banner source: Rusted Faith
banner source: Rusted Faith
Thanks Chrissy for the grammar and spelling BETA.
The thunder roared in the dark sky. Raindrops tapped angrily on the
window, begging to come in. The weather had only become worse with each and
every day. Suddenly, lighting flashed through the clouded sky. The sudden sound
of cracking startled him. Quickly, he opened his deep brown eyes and sat up.
Breathing deeply, sweat trickled down his olive skin. He was dreaming. Dreaming
of her; dreaming of the woman whom he let go. He decided to get up from the
white bed and headed towards the window to look.
Taking a peek outside, he saw there were no cars driving down the silent
street. Outside, it was dark, but slowly the rain began to calm down. Then, the
only light in the room was that of the full moon which finally appeared through
the thick black clouds. He sighed deeply, before gazing behind him. On the bed
was another figure sound asleep. The skin shone like ivory in the pale night.
Her golden hair spread out on the white pillow and a tiny smile appeared on her
pink lips. A small smile crept across Orlando's
thin lips as he looked upon the new beauty in his life; Kate Bosworth was
the new joy in his life.
"Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you"
He made his way around his new apartment. Boxes were
scattered everywhere. He had moved in a few weeks ago, but with his busy
schedule, he never got the time to unpack them. He sighed, knowing it
would be a while before he was able to do so, but in his mind, he had all the
time in the world. Moving his way towards the kitchen, he took out a bottle of
beer. In the dark apartment, he sat down and looked around him. His new home
was so loving and warm. Something he hadn't felt in a while, but he knew he was
lying to himself. These few passing days, were such agony to him. Everywhere he
went or whatever he did, he felt the world was angry at him. He felt eyes were
staring at him with much hate and anger, but he only ignored them. His dear
friend Elijah was so concern about everything; especially about the recent
break-up and his brand new relationship. He ran his hand through his hair, as
he tried to think. Orlando brought the beer bottle up and as the lid touch his
lips, he almost dropped it on the floor. Feeling a burning sensation against
his upper lip, he slowly glided his fingertips across the bruise, feeling a
lump of dry blood, and with a tiny opening. Little blood stains appeared on the
tips of his finger. Then, a memory of an unfaithful day began to flow into his
mind. A memory that was still fresh in his mind. A memory he hoped he would
never had to live again.
The other day, he and Kate were invited to a friend's barbecue. While
Orlando was outside, talking and laughing with a few friends, the music
suddenly stopped. The sound of arguing voices filled the surroundings; but he
recognized them. He ran inside, only to see his ex's cousin, Nikita,
slamming Kate against the wall. No one was stopping her. Kate took
noticed of Orlando and yelled his name. People turned around and looked at him
with hate-filled eyes, and he recognized some of them. But as soon as the
nearest guy stood face to face with him, he somehow choked. Behind him was
someone whom he was deeply afraid to see: his ex's brother.
Andrew's face harden, his fists clenched at his sides,
his nostrils flared. He was hesitating. Through his menacing eyes, he could
tell his once brother-in-law had moved on a long time ago, but he couldn't accept he was the
cause of his sister's pain and agony. The sister whom he loved dearly and
didn't hear from in days. The sister whom he was trying to reach and worried
sick about. Orlando looked into his eyes, breathing deeply. Somehow, he had to
believe that none of this was his fault and that he could wash his hands clean
of it all. 'You have to forgive me, Andrew. You have to forgive me.' Without
any hesitation, Andrew threw his fist, knocking Orlando's mouth. Lying on the
floor, coughing blood, he looked up, only to see Andrew was restrained by his dear friend Elijah.
Looking at Orlando with his piercing blue eyes, he
uttered something into Andrew's ear, then looking at Nikita who released
Kate's shirt. As some people began to gather their things to leave, all
eyes were locked on to Orlando and Kate. They were his friends. Putting his
hand on Andrew's shoulder, telling him they should leave. Dylan only gave
another hard look at him, before turning his back.
Orlando shook his head, trying to put that memory behind. But it wasn't easy with the
look Elijah gave him or the hate in their eyes. He could sense the frustration
building inside of them. How Nikita slammed Kate gainst the wall, creating
a massive vibration and echo through the house. Or how Andrew could kill him if
Elijah hadn't stopped him.
"I heard the words come out
I felt like I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you"
He looked at the clock hanging against the pale blue colour of the
living room wall. It was 2 am. He knew he should get some sleep due for a long
hard work the following morning, but after the sound of anger from the storm,
the dream he had of her vanishing away and the memory, it was impossible. He
sighed loudly and headed towards his bedroom. After putting his shirt on, he
looked at the beautiful woman sound asleep on the bed. A tender smile appeared
on his face. He gently kissed Kate's forehead. Not too long ago, it was the
woman he left behind who would have turned her beautiful and innocent face and
kissed him back. But it was the past, which he promised himself he would
forget.
