Studies have shown that more lives have been bought off the internet now than ever before. Millions have been getting New and Improved hearts shipped to them by UPS within 24 hours, and the majority of them are happy customers. But what makes for satisfied internet lifies? We will hear from several people that have been, as we say, "born from the internet," where they will talk about how it is to be one with a life. How we all look at things and wish that we had more, when they do not even have a life. These souls who have no actual life or spirit to them, who look at us as if we were all millionaires. But this is all over, as lives are being bought and shipped throughout the world, coming straight out of your taxes and federal expenses! Dr. Koranski shares with us his insight.

In my day, internet was not yet born, yet now I take the pride and honor in proclaiming Internet Life Buying the most popular of

By Nicole Gose

all trades in the internet business. It all started when eighteen year old Mary Walsh from Ohio claimed to have no life. She was the daughter of friend of the family, and she threatened to do one of the worst sins in the Bible, suicide. It was then when I had my research team find the particles to create a life. It all seemed impossible in the beginning, and hope was fading fast, until something hit us like the dawn of a new day. It was the internet. It could do anything, and creating a life would be one of the easier things on its "To-Do List." So we got right on it. With only using a flick of a switch and a few HTML codes, we created the first internet life. Mary Walsh, now nineteen, is an Internet Lifie, and is happier than ever with her life. With Internet Life Buying, you will no longer have to say that you have no life. Because you will be able to buy one on the net.

Above: Brittney Spears, patient of Dr. Koranski, and Internet Life Buyer

Top: Dr. Koranski, founder of Internet Life Buying Inc.

Brittney Spears, teenage pop culture super star, thought to have it all, had nothing at all. Her "good looks" were nothing but camera cover ups, and computer fixers. Life to Brittney seemed to

go completely down the drain. It was until she met up with Dr. Koranski that her life actually found meaning. "...I was lost. I felt that I had reached my limit in life and that I had absolutely nothing more to give...The only answer was suicide.." "Dr. Koranski saved my life.."

Ex-Heart throb Leonardo DiCaprio was let go in Titanic, and was never to be seen again, now at the

bottom of the icey Atlantic. Leo thought that he had kissed his frozen rear end behind, before he ran into Dr. Koranski's Internet Life Program. "I like, thought that life was so totally over. I mean like even my lover Clarise was outting on me man. The world just seemed over. It was all dark and stuff too." "But then this doctor dude... Yeah, he helped me." Leo was actually taken into special treatment with his new life program. In his new life, he made it so that he was with men instead of women. "After living with Clarisefor several years, I found that women just weren't the best thing for me. I'm now a gay homosexual lover ready for some action!" Even though this last comment woried Dr. Koranski a bit, he was glad to see Leo enjoying himself.

Above: Leonardo DiCaprio, thankful client of Dr. Koranski

It was in these very words that touched Dr. Koranski so deeply that inspired him to write his book, "I Saved Brittney Spears' Life" which was a top seller, racking the shelves in every bookstore across America. "Now I can look at myself in the mirror

and say, 'Brittney, I have a life!" Says the New Brittney Spears, now a client of Dr. Koranski, and an Internet Life Buyer.