Rights belong to GAINAX and AIC respectively.
Used without permission.

You'll need to be familiar with the 1st OVA series of El-Hazard
to really get anything out of this...

by EeL

We begin our story with the discovery of ancient ruins under the local
high school. The violent president of the Student Council, Touji Jinnai
claims credit for finding it - much to the disgust of bystanders who
know it to be untrue. And it's not the only example of his deviousness.
A hearing into his election vote-buying will be held the next day. And 
the star witness is our hero Shinji Mizuhara. In the evening, Touji
tries to make sure that Shinji will be not testifying by trying to tie
him up. Meanwhile Misato Fujisawa-sensei is on night duty and Nanami 
Jinnai brings her food and drink. Just as Touji is about to get the 
better of Shinji, time stops. The inteprid Shinji enters the ruins to 

   "Oh Shinji..." said the strange pale girl as she staggered towards
him and hugged him tightly. "I've waited so long for you. We meet at 

   "Hey...err...what's your name?"

   "You've forgotten? Through the endless nights I dreamt
only of you, you, my dearest Shinji. Now this moment has finally 
arrived after ten thousand years!"

   She reluctantly let go of him and stepped back. "You must prepare
for your journey. Time grows short, my powers have grown weak with the
passage of years. With my remaining strength, I will send you to 

   "Please tell me what's going on! Who are you!?"

   "Go now. And be safe. I know that I can rely on you, Shinji. I will
carry you in my thoughts and heart till our paths cross again." She 
smiled at him with an infinite tenderness. Shinji had to shield his 
eyes from the light that flooded the room and he saw many visions
of things that were to come or were they things that had been?

Thus begins the epic journey - The mysterious woman's power sends 
everyone on school grounds to the magical land of El-Eva. Touji lands
in the middle of Bugrom territory and finds that he has to ability to
communicate with them. In awe, the dumb insectoids bring him to their
ruler who converses using the royal 'we'...
   "We are Hikari Diva, Queen and Supreme Ruler of the omnipotent 
Bugrom Empire."

   "I am Touji Jinnai. Ruler of Shinonome High School!"

   "Could it be true? Is your arrival in Our palace the long awaited 

   "Sure. Of course I am."

   "Then tell me. Are you the messenger sent by the gods to lead us?"

   "Sent by the gods, eh?"

   "I am asking you if you are the one sent to lead us to victory in
battle against our enemies in El-Eva."

   "Yeah, victory and conquest! That's my kind of mission!"

   "Ooh it's true!" Queen Hikari batted her eyelids and assumed a
'Oh, you're my hero' pose. "You're finally here!"

   "We will conquer our foes! I will lead you!" shouted Touji as the 
Bugrom cheered. 

   "Bugrom will rule all! El-Eva will finally be ours!" proclaimed
the Queen.

   "Victory shall be ours! Nothing will stand in our way!" Touji
laughed like a lunatic as the Bugrom began their war cry.

Meanwhile Shinji and Misato rescue Queen Venus from a party of Bugrom,
mostly due to the fact that the latter now has superhuman strength. 
They are brought back to the palace while Queen Venus tries to
convince Shinji to impersonate Princess Fatora who is missing 
and feared kidnapped. Shinji looks nothing like Fatora but Venus
hopes the Sages of Mt Muldoon won't know what Fatora looks like,
being cooped up at the top of the mountain. She wants to unseal
the Eye of Eva so as to escalate the war against the Bugrom. She
is currently courted by Prince Galus. However Shinji doesn't take
to crossdressing and he and Misato are thrown into the dungeon to
give them time to reconsider...

   "Beer. Must have beeeeer," moaned Misato Fujisawa-sensei, lying on
the floor of the cell. 

   "Hey, Misato-sensei. What kind of weapon do you think the Eye of
Eva is?"

   "Who cares about that!? Maybe it's an N2 mine... Aargh! A beer! I 
need a beer! If I can't have a beer, I don't know what I'll do!!!" 
screamed Misato as she smashed her fist into the cell's wall. It
crumbled to pieces.

   "All right! I got my superhuman strength back!"

   Just then the two guards outside opened the door to investigate.
When they saw Misato, they immediately flopped onto the ground and
began twitching while spouting huge nosebleeds.

