Notes: Third of Jenn’s [Pre-One Word] series

Archive: ASC, ASCEM. All others, ask.

Credits:

A aka G: Who knows, Harry may have been a contortionist before he joined the fleet. Many thanks anyway. Here’s to sentence fractures!

Jenn: Some sandbox my dear. Evil is fun.

***

"Hey."

"Hey," she returned, watching him fall easily into the seat opposite her.

"How you holding up?" He asked, it took him no time at all to begin shovelling Neelix’s latest concoction into his mouth.

She waved her fork in the air at him, punctuating the silence as she tried to work out what to say. With a sigh she returned the fork to the table and looked down at her half touched food.

"That bad huh?" He asked, as he gulped down what looked to be Neelix’s coffee, a strong brand too.

She smiled weakly. "Yeah Harry, that bad."

"I would suggest a trip to the holodeck but…"

"But love’s newest young dream are currently enjoying the delights that Holodeck 1 has to offer them and Ayala has yet again booked 2 straight through the night. This very moment you’re wondering how he got the credits."

"You read my mind." He didn’t look up from his food.

"So, that’s what brings me here. Sitting with you old friend, eating Neelix’s paella as if my life depended upon it. And wondering how long it is till my next shift."

"How long is it?" Harry asked, half interested.

"6 hours 27 minutes and…" she craned her neck to see the chrono. "42 seconds…now."

"Nice."

"I think so." She said leaning back, surveying the empty Mess Hall. "Where is everyone?"

"Avoiding you."

"Actually, that makes some sense." She nodded, stretching her arms behind her head. "Then why are you here?"

"Because…" he paused. "I’m stupid. Actually, you’re not as angry as I’d expect. Or even as angry as you have been…" Harry stated, locking eyes with her now

"I have to get on with my life. I have to move on." She said dully, her hands running around her hem. A light off duty T shirt and simple trousers.

"Yeah, that’s what I keep telling myself." Harry chuckled.

"Oh come on." She said, her eyes on him. "It’s not like you’re short of female company."

"But female company doesn’t often come in the shape of Seven of Nine."

B’Elanna laughed at that, and, to his surprise Harry found himself smiling too.

"I shouldn’t be smiling." She grappled for her cup.

"Neither should I." Harry said, putting his fork down on his plate and leaning back in his chair. Absently he ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh and by the way," her tone was low and tired, "I’m not talking to you."

"Really?" Harry wrinkled his nose at her. "That’s too bad." He looked down and took another long drink of coffee.

There was a long pause.

"It’s customary to tell me what I’ve done at this point." Some hair fell over his eyes as he leaned forward over the table and looked at her.

"But wouldn’t that miss the point of not talking to you?" She asked, attempting innocence.

"Uh B’Elanna, I don’t really think that’s an issue anymore. And anyway, who else are you going to talk to?" He looked around for something to do with his hands.

"Let me see. There’s the computer, she always makes good company." B’Elanna pointed a finger skyward.

"Definitely." Harry still wouldn’t look at B’Elanna. "I like confusing her. Passed many a dull hour that way."

"Computer?" B’Elanna asked, a smile on her lips.

It trilled its response.

"How are you?"

There was a pause. Harry laughed.

:::Please restate the request:::

"Oh Computer, are you being coy?" Harry asked, enjoying the game.

:::Please restate the request:::

"Bad day? Yeah, I agree. It’s not fun just being a disembodied voice and some gel packs." B’Elanna added, her eyes on Harry.

:::Gel Packs. Please specify:::

"I don’t want to talk about gel packs. I want to talk about you. Tell me, how do you feel? Go on, you can tell me." Harry said with as much seriousness as he could muster.

:::Provided information does not meet search parameters. Please restate request:::

"You know computer, you can’t just ignore your feelings. You can’t just immerse yourself in work. It’s not healthy. We’re here to help you. You need to heal." Harry’s eyes were on the ceiling. He didn’t seem to notice the distant look in B’Elanna’s eyes.

:::Abuse of the computer system can meet with severe reprimand under regulation 448 subsection 32 Lambda. Continued misuse of this system will result in the immediate notification of your superior officer - - it paused - - Ensign Kim:::

"Ohhh," Harry smiled. "You don’t need to threaten me. I’m just here to help you. Stop hiding behind your precious regulations Computer, open up to me."

