Possible Loss

By Sentarla

I felt the deepest pain today, deeper than the pain of rejection, deeper than the pain of doubt, and even deeper than the pain I felt after I fell. Yesterday I felt the pain of possible loss.

Over the centuries I have watched as mothers wail and scream their pain of the passing of a child; lovers unable to continue their life without their mate; and read the works of poets who wrote about the passing of others that cause men to cry. Before I fell, I could not understand their pain, death should be celebrated, the ones passing were going to the Father, where pain, suffering and illness would be no more. I could not understand why the living were pained by death so. Or at least, I did not know until now.

As my Sentinel was drowning in a large vat of oil, I could only standby and watch, unable to think of a way to save him. I looked and I prayed, but felt nothing, save the presence of others. When my heart went under for what seemed the last time, I wailed. I can’t remember if it was simply internal, or if sound passed my dry lips, but I know that the pain that was running through my body terrified me. I was sure I could not go on without the one I had come to call brother.

As I felt the presence of others come closer, I begged and pleaded, as I had seen mothers and lovers do over the centuries. My breath had seized in my chest, and the world was moving in slow motion. Just as I was about to dive in, uncaring of the outcome to myself, I felt a hand on my head, as if a blessing was being passed, and my Sentinel came up one more time and directed my attention to the crane. When I saw my heart out of the oil, and on the walkway, I felt a great pressure lift and the angels move away. My Sentinel, my heart, was safe. I comprehend now the pain a mother has when she wails, for I have felt it, knowing my bond to my heart is far stronger than a parent's to it's child.

The fear of loss I now must carry around scares me and yet reminds me to cherish every moment, every breath for only God can stop or hold off death and I am not God.

As I watch my Sentinel sleep, I send a pray to God to protect and watch over him, to grant him a long life and to pray that he would never feel the pain I felt, the pain of possible loss, the death of one's own soul.

~End~

Thanks to Mouse for the super quick beta!

All comments welcome