   "Hey Shinji! Stop covering your face and take a look! I've got
another super power!"

   "No, Misato-sensei," said Shinji still covering his eyes. "It's
just that your blouse is undone." Shinji had initially caught a
little peek and there was already a small trickle of blood from his

Finally Shinji reluctantly agrees to Queen Venus' demands. He's made up
and dressed up and he travels to Mt Muldoon with Misato, Fatora's 
concubine Maya Alliele and the armour penguin Ura-Pen. While ascending
the mountain, they are ambushed by Touji and their adventure almost 
comes to a tragic end but lo-and-behold! They are rescued by the Fire
Priestess of Muldoon in a super-miniskirt...

   "I didn't know how much longer I could hold out back there. Thanks 
for saving us!" said Misato.

   "Wow! The way you fight, I'd never thought you're a priestess!" 
said Shinji Mizuhara. His 'Princess as Envoy' costume was a little 
singed from the recent display of explosive power by the Muldoon
Priestess of Fire.

   "No prob." The redhead laughed heartily - a mix of being flattered 
and amused.

   "Excuse me but what's your name?" asked Maya Alielle, eyes wide in 
admiration plus a glint of something else.

   "It's Sohryu-Sohryu Asuka-Asuka Langley-Langley. Everyone around
here just calls me Asuka-Asuka."

   "Asuka-Asukaaa..." cooed Maya as she sidled up to the redhead. 
"What a gooorgeous name..." The hairs on the back of Asuka-Asuka's 
neck stood up on end.

However, Asuka-Asuka and Afura leave the four at Mt Muldoon as they
rush off to the hot springs. The party eventually reach the springs
after a long journey through the desert...

   Misato Fujisawa-sensei leapt high into the air and used her Fist of
Justice to send the furry servitor (whom she thought was a monster
terrorizing the priest) into low planet orbit. She landed in a dramatic
pose and rose in an equally dramatic manner. The sun behind her and
her teeth flashing. Her breasts jiggled slightly. Then she noticed
just what a wonderful physique the barely clad Kaji Mishtal had.

   "The woman of your dreams has arrived!"   

Shinji's identity as a male is exposed, heralding some colourful 
fireworks from a nude and offended Asuka-Asuka. Nanami joins them 
at the springs. They receive news that the Bugrom are headed for 
the Forbidden Island and rush there...

   "The Forbidden Island. The resting place of the Demon Goddess
Rei Ifurita. Its location known only to the three Holy Sages of Mt
Muldoon. How could the Bugrom have found it? How is that possible?"

   "Oh enough with the boring monologue already, Asuka," said Afura
Mann, smirking. "You're certainly not smart enough to figure it out." 
A blaze of red flame erupted from Asuka-Asuka's forehead as she spun 

   "Are you calling me stupid!? Yeah, call me stupid to my face!"
Asuka's battle aura began to shine brightly.

   "Umm...could you not fight now? You could blow up the ship, you
know..." suggested Shinji.

   "So you think I'm stupid too!" 

   "No, no, I'm sure you're very smart!" Shinji said nervously.

   "This is odd," said Kaji Mishtal as they arrived on the Forbidden 
Island. "I thought that the place would swarming with Bugrom..." Right
on cue for insane laughter to float from some rocks as a Bugrom
Flying Transport hovered into view.

   "Touji!" exclaimed Shinji.

   "Well, thank you sooo much for that lovely guided tour," smirked

   "Guided tour!?" exclaimed Asuka-Asuka.  

   "Ohhh. And I thought it was common knowledge that only the three
almighty sages of Mt Muldoon knew the location of the Forbidden Island.
It was simple to spy on you after planting the rumour. We just followed
your little tugboat all the way here..." The six Bugrom behind him
pounded their right fists into their left palms in a 'Oh I get it!'
sort of way.

   "What!? You mean you idiots only just understood the plan!? Never
mind! Shinji! You'll finally get your comeuppance! No more beating me 
at track, mid-terms, art and singing! And certainly no conspiracy to 
overthrow me from my position of leadership!"

   "Well, it looks like my brother is a violent maniac no matter
which world he's on!"