:::This is the final warning. Please restate request or terminate use of this system. Continued misuse of this system will result in the immediate notification of your superior officer:::

"I was only…"

"Computer," B’Elanna interjected. "Locations of Lieutenant Paris and Seven of Nine."

Harry cast her a long look.

It beeped a happy response.

:::Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters. Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay 2:::

Harry groaned, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Did you really want a reprimand Harry?"

"Right now?" He asked.

She nodded.

"I couldn’t care less if Janeway court martialed me. Make a nice change actually."

"You don’t mean that."

"No," he nodded, "not a word." He leaned on a hand, huffing at her a little. "But you could have asked it another question to save me from the horror of a mark on my permanent file that read ‘Computer abuser’."

"I was just checking." She crossed her arms.

"Making sure there aren’t any midnight, or should that be past midnight, liaisons?"

"Something like that." She frowned at him.

"They might not have their comm badges on B’Elanna. Considered that?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Way to go and spoil a girl’s mood."

"What mood?" He asked.

She sighed. "You have a point there."

"Come on." He reached out a hand to her as he stood.

She scowled at him a little and then took it, letting him bring her to her feet. "Seeing as Holodeck 1 is now free. How about you and me go drown our sorrows in a proper bar. With real synthenol." He grinned at her.

She reluctantly followed him as he pulled her hand. "I’m still not talking to you." She said, a touch downcast but still defiant.

"Wha-?" He turned to stare at her as they reached the Mess doors. "Oh right." He over emphasised, suddenly working out why she was mad, or rather, attempting to be mad at him. "This is because I helped her design the program isn’t it?"

B’Elanna nodded, her eyes tired. "Why Harry? You of all people…"

"She asked me to spend time with her, alone. How ever could I say no?" His grin faltered a little, it took some time for him to set it right.

B’Elanna prodded him in the chest. "Harry Kim, you’re a lost cause."

She walked through the Mess doors.

"And that makes you?" He called out, already losing sight of her.

She span to face him. "In need of a stiff drink."

"Amen to that." Harry said, and he jogged after her.

***

"B’Elanna!"

The unexpected arrival of Ensign Cortez en route to Holodeck 1 had meant that Harry was considerably later than B’Elanna in reaching their destination.

As soon as he felt the cold air his face he wished he’d checked the program.

He couldn’t see her, but by then a low mist had drifted along the beach. Although the footprints of her sandals were clearly imprinted on the sand.

He recognised the program; of course he recognised the program. This place was very much like a beach he used to visit when he was at the academy. No Marseilles bars for Harry Kim. After all, he was no Tom Paris.

That thought only made him wince.

He kicked his shoes off.

"B’Elanna!"

He broke into a short run and squinted through the haze. Hoping to stop her before she did something stupid, which he knew she was contemplating, because he knew her too well, far too well. And that’s what had him getting himself even more depressed with B’Elanna and not chatting to Cortez about her flute solo, and happening to mention what a cute little nose she had. A sense of loyalty, he supposed, possibly something more, but he hadn’t the time to think about that.

The thought of Cortez’s shapely little nose kept his legs moving. Ploughing onwards, kicking up the sand, calling her name occasionally. It was only when he’d been running for five or so minutes did he realise he must have somehow passed her. She couldn’t be this far in, could she?

So he stopped, sat down and stared out to sea. Deciding that eventually she’d reach him, wherever she was.

He considered his own meaningless existence and his fixation on a woman, who used to be a drone of all things, that not only did not want him, but had designs on his best friend. She seemed to also think it efficient if she ask him every conceivable question about said best friend’s every habit, every childhood memory and every damn idiosyncrasy. And Tom Paris had a few of those. And Harry had never really paid that much attention, but he gave her the information, and smiled at her when she needed the support, and created this damn holo-program so they could go off and be very happy together. Somewhere along the line he remembered regaining some of his integrity. Much good that was. B’Elanna was nowhere to be seen and Cortez was probably long gone…

"Hey Starfleet."

She startled him. His hands grasped wildly at the sand so that he could keep his balance and not end up flat on his back, sand in his hair. He failed.

"Nice to know I can still make an entrance," she commented as she loomed over him.

Harry looked up at her. He didn’t bother moving. "Where’d you go?" He asked squinting, projected sunlight in his eyes.

