Issue 1 - 03.09.01
Welcome
to Will’s Weekly a piece of prose or general waffle which will hopefully give
you the reader an insight in to my mind.
FACT
OF THE WEEK – Aged between 17-19? Learning to drive? Figures found
today show that you have a 45% chance of pulling when taking your driving theory
test.
This is the national
average but centres around the country have their own figures… here is
Will’s selection.
Dover
38%
All bloody Albanian asylum seekers
Birmingham
10%
Do I need comment
Glasgow
43.5%
Do
you speak English, prats
COVENTRY
23%
Poole
1%
Must be full of real munters
And
shockingly….
Plymouth
85% chance of pulling while attending your theory test
So anyone with sense would
take it there
Will’s Weekly teamed up
with AA roadwatch, directions for those desperate
Plymouth – From Kenilworth A46 Stratford bypass to the M5, then A38 when M5 terminates. ÓAA
(The directions from Cov
are a bit different matt so email me and I’ll let you know)
Resources closely linked to
Will’s Weekly informed me that certain universities do not accept candidates
who have a bad attitude. Before being interviewed at Bristol University you are
asked to wait in a lounge where on the seats the interviewers stick chewing gum
hoping you sit in it. When you do they monitor using CCTV your reaction.
Candidates have been known
to
a) Shout sh** this Fu*****
Uni cant even have clean seats
b) Calmly get up and ask
for some ice. (apparently this gets rid of it – so says Delia)
c)In your anger that your
FCUK jeans have been ruined kick over the chairs and therefore scuff up your
reebok classics and sit on the floor
I admire Bristol for this
clever technique, however after many students realised the plot they wrote to
UCAS to complain. UCAS told them to ‘stick it’ and stop making such a hubba
bubba out of nothing. The outcome? Bristol ‘Wriggleyed’ out of trouble –
oh sod these chewing gum puns.
All lifeguards
- boring people who have nothing better to do,
Terry Wogan – just cos I
hate him.
Toilet cleaners at pizza
hut – Do your job!!! They are rank
Cash point inventers –
get me over drawn
Matt – better put that so
I can keep writing on his web shite
Farmer Baker whose sheep
over the past week have made me love sheep – yeah I love them too Dan!!
My parents
- telling me they are off on holiday, meaning free house again.
Lifeguards – cos although
annoying are funny when they get angry.
City – Say no more,
division one, our kennel for ever.
Neighbourhood Watch
Co-ordinator Bob Mardam for Warwickshire who wants to interview the ‘youngest
co-ordinator’ in the country for his magazine. Remember ‘Crime cannot
flourish in a community that cares’
“You know someone
complimented me on my driving today they left me a note saying ‘parking
fine’.
Let
me know if you have anything suitable for Will’s Weekly, reviews, gossip,
facts, quotes or jokes. Will.fuller@lineone.net
More
to come