   "Nanami!? Hey, aren't you supposed to be in school? And how dare 
you talk to your big brother like that! And why are defending that 
evil Shinji Mizuhara! After he stepped on you!"

   The pretty orange-haired girl turned her cheek to her brother (Hey,
be fair, I can't believe Nanami is Katsuhiko's sister either). "Shinji
didn't mean it! Besides it was an accident and he's apologized. I'm all
recovered now! And you! You should be ashamed of yourself! Only a 
weirdo freak like you would hang out with a bunch of icky bugs!"

   "Weirdo freak!? Take that back! How dare you! After I came to the
hospital to visit you everyday!"

   "Oh excuuuuse me! You came in, sat down and read a book for 15
minutes! You never wanted to talk to me! I bet you did that just to
make the girls in school think that deep down you had a kind heart!"

   "Mr Jinnai, your sister is absolutely right! It takes years to
cultivate respect. At least graduate first!" pleaded Misato-sensei.

   Touji began to drool. "For your sweet melons, I would do anything!"
Following Queen Hikari's orders, Groucho bapped Touji on the head.
"Oh alright, alright. World domination first."

   "Hey, how do you think Touji can communicate with the Bugrom?"
asked Maya.

   "Maybe the special power that he got - like Misato-sensei's super
strength and Nanami's ability to see through the Phantom Tribe's 
illusions - was to talk to the Bugrom!" hypothesized Afura.

   "Yeah, if my brother received any super powers, it would something
disgusting like that!" exclaimed Nanami.

   "Hold on!" said the wise Misato-sensei. "I think Touji's special
power was the immediate ability to speak perfect French, that's all."

   "French?" asked everyone.

   "Yeah! From what little I've heard, it does sound like French. That 
would make perfect sense since the Bugrom seem to be able to understand
us. Maybe they just refuse to speak other languages..."

   "Ah c'est la vie," shrugged Groucho, Harpo, Chiko, Zeppo, Gammo
and Margaret.

Shinji descends into the resting place of Rei Ifurita and recognizes
her was the one who sent them to El-Eva. But she doesn't remember and
Touji gains control of Rei Ifurita. She flys off to devastate the
Alliance forces. But not before Shinji interfaces with her. Later as
Shinji returns to Roshtaria, the Eye of Eva is unsealed. Nanami sees 
through Prince Galus' disguise. He is a prince of the Phantom Tribe. 
Just then Rei Ifurita attacks the royal palace and mightily kickes
the asses of all three Sages...

   Shinji stared into the sky. He thought of how with his touch, he
interfaced with Rei Ifurita. Confronted with her past, the Demon 
Goddess lost the will to fight and fled. Shinji sighed.

   Hiding behind a pillar, Nanami and Asuka-Asuka didn't like it.

   "Well!? Go on! Go ask him!" demanded Nanami. "There's no point in 
being shy now! You saw the look between Shinji and Rei! Something more
than a glance passed through them!"

   "They did stare for a long while..." murmured Asuka-Asuka.

   "Well, go on and find out!" said Nanami, shoving the fire priestess.

   "Why I am elected!?"

   "Oh. So I guess you don't care if Shinji runs off that Demon 
Goddess bimbo!"

   "No... why should I?" asked Asuka-Asuka who was blushing.

   "Who are you trying to kid!? It's a wonder your nose isn't growing!"

   "What about you!?"

   "I...I don't have anytime to get involved," stammered Nanami who
was blushing as well. In the end, the two girls decided to approach
Shinji together.

   "Listen up, Shinji..." said the two in unison.

   "Rei..." murmured the love-sick Shinji.

   Both girls had their dreams dashed in an instant as they stood 
there, jaws slack and eyes wide against a colourful artistic 
background meant to denote shock and displacement. Disorientating
music played in the background.

   Asuka-Asuka ran away, screaming at the top of her voice.

   Nanami proceeded to strangle Shinji while interrogating him.

   Asuka-Asuka found Misato-sensei and her cache of Yebichu beer and
began to drown her sorrows.

   "Damn that bastard Shinji!" Her pretty eyes became a single X. 
"He ought to know how I feel!"

   "You really shouldn't be drinking," said Misato-sensei. "You're

   "Will you lay off!?" screamed Asuka-Asuka. "A priestess can get
tanked if she wants to! When life sucks, drink beer!"

