Jason kicked his shoes haphazardly towards the opposite corner of the bedroom, pushing himself all the way up onto the bed, head finding the softness of one navy blue down pillow. His eyes began to flutter closed, and his memories of high school, of college, and most certainly of Kristina began to flood his mind like a torrential downpour.
***
"Jason! JASON!" The voice grew more insistent as she approached, forcing her voice to rise as she fought to get his attention, refusing to be ignored.
"Dammit shortie, let me catch up!" Finally the yelling stopped. A taller girl with fluffy red hair and glasses slowed to a walk beside the furious boy, all the while trying to push a tangled mess of hair away from her face.
"Jeez Jason, thanks a lot. Why don't you just run away from me a little faster?" Her voice was tinged slightly with a pout. "How come you left without me?" The blonde just gave a shrug, hands delving deeply into jean pockets as his torso hunched slightly.
"What's up with you today?" the redhead demanded, shifting the weight of an obviously heavy knapsack on her shoulders. "You're acting like the world came and shit on your doorstep. Come on, spill. I don't bite." She smirked a little at that comment.
"Don't you ever get tired of it, Kris?" Jason spat angrily, shaking his light mane of blonde hair and quickly smoothing it away from his face. "Don't you ever get sick of all of them?" He pointed a stiff finger back in the direction of the school. "No one can take a damn joke!" Jason scowled, while an understanding smile seemed to slowly come to Kristina's face.
"Who was it this time? Angelina Morris? I thought I saw you with your eyes on her, even though last I heard she was going out with that dude, Derek Richardson." Kristina just shook her head. "You get shot down all the time hon, what makes this time so special?" She asked curiously, hands moving to rest on the tops of her jean pockets.
"Well, for one, that dude, Derek Richardson, as you put it…well, he threatened to separate the part of me that wants his girlfriend from the whole rest of my body if I went near her again. But it's not just that. Yeah, I know I flirt a lot, but would it really be that bad for someone to say yes, just once? Am I that little? That scrawny?" Jason paused a moment before continuing. "That ugly?" his voice was hushed at the words. "Is that it?" Jason sighed, feeling incredibly uncomfortable spilling his insecurities instead of making jokes.
"Well, you are little, I'll give you that one." Kristina replied, smiling a little, trying to make him smile in turn. "And maybe a little scrawny, but you're going to the gym now, aren't you? By the end of the summer you'll be Mr. Abs and biceps and all that good stuff. And, this is just me talking, but I don't think you're ugly. I think you're probably just going after the wrong girls. Namely, all the ones that are taken." She paused for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing.
"Jason, you're a joker, you're a flirtatious guy. You make a lot of people laugh. I know you make me laugh. You just need to look for someone that appreciates that side of you, not stuck up cheerleaders like Marilyn Beaupre, or gossipy little whores like Angelina Morris. You should know that something's wrong when you have to try that hard to get someone's attention." Kristina shook her head.
"If you are looking for a relationship, I know that there's tons of girls out there that would only be too happy to oblige. But I guess that that's something you've got to figure out for yourself." Kristina shrugged, her bushy red hair hiding her blushing face, trying to maintain her casual façade.
"I gotta go Jason, I'm working tonight. Stop by if you want, I'll give you free food. Later." The words came out of her mouth rushed, and Kristina quickly turned down Morris Ave., leaving a rather stunned Jason standing at the intersection, dumbfounded look on his face.
***
"Was I ever blind…" Jason muttered to himself, one fist lightly pounding on his forehead. "Why didn't I see it, why didn't I see her?" He sighed wistfully and sat up a little, leaning his back against the wall, sending a slightly cold shock through his thin white cotton t-shirt and into the skin underneath. Though now, the question seemed to be a reasonable one, Jason knew exactly why he hadn't seen Kristina. It was the same reason why he had noticed Marilyn and Angelina, why he had sex with Raina, and partially why he flirted with Anita. And it didn't make him proud, most especially now.
Kristina had certainly not been beautiful, at least not the type of beautiful he had looked for. Where the girls he had trailed like a lovesick puppy had been big-breasted, thin-bodied, and not afraid to flaunt their assets, Kris had been much more low-key. Easily passed by, and not only by him. Her hair had always been wild, although Kris certainly hadn't tried awfully hard to get it under too much control. While the other girls would spend every free moment of time primping in the washroom, making sure every strand of their hair remained in glorious perfection, Kris would simply tie her unruly locks back in a ponytail, stopping to fix it a few times a day when curly wisps fell into eyes and impeded her vision.
