Issue 7 - 03.11.01

So another Will’s Weekly, seems only yesterday that I was writing the last one, can someone please explain to Matt the word ‘weekly’ usually means ‘once a week’ and not like every two days!!

Though I mustn’t moan, as it is a privilege for me to express my rather weird views on the Internet for people to read. My only other worry is that fewer people are actually reading it, so I think I may have to introduce some competition thing to boost reader interest.  Hang on, wait for it….  

Competition Time

Throughout this weeks Will’s Weekly I will slyly put some words in bold, now once you have read the whole piece and gathered all the bold words this should spell a message. Be one of the lucky 5 people to email me the answer and you win a prize!! Simple!!

Rules

  1. My decision is final, Matt is not the judge.
  2. Matt cannot enter – as he reads it first
  3. Associates of Matt’s World and their direct family also cannot enter, that includes, mums, dads, dogs and woodpeckers.
  4. Only the first five emailed answers will be accepted. You cannot tell me face to face
  5. Enjoy it have fun!!!

 

Fact Of The Week

This fact will stun you, it will amaze you and not only will it horrify you it will make you want to get out your credit cards and give to one of the most needy charities in the world.

(Please note that this isn’t a cheap dig at anyone)

The RSPB needs over £2 million a year to help maintain vital funds for protecting god’s creatures. Half of this comes from eager members of the public who help raise the money. WW has teamed up with the RSPB to help raise more money for the charity.

After reading these shocking facts you will want to give.

47% of the UK’s birds are rescued from deprived areas of large cities; the local example is Hillfields, near a large nightclub, called the Colly or something like that.
These birds are often found exhausted, struggling to breath and in need of clothes,  - do birds wear clothes?
Many of them are young birds, chicks, who can be as young as 13, they may be foreign, or of Welsh origin, and may have flown east for the summer.
For only 2p  a month you can provide these birds with bread, a box to live in and protection against the wild cats of the city.
98% of birds rescued, whistle a rocking indie early morning tune, always giving creeping cats, a great base to which decide who will be prey.
100,000 birds were lead on last year by a wild panther who police are still trying to catch. They believe he responds to the name of ‘Matchew’ or something like that. Anyone with info please call the Broad Lane incident room on 024 76 438.

 

To make a contribution, get out the smarty tubes again guys!! Cram them full of £1 coins and send them to me!!

 

Honestly they will get to the safe hands of the RSPB!!!

 

Step On My Nine Inch Willy

Just to remind you all that Feeder have cancelled their tour with the Phonics, if you weren’t aware of this check out Feeders official site for though I am still waiting for changes. So well, and I’m sure we will se them rise high up the charts day in day out. So all relax get over their absence and have a cup of tea to avoid any insomnia.

Also can I take this opportunity to shout at my horse, don’t buck Roger!! For f**k sake!! He is still wildly excited following his half turn holiday, where he spent seven days in the sun.

 

Those Depressing People Who Did Actually Make Me Want ToDrink Bleach

Mrs Doubtfire, you are way past, that Robin Williams has got to stop trying to be funny
Jam, just generally an annoying toast layering.
Ashley Blake, didn’t carry out my request on Midlands Today, I emailed him and asked him to say this “That’s the news in the Midlands, now back to that past it, stupid, over weight grey haired sod, Peter Sissons in London for the national and international news.” Instead of his usual fairway masterpiece
The front bulb on my mum’s car, and mine, I mean why did that have to blow before I was about to pick matt up. Don’t worry though, it will be working for the footy!!!

 

The Joyful Buggers Who Make Me Want To Sing Along To The Theme Tune Of Praise

 

My fat, overweight driving examiner for passing me!!! – You lovely woman!!
Alex Ferguson, for appointing me as the next manager of Manchester United.
_  _ _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _   _ _ _   _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
My big sister for saying she will come back in two weeks!! For Matt’s 18th!!!!! JOKE!!!
Matt – just better be nice to him so I can keep writing, though when am I ever harsh???

 

Wills Humour Always Raises A Smile

Now many of you including Mads want me to write a joke that is less complex to understand, as previous jokes have become well to hard, and you have all had to ask your parents for an explanation of what a _ _ _ _ or how does a man have _ _ _ with a _ _ _.

 

So this weeks joke will be for the simple minds, and with bonfire night around the corner I thought I would throw in that theme.

 

What's Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?

Dead.

Finish With

Driving Examiner             “Well I am pleased to say you have passed your test”

Will                              “Wow, thank God”

Driving Examiner            “You sound relieved, what are you doing now, back to college?

Will                              “Probably go for a chilled out beer actually”

Driving Examiner            “THAT’S NOT THE ATTITUDE FOR THE ROAD”

Will                              “Well, I was joking, but oh well”

 

Bye everyone!!!!!!!!

Will

 

Email the winning phrase to, Will.fuller@lineone.net.