Issue 9 - 14.04.02

Hello everyone and welcome to another fascinating instalment of WW. I will start by apologising to those people who continuously get the brunt of all the jokes in WW. I realise that this can get very depressing for you, so I will try to cut back on them. Also I will try in this edition to comment on things that matter to the youth of today, and not just rattle on about Matt scoring for the 202nd time or however many it is now? Answers on a postcard to RSPB, Coventry please.

Will Rounds Up The Weeks News

  1. David Beckham has broken something in his foot, personally I am glad about that as I think he is a tosser. He probably only broke it to get the whole of the country licking his arse for the next 8 weeks before the world cup. Also I think England will play better without him, as everyone will want to try and be the next David Beckham.
  2. Pubs opening early for World Cup. That’s right if the matches start at 8am you can watch it down the pub. When the final whistle blows you put on your pyjamas and stagger off to school.
  3. Bin Laden. Last seen dancing to Shakira in Elkharts, Bombing has continued on Elkharts for the past 3 weeks in an attempt to lure Bin Laden out of the dark depressing cave.
  4. Queen Mother – Opened a new multi storey car park in Dudley, said she was feeling better than ever. She was said to be ‘coffin’ a little but apart from that she was looking beaufuneral.
  5. Matt W has bought the tickets for Tossers in the Park! Well done dude.

 

Fact Of The Week

Have you ever looked at a traffic light and thought, ‘what is that thing all about?’

Luckily WW is here to explain how traffic lights were formed and to give you some amazing facts about them.

There are 90,200 thousand traffic lights in the UK, out of these 3,000 are portable ones.
The first blind traffic light was invented in Wales in 1994. Blind drivers get out of their car, walk up to the lights and by the use of brail can feel what colour the lights are on. However by the time they have returned to their car they get paranoid whether they are still on this colour so have to go and have another feel. I apologise to any blind people reading this who I may have offended!!
Mr Traffic and his wife Light invented them in 1901. They picked three colours at random out of a bag of Skittles. Firstly they picked three reds and then 3 greens but finally got 3 different colours.
Traffic light bulbs last for two years before they need changing. Matt’s pants last for 3 years before they need changing.

 

PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE ME WANT TO LICK THE COLLY DANCE FLOOR THIS WEEK.

Easyworld for making the Midlands tour dates clash with my French Oral.
Lauren for having her birthday bash on a Thursday night when we were back at Castle, meaning I couldn’t go out and get melon boated.  – Please note and learn the meaning of the term melon boated.
Tesco for selling out of Spinach and Riccota pizza, oh that combination. Tastier than 13 year old girls hey Matt?

PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE ME WANT TO GO AND BUY THEM A COPY OF THE NEW BLUETONES ALBUMN THIS WEEK!

Dozz and Browny for having a Thursday night piss up this week. Which I am sure will be great. Sorry to anyone who hasn’t got an invite or feels left out but if u email Dozz I’m sure he will give you one. He may also give you an invite…
The Bluetones – cracking Album – great to hear all those classic anthems.
Shakira, I love you so much, can you please come and tour the Midlands soon. And yes before you ask I will be buying a hoodie should I see her live. The ‘Whenever Wherever Tour 2002’ I can see it now.

 

YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS

Do you know that song Drops of Jupiter by Train? If you have it press play now and sing along. Now towards the end of the song there is a line where I have been convinced it says something about deep fried chicken. However when I sing these lyrics I get mocked and battered and told to shut up. I finally accepted that in fact train weren’t singing about deep friend chicken and probably about something else. However………..two months later I am reading the lyrics of Drops of Jupiter in the album sleeve to discover that actually they do sing about deep fried chicken after all.

The line goes like this (2.36 second into the song) can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken. Wow amazing!

However like me don’t buy the album just to hear it, cos its pants.

 

WILL’S HUMOUR ALWAYS RAISES A SMILE

Golf has been on the TV this week, I hate golf, I think it is one of the most boring sports ever. I have hated golfers ever since I got thrown off a pitch and putt course in Norfolk. If you don’t know why don’t ask.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"