"A walk." She said, her brow lowering a little in thought. "You made this, didn’t you?" It wasn’t really a question. "Her idea but your execution. I still can’t believe you did this to me Harry…"

"You want me to leave?" He asked wearily, managing to sound even more despondent than he felt.

"I don’t think you’re really in a position, are you?" She crossed her arms and smirked down at him.

"Give me a hand?"

She reached a hand out, her gaze following the coastline. She didn’t see the grin on Harry’s face. He caught her hand and with little effort B’Elanna gave it a gentle tug, and then Harry gave a rather large tug. Normally B’Elanna would have been able to hold her ground, but catching her unawares he was able to make her fall, easily, into the sand.

He knew she wouldn’t react well. That was why he’d done it.

She landed face down. There was an ominous pause.

Harry felt no guilt. It was about time she dealt with this. And there was little she could say to him that could make him feel any worse, Harry Kim, human punch bag. He often wondered if that would be written on his coffin. Right about now it seemed fitting.

Harry closed his eyes.

But she hadn’t moved. And he could swear there was this odd sound coming from her.

The sound increased in volume. Harry sighed.

She was laughing.

"I’m going to kill you." She lifted her head and turned to him.

"You’re laughing." Reluctantly he opened an eye to check the evidence for himself.

"Last time I checked." She chuckled and rolled over. Now she too lay on her back and looked up into the holographic sky. "Nice sky Harry." She said.

"That was Seven’s idea."

"It’s good. So she really wanted this to work?" B’Elanna tried to sound indifferent, but didn’t succeed to his trained eat.

Harry groaned. Running through the sand with his finger tips. Listening to the waves lapping against the beach. He had to admit, it was a good program. "Don’t torture yourself."

"I’m not. You see, this is healthy. I’ve got move on." She propped herself up on her elbows and looked down the beach.

"It’s over then?" Harry asked.

"Ask Tom." She said, still looking down the shore.

"And what does that mean?"

"I don’t know what it means." She collapsed back into the sand not wanting to meet his eyes.

Harry smiled. Now his little Sigmund Freud session was getting somewhere.

"But if he was still interested then maybe…"

"He’s not Harry."

"You couldn’t ever patch things up? I mean, to be honest this isn’t the first time you’ve had a falling out."

"Falling out?" She snorted. "It’s a little more complicated than that." A bitter grin darkened her features.

There was a silence, and the wind blasted some sand into their eyes. Neither commented.

"It’s funny." She began, and Harry wasn’t even sure if she was talking to him. "I would have thought Tom would have told you. He tells you pretty much everything else." She turned to rest on her side, facing him. "Harry if you knew, you wouldn’t be asking so many questions."

"Then why don’t you tell me?" He asked. It was a simple enough question.

For a moment she seemed to consider it.

"Ask Tom." She said and sat up fully.

"Is that going to be your answer to everything?"

She turned stare at him, something pained in her eyes. "You don’t want to know." And then turning back to the sea. "You really don’t want to know."

He didn’t.

He sat up now, following her gaze to an unremarkable spot on the horizon. "How’d you get the program to run?"

She still looked out to sea, sand in her hair. The wind whipped up some more sand, although the fog seemed to lift. The weather was B’Elanna’s idea; Seven’s beach wasn’t like this. Not this desolate.

"Harry, you’re the only other person on the ship who can illegally hack into the holodeck system. Spare me the small talk."

Harry chuckled lightly. "B’Elanna, only you could think computer speak was small talk."

B’Elanna smiled but she still looked out to sea. She swallowed hard and then looked down at her hands. Harry suddenly felt his stomach drop, this wasn’t good.

"Harry," she turned to him wearily. "You ever realise you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life and you can’t do a thing to change it? You just know that you’ve blown your one big chance and everything else is just inconsequential? That whatever you say, whatever you do, you just can’t put it right. And you’re going to pay for that mistake for the rest of you life?" She looked straight at him. "Ever realise that Harry?"

He matched her look and delivered his words slowly. It was important she hear them. Even if he didn’t believe them himself. "This is pointless, B’Elanna. Okay? There’ll be others. Believe me Tom Paris is not the be all and end all of anything. Seven can have Tom and Tom can have Seven. Let’s wish them all the best together. Get on with our lives."

She cast him a quizzical look, that became disbelieving, that become amused. "Harry you talk so much shit!" Scooping some wet sand she threw it in his direction and then scurried away as fast as she could, her moving feet kicking up more sand.