Reaching for his cell phone, he noticed he had 10 missed calls. He knew who
they were. He knew why they called. They didn't know where she was. They didn't
know if she was okay. But Viggo's name appeared more often on his cell phone
and answering machine. She was a daughter to him. She was the big sister, whom
his son, Henry, always wanted. Dominic and the others trusted him to take care
of her. He had taken concern in her well-being. The entire group of friends and
family had. Even his sister, Samantha, who hadn't spoken to him ever since she
found out what he had done. Samantha knew their mother taught him well. She and
Orlando were the Golden Couple, and no one ever expected, in their right mind,it to end. When it did, she had become so fragile suddenly; isolating herself,
from everything and from everyone, she knew and loved. Orlando hadn't even
thought about the woman he had left behind those few days before. The woman he
once loved. The woman who he had promised his life to. The woman who he had
cheated mercilessly on with Kate. The woman whose heart, Orlando had
broken.
"Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken"
Once he arrived in his car, he put his trembling hands
in front of face, wanted to forget that day. Even though it was still dark and raining
outside, he need some fresh air. Something to change his mind. He gently rested
on the wheel and he stayed there for a couple of moments. Silence. It was
nothing but silence around him, but the sound of the raindrops tapping on his
windshields. With his fatigue brown eyes, they lingered around the car. His bag
was at the backseat. A few documents here and there. He never take noticed of
organizing his car, because he never got the time. Next to him, at the
passenger seat, was his faithful agenda.
Basically the only thing he carried with him everywhere he goes. Through his dark lashes,
he noticed a corner of a picture poking out, between the sheets of his agenda.
With trembling fingers, he slowly picked it up. Then, it stun him. Breathing
heavily, he recognized it. It was them. A picture of them, taken a week after
their meeting. She was sitting on his lap, surrounding her arms around his
neck. Her head bend slowly on the top of his. His arms were around her waist,
pulling her towards him, like he never wanted to let her go. Clinging to her
like a child to its mother. Clinging to her as she would vanished in a gust of
wind. Both were smiling, showing their pearl white teeth.
They looked so happy. They looked so in love. They were happy. They were in love.
Back when Orlando was eager to see her on a daily basis. Back when nothing was
more exciting that hearing her tell him how her day was. Back when he would
wake up early just to watch her sleep next to him. Or how her eyes lit up when
he surprised her at work. Or how the sound of her voice was when he called her
to say how much he loved her. Those were wonderful days. Everything was so
pure. So easy. But somewhere along the line, he had gotten tired of it. Tired
of her. Instead of talking things through, he took the easy way out, without
thinking how much he could hurt her: by cheating.
""I'd give anything now
To kill those words for you"
He knew he couldn't take this anymore, but he just
kept staring at the pictures as past memories lingered in his mind like it only
happen yesterday. He threw the picture back where he found it and started the
engine. Not knowing where he was going in particular, he just let the road lead
him for once. Not like before, he would just hop into his car, leaving in the
middle of the night and come back the next morning. Giving a pity excuse,
saying it was an "emergency" at work. But all that time, he was
spending most of his nights with his mistress.
Pushing the idea to the back of his mind, Orlando drove along the wet road.
The weather began to calm down, as if it was
dying somehow. Looking around the peaceful neighbourhood, he noticed the
theatre; the theater, where he last saw her a few days ago. Never could he
forget how much pain he had caused her. How the sound of her heart shattering
could be heard from afar. How she fought back her tears, but soon gave them up.
Crying in the arms of her best friend, Kayla. He never took notice on how much
pain he had cause her. Never took noticed of what could happen to her. Never took
noticed how fragile she could turn out to be. He shook his head in
desperation.
It wasn't Kate's fault. It was his. She was just the product of Perfect
Timing. If it hadn't been Kate Bosworth, it would have been another woman
some other time and place. All he knew was that he never would have fallen to
temptation if his relationship at the time had not become unstable. He wanted
something new. Something fresh and exciting. Finally guilt and tears were
haunting his mind, he need to know if she was okay. He needed to see it for
himself. Without thinking twice, Orlando turned his car around, heading towards
a place, which he never would see again. A place where he was eager to come
back, knowing she would be there waiting for him. A place where everything was
filled with her angelic voice. A place he used to call 'home'.
"Each time I say something
I regret, I cry 'I don't want to lose you.'
But somehow, I know
That you will never leave me, yeah."
For a few moments, he parked his car from across the street and looked
up towards the window on their balcony. All the curtains were closed, with only
a pale red light peeking through them. As he made his way towards the building
with a heavy heart, his feet began to drag, guilt was coming over him. Never in
his life, had he felt this bad. Never in his life, he though he could hurt
someone so much. A part of him wished he could kill the words or ways he was
with her. She was pure. She was innocent.
