Issue 2 - 10.09.01
So
a week has gone since the first edition of Will’s Weekly. The reviews have
been mixed but as the gossip gets going I’m sure this will soon have more
readers than the Daily Mail, as unlike the Daily Mail Will’s Weekly is 100%
true and accurate. ‘Bollox echoes round the world’
Those boring moments
when you just aren’t interested in what is going on and think about other
things – know what I mean?
No? Ok then a few examples.
a)
While watching ITV’s thriller ‘Crossroads’
b)
When listening to Rach Lilley repeating ‘Californication’ on her
guitar, I mean she is ok, but it can get a bit repetitive.
c)
Matt talking about ‘spend and save night’ at Homebase like its like
Pete Tong coming to Gatecrasher.
d)
Me just generally speaking - ‘I hear you say’
e)
Listening to anything by Destiny’s Child or similar artistes
What do you think about
during these times? Will’s weekly proudly brings you the complete top 10
things to think about when bored.
1. If speeding is bad why
do they make cars go faster than 70 mph?
2. Terry Wogan Annoying or
just a complete and utter wonker?
3. What is an eggshell made
of?
4. Sex – just had to put
it, that rubbish idea men think of sex every three seconds.
5. If this person is so
boring why the hell am I still listening
6. And, how can I shut this
person up?
7. Sex – Three seconds
since I last mentioned it. CANT
HELP IT I’M MALE
8. Dog food? Good for
humans or just for canine friends?
9. Do spearmint ‘Polos’
really taste like washing powder
10. And if yes who actually
has tried washing powder to make the connection.
If
everyone person in the UK was to spit at the same time in the same sort of
place, say inside the Millennium Stadium there would be enough flob to bath in
1,500,000 times. That is impressive or well I think it is but who ever wrote
that fact why the hell would you want to bath in saliva?
Perhaps if anyone knows
where this fact came from they could contact me at
The new lower sixth, I mean
how annoying are they, you have to cue for the canteen now.
(plus canteen prices
have gone up) Muffin and hot choc was 70p, now 75p
Whoever designed FIFA 2000
as me and matt can never beat Germany.
Amnesty International for
not writing to the government in attempt to save my pet snail that was brutally
captured last week.
Matt – stole a vinyl
Mads McGrath – who
described Will’s Weekly as and I quote “ that stupid internet thing on
Matt’s site” – Mistake Girl
The lady at the driving
theory test place, who let me take my test without my licence – bless her
Delia Smith, I have found
her omelettes are much better than Jamie Oliver’s. I think Jamie adds to much
milk and therefore they lose their real taste.
The lovely lady at HMV who
didn’t call the police after matt stole a vinyl!!! I know how shocking, though
she did call me sweet.
Becci/Simon Lilley – For
showing care and concern following my near collapse. Awaiting blood test
results, will inform all in next weeks ‘Will’s Weekly Health Update’
edition.
There
has been a lot of media attention surrounding my dependence on alcohol. You only
need to read your OK magazine to see pictures of me falling over outside a
trendy London bar with a bottle of ‘Smirnoff’ in my hand and captions like
‘ FULL - ER – ALCOHOL’
splashed across the tabloids. joke Mads, I know you have a tendency to be
quite gullible
So this weeks WILL’S
HUMOUR ALWAYS RAISES A SMILE joke comes from a guest publication, The Alaskan
Telegraph, who I thank for relaxing copyright laws
A drunken guy in Alaska decides
to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice.
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, "YOU
WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!"
The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, "YOU
WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The drunk looks up and says, "is this God trying to warn me?"
The voice says "NO, I'M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK."
Let
me know if you want to contribute any stats or news for Will’s Weekly, sorry
to the thousands who emailed me over the week, I will try to use your stuff soon
– your learning Mads!!! That was another
joke!!
Will.fuller@detoxclinic.co.uk
or seriously at Will.fuller@lineone.net