Part 1

Author's note - This is a story about Raine, from her point of view (containing spoilers as usual). It is a sort of prequel to "Thoughts and Memories" in that the two stories connect up, but you don't have to read
one to understand the other.

My thanks to Sarah, who went through this and picked out glaring errors and such. I've not put up her full name, she doesn't want to be associated wih me! *Grins*

(Thanks also to Amara Enid. Her 'fic "After the Rain" sort of inspired the format of this story. What can I say? Think of it as the highest form of flattery!)

This story, as are all stories I have or will write, was written for "the greatest storyteller in the world" who /generously/ allowed me time off from writing his story to write this one and helped me from time to time. As always, your help was much appreciated!

Enough talk from me, read the story and let me know what you think!




Raine Loire walked slowly up the hill, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her brown hair. It was a fine July morning and the sun had not yet reached its full strength. She walked slowly, but steadily, breathing hard and determined to reach her goal.

It would be quiet up there and that was what she craved. If she couldn't hear /those/ two voices, then she would hear none. Not today.

Winhill was never a loud place, but the way people would insist on coming to check on her, as if she couldn't do anything for herself, was beginning to irritate Raine. She wanted to scream at some of them, "You wouldn't help /him/ then, when he needed help, nor would you even help me look after him! Why make a fuss now when I have only myself to take care of? I've been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember." She didn't want to say it. They had always meant well in their own misguided way and they were not bad people. She didn't want to lose her temper, so here she was. Climbing this hill again.

She had always loved it up here. This was where she came to think, to dream or just simply where she could exist, without interruption or distraction.

She finally reached the top and sat down, legs stretched out in front of her. She had often come up here before Ellone had been a part of her life but once she had Elle to take care of, she simply didn't have the time. Not that she begrudged Ellone that. Not after all the poor girl had been put through. Then /he/ had turned up. An enigma to Winhill, at least until he was well enough to explain what had happened to him. Even then there was the mystery of just how he had got there from Centra.

Raine leaned back on her hands and smiled. How Ellone had loved him! And he had completely indulged her, answering questions and telling stories. Not everyone would have been so comfortable with a six year old monopolizing every waking hour, but it had given Raine time to sit up here again. He had started to use this place too. Somewhere to think and be alone for a while. Funny how they should both be drawn up here, but it was the most beautiful spot in the small village. You could look down on all the tiny houses and the fields of flowers and see the beauty of it without the mindless insignificance that Raine saw close up. Amazing really, how
very important people imagined themselves to be and how vain, that they should think themselves special. Well, /she/ knew what was going on out there. She knew the chaos Adel was causing and was not stupid enough to think that little Winhill would play a part in bringing down a feared Sorceress.

She sighed and pushed them all out of her mind. She had come here to escape them for a while, not to let her thoughts dwell on them.

She twisted the silver ring on her finger and let herself smile again. He had asked her to marry him up here. Funny how things turn out.

Laying on her back to rest, Raine realized she was still exhausted from her long walk. /A pregnant woman shouldn't be hill walking/ they had told her. What did they know? It was better for her to be up here than it was to be cooped up at home. Up here she could believe anything but if she sat at home she knew depression would gradually creep in, like a mist.

She stared up at the clouds, her large eyes reflecting the sky. She used to make pictures and stories out of the shapes of the clouds. Now she saw only faces, just as she had for months. Two faces eternally floated in front of her, whatever she was doing. Every waking moment she would find
herself looking into a pair of brilliant green eyes, or soft brown eyes. She thought she would go mad at first, but now there was a strange comfort to it. There were times when she thought she could see a third face, unknown and yet familiar. The features were blurred and indistinct but she sometimes saw the eyes. Grey eyes that seemed leached of all colour. Such determination in those eyes.

/When would they return?/ She asked herself for the hundredth time. /What were they doing? Were they alright?/ Now and again that final question would creep in - /Were they alive? Would she even know if they were dead?/ No, she had to believe that she would know, that she would feel them die in her soul or something. They were alive and they would return to her. She told herself that every day, repeating it like a prayer. They would come back to her and for now she had her dreams, her memories. Even her most painful memories were welcome, even in those memories she could hear those voices, unimpeded by time or distance.

Raine closed her eyes and let her mind sink into the sea of memory.

***************

/Yes,/ she told herself, /this was the beginning. This was when it had /really/ started./

***************

The small woman sat at the bar, reading a book. There was still time to kill before she had to open the place, although it would probably remain just as empty for most of the day. It was quiet outside, as it always was here, but for a moment Raine thought she heard something. Something she couldn't identify, but silence now ruled again and Raine fell back to her book.

A few moments later, the still atmosphere of Winhill was shot to pieces by the steady drumming of footsteps. Many feet marching to a set rhythm.

Placing the book carefully on the counter, so she wouldn't lose her page, Raine stood and walked quickly to the door. Her hand hovered over the handle as she heard gunfire and screams. The brutal sounds assaulted her ears and she winced. Just what the hell was going on out there? Realizing it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but unable to stop herself, she closed her hand on the door handle and prepared herself for what she might see. She was never given the chance. The door was flung open and Raine was catapulted backwards, landing awkwardly on her side. She heard people trampling into her tiny bar and clambered quickly to her feet.

She recognized the light blue uniform of the five intruders almost immediately. Esthar soldiers. Who wouldn't recognize them with those silvery uniforms and strange bug-like helmets?

Suppressing the wave of fear, she stood her ground - waiting. She had heard the stories, just like everyone else. Stories that told of these mysterious foreigners that kidnapped or stole away small girls that were potential successors to the sorceress who ruled in Esthar.

"You have children?" One soldier asked, while the others searched Raine's house.

"No." Raine stared up into the bug-eyes, her gaze unflinching. The soldier stood in silence as the others returned and shook their heads. Nothing for them here. The soldier who had spoken before, the leader it seemed, said something and the other four left, but Raine's sigh of relief was premature and it turned into a gasp as the leader took her shoulder and more or less threw her out into the square.

Most of Winhill was here, gathered in the square, some being questioned by soldiers, others were hurt and being helped by friends who were doing what they could with knife and bullet wounds.

"Where are the children?"

Raine turned to face that persistent bug-form that had pushed her out of her home.

"The children of Winhill are in front of you." She answered, as scornfully as she dared. "There are no others."

"These are all male. Is there not one female child in this miserable dump?"

"None." Raine said firmly, hiding the knowledge in the back of her mind that there was one small girl. Just one. Ellone, a puzzling four year old who lived next door with her parents. The whole village knew her well and as the only girl she was spoiled rotten. Had any of them said anything or had Ellone already been found? Raine did not dare to glance towards the house the child lived in to see if it had already been searched. Then once more the choice was taken from her. From the direction of the house belonging to Ellone's family came the sound of voices raised in argument. The square quietened down to listen and she found that standing where she was, she could hear the words clearly.

"There is a young girl living in this house. Where is she? We know she is here and we will find her in the end."

"No one else lives here, just us. I swear we're the only people here." Ellone's father, Raine guessed. She wished she knew their names but they had kept very much to themselves, although Ellone ran freely round the village. Unusual for people to be so set apart from others in a small place like Winhill but perhaps they just hadn't been very sociable, she thought.

"Then why are there children's toys upstairs? Why are there dolls and clothes for a little girl?"

"Our niece. She visits from Deling City. It all belongs to her." Ellone's mother blurted out, her voice shaking with fear.

Raine heard silence for a long time and supposed that the house was being searched thoroughly. /They better not find that girl./ She thought to herself. /I don't know what I'll do if they find her./ She was scared, not just for the girl but for what her reaction would be when Ellone was found,
as she must inevitably be. She would not stand here passively while they carried the girl out of Winhill. She didn't know what she would do but it terrified her.

"There's no one else here, sir."

"You're sure? Adel was certain there would be one here."

"Yes sir."

Raine held her breath. Would they leave now?

"I still think there is someone here."

"We have to leave now, Captain. If we don't go soon then..."

"I know! But before we do, I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't forget us. I'll teach them to try and lie to us, to try and hide what we were looking for..."

That voice sent shivers down Raine's spine. She hated them. Soldiers who thought they could do anything because they were soldiers.

The sound of rapid gunfire broke the stillness and Raine stood rigid in shook. Unable to move, she watched mutely as the soldiers exited the house and they marched away. The soldiers who had been in the square started to follow, but the one Raine had spoken to held back.

"I saw the reactions on your face. I read what you were thinking. There /is/ a girl here and if Adel thinks she is suitable, we'll come and get her one day. We'll come back and /I/ won't forget that you lied. We'll be back one day." He threatened.

Raine started visibly but the soldier had already vanished with the others. Managing to unfreeze her limbs, she ran towards the house and burst in the door.

Ellone's parents lay next to the table that stood in the centre of the room. Kneeling next to them, uncaring that she sat in a pool of blood, she checked for a pulse. Nothing. She hadn't expected that there would be. Riddled with bullets, the man and woman lay curled up next to each other,
eyes staring open. Raine stared right back, hoping to find a clue as to where Ellone was, but even in death they didn't give away the hiding place of their daughter.

Raine carefully arranged their limbs and shut their eyes, as best as she could, before searching for Ellone. Her luck was no better than the soldiers and she found nothing. She was about to start looking outside when she thought she heard something upstairs. Quietly creeping back up the stairs, she heard the sound of a child, crying.

She /is/ here, Raine thought.

Following the sound to its source, the dark haired woman found a tiny door in the wall of Ellone's bedroom. It completely blended in with the wall and had she not had the sound to follow, she never would have found it.

"Ellone." She said softly, crouching next to the door. "Ellone, it's okay to come out now. They've gone. It's just me here now, just Raine, OK?"

Raine saw the door open slightly and a huge brown eye peered through the crack at her. After a quick glance about the room, the eye retreated and the door was flung wide open. A slender four year old ran sobbing into Raine's arms and Raine pulled her in close, whispering to her, grateful
that Ellone was safe.

"It's alright, they've all gone. You're safe now. I'll make it better." /How?/ She asked herself. "Ellone, do you know what happened?" Raine asked the question straight out, unsure how to talk to a child.

"I heard people coming in, they were shouting." She looked tearfully up at Raine. "I hate it when people shout. It scares me, so I shut myself in here. Then... Mommy..." She started to cry again and Raine hated herself for asking the question. /So Ellone knows that her parents were dead. Poor
girl, this room is right above the main room downstairs. If she hadn't heard the gunfire and realised what it meant, she would have seen it through the cracks in the floorboards./

She gently stroked the head of dark hair that was buried in her shoulder and wondered just what to do now. She had said she would make it better but what could she do? An idea leapt out at her and she was amazed she could have missed such a simple thought.

"Ellone, would you like to stay with me?" She held the small face away from her with careful hands, looking for a response. The brown eyes widened and started to cry again, half with relief.

Raine picked the girl up and let her cry. She certainly had cause to cry as many tears as she wanted to. Gently rocking the child in her arms, she made her way down the stairs, turning Ellone's face into her neck so that she didn't have to look at the bloodied form of her parents anymore.

A few of the townspeople had come in and were preparing to remove the bodies. They looked up as Raine approached, sympathy for Ellone written on their faces, but they said nothing.

As she stepped into the sunshine, she saw Millie run towards her from her house across the square.

"She's OK?" Millie asked anxiously, peering at Ellone. "She was in the house the whole time?"

Raine nodded and felt Ellone's arms twist round her neck. "What'll happen to her now? Where -"

"I'm looking after her now." She cut Millie off mid-sentence. Millie stared at her friend, amazed.

"Raine, you can't possibly manage her. You're only -"

"It doesn't matter if you think I'm too young to handle this. I /am/ going to take care of Ellone." Raine said firmly, walking into the pub and closing the door behind her. Carrying Ellone upstairs, she sat down and sighed. The soldiers had practically wrecked the place.

"It's going to be alright, Elle. I'm here and I won't let anything hurt you again. I promise." She said softly.

***************

It had been awkward at first. Raine had absolutely no experience of how to look after a child and although Ellone had kept her from making too many mistakes, it had taken a while for them to adjust to each other.

For two years they had lived together in peace, until the next disturbance of their tranquil world.

***************

Raine stood at the bar, serving the handful of locals that didn't have anything better to do. She had already put Ellone to bed and with any luck the girl was asleep, although you never quite knew with Elle. She could be a strange child at times.

She looked up as two more figures entered her bar. She recognized one as Joe, the guy who ran the shop at the far end of town. The other was one of the soldiers who had been stationed in Winhill since the attack.

She was serving their drinks in silence, lost in her own thoughts, when some of their conversation seeped through to her.

"Poor sod." The soldier commented. "Wonder what happened to him? He looked worse than if someone had dumped him on the main line to Timber for a few days."

"He sure was a hell of a mess. It's probably a mercy." Joe replied indifferently.

"He's better off dead. If he ain't, he soon will be."

Raine looked up in shock.

"What did you say?"

"We're just talking about a body on the beach. Don't worry, we'll bury it tomorrow before Ellone has a chance to -"

"No." She cut in. "You said he would soon be dead. