Issue 6 - 25.10.01
Hello
again and sorry for the long lapse of Will’s Weekly. This was nothing to do
with me and I can only point the blame towards one person. This person who will
remain anonymous runs the website and obviously has a shoddy computer perhaps a
Commodore 64, in which he has to change the tape when he wants to play
‘packman’ or revise A/S guru ‘critical thinking’ or whatever he does.
So
hopefully his cardboard box of a computer is sorted now, meaning all you lovely
people can read proper literature. No, not The Bible, nor Auto Trader or nor any
free porn mag you stole from Dillons, Will’s Weekly is back!!
Since
last speaking to you all a lot has happened which I haven’t had the chance to
comment on, we are at war with old Bin Laden, have been invaded by Belgians and
also I have bought a new bath mat for the bathroom, which is a perfect link for
Now many of you laughed at me following my serious injury
from falling out of the bath, well I can reveal that I am not the only one who
has injured oneself in the bathroom. These facts are alarming so watch out
guys!!
| Last
year 23,000 people reported to hospital following injuries that occurred in
the bathroom. (ONE OF THOSE WAS ME!!!!) |
Out
of those 23,000 people
v
78% of them
were drunk (that wasn’t me)
v
49% were
blind – (nah I’m not blind)
v
98% were
female – (debatable but I think I am male)
v
89%
were naked – surely that would be higher as isn’t everyone naked it the
bath? - or does the fact
mean that 89% people came to hospital naked and if so that is alarmingly high!
| Out
of those 23,000 people who reported to hospital, 7 died |
| 12,000
people were treated for electric shocks, the main cause of this was shaving
in the bath, ON THE PHONE!!! (– that’s me but not why I was in hospital)
and doing the ironing!!! |
| Four
out of the 23,000 people went to hospital with parts of the bathroom
attached to them. One man had a tap up his arse, another had the soap stuck
up his nose, and two women both had the loo brush wedged in their ears |
It’s 9.00pm on a Monday
night and I am home alone, both the parents are out and the phone rings. Now
those of you who ring me will know I like to answer my phone in a strange manner
so this time I decided to say “Hello, Warburtons born and bred” (from the
advert). Now this person whoever it was obviously doesn’t have a sense of
humour as all they said was, “oh shut the f**k up you little s**t and grow
up”. Before I could a) apologise or b) shout abuse back they had hung up and
their number was withheld!!
SO
WHOEVER IT WAS PLEASE RING ME AND TELL ME YOU WERE JOKING AND THEN WE CAN LAUGH
IT OFF, OR PISS OFF, AS I DON’T WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH LITTLE
PATHETIC PEOPLE.
I will give you some clues
to the main suspects but I can’t print their full names for security reasons.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _ _
_ This person has wild hair!!
_ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _
This person hates George Bush and me
_ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _ _ I
doubt it is this person as I would have recognised the voice but anyway, it is a
good friend – and I have snogged it.
_ _ _ This person is
married to my _ _ _
_ _ _ This person is
married to my _ _ _
| Matt
for having a bad computer so WW could not flow like nectar to it’s readers |
| Postman
for not being there when I needed him so much |
| Weezer
– just think we could be seeing them this week |
| Rio
Ferdinand – for not buying me a pint at a rather trendy nightclub in
Leeds. Yeah I know how cool!!! – He’s a footballer girls!!! |
| Mr
Strepsil – Your sweets don’t work – tosser!! |
| Matt
– Banging time in Leeds – same for Rosie, Cheese and ham Flan, Annabel,
Maja and Lucy – all such good kissers!!! Apart from Rosie – I didn’t
kiss her |
| Mr
SMASH !!! – the genius who invented that mash potato where you just add
hot water!!! |
| CCFC
boys for fighting hard to be near the summit of division one, keep up the
work guys |
| Bridget
Jones - good diary well written
girl |
| _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
for _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ and also for _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
wink wink! |
There
has been much press coverage about cannabis and the relax of the laws – here
is my input, enjoy
Two
guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday.
They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5
people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to
jail."
So
the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.
So
the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.
''I
got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy.
''Wow,
how'd you do that?'' asks the judge.
''I
used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and
this small circle is your brain after drugs.''
''Oh,
that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get
off drugs.''
''Wow.
How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.
''Well,
I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before
prison...''
I fear this joke may
require an explanation for some people, email me will.fuller@lineone.net
if you want – or if you have any stuff that I can exaggerate or change in an
attempt to be funny.
Have fun, take care all
and keep pets inside – they don’t like the bang!!!
Will
DON’T
YOU KNOW YOU’VE GOT YOUR DADDY’S EYES AND YOUR DADDY IS MR COLLET
(poor bugger)