Wasting little time Harry jumped up to follow her, chasing her along the wet sand, enjoying the feel of it on his feet. Smiling and not knowing why.

She changed direction and veered into the sea. It slowed her considerably as water came up all around her, dampening her trousers. Harry even noticed she still seemed to have her sandals on. She didn’t seem bothered.

Harry chased in after her. "I’m going to get you for that Torres!" He called, grinning as the salt water landed in drops on his hair and his shirt.

"You’ll be lucky." She called, the water at her knees now as still she relentlessly ploughed through, making her way out to sea.

But Harry had a plan. As soon as the water was deep enough he put his hands above his head and dived into the water. It only took a few decisive kicks to reach her, promptly pull her legs from under her and have her fully submerged in the water.

When he finally re-emerged she laughed at him, droplets of water running down her face. "I had to test it." She said, smiling triumphantly.

Splashing some water in her face he smiled broadly. "Does it meet your standards?"

She splashed more at him. "Oh yes, I’m definitely enjoying this." And then dived away. Swimming fast and strong. Harry pursued.

Harry was a good swimmer. The product of three tedious summers under the instruction of Mr Re-dor, the most pedantic of swimming coaches. B’elanna, it seemed, had not had her skills so finely honed. From what Harry could see every time he came up to take a breath, she looked self taught.

It took him no time to reach out and grab her ankle and give a playful yank. She stopped dead in the water. Harry went up for air to find her staring straight at him. The tops of her shoulders just visible with her feet firmly planted on the sea bed. "You caught me." She observed, although Harry noted that her breathing wasn’t half as heavy as his. Almost as if she’d wanted to be caught. And she had this look in her eyes, the look she got when she was trying to solve some big engineering problem. Harry hated the fact that he had some idea what she was thinking.

Water ran in droplets down her face, her clothes hung to her body and her hair stuck to her cheeks. She smiled at him, a small shy smile, and she didn’t look at all like she was going to say something. She just seemed content to stand there. Stiffly opposite him, drenched in a program Harry had helped created for her former lover.

She shivered and looked almost shocked as her body convulsed a little, making the water around her ripple.

Harry Kim was a thinker. Everything was considered, designed and calculated to precision.

He reached out to her, putting an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him.

He wasn’t thinking anymore.

Consciously it was a friendly gesture. A warming one. To comfort her.

She moved easily into his embrace, and he wrapped both arms around her. She continued to shiver and Harry began to mumble something comfortingly into her hair.

Her hands were limp at her sides and she rested her head against his shirt, feeling the wet material against her face. Mumbling something of her own and hoping he couldn’t hear her.

"Harry?" She whispered, moving her head to look up at him. Her eyes said it all.

He didn’t know whether he did it to comfort her or himself. To prove that he didn’t need Seven of Nine. To prove to her that she didn’t need Tom Paris. That there were other people out there and lives still to be lived, loves still to be had. That everything was going to be all right. That she was going to make it.

Gently, the water lapping against their bodies, Harry lowered his mouth to hers, applying pressure tentatively at first and then steadily increasing, opening his mouth slightly, feeling her tongue brush against his teeth, moving a hand through her wet hair. Moving his tongue into her mouth, the muscles in his neck tightened as he took in every expected and unexpected sensation of kissing B’Elanna Torres, his best friend.

She moved her hands to his face, caressing the outline of his cheek bone, slicking back his wet hair, pressing her body hungrily against his as something different took control. Something altogether unexpected.

And then she broke away. Her arms still wrapped around him but her lips flat and her eyes digging straight into his. Checking to see if he’d felt it too.

B’Elanna Torres and Harry Kim were best friends, the very best of friends. They had been for more than 4 years. They’d fallen asleep on the same couch. Played stupid games on the holodeck together. Held hands. Comforted each other.

But Harry Kim had never made B’Elanna’s heart beat faster, her head spin.

And B’Elanna Torres had never looked more beautiful than she did at that very moment. As Harry took in every curve and line of her body, and the small satisfied smile on her lips.

"You want to?" He asked, never more serious about anything in his life.

She nodded.

He moved his arms down to around her waist, underneath the water. Moving his mouth back to hers and tasting her soft lips again.

She kissed back, harder this time and taking control. His hands ran over her back taking in every ridge of her spine, every hot contact on her skin, with his hands so cold from the water. Moving quickly as the kiss grew more intense.