Once he stood in front of the door, Orlando froze. Through the massive thick
door, he could heard a song with a desperate melody. The only group she loved
and felt related to in someway. Evanescence was playing and his heart sank into
his stomach. He knew she would only listen to "My Immortal" or "Breath
No More", when she wasn't herself. Somewhere in the line, he though that
was the reason why he had left her. She usually was down or stressed, and never
he understood why, or maybe he never took concern why. Somehow he was tired of
ALWAYS been there for her, to pick her up, but she had always been strong in
her own way. Stronger than him. It wasn't the reason and he knew it. He loved
it when she came to him, it made him feel important and more of a man than
anything. 'My Saviour. My Protector.' Which were the words she called him and
he loved it. Maybe it was the mistake of moving in together, seeing each other
all the time. It might be why he had drifted away from her. It wasn't exciting
anymore. It was the same plain thing. Taking another deep breath and couching
up the tears which began to show, Orlando slowly opened the door.
"'Cause you were made for me
Somwhow I'll make you see
How happy you make me"
Before he could fully enter, the smell of cigarettes smokes and what was
left of alcohol filled up quickly in his lungs, causing him to cough. Though he
was in a nightmare, the apartment, which was once clean and full of life, was
now, a mess, a place of darkness where any haunted shadows would linger.
Suddenly, chills and goose bumps rose up on his olive skin. He felt something
out of place. He felt it wasn't the same place anymore. Anywhere the pale
burning light shone, the destruction was uncovered to him; it was jaw dropping
as he looked with wide eyes. They lingered in the living room, where the coffee
table had flipped, and a corner had been broken. The floor was covered with
many empty beer, or other alcohol bottles and cigarettes packs. Ashes were left
there, remaining un-touched and un-cleaned, while there were burn holes on the
rug. The couches were ripped and burned. The walls were filled with holes and
bloodstains, while there were more broken items on the floor. Dishes, vases,
picture frames. Anything.
Closing the door behind him, still in shock, he walked in slowly, as he was
afraid he would wake up the dead. Still looking around, he noticed a very
familiar picture; a picture where he had met her on that faithful day. The day
Viggo had presented him to her. It was a group picture. The whole group of
friends. A small smile crept on the corner of his lips, then suddenly, he got
caught off guard by a familiar scent in the air that replaced the toxic fumes
from the cigarettes. It was his perfume.
Orlando looked towards his old bedroom, the door was slightly open. A pale
burning light could be seen through it. A sign of someone's presence. He
breathed heavily, knowing she was there. Many thoughts were floating in his
mind. How would she react when she saw him? Would she think he came back to
her? No. Would she do something horrific? Maybe. Would she cry profusely? Possibly.
With all his courage, he walked towards the bedroom. Knowing the door was open,
he knew and felt he wasn't welcome there anymore. He slightly knocked on the
door, not moving it. No answer. Waiting for a few moments, he knocked again. Silence.
When she was down or wasn't herself, she usually didn't answer. Taking a deep
breath, he slowly walked in; his eyes looked down to the floor.
He gently opened the door, knocking something over. A couple of beer bottles
rolled away, as if making a passage for him. But the smell of his perfume,
cigarette smoke and alcohol was making him dizzy. His eyes lingered throughout
the room. More empty beer bottles. More cigarettes packets and ashes. Clothes
scattered everywhere. More mess. Then, through the pale burning light of the
candles around the room, with the depressed song in the back ground, he saw
her.
"I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive"
Terror overcame him as shock waves ran through his body. Orlando could
hardly breathe by the sight before him. His heart begun to beat uncontrollably,
but he felt it stop at the same time. Falling on his knees, he choked and
coughed on the tears, which started to fall, as he noticed the dark red puddle
on the cold, once gold, wooden floor. He felt paralyzed. He couldn't move.
Blinking his teary eyes, he took the courage to move towards the
bed, not bothering about his clothes which were covered in blood.
He rested his trembling hands on the bed, so he couldn't fall down, from shock.
The bed was covering the life essence of the one he once love. All of sudden,
panic struck him like lighting. Not knowing if she was still alive or not, he
called the ambulance. Still panicking, he begun to cry profusely in his turn.
Putting his cell phone aside, it dropped in the puddle. Ripping a piece of sheet, he tied it roughly around her wrists, so it
could stop the bleeding. But in a matter of seconds, it turned out dark red as
the blood seeped through. His attention was on her and only her. She seemed so
peaceful, but yet, in so much pain. Long dark raven lay spread out over the
white pillow, framing her pale, elegantly boned face. Resting upon her high
cheekbones were long, black lashes, like gentle fairy wings resting against the
snow. Full, rosebud lips were parted slightly showing a hint of the pearly
teeth they concealed. Her figure was tiny and she appeared to be a porcelain
doll resting there.
