RAMEN 2
an Evangelion fanfic
with Ranma 1/2 elements by EeL (TOH Ee Loong)
Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by the people at GAINAX.
English translation rights and distribution in the UK belong
to ADVision.
Ranma 1/2 is belongs to Rumiko Takahashi,
copyright Shounen Sunday and Shogakukan in Japan
and Viz Entertainment in North America and Western Europe.
BACKGROUND
This is the sequel to my very first fanfic, Ramen. The
exogenous shock of a popular Ranma fanfic device, passion
spice, has been introduced into the Eva universe - the
consequences of which are explored in this fic. You should
be at least passingly familiar with 'Ramen' to fully enjoy
this. Previous work of mine is archived at
http://web.singnet.com.sg/~toheel/
* WARNING/STANDARD PRODUCT DISCLAIMER *
Spoilers! You have been warned.
This is technically not a lemon but has a strong lemonish tinge.
I think the terminology for this kind of fic is 'lime'.
Names used have been arranged as they appear in native Japanese
and Chinese usage. That is, family name in front. It drives me
crazy when I still get letters addressed to Mr Loong. Revenge
will be mine one day. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
Anyway, on with show...
* * *
"Ikari... we have a problem," declared NERV Deputy
Commander Fuyutsuki Kouzo.
"It's not about the pilot of Unit 01 again, is it?"
asked Gendou, elbows on desk and hands folded just under
his nose. The Gendou Position (TM).
"Actually it involves all the pilots," smirked Ryouji
Kaji. Katsuragi Misato groaned as she slapped her hand onto
her forehead.
"How so?"
"Well, a picture says a thousand words..."
sighed Akagi Ritsuko, pressing a button on her remote. An
image was projected from the tactical display before the
assembled NERV top brass. It was labelled NERV Intelligence
Surveillance A01A.
Rei, Shinji and Asuka were at school. Rei was
glomping Shinji - with the faintest hint of a smile. That
meant that she was VERY happy. Shinji looked like he was
overwhelmed by panic. Asuka was beet-red, mouth wide in
the process of swearing loudly in German, as she smashed her
book bag onto Shinji's head.
Commander Ikari's eyes widened ever so slightly.
"More seriously, it's had some effect on our training
program..." reported Misato, who having a bad hair day. NERV
Operations Log 4D92 came into view.
Unit 01 was running. Very quickly. Its hands were
clasped over its head. Its jaw hung slack in mid-wail. Unit
01 was followed closely by the outstretched arms of Unit 00
as the sky-blue Eva tried to get its hands on the Purple One.
In hot pursuit was Unit 02, a huge progressive axe raised
over its head.
Gendou grew a large sweatdrop. But since it was behind
his head, nobody saw it.
"No damage from this incident. We cut off the power to
Unit 02 and then to Unit 00 before anything serious could
happen," reported Ibuki Maya, clipboard raised over her mouth
to save on animation effects.
"A noticeable side-effect is that Shinji has taken to
hiding in the entry plug of Unit 01, mostly to catch up on his
sleep," continued Maya. NERV Operations Log 2A90 appeared.
The image was bisected. On the left was a picture of
Ikari Shinji in the entry plug of Unit 01. He looked exhausted
and was fast asleep. On the right was Unit 01 berthed in the
Seventh Cage, the entry plug still sealed securely inside the
Evangelion. On the gangway, Soryuu Asuka Langley and Ayanami
Rei waited. The former was tapping her right foot in impatience,
the latter was seated calmly in front of Unit 01 and was having
a staring contest with Unit 01. Unit 01 looked like it was losing.
"Shinji is such a lazy kid. Major Katsuragi, you should
discipline him," reprimanded Ikari Gendou sternly.
"Oh, don't be so hard on your son," laughed Kaji. "It's
not his fault." NERV Special Invesigations 40539 flashed onto
the screen.
It was Shinji's room. Moonlight flooded into the room
from an open window. Rei, dressed in a black version of her
plug suit (Meow!), was climbing through the said window. For
added effect, her figure was silhouetted by the full moon. (Fly
me to the moon, and let me...) Shinji was cowering in his bed.
His legs folded up to his chest. He held the bedsheets close to
his bare chest. He also seemed to be whimpering into Asuka's
left arm which was locked around his neck. The German redhead
was next to him, all the naughty bits appropriately censored.