Never stopping to think. Not daring to.

She broke the kiss and began to gently press her lips down his jaw and then undoing his shirt buttons and slipping the shirt down his shoulders. His smooth chest exposed she gently moved her lips over the skin. His hands were in her hair, running through it. His breathing was ragged.

Reaching his hands down the back of her T shirt he began to pull at it, she moved so it could be lifted above her head, throwing it away into the water without another though. Intoxicated by the look she gave him, body now pressed against his, noses near touching, hands on his shoulders, feet off the ground.

And then he felt it. The slight pressure against his pants. And he knew there’d be no going back.

With her foot she ran her toes along the inside of his calves, mouth now touching his again. Pushing her feet against his trousers, pulling them further down.

He could feel the heat of her body against his, the firmness of her exposed nipples against his chest. Without thought he reached a hand down to her waist and tugged at the pants she wore, she wriggled out of them, moving her hips higher up his body feeling the pressure of his erection against her stomach. He found the inside of her thigh, stroking it gently in the water and moving slowly higher. She opened herself to accommodate him, lifting her legs and positioning them aside his abdomen. Her own forearms propped up on his shoulders, her mouth finding his again. Her eyes closed. He moved higher up her thigh. She continued to explore his neck, nipping and biting and then softly caressing, breathing warmly against his skim.

They were strangely silent.

With more precision than she knew he possessed he found her genitals, and then carefully moving his hand he stroked her clit and felt the slight stickiness as she readied herself for him. She panted as she kissed the under side of his chin, her arms running over his strong back. And then he pushed his finger inside her and she gasped quietly. She pulled her toes up to push at his pants and boxers, pushing them down as his finger continued to explore her, probe inside her. Moving into a steady rhythm he began to thrust his finger at intervals enjoying the way she’d moan a little every time.

They both thought they were in control. They were wrong.

He felt the slight pull of vaginal muscles and knew he couldn’t wait any longer. After one last thrust, barely noticing the water around them, he removed his hand. And with one arm over his shoulder to keep her balance she moved a hand to his erect penis. Feeling for it blindly and then grasping and running her fingers along it, moving her hips over it and then guiding him inside her.

Her eyes never met his.

They found a rhythm easily, her legs locked around his back.

He felt her muscles tense around him. His throat was dry.

He speeded up the pace, she dug her nails into his back, her teeth into his shoulder, felt the cold wind against her exposed upper body.

They were close. She could feel him readying and their speed increased, frantic and unchecked. She felt her muscles clench and her mind give way.

She came just before him. Her body spasming against his. He did well to hold his balance, until he too released and it didn’t matter anymore.

They fell backwards into the sea.

Two best friends. Helping each other out. But nothing’s ever as simple as that.

***

Harry tried to get rid of the salt taste on his mouth. "Computer. End progr…"

"No, belay that computer." He heard Torres call. "Initiate program Public Alpha 8."

Harry turned to her. She was standing a little away from him. She’d slipped her T shirt back on. Her bottom lip trembled. "The resort program?"

Around him the seascape shivered from view. The cold water was replaced with hot tropical breeze.

He reached for a nearby towel, a holographic Volleyball player smiled at him suggestively. He wrapped it around himself, shivering a little underneath.

B’Elanna had also found a towel and she came to stand next to him.

He smiled at her.

She smiled at him.

A silent pact as it were. It didn’t mean anything. It never meant anything. They were lonely. The other offered warmth and companionship. They could still be friends. No on would ever know. Tom wouldn’t know. Seven wouldn’t know. They’d never talk of it.

It’d be as though nothing had ever happened.

Harry’s smile cracked first, and then B’Elanna’s followed.

But something had happened. And they were never going to be able to get away from that.

"I…"

"Really we should…"

They said in unison and then forced smiles upon the other.

"You first." B’Elanna smiled.

"We should talk about this?" He looked at her, indecision on his face. Part of him was quite happy to forget. The other wanted to get the hell out of the holodeck. On reflection he wondered why then, he asked to talk to her.

"I should go." She said.

He moved to stop her, catching her arm. She flinched at the touch and looked at him, something near fear in her eyes. Seeing him differently now, as he saw her.

Something fluttered across her face. "When you arrived did you engage the privacy lock?"

Harry gave her a narrow look. "No." He replied.

"Good." She nodded her head.

