YnM Fanfiction

Sakura
Written by Calis

Disclaimer: YnM belongs to Yoko Matsushita-sensei

Chapter Eleven: Into the Darkness

Muraki was stunned by the bare honesty shining from those mutinous eyes and in that unguarded moment, Oriya saw beyond the nonchalant mask to see the empty desolated eyes of a pale lonely child with moonlight hair. The image was so distinct that Oriya was about to reach out when he suddenly reeled, disorientated and overwhelmed by a sense of vertigo. Giddy, he almost fell when he felt Muraki grasped his arms. At the contact, another image flared before his eyes, this time he saw the same child as a white bleached silhouette against ebony darkness. Wide soulless eyes stared blankly as small fragile arms tightly clutched an expensive antique doll with a porcelain face. A pretty bonnet of rich scarlet satin covered elaborate curls the shade of newly minted gold and the frock with the matching brocade coat were made from lush sable velvet adorned with ruffles and lace the same red shade but the doll was flawed. Cracks marred the cold white perfection and where an indigo glass eye should be, glared an empty socket. Revolted, Oriya turned away from the ghastly sight. As his awareness faded in and out, he heard the sound of a woman's laughter. It began softly and grew increasing louder but there was no happiness, the sound was sorrowful. The laughter became shriller and deranged like a banshee's wail, full of madness and grief. It trapped him, dragging him into a maelstrom of insanity, spinning wildly out of control as he was sucked deeper and deeper into the emotional vortex.

" Oriya! "

Someone called his name, shaking him urgently. Oriya's eyes snapped open, jerking up as he regained his senses suddenly. Shaken badly, he sat quietly for a while trying to get his bearings back even as his heart slowed its frantic beating. Muraki was beside him and when their eyes met, the older youth looked away but Oriya had the uncanny feeling that the child he saw was none other than his sempai. Muraki was silent and his silver eyes were unreadable and as if an unseen barrier had been erected, Oriya found himself shut out once again. His sempai rose and left the room without a word. The gesture felt like a slap on Oriya's face and the clear rejection cut fiercely but Oriya fought down the anger that sprung as a natural reaction. He followed slowly and saw Muraki standing by the balcony, a habit that Oriya had noticed when Muraki wanted to be alone to brood. Oriya would not rant or rave, demanding that Muraki should revealed what troubled him. After the disturbing vision he had saw, Oriya had the notion that by not telling him anything, Muraki was trying to protect him.

He walked over slowly, his feet hardly making a sound as he crossed the short distance that separated them. Oriya slipped his arms around the still, reticent silver figure, embracing Muraki from behind tightly. He shut his eyes as he rested his cheek rested against the hard lines of Muraki's back, wishing he could do more. Clasping Muraki against him, Oriya made his decision. It did not matter if Muraki was just using him, playing him like a fool. As long as he was aware what the older youth mean to him and as long he could make his sempai happy, his own selfish pride was not important any more. He could not say the words aloud but he hoped that perhaps a little of what he felt could be conveyed through his embrace. All he wanted was to stay by his sempai's side. Oriya just wanted to stay with the person who mattered most to him.

The contact broke his train of thought, pulling him back into reality. The younger boy was a real substantial presence that radiated like a spark of flame steadily against the darkness that possessed his soul. Muraki wanted to follow that guiding light that offered itself without any conditions but he was afraid for Oriya. The boy was too innocent and too guileless, his heart and mind like an open book. It would be so easy to taint that ingenuousness with the depravity that was so deeply ingrained in him. His mind wanted to take what was offered so freely, drawing the boy down into the abysmal night that was his soul until Oriya became wholly and utterly his. But a faint voice quietly reasoned that if he ever did that, he would most likely mangle and destroy what he cherished most about the younger boy. Muraki fought a war within himself as his mind and heart clashed over the opposite desires. Caught by the dilemma, Muraki clenched his fists helplessly in defeat.

" Sempai... "

The material of Muraki's robe muffled Oriya's voice but it was steady and sure.

" You don't have to protect or do anything for me... just let me be with you. "

" Oriya... I can't... I can't let you into my world. I will destroy you! "

" No! I won't drag you into madness! You do not know what you are asking, Oriya! "

The arms that surround him only tightened more securely.

