By Port
Thanks to Chloe for editing! That said, all mistakes are, of course, my
responsibility.
Warning: Contains a few angry swear words, as well as spoilers for the 49-episode
run.
Feedback is relished. Hope you
enjoy!
2 Apr. 195, 9:42 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Lucrezia? I can't find Dad. The riots started two days ago and he went out to help with crowd control and he still hasn't come back, and Mom says she hopes he doesn't, and nobody knows where he is.
I brought a photograph to the base and asked everybody I saw, just in case people didn't know him by name, and nobody had. So I insisted on seeing his supervisor, but they wouldn't let me in. I mean, they were busy and everything because somebody found explosives taped to one of the colony's main power generators, and almost all the soldiers had been out dealing with the crowds, but you'd think somebody could take a minute to tell me where Dad is.
Wouldn't you think so?
I checked the hospitals too. In fact I just got back from rechecking the emergency rooms, and I only left because they chased me out. I left pictures of him at each one, just to be sure, just in case he's lost his dog tags. I'd go canvass the streets, but I'm afraid of the other colonists. People are getting killed out there.
I'm not writing to worry you, but because you might know what to do in a case like this. Is there a reason the Federation wouldn't tell me where Dad is? Do I have a right to go ask them again?
Lucrezia, where else should I search?
Please, please write back as soon as possible. I'm getting tired and Mom is driving me crazy with her comments and I just want to go to sleep, but I can't till Dad comes home. The phones are out, or else I'd call you, but this should get through via satellite. Write back quickly.
Yours,
Hilde
2 Apr. 195, 11:45 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I looked in to official channels. He's not listed as on active duty. I looked in to other channels and found out that he's not undercover or doing classified work. Maybe there's something wrong with the information. It could be outdated or inaccurate. I don't want to suggest this, but... you haven't checked the morgues by any chance?
Write back as soon as you can, and for the love of God, please stay off the streets.
Love,
Lucrezia
3 Apr. 195, 2:27 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK HE'S IN THE MORGUE!
I hate you, Lucrezia.
I threw a fit when I read your message. Then Mom came in and said you had a great point, and we ended up screaming at each other. Anyway, it made just enough sense that I did check the morgues.
And he's not in them, Lucrezia. I looked at all the bodies myself, and he's not there.
I don't suppose you have any useful advice.
3 Apr. 195, 6:42 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I'm relieved. You know I love Dad. I'm sorry for the suggestion, but it was a valid one.
Would you do me a favor and get some sleep. If you go to bed for at least eight hours you'll be better able to find him.
I'm currently pulling strings to get some Federation people on L2 to look for Dad. I've sent mail to his supervisor and should get a reply within six hours, as per regulations. I'll tell you what he says. Hilde.... All I want to say right now is that this might be tough, and it's important to be strong. So for right now, try not to worry. And get some sleep.
Also, according to everything I've heard, voice communication between L2 and earth will be out for the foreseeable future. But I'll be haunting my satellite mail till we find Dad, so I'm here for you, whatever happens.
Love,
Lucrezia
By the way, no more looking at corpses. What the hell are they doing there letting you see all the riot victims?
3 Apr. 195, 10:36 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I tried to get some sleep like you said, but a phone call came. Mom picked up, and I listened from an extension. It was Col. Sutton, Dad's supervisor. He said that no one's seen him since the first night of rioting. Dad came to the base in uniform, went out on a truck with some other soldiers, and didn't come back. A crowd-control unit spotted the truck going south on Durmail Drive at 10 that night, but it--and Dad and the three other soldiers--haven't been seen since.
Sutton thinks that Dad and the three soldiers went AWOL, probably got a ride off-colony on one of the shuttles that escaped the docks at the bottom of Durmail Drive. There's no way to ever find out, though, because all the escaped shuttles got shot down.
And Mom THANKED him for his trouble and didn't argue when Sutton said the search had been CALLED OFF.
You have to do something, Lucrezia! Dad wouldn't abandon me and mom like that. Something happened and he hasn't come home, but if we look, we'll find him. I'm going to South Durmail myself. There's still fighting going on there, but I can handle myself. If I don't write back by tomorrow, could you satellite-mail Mom and tell her where I am?
Maybe you could talk to Sutton again?
See you,
Hilde
3 Apr. 195, 11:02 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde, please write back right now. DON'T go out.
3 Apr. 195, 11:11 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde,
I know you know what I'm going to say, but listen to me. If they're still fighting, then you shouldn't be there. That's the final word. If Dad couldn't handle it, you can't either.
I'll do everything in my power to find Dad, but you need to stay home. Going out right now won't help Dad.
Mail me back right now. We can talk, make a plan. We'll work together to find Dad, just don't go out.
- Lucrezia
4 Apr. 195, 1:26 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde?
4 Apr. 195, 2:07 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde, this is dumb. I don't care if you're angry about what I've said, just send a note to say you're safe.
