The most important thing for you to do is to seek help.
It’s very hard to deal with self harm on your own. Having support & encouragement is crucial to stopping. I know it’s hard to reach out to someone, but you can find support online, from a school/college counselor, a trusted friend, family member, teacher, or a help line.
Before you talk to a friend or loved one about self harm it’s a good idea to consider how you will tell them & how you think they will react. Also consider what you hope the outcome will be – what do you hope they will do and say? If you can let someone know what they can do to help you, then it will make things easier for both of you.
It’s a good idea to have some written facts about self harm handy, so your friend can get a good understanding of your feelings & behaviour. My husband broached the subject of my self harm with his parents by leaving ‘The Scarred Soul’ in a place where they would see it. This book explains the basics of self harm and also has a section specifically for friends & family.
I tended to let people know about my self harm by showing them my poetry and letting them figure it out. Now I can see that this wasn’t the best way to go about things. Most people didn’t know what to say and didn’t know much about the seriousness of self harm. I also told a university tutor via e mail. It was easier to be honest this way, but he wasn’t an appropriate person to talk to about this.
Try to get to the root of why you self harm.
If you can understand why you hurt yourself, you’re on the way to being able to stop. It’s really important to identify the feelings, thoughts and triggers behind your behaviour. Then you can find healthier ways to deal with your feelings; you can challenge your negative thoughts and you can avoid triggers.
What are you trying to say when you hurt yourself? Are you feeling lonely, depressed, bored, angry, frustrated, spaced out, neglected, hurt, hateful, shame, anxious, scared, guilty, worried, vulnerable, threatened, violated, annoyed, unloved, desperate?
It’s helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings when you have the urge to self harm. Then when you’re feeling safer or are with your therapist, you can see which patterns and feelings reoccur. Examining the motivation behind your self harm can be very triggering, as you’re addressing the cause of your problem, rather than medicating it with self harm. So please make sure you’re safe and you have some things on hand for temporary relief, like red markers, ice, paint, soft things to throw or punch.
Lock up or throw out your blades / knives etc.
If you don’t have access to something dangerous then you’re less likely to hurt yourself. If you can’t bear to throw your sharp objects away, then lock them up and hide the key. It’s important to have a positive self-caring state of mind and ridding your home or sharp things is a good practical and symbolic step.
Write a diary.
It’s a good idea to write down your feelings on paper or online. If you can express your feelings & pain in words then you won’t need to take it out on your body.
Be creative.
When you’re feeling depressed you don’t want to do anything. But try to make the effort to do some artwork, crafts, writing, sport or reading etc. Doing something fun and creative will take your mind of your pain for a while and can be a cathartic outlet for your feelings. Creating something and being productive will also give you a reason to feel proud of your abilities.
A great example of healing through art is MildStones Creations. Caroline feels that her artwork has been essential in her healing from a traumatic childhood; she has finally found a way to give voice to a very painful past.
Have a plan for moments of weakness.
Make a list of things to do if you feel overpowered by self harming urges. Call a friend, helpline or therapist. Go for a walk or have a safe place to go to. Have a positive song to play or a creative activity to work on. Have a list of positive things to read or a tape of fun things to listen to. Have a box or bag of comforting objects to ground yourself.
When I was an exchange student in Vermont I saw a counselor who was very into ‘having a plan’. It wasn’t something I’d considered before, but having a concrete idea of what I could do if I felt bad was comforting.
Page added: March 22nd 2002 Last updated: June 21st 2002
