Selphie "hey Rinoa like did Seifer ask you to the prom yet? You two are like so popular, you know? Tee-hee!!!"
Rinoa twirling her hair chewing gum.
Rinoa: "I heard that you are on the prom planning committee Selphie. What's the theme going to be this year?"
Selphie: "There is going to be a renaissance theme. You know knights, king Arthur etc."
Rinoa "great! I'll go pick out my costume right away- oh crap, don't look now but that really unpopular kid Squall Leonhart is coming this way!!"
Selphie "eewwww!!! that nasty goth kid? Let's run before his unpopularness makes us less popular!!"
Selphie and Rinoa runs away.
Zell:"yo Squall, let's hang out together."
Squall: ". . . . . "
Zell: "hey look there's that popular girl, Rinoa Heartilly? Don't you have a crush on her or something?"
Squall: ". ..."
Seifer runs in from behind.
Seifer: "what??? you have a crush on my girl?? You little loser?"
Zell: " Oh crap it's the quarterback of the football team, Seifer Almasy. Squall you're screwed."
Seifer: "I'm gonna kick your ass loser. No one makes goggly eyes at my girl and gets away with it."
Zell: "hey get your hands off my buddy Squall!"
Seifer shoves Zell back a few feet..
Seifer: "Shut up chicken wuss or I'll kick your ass too."
Squall: "Shut up Almasy, I wasn't looking at your girl."
Seifer shoves Squall against the locker.
Seifer: "I'll catch you after school, Leonhart. Just you and me will be there."
Squall: "Uh hmm, that's you and I, jackass. If you passed english you would know."
Seifer grinds his teeth and walks away.
Later in Class.
Edea: Hello class this is European Imperialism 101. Today we are going to talk about how the English created colonies throughout the world and put down rebellions for independence. Now can anyone tell me who the Tories were?
Squall raises his hand.
Edea: "yes, you over there."
Squall: "Tory was a derisive term used for the loyalists by the patriots after the dominant political faction in England. Patriots were called "Whigs" after the opposing faction in England."
Edea: "Wrong, yes Seifer, how about you dear?"
Seifer: "Tory is a girl on Saved By the Bell which Zack falls in love with."
Edea: "Yes! You are ssoooo smart my little boogy woogy."
Squall: "What?"
Edea: "Mr Leonhart are you questioning the validity of my judgement?"
Quistis whispering.
Quistis: " Someone needs to assassinate Mrs Edea. She's a witch."
Squall: "Yes I'm questioning your instruction. This is ridiculous."
Edea: "That's it, Mr Leonhart, you're going to the principal's office. We'll see if Harvard will still take you now after they hear about this."
Squall, " Well that's too bad then I guess I'll just have to settle for Princeton."
Squall leaves the room and walks to the Principal's office labeled "Desert Prison."
Cid: "well my boy, I hear that my wife Edea has been having some problems with your conduct in class."
Squall: "You wife Edea is possessed, Principal Cid."
Cid smacks his forehead.
Cid: "I know! I know but I can't do anything about it! She's sleeping with my neighbor Mr. Deling and I can't stop it because his mother, Mrs Ultimecia is the head of the school board."
Squall: " . . . "
Cid: "can you do something, Squall? You got accepted to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, etc. Maybe you can take down Ultimecia."
Squall: "don't talk about this like it's my destiny!"
Cid: "okay okay, I'm just asking."
Later in the mall.
Rinoa: "Hey look, Selphie, how is it?"
Selphie: "wow that angel dress is beautiful!"
Seifer walks in dressed as a knight.
Rinoa: "Ooohh my Seify!!! you look so pretty!"
Seifer: "Hey look there's the Leonhart kid."
Seifer walks out with his posse and Rinoa and Selphie following.
Zell:" yo do these popular kids travel in herds?"
Seifer picks up a plastic sword and point it at Squall.
Seifer: "I'm a knight. Let's go out and duel black mercenary aka, nerdy geek."
Squall: "You're not a knight, you're just a bone head football player."
Seifer: "you're on my list of kids to beat up, Leonhart."
Squall: "Geez I'm honored."
Rinoa: "Seify, let's leave the unpopular geeks alone."
Squall: "Whatever."
Seifer: "no, Leonhart you've insulted me for the last time. Die die die!!!"
Seifer attacks Squall with his head. Squall jumps out of the way and Seifer falls over the balcony, into a pile of shrubs.
Fujin: No Seifer!
Rinoa: "hump, oh well, looks like he won't be making it to the prom. Hey Squall wanna go with me?"
Squall : "As much as I would like to choke down a pile of glass shards."
Rinoa "hump!! Meany!!!"
Squall "whatever."
Later at home Squall gets a phone call.
Squall : "hello?"
Laguna. :"hey son! I heard you got into Harvard good going! I need a favor."