He watched her pace a little, afraid to look up at him. Suddenly he understood. "You think I planned this?" He accused, his words full of venom.

She turned to him. "No." They locked eyes. "This wasn’t planned. I don’t know a lot right now but I know that."

"Thank you for your unwavering faith." He mumbled, eyes dark at her.

"Grow up Harry." She shot at him. Her mouth turned in a snarl, her body language defensive.

"We shouldn’t fight. We’re on the same side here."

"Not anymore." She said quietly.

That was one of the things that had shaped the evening. Earlier today she’d been so angry. Screaming at Harry in the corridor. Blaming Tom, Seven, Janeway and any unsuspecting Ensign that had the misfortune to cross her path. So alive. When Harry first saw her in the Mess she’d looked pale, introspective, quiet, the nasty Klingon was all locked away. She was B’Elanna Torres in a mood that wouldn’t let her think straight. That made her do stupid things. He’d known that when he entered the holodeck and he cursed himself for forgetting.

Or at least that’s what he thought. As his mind tried to make sense of what had just happened between them, what had distorted his life far more than Seven going on some date with Tom Paris.

He’d just fucked his best friend.

Not made love or comforted. Not helped and consoled. It was clinical and cold and selfish as hell.

Not that she hadn’t used him too. Not that they hadn’t both understood what they were doing. Not that they weren’t consenting adults free of responsibilities.

But there was something unwaveringly wrong about what they’d just done.

And they both knew it.

B’Elanna broke the long silence. "I’m sorry." She mumbled.

"No." Harry said. "There’s no point being sorry. What’s done is done." He sighed.

"But what do we do? What do we do now? We just fucked in the stupid little holo-program you designed for Seven!" She spat. "I’m sorry, Harry, but I don’t think we should be friends anymore." She said through gritted teeth.

But Harry was angry. "Oh, right, there you go Torres. Just run away again, pretend it never happened. Be a coward." He glared at the ground.

"I am *not* a coward!" She growled at him, moving forward.

"Then deal with this!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"The way I see it there is nothing to deal with."

"I’ll say this. We leave the holodeck and we go home. We sleep on it and we have breakfast tomorrow. It’ll seem clearer then."

"Want to know the really stupid part?" Her manner was still aggressive but she was calmer.

"Let rip."

"Of all the people on this ship it had be you didn’t it? The only person I could trust." She laughed cruelly. "I always manage to make things worse."

"It wasn’t just your fault." Harry’s voice was quiet now, understanding.

"But I didn’t say no." She looked down.

He reached a hand to her shoulder. He could feel the muscles tense and then relax. And he realised, that like her, he too was getting used to the idea. "I didn’t say no either."

She smiled at him. "What we just did…"

"Was wrong." Harry finished for her and she nodded decisively, her lips a flat line.

"Not officially." She said, smiling slightly.

"Then why do you keep looking at me like I’m going to jump you at any second and why am I, Harry Kim of all people, shouting at you?"

She laughed quietly. "Because you finally grew a personality?"

He frowned at her. "B’Elanna…"

"I know. I know." And then her thoughts progressed, Harry could see it etched on her face, and already he didn’t like it. "But you’re his best friend. You do everything together and you tell each other everything. And here I come, all destructive tendencies, crushing yet another friendship."

"He doesn’t have to know." Harry said, his voice still raised a little.

She looked straight into his eyes, and he could see the guilt and remorse in them. "He will know Harry. He’ll know as soon as he sees you tomorrow. He doesn’t trust me Harry and frankly I don’t blame him."

Harry’s brow knitted. "You’re not his."

"Yeah, but I’m standing here looking at you wondering whether I did it to make him jealous. To show him that I can still hurt him. To remind him that he still cares no matter what stupid Borg he takes up with. Is that the right reason? Is that the reason why I should willingly take this thing between us and manipulate it? Ruin a friendship that has meant so much to me. I am so weak Harry. And bitter and stupid and I’ve taken you along for the ride. And now I don’t care about Tom Paris and Seven of Nine, all I can think about is what I’ve done to you and how very sorry I am for it." Her voice was low but bitter and full of self-recrimination. She was doing what she always did, blaming herself.

Harry wouldn’t let her.

"Don’t go taking all the credit. I’m fully aware of what I did, what we did. You didn’t manipulate anyone B’Elanna. I let this happen, I wanted this to happen. And I’m looking at you now, wondering what made me do this, what made me do it to you. I’m the weak one B’Elanna."