Her vocal chords were given another workout as she waved a
chairleg in an effort to keep Rei at bay. Misato stood at the
entrance of the room, hands over her ears, trying unsuccessfully
to calm things down.
"I assume, of late, this is the cause of your rather
frazzled demeanour, Major?" asked Fuyutsuki.
"Actually I thought it was because her fourteen year old
charges are having so much more of a life than her," interjected
Kaji, grinning very smugly. Misato looked daggers at him. Her
eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets at the next image.
In the photo Shinji is shown to be kneeling, back
towards the lense. Before him, Rei stands to his right
and Asuka to his left.
The former is dressed in a white translucent negligee
over a white lacy teddy. Just visible are the tips of the
little-bitty silver-trimmed sky-blue wings on her back.
A golden halo hangs over her head - how it stays there,
no one is quite sure. A tiny benign smile completes Rei's
outfit.
Asuka, on the other hand, sports a very stripped
down version of her plug suit. Mounted on her head, in
addition to the ever-present neural interface nodes, are
a pair of small red horns. Her spiked tail seems to have
a life of its own. She sports a full-toothed grin, a
predator savouring the terror of her prey.
"Oh my," said Maya, a hand poised daintly over
her lips.
The next image flashed onto the screen.
Shinji is butt-naked - hog-tied and gagged, he lies
on his stomach. Asuka has her booted foot planted on his
back as she waves her spear in the air. She appears to be
wearing some sort of armour made from lots of strips of
black and brown leather and metal studs, complete with
leather-strip skirt. Her face is adorned with war paint
and slung over her back are a bow and quiver of arrows.
Think Asuka - Warrior Princess.
In the picture, Rei is behind Asuka. She stares
placidly the whole scene, apparently having lost the chase
this time. She is decked out in a yellow crown/tiara,
tight-fitting striped top and gridle in the colours of
the American flag. Fancy outlandish boots adorn her heels.
Wonder Woman without her invisible plane. Or rather,
WonderGirl.
"Kaji-san, I think we get your point," noted Fuyutsuki
flatly.
"What is the cause of all this?" asked Gendou.
"The MAGI estimate 2,368 factors ranging from psychological
stress to changes in the weather," reported Hyuuga.
"Which really means... we don't really know," admits
Ritsuko. "From what we have observed, all this started after
the night of the defeat of the Tenth Angel. The only things out of
the ordinary were that the Commander praised the pilot of Unit 01..."
"Damned. There goes my reputation," thought the Supreme
Commander of NERV.
"...and that Misato treated the pilots to dinner," finished
Ritsuko. Everyone else except Misato, Kaji and Gendou, gasped in
shock.
"Oh, come on, guys, it was just ramen. I'm not Tendou
Nabiki, you know," retorted Misato. Everyone in the room, including
Gendou, trembled at the memory of the bill from Tendou Corp. The
bill for the rush repair of Unit 01 after its maiden battle was
enough to bankrupt a medium-sized nation. NERV was above the law
but it quietly paid up. There was, of course, the matter of those
compromising photos of Dr Akagi and Commander Ikari, the
embarassingly college shots of Misato and a certain boyfriend,
dominatrix fantasies from Maya's diary, the taped remarks from
Fuyutsuki to Ikari Yui about an unpleasant Rokubungi person...
"Blood samples from the Children AND Major Katsuragi
revealed the presence of a powerful substance that affected
their brain chemistry. From the spectra-analysis, the effects
should have been temporary so we have no idea what is responsible
for the continued misbehaviour of the Children. The trace elements
were also too faint to try and formulate an antidote, even with
the MAGI's processing power," said Maya.
"Why haven't we gotten hold of the ramen stall holder?"
questioned Gendou.
"It has proved a little more difficult than we thought,"
said Fuyutsuki, handing over the hospitalisation bills of the
entire NERV Intelligence and Security Bureaus.
"Kaji-san? I think we need your expertise," ordered Gendou.
"Right."
Kaji left the platform and subsequently returned five
minutes later, tucking his handphone into his back pocket.
"Well?"
"Just give me fifteen minutes."
"Zankoku na tenshi..."
