Shaddyr's Eclectic Collection > Pretender Fanfiction > Buffy Fanfiction > Gables > Here's My Card

 

Here's my Card...
by Gables

Summry: Buffy finds another example of the contemporary demon when she get a collection of business cards.
Rated: G -Humor
Archiving: Please ask first. That way you're guaranteed a hit on your site.
Setting: no spoilers. And no real time, just set sometime when the Magic Box is the headquarters.
Author's Note: FYI for the readers out there, I work at a print store. I was reading this fic about a vamp that leaves a calling card and well, this kinda came to me. Note that I wrote this as is. Meaning, if the lines are totally stupid, remember that I thought them as I typed, on a whim. As for what Anya says, yes that's all my experience talking, and like she says, I could go on about any paper product. Thanks to Shaddyr for the beta read, and for archiving it!
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy the Vamipre Slayer are not mine. However, all the practical information below is. Thank you, come again!




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Buffy flopped down into one of the wooden chairs around the Scooby's table in the Magic Box, and tossed down a handful of business cards. They skittered across the surface spreading into a loose pile as they hit.

Everybody reached for a card.

"Why do you have a business card for Hictu the Fyral Demon?" Willow asked

Xander look at his own card, "Starting your own demon Rolodex?".

Buffy chuckled slightly. "You know how we've always known that vamps are stupid?"

The group nodded in unison.

"Well, now they are leaving a paper trail. I've got a new contact at the copy store. Only the coolest demons get their own business cards." Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh well, all the better to track them with."

Willow looked at Dawn, "Didn't Buffy kill Hictu two nights ago?"

"Guess that makes those pointless." Dawn said as she examined the card she was holding. "This is actually kinda catchy," she said, waving the card. "'You point, I kill.'"

Willow and Tara giggled. Anya looked at her card. "Where is this copy store?"

Buffy nodded her head to the left, "Over on Winder St. Why do you ask?"

"This is a customer appealing layout. Much better then the boring cards that Guiles ordered. Can I keep this as an example?"

Xander looked over her should. "Anya, honey, are you suggesting the card with the sword dripping blood on the rose is the image you want for the store?"

"No silly! Look at the typeface and the lines. This card directs the eye smoothly from the headline, which is this orders name - The Blut Rapier, to the contact information, '555-Blut'. Very good advertising for their order. However..." She reached over and took the car from Tara's hand. "I like this paper better. The laid texture gives an extra bit of professionalism. Better for the store, but not for demons. If I were a vamp, I'd definitely go with the red on glossy black paper. Though it looks like the whole vamp community should get with a new graphics guy. They aren't too original. Most of these are just like the next. I bet if they did their shopping, they could get a great deal on four color processing. That way each order could have whatever gruesome photo they wanted."

Anya trailed off, contemplating her options. She looked up, surprised at the blank stares in her direction. "What? Printed media is essential to any small business, from invoices to advertisements. You must be knowledgeable so that you have the proper tools to education your customer - even if your customer is really just your next dinner. Still publicity is publicity, positive or negative."

"So." Xander started the conversation again by clapping his hands. "When are we going to see Slayer and Scooby business cards? I can see it now. A little stake going through a little heart, on an ash gray card. It'll just say 'Slayer'. " He motioned the title with a wave of his hand in the air before him, then swooped below it. "You don't find her, she finds you."

Buffy rolled her eyes and smirked. "Thanks, but I don't think I need a business card."

"Oh." Willow put on her serious face, "How about. Just in big letters 'The Slayer' and then below it'll say, 'She's always ready for you.'"

"The Slayer and Co. Ready with axes."

"Slayer, SunnyD, CA - Step into the sunshine for some fun."

"The Scoobies; We're not just back up singers."

"The Slayer - she's not butch, she's buff."

"Hey!" Buffy glared at Xander. He smiled sheepish back at her.

"You know, Buff, because your name is Buffy. Not Butchy. And I'm just going to shut up now."

Buffy gave him a mock scowl and nodded her head. "That's enough. Next you'll be singing jingles about 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and I don't need some tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Besides," she stressed, looking at Xander, "I don't need a slogan."

"She's right." Anya nodded. "Besides, it doesn't really matter what it says. It's the appearance that counts. And since you're supposedly the good guy, I'll recommend a white paper. But get the glossy one, because the matte would stain too much from your fighting. But I'd stay away from the black ink. That would make your image to black vs. white no room for gray. And we all know that isn't true."

"Anya!" Xander interrupted in embarrassment. She ignored him and continued.

"Maybe you should just go with colors all around. Pick a blue paper with green ink. Totally neutral as colors go for the battle of good an evil. It says that you know there are some demons and ex-demons who are just trying to get along in the world, and you as the Slayer see that, and acknowledge their choice to live peacefully."

Buffy picked up the last card left on the table. She read over it and flipped it around looking at the back. "Wow, I never knew you could read so much it a business card."

"Oh, this is just the beginning. Next time Xander spends the money to buy me a fancy dinner; we can talk about the menus. You can always tell how well a restaurant is doing by what type of menu they have. It's a reliable scale to measure economic success."

"Ok then. Thanks for that lessen in printing Anya." Willow turned to Buffy. "So now that you have these cards, what are you going to do with them?"

"I, for one," Xander said, "Suggest you keep them. In a couple of kills, they'll be like baseball cards. You never know how much you'll get for an authentic 2001 rookie Telall-the-Vamp-Card."

Buffy leaned in and collected all the cards again. Even Anya's sample, though with some reluctance from the shopkeeper.

"I figure I'll hang on to them. I think they'll get me into warehouses and parties like invitations. Should be good for a couple of fun nights before the vamps catch on. Lets go Dawn. See ya guys." Buffy stood up and walked out the door. Dawn grabbed her backpack and followed, humming, "She's Buffy, Buffy the Slayer, she has stakes up her sleeve when you meet her..."

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