Thanks to Talasi & Chrissy for my grammar mistakes!

"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears"

Spending never-ending nights, all alone, crying in the dark. She completely isolated herself from everything, from everyone. Avoided seeing the light, all curtains were closed. Avoided any visitors, with ignorance. It was so cold and lonely without him. No one thought or could possibly imagine how lively and full of love the apartment was once filled with. A few months ago, they were considering getting a bigger place, so someday they could start a family. She was happy. They were happy. Everything was much easier, but easily diminished, in a gust of wind. The apartment wasn't the same as before. It was a mess. She was a mess.

"If you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone."

The rooms were so empty since he came and gathered his things. He had taken some of his clothing and personal items. Such as his family and precious pictures. He had left behind most of their pictures together. He acted like those few years meant nothing to him. A few of them, were still hung in the bedroom. On the bed side, was a framed picture of them on the beach at Dominic’s summer barbecue 2 years ago. She had gone as a daughter for him and a big sister to Henry, his son, expecting to get set up with a arrogant guy who think he was someone else. Instead, he introduced her to his friend from work. She and Matthew Mortensen hit it off right away. They bonded over injuries, scars and hobbies. The special framed picture was taken just before sunset, when they left to walk along the beach.

"These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase."

She was sitting in front of her mirror, as once again, tears began to form in the corner of her pure green eyes. It cascaded down her soft cheeks. Her long dark raven hair was a mess. It was no wonder he left her. She was nothing in comparison to the tall, beautiful, and blond woman he met at some club when he went out with his friends. She should have known he’d leave her eventually. How could she be so stupid?

She looked at her reflection and gently touched her cheeks. They were burning a heat of anger and tears. She glided her fingertips against her bruised forehead and split lips. She had fallen a couple of time from drinking too much; knocked unconscious on the floor or against the door. Anywhere her body wished to lay without her will. She gazed on the mirror again and her eyes were locked towards the necklace. With trembling fingers, she unclasped her silver heart-shaped locket necklace and held it in her hand. He had bought it for her not too long ago while he was off for business in Paris, France. It was because he missed her. Or at least, that was what he said. In reality, it was a guilt gift, because while she was missing him in Florida, he was spending his nights with the woman walking down the streets in the City of Love. And no one told her that the Bitch helped him pick out the necklace. Nobody told her that Matthew had bought a much more lavish gold bracelet for his mistress.

"When you'd cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I'd held your hand through all of these years
But you still had all of me."

As she stood up and moved past the bed, she saw a picture on the floor. A picture she did not wish to see. A picture which started all this chaos. She fought back her tears as she recognized it. She remembered when her best friend, Kayla called her up one day, telling her, she and Dylan saw Matthew with another woman, when they were on their way to the mall. She didn’t want to believe it, but she couldn’t deny her best friend. They were friends since childhood. But after all, it was the first line of accusation.

When she first brought it to his attention, they were on their way to their friend’s place. He called her paranoid. But when she first saw the picture, which Kayla and Dylan took she knew it was true. Her friends didn't want to show her, but she deserved the truth. It was a picture of him and Jennifer Bosworth, together outside, sitting and sharing an intimate moment at a café only 3 streets down from her apartment. He said he had gone to the gym that day.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind"

He said he would call it off. He said Jennifer meant nothing to him. She believed him. She loved him, and she was blinded by it and his affection. But later that week, he took her at the beach, near Miami and she knew it was the end of them. About 2 years ago, he had first declared his love for her during the sunset under a huge palm tree, while having a picnic. It was the exact same place that they were standing. But it was for the very last time. He held her hand, shuffled his feet and barely looked at her. Gently, he only touched her soft cheek. And without a word, he kissed her forehead and walked away. As a single tear cascaded down her cheek, she looked at the man she loved dearly walking away from her life. As his figure disappeared, she fell on her knees on the warm white sand and started to weep.

She didn't know how long she was sitting there, watching the glowing sun go to rest as the moon made its appearance. The dark sky was filled with stars, which seemed like pure diamonds shining through a velvet curtain. She wished she could have Matthew by her side, holding her in his strong arms and abled to share this beautiful evening with her. But instead, he was with the other woman who help broke her delicate and gentle heart. As moments passed, the sky started to fill with grey clouds, gathering together, signifying the approaching storm. Slowly raindrops started falling, before they dropped like an endless blanket of nails against her fragile body. Still sitting under the palm tree, she wept once more, not caring about the wetness of her clothing sticking to her pale skin. The waves crashed angrily against the rocks, creating a massive echo through the air as she screamed loudly, not caring who or what might hear her. She lowered her head once more, between her legs, thinking as though the weather knew how she was feeling inside.

When she finally got the courage to go back home, it was very late. She barely made the taxi fare, and, he had already taken most of his things. She looked around the apartment, before she slammed the door closed, a bottle of rum in her hand. She looked at the phone, and she knew she should call someone, but her heart wasn't into it. She threw her shoes across the room, not caring what or where it hit, but only heard the crash when one of the shoes hit a vase. She dropped herself and sat on the cold solid wooden floor, in the middle of the living room, crying till the break of dawn.

"Your voice it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your face it chased away all the sanity in me."

She grabbed another bottle of beer and drank it like it was only water, before it fell to the floor. Rolling around, it joined the rest of the many empty bottles and empty cigarettes packs. Many nights, she drank till she passed out. Many nights, she almost lit the apartment on fire. Many nights, she didn't sleep without the help of alcohol. Many days and nights, she ignored everyone's phone calls; letting the machine answer it. They were worried. Her friends were worried. But she didn’t care.

She leaned over a counter, with a cigarette half-lit in her mouth, wearing his favourite white Parasuco blouse and lit some candles. As the alcohol flowed in her veins and the smokes filling her lungs, she tried her best to move around without tumbling. She made her way towards the stereo and threw the lit cigarette away in the ash tray. She turned the radio on, playing Evanescence, "My Immortal", on repeat. As she slowly made her way towards the night stand, she noticed he had left his favourite bottled perfume behind. She wanted to smile, but nothing appeared. She lit the last of the candles and slipped into the white fluffy bed, which was once filled with love makings, cuddles and talks. She pulled the blanket towards her. Her face was swollen with tears. She picked up the perfume and sprayed it in the air, wanting to smell his presence once again. But more tears fell.

"These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase."

He had promised her. He had promised they were going to get married. They were shopping for a ring. They were even going to go to England, that summer so she could meet his family. On several occasions, she got the chance to talk with his older sister Samantha, on the phone. Some calls lasted a few seconds, while others were hours. Samantha told her brother that she absolutely adored his girlfriend and could not wait to meet her. So was his mom who shared the same opinion as his older sister. Everything was going to work.

She was growing her hair out for the wedding. Under the mattress she had three bridal magazines. Many nights in bed, they talked abut their future together. How their marriage would be perfect and beautiful with every single details. They were talking about starting a family, beginning with a boy. They describe how their children would be like. Who will have who. Who will act like who. But maybe that’s why he left her. The fear of commitment. The fear of Forever. She though he was different. She though Matthew Mortensen was different.

"When you'd cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I'd held your hand through all of these years
But you still had all of me."

She set the perfume bottle down on the bed and slowly grabbed a penknife from her night stand. She looked at her wrist one last time. It was too late to save her. The shiny blade slid so easily across the soft flesh of her wrist. Bleeding. Her blood cried for the grave. Praying. Her soul cried for deliverance. It did hurt, but it was nothing compared to the broken heart which shattered into a million pieces.

She pulled the blade away and wept loudly; crying not only for the pain of the wrist, but also for the pain in her heart and soul. She had give her life to this man, but he left her, threw her away like yesterday's trash. While she cried, the red essence began to cascade slowly down her forearms and fingers, mixing with her tears. His perfume scent was still lingered in the cool air and it came into her scent. Using it as a fuel, she cut open and deeper into her other wrist. The pain was so strong, the cut were so deep, she could feel the life leaving her body, slowly.

"I've tried to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along."

She sunk her body deep in the bed and lowered her wrists; one on the edge of the bed, dangling, and the other, over her fragile body. She hadn't eaten since he left her. Silently, she stared at the ceiling for a moment, before her eyes trailed over to another framed picture, hanging on the wall. She stared and asked herself where did she go wrong. Was it her? Wasn't she good enough for him? She didn't want to know or imagine how and where his relationship with Jennifer would lead. She though about how his sweet kisses would meet against the lips of his mistress. How he would hold her and shield her against the cold nights. And how he would make sweet love to her like he once made to her. All the things she used to felt and he used to do to her were nothing but the past. Jennifer Bosworth would be the one who would feel him, kissed him, smell him.

Just the other day, she ran into him at the theater with Kayla, who managed to get her outside for the first time since the break-up. She had been watching a sappy love movie, using it as an excuse to cry profusely in public. Matthew and Jennifer were laughing, hand in hand. He met her gaze from across the hallway, and as he walked away, he kissed Jennifer's head, still looking at her. The memory stung her more than the cuts themselves and she left crying wholeheartedly all over again. She wanted to open her eyes, but her eyelids were started to get heavier and heavier.

"When you'd cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I'd held your hand through all of these years,"

On the edge of the bed, was the arm of a woman who was in love, dangling lifeless while holding on to the silver necklace. Blood was cascading down the open wound as a dark red puddle began to form bigger and bigger on the cold golden wooden floor. Her clothes, the bed and the body of the young woman were covered with the life essence. She finally rested her eyes, while listening to the music, fading away as she felt her heart beat for the very last time. She was happy. She used to be happy…

"But you still have...all of me..."

"My Immortal" - Evanescence

~* Not The End *~