- Lucrezia
4 Apr. 195, 3:22 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde, I wrote your mother, but I don't know if she'll write back. I don't think she likes me. If you don't write back by 0800 tomorrow, I'm going to get in touch with the authorities. Somehow I doubt your mother will enjoy having to deal with the Federation at her door.
Love,
Noin
5 Apr. 195, 7:46 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
"Love, Noin?" Since when have you started referring to yourself by last name?
Love,
Schbecker
5 Apr. 195, 9:00 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
....
5 Apr. 195, 9:22 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Lucrezia,
I'm sorry. Mom caught me before I went out and locked me in my room. I couldn't get to the computer until now. I'm dying to know whether you've found anything new about Dad....
Love,
Hilde
6 Apr. 195, 7:54 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
Nothing new about Dad. I'm sorry. Col. Sutton seems set in the idea that Dad tried to escape in a shuttle. Nobody's seen him or the other three missing soldiers since that night. I'm looking in to other sources, though. There's a Specials unit on L2, and I have some friends on it, former students, actually. They might drop by and ask you some questions.
So your mission now is to stay well. When Dad gets home, I want him to find you well-fed and well-rested. Understood?
Love,
Noin
6 Apr. 195, 4:18 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
Col. Sutton is a fucking pig! He believes that horrible BS about his own men, and he’s fucking dead set against finding Dad. All I want to know is, why? Where the HELL is all this talk about traitors coming from? Two weeks ago, life was normal. We had peace. Mom, Dad and I were all in the same house, and Dad said goodbye every morning before he went to work, and Mom stayed out all day, but came home eventually, and school was in session and everything was FINE!!
Now those horrible rebels are making the streets unsafe and trying to cause havoc, and Mom's home every day, and I'm not allowed outside anymore and Mom's even looking at the computer cross-eyed, like maybe I shouldn't use it either.
And what the hell's happening in the Federation?! I thought I liked it when Dad was around. It was so noble. You've heard me rant about it before. But now it's the MOST INEPT, USELESS, CALLOUS, UNCARING, DAMNABLE, STUPID STUPID STUPID DUMB thing in the whole fucking world!
I'll talk to the Specials you mentioned, thank you for everything.
Love,
Hilde
7 Apr. 195, 7:32 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
Feel better? I hope so, but you should know better than to taunt the censor like that. They must be short-staffed over there since that message got through without tampering, but you know what'll happen if you actually get caught making those kinds of remarks--even if you're just blowing off steam.
I'm really happy to be a shoulder, Hilde, but I can't afford an internal investigation against me at the moment. So please, keep it together for now.
I'm sorry. This is the second lecture I've given you in five days. I wish I could be there with you. We could both use a hug.
I've got to go now. Write soon. Get some more sleep.
Love,
Noin
9 Apr. 195, 4:11 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear "Noin,"
Oh, some lecture.
But I'm tired of saying sorry. It seems like all I ever do here at home lately, and besides, there shouldn't be any apologies between sisters, right? We're too together for that kind of thing, right? So from now on, neither of us can apologize!!
Even though I would if it wasn't against the rule I just made. Eh, heh....
Your Specials friends came over today, and I told them everything I know about the disappearance. That took all of five minutes. But then, they stayed thirty minutes longer and we talked. Just talked about a lot of stuff that was on my mind. They were so nice. They listened to everything I said and didn't seem to believe what that jerk Sutton thinks.
Satellite-mailing you has been therapeutic (maybe too much so, if you count my last letter), but it felt great to talk to live people. Mom's been okay some days, but others she's just horrible. Keeps muttering the worst things about Dad. Anyway, Lt. Haverhill and Lt. Marsh were optimistic and said they'd start following leads as soon as they left, and they'll call me tonight, even if they don't find anything. Thank you thank you thank you for sending them!
Anyway, I got a call from Jon after they left, and he says University will be restarting in five days, once the streets are calm again. Actually, they're pretty calm now; order has been restored, but some terrorists are on the loose and are threatening to bomb public areas. The Alliance has issued statements that they'll be caught within the next week.
Hope everything's peaceful for you over there and you're enjoying your job and all. Aren't your cadets getting ready to graduate to the Specials unit now? I hope you didn't get in trouble over that stupid letter. I don't know what I was thinking. If you'd missed their graduation and the end of their training because of me I'd feel just terrible.
But I refuse to apologize!! It's against the rules, and I wouldn't want to break them, would I?
Love Always,
Hilde
PS: Why sign in your last name?
9 Apr. 195, 9:50 p.m.
From: X. Haverhill
To: Lt. Noin
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 9--------
Lt. Noin,
Marsh and I visited Hilde as you asked. I must say that calling us in for her was a good idea, because she was visibly calmer by the time we left. I get the feeling that for a while now she's needed someone to listen to her. That's not to say that you haven't through letter-writing; just that talking to a relatively uninterested party, especially in person, can be beneficial for the mind. But that's the former psychology major in me talking.
