wish to be so lucky.
"I only wish I could get lucky," Asuka mumbled, staring off into the distance.
Hikari glanced at her, but hadn't really heard what her friend had said. The look on Asuka's face was enough to prompt her to leave well enough alone though.
"Dr. Akagi?"
Ritsuko glanced back. "What do you want, Asuka?" She was far from friendly.
"I just wanted to apologize. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Did he make you do this?" she asked icily, keeping her eyes on her work.
"The commander?"
"Yes, the commander."
There was no mistaking the hostility in that reaction. "No, he didn't."
"Fine. Apology accepted."
Asuka waited for a moment, then asked, "Is there anything--"
"No, you've done enough. I don't need your help any longer."
Frowning, Asuka left without another word.
"What the hell are you teaching those kids, Misato!?"
Looking up at Ritsuko, Misato could confidently say she had never seen her so angry. "I haven't been teaching them anything," she answered defensively.
"I noticed! Why don't you teach them some manners if you think you can handle it?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You let her go around saying things like that, especially here, if the commander heard her, well... You would have one less houseguest," Ritsuko hissed.
Before Misato could finish trying to figure out just what Ritsuko was talking about, the blonde woman was gone. "What the hell's her problem?"
"Probably something to do with an unfulfilling sex life."
Misato acted reflexively, elbowing the person that had managed to sneak up behind her. "Can it, Kaji. This isn't a joke."
Toji did his best not to cower under Asuka's verbal assault, but it was hard. Kensuke had already succumbed and fled. Suzuharas were made of sterner stuff though, and he wouldn't scare so easily.
Really, he expected it from Asuka, thought not quite so... fervently. But Hikari, standing slightly behind and to the side of the raging demon, smiling, chilled him to the bone.
"Bitch doesn't even begin to describe her."
"You know she's going to yell at you; why do you do it?"
"I dunno. She was never so... loud before. And it was always fun to see that look on Hik... the class rep's face."
Kensuke immediately began snickering. "I think Toji's got a crush. What do you think, Shinji?"
Toji scowled at him. "I do not! Shut up!"
"I wonder what's wrong with Asuka," Shinji pondered, ignoring his two friends about to engage in mortal combat.
This was certainly against her better judgment, but the knock to her pride was far worse.
Asuka knocked on the now-familiar door.
"Enter."
She was getting used to the ritual, no longer intimidated by the dark, imposing office, and even becoming accustomed to his gaze. She only felt slightly sub-human when she was held in it.
It was simply about adjusting her mindset. The way she thought and acted around other people, even the sub-commander, didn't work; this was something in a completely different realm. "Sir," she began, not expecting a prompt, "Dr. Akagi no longer needs my help."
He made a sound. It might have been speculative or questioning or one of a hundred other things, but the commander did not speak to help Asuka in her analysis of it.
"I'd like to be assigned something else."
"Such as?"
He managed to be unpredictable even in the most predictable situations. Asuka thought she had a pretty good comeback though. "Something appropriate for my level of education."
He didn't move except to push his glasses up. "And your maturity?"
Off-balance at every step. "I am mature enough to be able to handle any task," Asuka answered, allowing a little fire to escape.
"That proved to be untrue with your last assignment."
Asuka felt her face flush. "That wasn't.... I didn't--"
"Report to Commander Fuyutsuki."
"Yes, Sir." Off-balance at every step, and how easily he had pushed her aside.
He was a genius. A bastard, but still a genius.
"He told you what?"
"To report to you."
Ikari, I'll get you for this. Fuyutsuki sighed and looked around. They were still in the middle of the budget battle, and he had stacks of assorted paperwork to go through. He certainly didn't have time to babysit.
"Well... I guess...." His eyes settled on a stack of papers. "Ah. You can take these papers back to him. All of them need to be signed."
Asuka sighed. So it would come down to this.
"If you can stand it for a few days, I'll see what else I can find for you."
"You really don't need my help, do you? He just did this... because, right?" she asked, frustrated and a tad depressed.
"He does seem to enjoy inconveniencing as many people at a time as he can. Here." Fuyutsuki handed over the stack of papers.
"Yes, Sir...." Just about ready to go back to school after putting up with all the games, Asuka trudged away.
The door again, but this time, her hands were full. Staring at it for a moment, Asuka just kicked it twice. As long as her request got through...
"Enter."
"Yeah, thanks," she muttered, fumbling to get the door open without dropping the papers all over. "Doing just fine, Commander. Don't need any help out here."
Finally, with a grunt, she managed to get the door open, and stumbled inside. Panting, Asuka deposited the papers unceremoniously on the desk. "These are from Commander Fuyutsuki. He said they all need your signature."
"Dismissed."
Asuka's mouth twitched in a small grin. He apparently wasn't so happy with that.
"Pilot," he said as she turned, "don't get ahead of yourself. You are still only a child."
"A child that's graduated college."
"Only a child."
There was a moment of silence that could have been categorized as hostile.
"And, pilot, inform Fuyutsuki he is in command until I return from my meeting."
Asuka nodded sharply, instantly taking things more seriously. "Yes, Sir."
Once outside the office, Asuka got a small thoughtful smile on her face. Bastard, sure, but... she could handle him, no problem.
------------------------------
End part 2