Her eyes were a forest green, Jason remembered that much, but always hidden behind a pair of wire-framed glasses. Her face had been thin, but besides that, Jason couldn't remember much. She had never worn makeup, never tried to draw attention to it. That had been her way about most things.
While the summer between tenth and eleventh grade had brought Kristina several inches of height - making her almost six inches taller than Jason - she never had the waifish figure of the girls Jason sought. She had never been fat, that wasn't it; she had just been built more like an athlete than a china doll. And while most of the other girls had made sure their clothes fit tightly, showing off ample (or not so ample) breasts and butts, Kris had worn loose clothes, sweatshirts, whatever she had felt comfortable in, never putting in the effort that was obvious in her counterparts.
"Not like I noticed her those times few times she dressed up anyway…" Jason muttered softly, the back of his head making a drum beat on the wall. "She was always there, and all I ever did was take it for granted."
***
"Hey carrot, what's the word?" Jason asked, plunking himself down rather unceremoniously next to the redhead who seemed deeply immersed in flipping several cue cards back and forth. "You look like you're stressing, girl. What's wrong?"
Kristina looked up from her set of typed and numbered cue cards, shaking her head but managing to hide at least some of her agitation. "You don't remember?" Her tone was a lot calmer than she looked.
"Remember what? Is today a special occasion? Got a project you gotta do?" Jason shifted against the lockers, adjusting his jeans so that they covered the tops of his white sneakers. "You don't normally stress this much about your projects though…forget to prepare or something, brains?" He smirked, until it was all but wiped from his face by Kristina's glare.
"You don't remember. I should have just figured." She started to move to get up. "I have to read these over Jason, it's important. Why don't you just go stand outside the women's bathroom, hoping to catch glimpses, or whatever else you do." She tried to hide her disappointment as she rose from her seat at the large library table, smoothing and brushing off her long black skirt as she did so.
Jason stared at Kris, eyes widened and having to make a formal effort for his jaw not to drop. Kristina was many things, but he had never, ever seen her be rude or short with her friends. With him. "Kris…" he murmured quietly, looking up slowly. "I'm sorry?" She just shook her head.
"Don't bother Jason, really. It's my fault for expecting you to remember." The words were sighed as she began to walk, Jason several steps behind as the exited the slightly overheated library, returning to the institution-white halls. Jason slumped against the wall outside, while Kristina continued on, black heeled boots making a light sound on the ugly brown and green tile.
"She looks awesome today, doesn't she?" Stephen remarked, coming up behind Jason. "I don't know why she's so nervous, if I were Berkley, I wouldn't turn her down. But I guess a scholarship interview has to be crazy nerve-wracking…I'll have to assume." He smirked. "I'm not meant for it" he clapped his hand on Jason's shoulder softly, the blonde still somewhat awestruck.
"She looks awesome today though, doesn't she? When she wants to, she can look better than all the girls here. But maybe I'm just biased because I know her. You know what I mean!" Stephen smiled.
"Scholarship interview?" Jason repeated, questioning. Slowly, it all came back to him, and he smacked his forehead furiously. "Berkley! Kristina applied to Berkley! And they're coming today for her scholarship interview and presentation. Oh shit! How did I forget that?" Jason moaned slightly, looking at Stephen, who simply shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know man, it's pretty much all she's been working on for the last two weeks. I went over to her place a couple nights ago and forced her away from rewriting the thing for the nineteenth time, and made her to watch a little 90210 with me." He smirked. "I don't think she liked it much, but she needed the break, you know? She's been worrying me. Working so hard. Didn't you notice?"
***
Hands placed underneath his chin, Jason sighed. He hadn't noticed. It had been so easy not to. He had always gone to Kristina with his problems, with every event that took place in his life, and she always remembered. And he couldn't even remember her Berkley interview, pretty much the biggest event of her life. He had been so absorbed with himself that he hadn't even realized that for several weeks, whenever he had gone out with their friends, Kristina hadn't been there.
He hadn't even noticed, until Stephen mentioned it, how different Kristina had looked. That when she had turned to walk away from him, her normally frizzy pony-tailed hair had been straight, perfect and silky as it fell lightly over her shoulders. Her eyes, normally hidden behind her glasses, had been free and vibrant to the world. Or that the body she so often hid behind baggy clothes had instead been clothed in a skirt that accentuated her long legs, and a shirt that showed off her muscular, but not bulky arms. He had failed to notice how confident, how professional, how…incredible she had looked, how incredible she had been. He had failed to notice it all.
"What kind of friend
was I?" He whispered softly, shaking his head. "Why was she always
there for me, when I couldn't do the same for her?"