She told us about the disappearance, giving as many details as she seemed to know. After leaving, we went separately to interview the families of the other missing soldiers (notes from those interviews are attached to this message), then went to the base together in order to talk to Col. Sutton.
You were right about him being suspicious. As soon as he saw Marsh and me, wearing our Specials uniforms, he adopted a very disapproving attitude. That is to say, he was hostile, gave us only the barest details about the disappearance, and then berated us for wasting valuable human resources on a case that was officially closed.
This is par for the course.
Somehow, Alliance officers on L2 are getting suspicious about us. Maybe it's because of the way a lot of Specials here carry themselves, or maybe there's a leak (which is doubtful--I dare say it's impossible.). You might want to alert Col. Treize. Personally, I believe we can continue misleading them until the takeover. If Col. Treize decides otherwise, though, I'm, of course, ready to comply with his orders.
Back to your father: According to witnesses, he entered an Etch 46V covered truck with three other soldiers. All four of them were wearing standard uniforms and were carrying side arms and rifles. The truck, which is also missing, held crowd control equipment (your standard hoses, body armor, rubber projectiles, etc.), but was mainly to be used to aid arrests and to block off streets.
By all accounts, the truck headed south on Durmail Drive and has not been seen since.
The spaceport district, which is at the southern end of Durmail, was the epicenter of the rioting. Crowds numbering in the hundreds overran the shuttle docks while militants, using stolen weapons, defended the outer perimeters of the crowds.
The militants, belonging to a group I am not permitted to mention by name in a level 9 transmission, moved out from the spaceport area into the surrounding business districts and neighborhoods and proceeded to conduct terrorist activities mostly aimed at Alliance personnel. Nobody besides your father and his three companions is missing, but quite a few soldiers were killed before the violence ended.
You asked me to be frank in telling you what I think of whatever situation we uncover. Since that's the case, I don't believe there's hope for your father and the three other men. I'm truly sorry, Lt., but I think they were overcome by the militants, and their bodies, along with the truck, were cleverly hidden.
If you are interested in the unnamed militants, get clearance for files 8725a61F-9582y57Z in the database.
Should Marsh and I tell Hilde anything we've told you? Lt. Noin, you have our sincerest regrets. We'll do anything to continue helping.
- Lt. Haverhill
9 Apr. 195, 10:26 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Lt. X. Haverhill
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 9--------
Lt. Haverhill,
Thank you for everything you've done so far. I had suspected that my father didn't survive the riots, and I'm ready to accept your theory. However, Hilde shouldn't have to right now. If you could encourage her to be optimistic, I would be very grateful. She needs to be strong while the colony is so dangerous, so I believe it would be best for her.
As for the Alliance officers on the L2 base, I have alerted Col. Treize, and he is concerned. You can expect to see some strategic transfer orders for certain commanders in the future. Good job.
Sincerely,
Lt. Noin
9 Apr. 195, 10:52 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
So many people here call me by last name that I've gotten used to the sound of it. Keep calling me Lucrezia, though. It's nice to have a sister, especially one who calls me by first name. So few people do.
I'm glad Haverhill and Marsh helped you. They sent me a report an hour ago on everything they've investigated so far. It's very thorough. After they talked to you, they interviewed the families and friends of the other missing soldiers. None of the men seems likely to have tried to abandon the station, or if they were, their families didn't know a thing about it.
Seems likely Dad's still on-colony. I know we'll find him.
Hilde, I just want you to know that if I could be there, I would. We've been satellite-mailing each other since I was twelve, and I just want you to know, you're as much my sister as if we'd known each other face-to-face. But I guess Haverhill and Marsh are good stand-ins.
In the meantime, I hope you're ready for school to start. Homework all done?
Love,
Lucrezia
10 Apr. 195, 3:47 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
Homework? Uh... What homework would that be...?
Okay, I forgot all about it. I guess we know what I'll be doing for the next few days. You got really good grades in school, Lucrezia. How'd you manage?
By the way, can you tell me what Lake Victoria Academy is like? Lieutenants Marsh and Haverhill described it as the most wonderful place, and they said you were the best instructor there. Do you think.... Well, do you think that I'd make a good soldier? Dad sure would like it if I was one. He's always talking about how you make him so proud, second highest scores in Alliance history, honors and medals and turning your students into the some of the "most able" pilots he knows of. It's probably stupid, but I'd like to make him proud of me like that. What do you think? Should I become a soldier?
Love,
Hilde
14 Apr. 195, 10:08 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Lucrezia,
Are you okay? I heard about the attack on your base (don't ask me how--the Alliance is covering it up here) but nothing I could find said whether you were all right. I refuse to freak out until I hear something definite.
So mail me already and let me know if I can freak out or not!!!!!
Hoping you're well,
Hilde
15 Apr. 195, 1:12 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Miss Schbecker,
Your sister is fine. She just strained her arms while leading a counter-attack against the Gundam that destroyed the base. It is actually a common injury among mobile suit pilots, so you should not worry. My name is Zechs Marquise. I am a friend of Noin. She is not able to type because of her injury and asked me to answer your letter so that you would know she is all right.