   "So did you really like him in the original series? And just what
the hell did you mean at the end of End of Evangelion?"

   "Do I look like Hideaki Anno to you? Maybe AIC should do a 
happy sequel to Eva and give the people at GAINAX heart attacks."

The Phantom Tribe seize control of the Stairway to the Sky. Galus
attempts to use Princess Fatora to activate the Eye of Eva but it
fails. Rei Ifurita arrives and snatches Fatora from Galus' grasp.
Touji demands the surrender of the Alliance on pain of Fatora's death.
Shinji organizes a rescue mission and with the Sages, Misato-sensei
and Ura-Pen, he penetrates the Bugrom fortress with Asuka-Asuka and
Afura Mann creating a diversion. Touji is waiting for him in Fatora's
cell and orders Rei to kill Shinji. But Shinji has a trump card under
his sleeve...

   Touching Rei's Power Key Staff, Shinji used his amazing super power 
to synchronize with ancient El-Eva technology, destroying the obedience 
circuit inside Rei that forced her to obey the master of her Power 
Key Staff.

   "The obedience circuit has been destroyed. You'll never have to 
listen to anyone give you an order again! You're free, Rei!" said 
Shinji with a grand flourish. 

   "What!?" screamed Touji. "She's mine I tell you!" He rushed up
to the couple and leered at Rei who promptly backhanded him. Touji
flew several metres across the room and landed in a heap.

   "Hmmm...I don't think Queen Hikari would be very happy with that
last outburst of yours, Touji," said Shinji.

   "It's true..." murmured Rei in wonder. "I really am free."

   "Damn you all! You betrayed me you lousy windup witch!" screamed 
Touji as he got up from the floor.

   "I can finally eat all the ice cream, chocolate and potato chips 
that I want! I can go shopping at last! So many dresses to buy! So
many cute soft toys I've always wanted! And boys! I can go on dates,
dancing, karaoke! Oh Shinji! You've got that special touch... you 
always know how to turn me on..." Rei batted her eyes most seductively.

   Shinji simply grinned like an idiot as Misato and Kaji rushed in.

   "I hate happy couples! Soldiers! Kill them all!"


   There was a huge explosion and several figures rushed out of the
Bugrom fortress. "Shinji!" exclaimed Asuka-Asuka. "Are you alright?
Hey what the hell is Rei doing?" The pale Rei Ifurita appeared to 
have switched sides and was now holding out against hordes of Bugrom. 

   "Asuka, you've got to help her!" Asuka-Asuka took off into the
air - doing her special power-up routine and arrived just as Rei
was about to collapse. "Who'd thought I'd ever be helping you, the
Great All-Powerful Demon Goddess Bimbo."

   Despite her weakened state, Rei Ifurita's red eyes pierced into
Asuka-Asuka's core. "I am not a bimbo."

(Shinji and company escape back to Roshtaria. The entire Bugrom 
army is hot on their heels. It is time to use the Eye of Eva...)

   "You don't have to worry about me Mom. When I'm through with
them, they'd wish they'd never heard of Princess Ritsuko Fatora!"
She then proceeded to laugh maniacally.

   "You there! Can I assume you've been the one who's been
impersonating me?" Shinji grinned and nodded in embarrassment.
"You look nothing like me! The author obviously hasn't figured
out a way to get this crossover done properly! Well, anyway,
you must have enjoyed impersonating me, not to mention the feel 
of royal silk undies must have an unrivalled experience!" The
blonde princess then burst into another fit of insane laughter.
"Ura-Pen! What are you doing there!? You're a worthless animal! If 
you'd done your job and protected me, I wouldn't have had to go 
through that horrible experience!"

   "Urrr?" chirped the armour penguin who was sporting a large
sweatdrop and hiding behind Shinji's legs.

   "Oh Ritsuko-hime-chan! I'm so happy that you're back!" gushed
Maya. "And I'm glad to see you haven't changed at all." To emphasize
the point, she sidled up to Ritsuko who stood there arms akimbo
with a snide smile on her face.

   "Ah such sweet sentiment Maya. But you didn't cheat on me while I 
was gone did you?" 

   "How could I?" asked Maya innocently, stroking Ritsuko's side.
"You're the ooonly object of my affection."

   "Oh really?" Ritsuko sneered knowingly. "What about the redhead?"
Asuka-Asuka felt like throwing up.

Naoko Venus and Ritsuko Fatora send most of the Bugrom armies
and cities to another dimension. In their new land, the Bugrom find 
that everyone is made of two dimensional paper cut-outs. Though the
animation is crap, the place is funny. Their new supreme ruler is this
fat kid who swears a lot. Back on El-Eva, the purple and green Eye of
Eva won't stop firing. Galus has sabotaged it. Queen Naoko Venus 
confronts Galus who appears just in time to gloat...

   "Gendou Galus! Why have you done this heinous thing?" demanded
Queen Naoko Venus of her treachorous suitor. Gendou had sabotaged
the Eye of Eva so that after Naoko and Ritsuko had used it to 
destroy the Bugrom hordes, it refused stop and was now about to
self-destruct - and take the whole of El-Eva with it.

   The prince of the Phantom Tribe sat on a desk he had placed on the 
Eye of Eva so that he could look cool in shiny reflective glasses and 
hands folded in front of his blue face. "I seek vengeance for Yui and 
Rei Ifurita Mark I."

   Naoko and Ritsuko gasped. 

   After hearing Gendou's story, everyone - even Touji - agreed on
a course of action. Queen Naoko Venus was deposed and thrown into
prison for the rest of her life. Princess Ritsuko Fatora was reduced
to a slave and sold to Maya Alliele - who was the only one who wanted
to keep her anyway. Rei stopped the Eye of Eva from destroying El-Eva
and was blasted off into the next ten thousand years to meet Shinji. 
It took three years of relentless research, with the help of the dean
of the Royal Academy, child prodigy Dr Kensuke Schtalubaugh, to 
properly understand the workings of the Eye of Eva. 

   In the meantime, with the Bugrom Empire in ruins, Hikari chose Touji
for the singular honor of helping her repopulate the Empire. They would
have their very own family. Just a million kids to start off. Luckily,
almost all of them were very pleasant Bugrom indeed. Nanami went off 
to start the Alliance's first business conglomerate. Misato finally 
managed to get Kaji to the altar. With his departure, Asuka-Asuka took
over the mantle of Chief Prietess of Mt Muldoon. Even then she and 
Afura continued to bicker endlessly. Mostly for fun.

   When Gendou tried to forbid Shinji from going to see Rei, the 
blue-skinned bastard was blown far away into space and time. Gendou
continues to terrorize the world today as a singing purple dinosaur.


   Rei Ifurita was dressed in a school uniform that she had pinched 
from Nanami's locker to replace her tattered Demon Goddess costume. 
She leaned against the fence around the school field. Still chewing
on a piece of toast, Rei looked up. It was just the sun rising. She 
sighed despondently. Then a glowing green globe appeared in the centre 
of the field. It was him! She was so happy her heart felt like it was 
going to burst. She ran towards him, toast still in her mouth, as tears 
streamed from her eyes.

   Shinji ran towards her as well but as the author would have it, 
they ended up colliding head on. There were church bells sounding as 
their heads bonked together, Rei's toast spinning in the air above 

   "Itetetete." Rei lay on her cute little butt, rubbing her head. A
pair of birds were already busy pecking at the half-eaten piece of 
toast. She saw that Shinji was on his hands and knees, the lump on his 
head was much larger than hers. This was to be expected since Rei had 
the invulnerable skull of an invincible Demon Goddess with the power
to destroy the world. He was staring at her wide-eyed. She followed 
his gaze and realized it led up her skirt. She blushed and pressed her
hands onto her skirt. Demon Goddess costumes didn't seem to come with
underwear and Nanami's locker didn't have any spares. It was too late
though - Shinji had already begun to nosebleed. 



Ver 1.3 - 8 Feb  1999
Ver 1.4 - 29 Mar 1999
Ver 2.0 - 6 Apr  1999
Ver 2.1 - 2 May  1999

Many thanks to Joyce K Wakabayashi for her encouragement to get this
project going and to Matthew Lewis for his invaluable advice. Any 
screw-ups are, of course, my own responsibility.

contact: or