Squall "you haven't paid child support in seventeen years and you want a favor now?!"
Laguna " ummm yes. I need you to take down this bitch called Ultimecia."
Squall : "dear god, what's with this Ultimecia business?"
Laguna : "please? You need to do it. The world will end if you don't."
Squall :"why haven't I seen you in seventeen years?"
Laguna : "I went to a bar and I got drunk. Passed out for seventeen years. Sorry, I wanted to be with you and your mom . . .but I couldn't. You understand don't ya kid?"
Squall : "no."
Laguna " aaaaww but I'm your dad!"
Squall : "tell that to the courts,"
Click.
The phone rings again.
Squall "Hello?"
Zell: "hiya my buddy Squall!"
Squall: "Shut up I told you never to call me unless it's school related."
Zell: " This is."
Squall sighs.
Zell: "yo Squall, why don't you take Rinoa to the dance. This can be your big break. You know, you can be popular too."
Squall: "I don't want to be popular, I like being cold and uncaring."
Zell: "yeah yeah but ya know everyone is popular nowadays. We need to make you popular too."
Squall: dammit.
Zell: "So how about it? The prom? You can dress up as a knight."
Squall: "no"
Zell: "But she's hanging off of a cliff here! She could die! Come one."
Squall: don't exaggerate. I would hardly call not having a date for the prom a life threatening situation."
Zell: "I gave her your program."
Squall. " You did what?!! I'm going to kill you."
Zell: "well she wanted me to make a copy of it so she could follow you around, you know so people will get the wrong idea about you two."
Squall "dammit."
Phone rings again
Squall: Hello
Laguna : Did your mother ever tell you about Love, Courage and Friendship? This is one of those times when you should show some love for your old da-"
Click.
Later at the prom.
Rinoa: "oh they're playing Britiney Spears! My favorite!"
Selphie: "Oh Rinoa, that angel costume looks soo nice on you."
Rinoa, "Why thank you Selphie, look over there, that nerdy lady Quistis is dressed as a Queen. Tee hee, she looks so stupid."
Selphie: "hey look over there it's that goth kid."
Rinoa, "oh there he is. Wait one second Selphie."
Rinoa walks over to Squall who is not dressed up.
Rinoa: "I thought I told you to dress up as a knight!"
Squall : "too bad."
Rinoa: "waaah!!! I want a knight. You meany!"
Squall: " .. . . "
Rinoa: "but you are still the best looking guy here."
Squall: "and you are the most superficial girl here."
Rinoa: "let me guess you will only dance with someone you like."
Squall: "well I definitely don't like you."
Rinoa "hump! You-are-going-to-like-me, you-are-going-to-like-me."
Squall : "and you-are-going to-go-jump-off-a-cliff-and-leave-me-alone."
Rinoa: "I bet you just can't dance.."
Squall: "yeah I can't now leave me alone."
Rinoa" you are just saying that to get me to leave you alone!!"
Squall smacks his forehead. "That's what I've been saying for the last half an hour."
Rinoa "hump you meany!!! that's it I'm going to leave you alone!"
Rinoa storms away.
Squall: "thank god."
Selphie : "what happened? He won't dance with you?"
Rinoa: "No he will, just wait. We'll leave him alone for a bit."
An hour passes.
Selphie :"he's not coming,"
Rinoa "any minute now . . . "
***********
~Out on the Balcony Two Hours Later~
Selphie: Oh Rinoa! Don't cry. That you're too good for that jerk.
Rinoa *sniff sniff* but I tried all my tricks on him. I used everything I knew from my SEVENTEEN magazine. Look at me, I'm dressed as an angel. How can he resist that?
Selphie: He's just petty and superficial, Rinoa. Don't let him get to you..
Rinoa: I'm going to jump off this balcony now! That'll get his attention! It worked for that girl in SEVENTEEN.
Selphie: Rinoa! Suicide is not the answer.
Rinoa pouts
Rinoa: meany! Yes it is. Suicide is the answer to everything! Just think about it. He'll visit me in the hospital, feel all sorry for doing this to me. I'll get oodles and oodles of attention.
Selphie: Hmm now that you put it that way. . .
Rinoa: Hey I've got a better idea! I can have cancer too. I'll them that I have leukemia or something and I'll have it for at least two weeks! Then they'll all wish they were nicer to me.
Selphie: Yeah while you are at it, why don't you cut yourself with sharp objects too.
Rinoa: Hey! You're supposed to be feeling sorry for me because I'm so unloved and all.
Selphie rolls her eyes.
Selphie: Rinoa. . I'm going to go back to the party.
Rinoa: What?! You're leaving me?! I'll jump! I swear!
Selphie: Umm .. okay. . you do that sweety.
::Selphie leaves::
Rinoa: Darn. I would jump too except I'm afraid that I'll actually die. What's the point of doing this if I die? I'll miss out on all that sympathy attention.