She is standing behind me, actually, dictating. She says to tell you that you would make a fine soldier, except that you do not seem likely to obey people's orders if your mind is already set. I must say that that is a fairly major "except."
Thank you for telling her what your father has said. Noin lost all of her students in the attack. Despite herself, I think she needed to hear what you said.
She says, "That's enough now," and she'll write back in a few days, after her arms are healed. Also, "write as often as you want in that time, just don't expect a reply unless it's important."
Sincerely,
Zechs Marquise and Lucrezia Noin
15 Apr. 195, 5:26 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I'm so sorry about your students. I don't know what to say. I'm just so glad you're not hurt, but I'm so sorry....
Write back when you're feeling better.
Love,
Hilde
17 Apr. 195, 7:26 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I'm feeling much better, thanks. I wasn't that hurt to begin with, so I hope you didn't worry.
Haverhill and Marsh write that they've been spending some time with you. I'm glad to hear it. They both know what it's like to have a parent in the military. They know how hard it is sometimes.
Zechs and I are working together to find and defeat the Gundams. That means we'll be traveling quite a bit, and I'll be busier than before. Keep mailing this address, though, and I'll check it as often as possible. Just keep in mind that that won't be so much as we're used to.
Hilde.... Dad really said those things about me? I've been out of touch with him for years, and... well, I didn't know that he talked about me.
Love,
Lucrezia
17 Apr. 195, 4:57 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I'll miss hearing from you so much, but that's okay. School's started (sans White Fang bombings! Yay!) and I'm back in class again. It feels kind of good to be so busy. I have a lot of homework!! The teachers all seem to want to make up for the closing by giving us two weeks of homework in two days' time!! So I guess I'll be writing less now too. Haverhill and Marsh call or come by every other day. They are being so nice. You didn't ask them to be so nice, did you?
So, you're searching for the Gundams. What kind of mobile suits are you going to fight them in? Lt. Haverhill says he uses an Aries whenever he can, but Lt. Marsh likes the new Tauruses. They say they're not sure what they would use to fight a Gundam, because from all they've heard, Gundams are really hard to defeat. Probably, they say, you'd want to use a whole lot of mobile suits and a very good strategy to defeat them. I never knew that mobile suits and battle strategy could be so interesting.
And yes, Dad talked about you incessantly, especially when you were still in school. (If you hadn't asked me a couple of years ago to stop telling you about him, you'd have known sooner, silly.) He was always saying how you did so well and putting you in military school was one of the best things he ever did, even if it meant he couldn't see you very often when he used to live on earth. He never said so, but I think he was disappointed in me for not getting as good grades. Mom sometimes says things like that, under her breath, but Dad never tried to make me feel bad. I really miss him…. Can’t wait for him to get back.
That reminds me. Did you say you satellite-mailed my mother? She didn't reply, did she?
Love,
Hilde
18 Apr. 195, 10:23 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
Yes, your mother replied to my query to say you were in your room. She said some other things too, but nothing you need to hear. Hilde.... One of the things about you that inspires me is your strength. Don't give up that quality because your mother is pessimistic. Understand what I'm saying?
Love,
Lucrezia
20 Apr. 195, 5:41 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I’m not strong, but thanks for saying I seem that way.
So, where are you now? You said you were traveling, and I'm wondering if you're anywhere interesting. Is Zechs at all like he was in Academy? Do you two still get along? You don't still have a crush on him, do you?
Yours,
Hilde
21 Apr. 195, 7:21 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
HILDE!
Suppose he'd read that!!
21 Apr. 195, 7:52 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Lucrezia,
Well, he didn't did he? What's wrong? Still haven't let him know? Eh, heheheheehee....
Ta-ta!
Hilde
22 Apr. 195, 8:18 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde (you imp),
If he doesn't know by now, that mask of his must be rendering him blind and
deaf. We have our own time, though. One day we'll both be ready.
Or not. But I won't mind as long as I can help him. Be with him. Love isn't all kisses and passion, you know.
Anyway, how's it going over there?
Love,
Lucrezia
PS - I'm in Berlin right now. And, to answer your question from a few days ago, I’ve preferred Tauruses since the Lake Victoria attack. Unfortunately, those are hard to get a hold of at the moment, so I use an Aries when I need to. Zechs has a different MS, which I'll tell you about once it's declassified.
22 Apr. 195, 11:38 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
Hi. Did you know that Dad had put in for a transfer to the Specials just before his disappearance? Haverhill and Marsh told me as soon as they found out. They seem to think that that explains the animosity his supervisor has for him. I don't understand why that should make a difference. Why would Sutton be mad about Dad transferring to another section of the same military organization? The lieutenants were just about to explain when my mom came into the room. They left pretty soon after that, but I'm curious.