"Harry." Her lids were heavy on her eyes. "We’re not getting anywhere."

He snorted a little, his hand falling from her shoulder. "But where do we go from here?"

"We don’t." She said simply. Walking away from him and rubbing the towel on her damp shoulders.

"What good would that get us?" Harry asked, slightly exasperated.

"I don’t see you anymore Harry, I just see what we did." She looked almost scornful at him, but above all else, regretful.

"For God’s sake it was just sex B’Elanna!" Harry ran a hand through his damp hair.

"It wasn’t though, was it Harry?" She stated, her body still shaking a little from the cold.

"Only if you don’t want it to be." He replied coolly. "We have to stick together. We haven’t got anything else."

She gave him a long look. He hoped the decision was a difficult one because it didn’t show on her face. She looked completely blankly at him. Her only movement the slight convulsions of her shivers.

"I’m leaving." She said. She scooped her trousers from where they lay and pulled them on messily.

Harry didn’t feel right watching and moved around the program. He had no interest in stopping her from leaving. In fact he wanted her to go. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind. And as he watched the hydro sails below, he wondered if he ever would be.

Fully dressed but still very damp she stood in the middle of the simulation. She could see Harry at one of the tables looking as forlorn as she felt. Which was no mean feat.

Stridently she headed for the door. Not caring if she didn’t ever talk to Harry again. Not caring if the universe opened up and swallowed her whole. Just wishing she could start over again. She could make amends for what she’d done.

That thought stopped her at the door. "Harry?" She called.

His breath caught when he heard his name. He considered not answering. But something made his mouth open and respond. He wouldn’t let this break them.

"Yeah?" He called back.

"See you at breakfast?" There was something light about her voice, underneath the obvious strain.

"You bet." He called back, his tone still sullen but his mood began to lift.

Without another thought she left the holodeck.

There are some things that you can never change.

And some things you have to cling to, because it’s just not worth letting them go.

***

"Coffee?" Neelix asked, pot in hand. Smiling.

B’Elanna nodded. There were dark circles around her eyes. She hadn’t got a lot of sleep last night.

"It’s okay. Harry’s probably just late, he is coming you know." Neelix said with his usual light and amiable tone.

"What did you mean by that?"

"B’Elanna!" Neelix said, his voice raised in shock. "You’ve been having breakfast together for the last three weeks. It was not such a huge jump to assume you’d have breakfast together today." He frowned at her and then reached for the cup. "Maybe you shouldn’t have this coffee."

She put a solid hand on his arm and glared at him. "Neelix."

He shrugged happily and left her table, calling merrily over his shoulder. "Call me if you want anything."

She took a long life affirming drink of coffee. Wondered for the 40^th time what was keeping Harry and darted her attention between the chrono on the wall and the untouched egg dish on her table. She tried to read the engineering evaluation PADD to her left but couldn’t focus on the words.

"Sorry I’m late."

She didn’t look up.

"I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show." She said, with as much normality as she could manage.

"I’m Mr Reliability B’Elanna, course I’d show." He sat down opposite her, the same way he’d done a thousand times. She took solace in its familiarity and the way it was easy to look at him again.

She smiled fully. Things were beginning to clear. Feelings were beginning to fade. Memories were slowly storing themselves away. Her head felt lighter.

He smiled back.

"Last night was…different."

She nodded. In complete agreement with him. It was certainly that.

"Look Harry," she met his eyes. "I said some stuff I didn’t mean…"

Harry smiled and nodded. "And I said some stuff I didn’t mean." Harry’s hands were folded on the table.

"It wasn’t right."

"Not between us, no." Harry affirmed, praying no-one was listening.

His breathing slowed and he looked at her. She held his gaze just as intensely. Something had passed between them, something big, something important. Something they’d never forget.

But Harry was right, they were on the same team.

"We were hurt." She breathed, pausing to watch his reaction. "And we helped each other out."

"Because we’re friends." He said, sure of that now.

"Yeah." B’Elanna nodded. And she reached her hand out to grasp his. He squeezed back appreciatively. Knowing that she felt the same way he did.

Things would never be the same between them. Their friendship had been abused.

And things would be hard. In many ways more than friends and in that same instant, less than.

But friends. If of a different kind.