" You can't decide that for me, sempai. "

The words were spoken so resolutely that they shook the older youth. Muraki suddenly realized that the relationship between them both had come to a turning point. What that had started out as an amusement had turned into something much more complicated. He had been attracted to the boy but now he understood that the attraction went beyond the physical. He had enjoyed Oriya's body but he wanted more than that. Yet, when Oriya had offered the precious gift he coveted, Muraki found that he could not accept it without paying a price. If he truly wanted Oriya, he had to give himself in return. The question he had to answer now was how much he could afford to give to Oriya. Muraki raised his hand to cover over one of Oriya's hand that was wrapped tightly around his waist. Holding that smaller hand, Muraki lifted it to kiss the open palm before he placed it against his heart.

" Yes... I can't decide for you... because you have already decided but the consequences... "

" Will be mine to bear, Muraki-sempai. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Muraki took a deep breath, not knowing how to begin. It seems like an irony that he had lived with his sordid past yet he could not bring himself to speak of it now. Oriya sat opposite to him at the low table in the living room. Ernest eyes watched him but the boy did not question nor did he try to probe. Muraki took the brown earthenware cup, closing his fingers around the steaming container. It was hot but he endured the heat, using it to focus his mind as he gazed into the verdant depths. He took a swallow, letting the almost scalding liquid burn a trail down his throat. The tea was acrid, leaving a bitter aftertaste but Muraki savored the sharp biting flavor. Composing himself, Muraki set the cup aside and began his story.

" I come from a long line of physicians. My father, grandfather and forefathers were all doctors who were highly regarded in the medical community. My grandfather taught me all I knew and those skills really came in valuable when I rescued you. However, I can't say the same for my father... "

There was affection when he spoke of his grandfather but when Muraki mentioned his father; his voice was a flat emotionless monotone.

" No doubt, he is a gifted doctor. Many patients flocked to the hospital drawn by his reputation alone. My father was young, successful, handsome and rich - an irresistible combination. Many of his female patients fell for him and he took advantage of their flavors liberally. Doctor and patient affairs were frowned upon but he was too valuable for the hospital to dismiss. Furthermore, he was always careful enough to avoid any hint of a scandal. My mother was also one of his patients. "

" I don't know what made him changed his mind but instead of his usual discreet liaisons, he courted and married her. Maybe it was because she was different from all the other women he had before. I've been often told that I resemble her a lot and yes, as I've said before I inherited the color of my eyes, skin and hair from her. She was beautiful like a snow spirit with a beauty so ethereal. Perhaps, she never belonged to this earth at all... "

Muraki paused briefly. An unfathomable light was in those silver gray eyes but the timbre of his voice did not change as he continued his soliloquy.

" I used to wonder if he ever loved her. She is the woman he made his wife but he mocked that sacred covenant from the very beginning. He never stopped his philandering ways. Two years ago, he revealed a secret he kept for sixteen years. I found that I have an elder half-brother. Another son conceived by one of his patients on the very day that my mother became pregnant with me. Can you believe that there could be such a coincidence? "

" Saki came to live with us. I did not like such an arrangement but I endured it...I even tried to be cordial. I tried so hard to accept him, convincing myself that the blame should lie with that weak, faithless man but Saki's existence was the final straw for my mother. She was ill and had been ever since I was born. She suffered from post-natal depression but he was never there with her. He carried on with his infidelities and flaunted them in her face with living proof that he had been an adulterer. My mother never recovered from her depression... she just fell deeper and deeper into the darkness... and she took me with her... "

Oriya gasped softly in shock as he recalled the image he had seen. He could still remember that sharp shrill sound of insane laughter. He had understood that his sempai had a dysfunctional family but he never expected that a man could betray his wife and child so thoroughly.

" Muraki sempai... " He whispered softly in compassion but Muraki did not hear him.

" My mother loved to collect antique dolls. There was an entire room full of them, all neatly arranged and placed on shelves that lined entire walls from ceiling to floor. White faces with their jewel bright glass eyes and pretty dresses. She liked to bring me along when she visits them, pointing out each doll and telling me its name and story. My mother loved to weave stories around her precious dolls. There was one that I liked best and her name was Veronica but one day she was gone. I couldn't find her anymore even though I searched and searched so hard. I asked my mother but all she said was that I was a good child, her pretty and lovely child. With hair that glowed like silver beams from a brilliant moon, beautiful eyes like the full moon's reflection on a lake and white skin like the finest western porcelain. I was the best of her collection; I was her perfect doll that's why she threw Veronica away... "

Author's Note:

As Fanfiction.Net has been rather unstable lately, please take note that this fic is also available at my website http://www.oocities.org/sg/sigrd/ynmfic.html since I will update both sites once a new chapter is ready.

Do feel free to give me feedback and comments on how this story is going and what you like best or what could be done better! I need feedback to be a better writer!

And for those who have been following this story and review it - thank you!

Cheers,

Calis