You and Zechs are Specials too, right? What's so important about the Specials?
Confused,
Hilde
23 Apr. 195, 8:24 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
There's nothing special about the Specials. It's just another part of the Alliance military. In all likelihood, Dad and Sutton weren't getting along to begin with, and Dad saw the transfer as a way of both escaping the bad working environment and propelling himself up the military ladder, so to speak. Next time you talk to Haverhill and Marsh, tell them that I've explained the situation to you and that I said there's probably nothing else to it.
Will you make sure to do that, please?
Love,
Noin
23 Apr. 195, 9:13 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Lt. X. Haverhill
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 9--------
Lt. Haverhill,
Attached is Hilde's latest letter to me. I hope that I am misunderstanding it, because it seems as though you and Lt. Marsh were about to relate classified information to her. If I am incorrect, I will sincerely apologize. From what I can tell from hers and your letters, you and Lt. Marsh are doing wonderful things for Hilde's spirits. However, if you really did intend to inform her of the upcoming event at OZ, then I must insist that you not do so. I understand that you will need the civilians' help to overcome your opponents on the colonies, but Hilde should not become involved. Thank you, Lt.
Sincerely,
Lt. Noin
24 Apr. 195, 9:38 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Noin,
Haverhill and Marsh explained it to me anyway. I like their explanation better.
-Hilde
24 Apr. 195, 10:02 p.m.
From: Lt. X. Haverhill
To: Lt. Noin
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 9--------
Dear Lt. Noin,
Lt. Marsh and I completely sympathize with your position. In a perfect world, we would not have had to tell Hilde anything about the upcoming event. We have grown to like her very much. As you know, she has a vibrant personality and a clear soul. We've made it a point to call on her every other day and, as you asked, help keep her spirits up.
In that time, she has shown a steady interest in all things having to do with the military. We've told her both of the glamour and (especially) the hardships involved in a life of service, and she has remained interested. She is just the sort of civilian that Col. Treize has suggested we look out for: bright, trustworthy and angry at the Alliance. It might seem to you as though we are taking advantage of her, even endangering her, but the truth is that we need your sister and others like her.
I hate to follow the preceding with this, but it must be said. Marsh believes--and I agree--that it's time we found your father. Hilde's starting to get used to living without him (as though he's on vacation), but, quite frankly, we feel despicable for encouraging her to believe he will come back. As I've said, we like Hilde, and it's painful to keep lying to her. If he is still on the colony, as we believe, then we should be able to locate the identity tag in his uniform using a trace device. If we ordered one it would get here in three months. If you did, though, being on earth and having more priority with requisitions, we'd have it in thirty days.
Please consider this request as our way of making it up to Hilde for getting her involved.
Sincerely,
Lt. Haverhill
25 Apr. 195, 9:32 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I understand. They shouldn't have explained it to you, but it's too late. All we can do now is be patient.
According to the lieutenants' latest report to me, they're going to try to get their hands on a trace device. It should be able to locate special tags sewn into soldiers' uniforms. Soldiers rarely vanish on the colonies, so they need to order it from earth. It'll be there in four weeks.
If you're still interested, I'm in Pisa now, taking a short break to visit my mom. I can't seem to bring myself to tell her about Dad's disappearance. She's so comfortable in the home, and it seems like she's put everything behind her. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing, but I'm pretty sure I'm doing the best thing.
If I were you, I'd start preparing myself mentally for when they find Dad. You should be ready for anything they find.... I know it sounds insensitive, though. Do you ever feel like mail is completely unsuitable for communication? Maybe that's why Zechs and I never wrote after school....
Love,
Noin
25 Apr. 195, 2:35 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lt. Haverhill and Lt. Marsh
Dear Lt. Haverhill and Lt. Marsh,
Hi. You said to feel free to mail you while you worked across-colony temporarily. So, this is partly a social letter and partly a question. I was wondering, since you've been communicating with my sister and all, whether Lucrezia has said anything about our dad. Because when she mails me, she never says how worried she must be or how much she hopes he's all right or anything like that. I think she's trying to be supportive by remaining very calm, but it makes me wonder whether she really is concerned. It’s like she almost hopes he’s not alive. You and Marsh have known her in person; maybe you can tell me about my sister....
Sincerely,
Hilde
26 Apr. 195, 11:27 a.m.
From: Lt. X. Haverhill
To: Hilde Schbecker
Hello, Hilde.
Marsh and I talked about your question. Our answer is that we know Lt. Noin as most students know their teachers: not nearly well-enough. She's always been very professional about everything we've seen her do, which includes managing the search for your father. We think you probably know more about Lt. Noin than we do, especially since you've known her longer and are more familiar with her personal life. Also, different people handle problems like this in different ways.
We hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Lt. Haverhill
3 May 195, 6:47 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I was wondering, and feel free to bite my head off for asking, but.... Why don't you like Dad? I know he divorced your mother when you were three and later took my mom and me to the colony. Is that why? I guess I would be a little upset about that too, but don't you think it's taking it too far to still be mad all these years later? Mom and Dad say the divorce was amicable, so it could have been worse, right?
Maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe I shouldn't have mentioned this. I don't know, but lately I've been wondering why you're being so blasé about the disappearance. I know things don't always communicate right via letter, but still. You've never mentioned once how great it'll be to find him, and I'm wondering what's the matter and how you could dislike your own father.
To tell you the truth, I have no idea how anyone could dislike Dad. He’s such a generous, caring, vivacious person. I can’t think of a thing to dislike. That’s why your attitude seems so strange. He and I went out to dinner Friday nights before the disappearance, and we listened to music in the car on the way there and back, and we talked about books we’ve read, and he droned on about Whitman, his favorite poet, and stories about the royal court of the Sanq Kingdom before it fell. Lucrezia, it’s just WRONG to want such a wonderful man to be dead. It’s WRONG.
Um, I know you've got an important upcoming event soon. Good luck! And wish me some too.
Write back soon.
Love,
Hilde
4 May 195, 7:35 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
No more wishes of luck. No more references like that.
Amicable? And did Dad tell you that he divorced my mom when I was three? Or did you just infer that they were divorced when you were born?
Maybe this is bad timing for us to hash this out. At any rate, Zechs and I are going to be busy for the next few days. Write as often as you like, but I won't be able get back to you for a while.
Love,
Lucrezia
8 May 195, 6:23 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I read the letter of recommendation that Haverhill wrote and can't tell you how glad I am for you. ...How did you like your first battle? I had hoped that you'd make the decision I never could adhere to and be a pacifist, or at least, a pacifist who would decide not to fight for peace. But then, that's a hard road. What are your plans now?
Whatever happens, keep in mind that life as a soldier is dangerous, and just because Dad enrolled me in military school doesn't mean that's the only way to earn his approval. Not that I think that's why you've done everything you did, but it's something to keep in mind.
Write back when you find a moment.
Love,
Lucrezia
9 May 195, 12:08 a.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
Thank you for the encouragement. (At least, I think I'll take that as encouragement... eh, heh...) Well, about the coup, all I did was take up arms with the Specials after their fighting to help maintain public order. They lost so many men on this colony...
Haverhill said he'd already told you about Marsh and his Taurus, and I just wanted to send you my regrets, Lucrezia...
Well, even though the fighting was horrible, just horrible, the Specials really were on the right side, and they needed all the support they could get. I'm glad the other university students and I did what we did, considering all that the Specials have done for me.
And things have become so much better here! Unfortunately, the planet-to-colony voice communication equipment on L2 isn't just down, it's demolished. I don't know how the Alliance got away with that, but it's being replaced, and OZ has announced that it won't be censoring anything, like its predecessor. Imagine that! Free press! Uncensored satellite mail! Being able to say anything we want whenever we want. It'll be fantastic. Having OZ here is the best thing that could have happened for peace on the colonies. All of the restrictions are being relaxed. I have friends at school who are visiting relatives on other colonies for the first time in their lives. If I had the money, I could visit you on earth right now.
Life here has been bitter under the Alliance. It was a little nicer for me and Mom because Dad had special privileges, but since his disappearance, that had changed. And now that the rules are being loosened, everyone realizes just how bad it's been. And once we find where Dad’s been hiding, things will be perfect.
Lucrezia, we--the colonists--refuse to let ourselves be lorded over by anyone again. We're enjoying the new freedom, and we're willing to fight to defend it. From what you said in your last letter, I think you can understand that. You should, anyway. I don't know if I volunteered for this because of Dad, but he has nothing to do with why I'm remaining with OZ. Yes, that's right, I'm joining the OZ Student Militia. It's going to be a full-blown program run out of my university. It'll be as legitimate a military school as Lake Victoria. I'm so excited.
Your sister,
Hilde
(And yes, before you ask, I'm still taking all my old academic classes in addition to the Militia program.)
10 May 195, 7:20 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
You're quite a sister. Dad would be proud.
Love,
Noin
12 May 195, 4:31 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Noin,
Only a week before the trace device arrives! I'm getting jittery. I can't stand the waiting. Obviously Dad didn't surface in all the excitement of the OZ takeover.... I was a little disappointed. I thought maybe he was lying low until it happened. I thought maybe he'd pop out of the metalwork and support the revolution with the rest of us, but I guess we have to wait longer.
I've moved into a dormitory. Mom and I kind of came to an understanding, and we decided it would be best if I was free to dedicate myself to life on campus. Dad might be a little disappointed not to have me around when he gets back, but Mom made it clear I'm welcome home any time.
The Student Corps is shaping up really well. We have OZ officers as instructors, and detailed training programs. I'm in a level B class. I doubt any of my instructors are as good as you, but they seem to be, from my limited military experience, excellent. I'm learning protocol and how to use certain equipment: soon we'll be introduced to mobile suit piloting! It's all so exciting and challenging and tiring and wonderful.
