I came to know the Lord when I was in JC1. It is amazing to know that God can really work in various ways through people. That time, my friend (and now cellmate) Nicole, conducted bible study lessons for 2 of my hockey friends Hannah and Chien Ling. We were a clique so I did not want to be left out and decided to join them for the lessons too. One day, Nicole invited the 2 down for church and being the kay-poh me, I also decided to go as well. God touched my heart the first day I went to church but there wasn’t an altar call or anything. I went week after week – I didn’t know what attracted me then, I guess it was more for companionship and fear of being left out than wanting to get to know Jesus more.

Weeks and months went by, and Nicole brought the 3 of us down to cell group (SYF then). By then, I still had not said the sinner’s prayer or given my life to Jesus because no one asked me and I didn’t know how to. I merely drifted along where the 3 of them went. I guess that they assumed I had accepted Christ because the cell leader actually asked Nicole and I to lead worship one day! Deep down inside, there wasn’t any conviction that Jesus had truly called me into His kingdom. I kept thinking that since Nicole had only asked the 2 of them down for everything and I was the “just-come-along” person, God had meant to call only the both of them and not me. This made me very sad because I was just the “extra”. 

I stayed on, amazingly through the JC years – without saying the sinner’s prayer, without asking Jesus to be the Lord of my life. All this while, people assumed that I was a Christian and I too, thought that I was one. Come to think of it now, I would say that I was a regular churchgoer. There wasn’t much change inwardly. Soon, it was time for university.  After being a “Christian” for quite some time, and I knew how to say the sinner’s prayer, I decided to say it myself during one of the harvest event. Still, my mind kept thinking that it is my own will to want to accept Jesus, it is a one-way thing, Jesus didn’t call me, it is just wishful thinking on my own part. I do know now that it is part of Satan’s lie and trick which has made me to think in this manner, it is one of his schemes to make me ineffective for God. And his lie has indeed worked. For years, I was a lukewarm Christian. I would occasionally skip church when I didn’t feel like going. I seldom read the bible because I felt that it wasn’t meant for me anyway. Satan’s lies had prevented me from seeing the things that God was doing in my life.

For 4 years, I drifted along. And even though people around me told me that I had grown in the Lord, I thought that it was because of my own effort and not God’s (since He didn’t call me specifically into His kingdom). On and off, there were thoughts to get baptized but I wasn’t really ready to as there wasn’t really a strong conviction and I weren’t ready to give my life to Jesus because I thought that I must be more “sinless” before I was fit to be in the kingdom of God – which was Satan’s lie again because Jesus came for the sick and not the healthy.

Last year during the camp, I felt very strongly that God wanted to be the number 1 of my life. I sensed that He wanted me to give up a person who had taken His place. I struggled a lot with God because this person is precious to me and I was afraid as I felt that with the imperfections in my life, I couldn’t live the holy and perfect life that Jesus wants me to.  I was afraid that I could not live up to God’s standard and I didn’t want to disappoint Him. And so I struggled and struggled. That time, I felt very sorrowful, it was a difficult decision to make. Finally I decided to let God be first in my life.

As I did this, God was very good. God showed me Psalm 119 which was a long passage talking about how good it was to be walking in God’s ways and how the psalmist was lamenting how he had sinned in God’s eyes and his pleas to ask God to forgive Him. This was a psalm that spoke of my feelings. It says:

“I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. (v25)

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws…. (v28-30)

Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. (v37)

Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law (v109).

I have strayed like a lost sheep (v175).        

Because I love your commands more than gold, more than pure gold, and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path (v128).

My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end (v112).

Ever since I made the decision to honor God, there was a breakthrough in my relationship with Him. I felt so much closer to God. Recently, I had just been baptized. And my baptism name is Sarah (which means princess) because God had strongly impressed the verse from 1 Peter 2:9 in my heart before my baptism. There is so much joy from obeying God. 

 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

Coming to think of it, the meaning of Sarah has great significance. Besides my part of declaring God’s praises, God wants to assure me that I am certainly not an “extra” in His kingdom. God has specially chosen me and I belong to God. God is the Father, King and I am His daughter, princess. I want to be the consecrated person God wants me to be, holy and blameless. I want to live out the name that God has chosen for me – Sarah.

Praise be to God forever and ever. Amen.