Somehow, Orlando was finally seeing the picture of how much he had hurt her.
Her forehead was covered in bruises and so were her lips. A tiny slit was on
the middle of her bottom lip. He seemed so frighten as he glided his fingertips
over her pale skin. Her skin was cold as ice, freezing to the touch. Those lips
appeared a shade of blue. The same ones that made him weak at the knees. The
same ones he always made up excuses just to be able to taste them. The same
ones he wouldn’t be able to kiss anymore. Her eyes were half-lidded. He
remembered how much he was so drawn to her mystical green eyes. So much passion
and mystery could be seen through her eyes.
"So stay with me
You look in my eyes
And I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry"
His eyes were filled with tears. And he was having a hard time breathing;
he looked at her arm, which was dangling ever the edge of
the bed. Through his teary eyes, he saw a piece of metal shining in the burning
light. Orlando took her hand. Under the sheet of fabric, her wrist was freshly
opened; blood was still cascading down the open wound. Then, he saw it. The
necklace he had given to her not to long ago. A gift when he was in France. A
gift he had bought after he had bought a gold bracelet for Kate. Guilt,
pain and fear overtook him. Guilt, for him cheating on her, without thinking
about her or trying to work things out. Pain, for giving her so much agony. And
fear, for the fear of losing her. He didn't care anymore what the future was
holding for him and Kate. He didn't want to think about her anymore. All
that mattered was for his ex to be next to him, like they once use to be.
'Where’s the fucking ambulance!?’, he yelled all of sudden.
More tears fell as his heart began to die slowly. Somehow he finally felt what
she was feeling when he had left her. He took her hand softly, remembering the
first time he held it. It was soft, tender and warn like he once knew. But now, her hand was deathly cold in his;
the warm blood trickled into his, as she was already dead. He bent over and kissed her forehead. Once. Twice.
Whispering into her ear that she just had to hang on. 'I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you…
Please forgive me… I never meant it to happen… Please forgive me… I'm SO
sorry…' She had to be strong. Like she had been in the beginning. Like she had
been when he loved her. She still loved him, he knew. Did he still love her? He
kissed her hand, not bothering the blood against his lips.
Suddenly a very fatigue and weak voice startled him, which he could only make out
'I… forgive… you…' and the voice died. Looking up quickly, he didn't know if it was
her speaking or it was her voice inside his head. And he uttered those 3 words
into her ear, hoping it could bring her back to him again. The 3 words, he
promised he would never have to say to her again, but meant it with every
single part of his heart and soul, 'I love you'. Then, he closed his eyes, as
the sound of men coming in behind him, hovering around them.
"And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you"
When Orlando could finally bring himself to open his eyes again, he was
outside with the sun shining on him, the grass under his feet. His eyes
lingered on the crowd. His friends were there, among others. Samantha was there
and so was his mom. They were giving their sympathy to the family. Andrew was
surrounded by Dominic and Billy, trying to comfort him, while they were holding on their tears.
Liv, Nikita and Kayla were comforting each other. Viggo was consoling Henry, who had lost a part of
himself, ever since he heard the news. He was trying to remain strong for his son and to everyone around him.
Both, him and Elijah were trying to remain strong for everyone, by not
showing any tears, but inside, they were dying.
As everyone began to leave, patting his back or hugging him momentarily, he
asked himself why they even bothered. He was pictured as the bad guy anyway.
Orlando simply shook his head in desperation, when he was asked to come back.
He just wanted to be left alone. Samantha gently put a hand on his little
brother's shoulder, a sign of comfort, but he didn't turn his head to look at
her. Ever since that unfaithful night, not holding any tears back, he looked
upon the angel, on the headstone, with its wings spread wide open. It was
looking up towards the blue sky. She was the pure angel. But the innocent angel
had died that night, after she forgive him.
He got down on bended knees, and placed a bouquet of dozen white roses on the ground.
Even if she forgave him for all the things he did to her or made her felt, he
really felt it was his fault. He knew it. When he had let go, so had she. And
Kate? He last saw her on the day since he came and packed up his things to
move in with Elijah. Orlando looked at the picture on the middle of the
headstone, beneath the angel. A pair of those mystical jade green eyes watching him, with so
much purity. It was her. It was them. When she was happy. When she was in love. When they
were happy and in love. Taking a deep breath, knowing he would never feel her
warm and sweet lips against his anymore, Orlando leaned over and kissed her
picture: Jade Charisma Hue 1979-2003.
"Forgive Me" - Evanescence