By the way, congratulations to you and Zechs for capturing the Sanq Kingdom. It's all everyone's talking about here. They say it's a sign of the coming peace. I hope they're right.
Love,
Hilde
13 May 195, 7:22 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
I hope they're right too. It sounds like you are really cut out for the military if you can stand the preliminary protocol courses. Those can be beastly if you're not enthusiastic enough. Will you keep something in mind for me, please?
Don't think of OZ as an organization completely dedicated to right. Think of it as a group of individuals who are all extremely human. It's vague advice, I know, but it's important if you're going to be a soldier. I can't give you specifics on why I'm bringing this up.... All I can tell you is that OZ almost did something last night that would have changed your mind about it and your allegiance to it.
I'm having a hard time myself reconciling OZ's ideals with the reality, but you should know that I am, and constantly have been, allowing myself to see PAST the ideals, into reality. That's why I helped it betray the Alliance, and that's why I tried to prevent what OZ almost did yesterday. I hope you keep an open mind as well. Maybe that's all I'm saying. To be a good soldier, you need to follow orders, but it's important to be discerning.
Now, do you actually read to the end of my lectures?
Love,
Noin
15 May 195, 8:15 a.m.
From: Lt. Zechs Marquise
To: Lt. Lucrezia Noin
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 13--------
Noin, this isn't over. I am furious at Col. Une, but I'm thinking clearly. Her actions during the attack last night were inexcusable. Treize has told me unofficially that he intends to reprimand her but not to demote or discharge her, as I suggested.
So I'm filing formal charges and encourage you to do the same. I hate to go over Treize's head like this, but Col. Une is unscrupulous and should not have a position of power.
I'll be another day at Lake Victoria, looking after our little project. See you soon.
- Zechs
15 May 195, 3:22 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Noin,
OZ? Is that all that’s on your mind? What about finding Dad? Aren't you excited about finding out where he's been?
- Hilde
15 May 195, 5:18 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Lt. Zechs Marquise
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 13--------
Dear Zechs,
Commander Treize and I just finished a videoconference. I tried to call you afterward, but apparently you were out testing the "project."
What his side of the conversation boiled down to is that he knows Col. Une better than you or I and is thus better able to judge her fitness for command. I took that for bull, but we continued talking, and he persuaded me to agree with him. He does know her better than we do, Zechs. We've always known that he loves her. I think we should respect that. After all, neither of us has any reason not to trust Commander Treize.
He told me that in the future we are "obliged" to use our best judgment in concern with OZ. My best judgment in this case, Zechs, is to let it go. Col. Une is on a leash now, and besides that, Treize isn't going to back down.
Sincerely,
Noin
15 May 195, 7:25 p.m.
From: Lt. Zechs Marquise
To: Lt. Lucrezia Noin
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 13--------
They're ordering parts from Nepal. If this takes much longer I'm going to threaten to broadcast our position to the Gundam pilots....
Noin, I don't understand your position on this. Une's actions went beyond the bounds of decency by threatening civilians. I would have thought that you'd be more concerned about her, considering that you yourself have family on a colony. Suppose she had destroyed the colony where your father and sister live.
It doesn't matter to me whether or not Treize will back down. I'm going to continue fighting. OZ cannot be allowed to misuse its power as the Alliance has.
Sincerely,
Zechs
16 May 195, 7:01 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde,
I'm excited for you. I don't know Dad, never have, but I'm concerned for you. I’m here what ever happens.
Love,
Noin
16 May 195, 3:29 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
I've always known you were "professional," Lucrezia, but I didn't think you were actually heartless.
I know you think he's not coming back, even though you keep trying to make me think you do. I am dying to find out whether you feel at all guilty for giving up on him. Maybe our hope is all he has. Have you thought of that? Maybe he NEEDS it.
Did you know he's the one who gave me your satellite-mail address when I was eight? Don't you appreciate him getting you into the military academy?
For all your talk about staying true to Zechs Marquise, you're a real hypocrite, Noin. You'd follow a handsome guy into hell, but you couldn't care less about your own dad.
- Hilde
16 May 195, 3:40 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Lt. Zechs Marquise
--------THIS IS AN ENCODED TRANSMISSION: LEVEL 13--------
Dear Zechs,
OZ hasn't misused its power yet; only Col. Une has. And you, Treize and I opposed her. As long as we are here to help guide the OZ organization, it will not allow ruthless actions. Right now, I trust Treize to control Une. If, in the future, it's necessary for us to disobey her orders or even stop her (or anyone else for that matter), then I think we both know that we will do what's necessary.
I haven't told you yet, have I. My father died about a month and a half ago, in the line of duty. They're hoping to find his body on L2 as soon as a trace device arrives. It's bad news, especially for Hilde, but don't worry about it, Zechs. I stopped missing him a long time ago.
Hurry back.
- Noin
16 May 195, 3:57 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Hilde,
I'm just being honest.
