Filked From: Would You Light My Candle?
Filked By: Waterlily12
SHALLOW Girls
What’d you want?
Oliver
Got a sock?
SHALLOW Girls
We know you!—You’re…
You're Oliver!
Oliver
Can you help me?
Cele took off my kilt
And it’s just a little
Cold in this room
Would you rub my broomSTICK ?
What are you staring at?
SHALLOW Girls
Nothing
Your…quaffles in the moonlight
They look familiar
Can we rub it?
Oliver
Just haven't rubbed it much today
At least the OOPS girls aren’t here
Anyway, what?
SHALLOW Girls
Nothing
Your smile reminds us of-
Oliver
It always reminds people of—what is it?
SHALLOW Girls
Whipped cream, covering your body.
Oliver
Oh, that again?
Whoops I dropped my sock!
Would you rub my broomSTICK?
SHALLOW Girls
W00t-
Oliver
Yeah!- ow
SHALLOW Girls
Oh. The sandpaper…it’s
Oliver
Scratching! I like it - between my --
SHALLOW Girls
Fingers. We figured. . .
Oh, well. Goodnight.
(knocking on door)
You need it rubbed again?
Oliver
No - I think that I left my kilt
SHALLOW Girls
We know we’ve seen your clones out and about
When we all go out
Your broomSTICK’s out!?!
Oliver
I’m upset!
I had the kilt when I came thru the door!
It was manly!
Is it on the floor?
SHALLOW Girls
The floor?
Oliver
They say I have the best @$$
On the Puddlemere United team
Is it true?
SHALLOW Girls
OF COURSE!
Oliver
You're staring again.
SHALLOW Girls
Yeah, so?
Of course you do—have a nice--
We mean – it looks familiar
Oliver
Like your Nimbus 2000?
SHALLOW Girls
Only when you stand sideways
But we’re sure we’ve seen it somewhere else--
Oliver
Do you go to the Quidditch Pitch?
That's where I work – I’m keeper-
Help me look!
SHALLOW Girls
Yes!
We used to look up your kilt-
Oliver
I don’t blame you-
SHALLOW Girls
We didn't recognize you
Without the sock
Oliver
We could rub my broomSTICK
Oh won't you rub my broomSTICK?
SHALLOW Girls
My, my, you are quite buff-
But aren’t you like, sixteen?
Oliver
I'm nineteen! - but I look young for my age
C’mon, you all perv me so bad!
SHALLOW Girls
We all do perve you so bad…
We wish we could wink like you
Oliver
I wasn’t flirting with Flint- I told you!
SHALLOW Girls
We saw that smirk
Oliver
I got carried away
SHALLOW Girls
Uh huh
You wrestled a bludger
Oliver
But now and then I like to --
SHALLOW Girls
Uh huh
Oliver
Grab balls
SHALLOW Girls
Here it is! -- Um --
Oliver
What's that?
SHALLOW Girls
argyle sock
Oliver
We could rub my broomSTICK
What'd you do to my broomSTICK?
SHALLOW Girls
We’re out of whipped cream!
Oliver
My nipple will adjust.
Thank God for the chocolate sauce.
SHALLOW Girls
Maybe it's not the chocolate at all
I hear that treacle works just as well
Oliver
Bah humbug. . .Bah humbug!
SHALLOW Girls
Nice accent.
Oliver
Yours too.
American—like Colombus’s
You wanna snog?
SHALLOW Girls
All of us?
Oliver
Sure-why not?
SHALLOW Girls
We’re SHALLOW
Oliver
They call me
The call me—Sex-eeee!