"...shounen yo shinwa ni nare...What!?" asked Gendou
defensively as he finished humming a little ditty to pass the
time. The stares were immediately retracted.
"Ohhh... I just like the Director's Edit version better,
that's all," replied Aoba. Everyone face-faulted.
As the NERV crew recovered, ALERT signals filled the display
screens. INTRUDER DETECTED.
"Security breach in the Geo Front!"
"An Angel!?"
"Pattern analysis is Green!"
"Whatever it is, it's moving fast!"
"All personnel go to first stage alert!"
"We have a breach in the main shaft."
"Seal off Central Dogma."
"Eva status?"
"The Children are being airlifted from school. ETA 4 mins."
"Fast. Too fast! The armour plates are giving way!"
"It's heading straight for Central Dogma!"
"It's heading straight for us!"
"Evacuate Central Dogma!"
"Roger. Evacuate. All personnel evacuate. I repeat. All
personnel evacuate!"
"Kaji! Why are you just standing there!?"
The side wall of Central Dogma exploded as a purple
blur moved through the gap and bounded up the control tower.
The blur approached the NERV command staff and rapidly began
to resolve itself into a Chinese woman with long purple locks
who was carrying two metal delivery cases, they were embossed
with the words 'Nekohaten'.
"Who Ryouji Kaji?" asked the intruder.
"Here," waved Kaji, giving his best smile.
"Eight orders of deluxe ramen. Here bill," replied
Shampoo as she took Kaji's payment and began to serve each
of the bewildered command staff.
"Hey, didn't I just visit your stall last week?"
asked Misato who was already tucking into her ramen.
Shampoo looked at the purple-haired NERV tactician.
"Ah, yes. Good taste in hair colour. You bring one
boy with cute butt, one gaijin girl and one albino Yui/Lilith
clone?"
"Speaking of which, Shampoo-san, we have a small
problem..." said Kaji as he flashed the previous clips again
for Shampoo's benefit. "Could you help us?"
"Aiyah. No problem. Passion spice wear off after
it take effect."
"Then why are they behaving like that if it's worn
off?"
"And people say Shampoo bimbo. Is easy! Passion spice
creates opportunities and bring down emotional barriers -
like Lance of Longinus pierce Absolute Terror Field. Hearts
become open. All things possible. People realize that all
things possible. Freedom and power is terrible responsibility."
"Then there's no way to reverse it?"
"Why reverse? Boy looks like he could use female
loving. Make up for cold horrible father. Anyway, two
girls chase one guy not really problem. Should meet
Ranma."
"..."
"Okay. Shampoo go back now."
"Please wait a moment, Shampoo-san," Gendou finally
spoke, with a glint in his eye. "I think I have an idea."
* * *
"Ikari... what is on your mind? Will you betray SEELE?"
mused the old man.
Suddenly the door to the room exploded as it was kicked
down. A familiar Chinese woman stepped into the room with her
metal canteens.
"Who Ki-i-ru Ro-re-n-zu?" asked Shampoo, reading from a
piece of paper.
The Chairman of the Instrumentality Project Committee
was too shocked to respond with words. He made do by raising
his hand like a schoolboy.
"Twelve orders of Super Duper Extra Special Deluxe Tendou
Ramen. Here bill."
"Did you say... Tendou?"
* * *
"Thank you, it's been good doing business with you too,
Ms Tendou."
Gendou hung up his phone and assumed the Position (TM).
"I take it all has gone accordingly to plan?" asks
Fuyutsuki as he sweeps all the tiles from the board.
"Yes, Tendou Nabiki has confirmed receipt of the first
installment from SEELE. They are technically bankrupt now.
So much for the Eva-05 series. Of course, we get a small
cut..."
"How small?"
"Ohhh, about 3%."
Fuyutsuki gasped.
Under his hands, Gendou grinned a huge Cheshire cat grin
even though he was sure that he forgotten about a certain small
detail.
* * *
"Shinji-baka-kun!"
"Ikari-kun."
"Ack!"
"Mine! He's mine! Let go, Wondergirl!"
"Help!"
The End.
Completed 30 Sep 98.
This fanfic is dedicated to my faithful pre-readers,
Li Lip Khoon and Tan Leng Huei.
Comments and criticism are most welcome!
(email: toheel@singnet.com.sg) (
geocities.com/seele_hq)