Dad straightened out his life for you and your mother on the colony. But he didn't do the same for me and my mother on earth. When he finally divorced her, Mom lived in a mental ward, and she hasn't been nearly the same since. I still don't know whether he put me in military school to protect me from the effects of her breakdown and his philandering or to get me off of his hands with minimum guilt. I was nine at the time, and I hardly knew him even then, so I'm probably not qualified to decide. And I hate him for that. I really, really hate him, more even than I hate war. I can't tell you how much I hate him, Hilde.
The thing is, he was a good father for you. He became a good person, and somehow I'm so proud that he did. It's hard to explain. Only, I don't know Dad. He never wrote or visited or phoned. Do you understand, Hilde? Do you understand how mixed up I am about him?
I'm sorry if this is upsetting. You're going through a hard time right now, and it's possible it'll get harder. You know I'm here what ever happens, but I know you’re strong-enough to deal with it even if I wasn’t here to help.
…So he's the one who gave you my satellite-mail address so many years ago. I'd always supposed that must have been the case, but it's reassuring to know. I think we should always keep that in mind.
Love,
Lucrezia
16 May 195, 11:54 p.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I'm so sorry. I didn't know all that about Dad and your mom, and I never thought that you might not have wanted to go to military school so young.... If I had known, I wouldn't have judged like that. I'd have been discerning, like you said a soldier should be. I wouldn't have said all those horrible things.... I'm so sorry.
I... I hate to draw out this topic longer than we can stand, but I need to know.... If Dad divorced your mom when you were nine and I was six, does that mean I was born out of wedlock? I can take the truth, Lucrezia. It's important somehow.
And again, please accept my apology for that shameful letter. I'm so, so sorry...
Love Always,
Hilde
17 May 195, 7:54 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Lt. Zechs Marquise
Dear Zechs,
I'm glad you called last night. I didn't realize it, but I needed to talk this out. I hadn't realized I was so angry.... At any rate, I feel better than I have in a long while. See you soon.
By the way, hasn't that part arrived yet?
Sincerely,
Noin
19 May 195, 7:23 a.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
Haverhill sent me the coroner's report this morning, and all I can think of to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there, and I'm sorry for everything in the last letter, and in some ways I'm sorry that he's gone.
You know, when I was a kid, after Dad left me in school and went to outer space, I always kind of thought that one day I'd follow him. I reasoned that there must not have been room for me on the shuttle, and he must have given me to the Alliance so that I could become a soldier and one day travel to space. And I'd knock on his door, and he'd open it, and we'd hug, and he'd say everything I ever wanted to hear.
It was a silly fantasy. I gave it up after a couple of months, but lately, it’s come back to me. Hilde, I'm proud of him and I despise him, passionately, and the grief is almost more than I can stand. And I'll never know why, exactly, because I've considered him dead for so long. I'll never understand. But I feel kind of better with you knowing that.
Your sister,
Lucrezia
20 May 195, 10:57 a.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: L. Noin
Dear Lucrezia,
Don't be sorry. Dad's at peace now, and I guess in a way I am too, just knowing where he is. I feel so strange. Kind of calm and relaxed, but also like I'm about to fall apart.
I'm trying to do like you said, reconcile the ideal with the reality, and it's not working. How could he be both a good and a bad father? I can't believe it took me so long to realize that he was both. But I never had any serious problems with him. He was just--there. Always supportive and interested in my life and enthusiastic about everything. And I adored him.
I just don't understand how so many opposites can come together inside one human being.
The worst part is, I can't make myself care about that. Am I amoral for caring more about the gaping hole he's left in my life than the one he left in yours before he died? Am I a bad soldier because I can't be discerning now?
Lucrezia, you can hate me for saying this, but even knowing that he hurt you, I still love Dad. I can't forget all the good he's done. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could hate him, just so you wouldn't be alone.
Love,
Hilde
20 May 195, 2:07 p.m.
From: L. Noin
To: Hilde
Dear Hilde,
Don't be sorry. He gave you a wonderful childhood. There's something about Dad that inspires you to forgive and to turn away from hate.
Listen.... Growing up with you via satellite mail and phone has been bittersweet. On one hand, I was able to vicariously live with a happy family. But at the same time, it emphasized everything that was abnormal about my life. That doesn't make our correspondence either good or bad. You know?
Dad was a bigamist, an absent father, a fine soldier, and a family man.... Somehow, it adds up. I'll always be angry at him, but I'll miss him too, like I always have. Somehow it’s not important whether or not I understand why. And I don't want you to hate him.
Yours,
Lucrezia
21 May 195, 7:12 a.m.
From: Hilde Schbecker
To: Lucrezia
Dear Lucrezia,
I'm beginning to understand. Maybe it's not so important to be discerning after all.
Love,
Hilde
End.
Visit Gundam Wingers for Legalization of Marijuana.
Or return to Instructor Noin’s Lake Victoria Base.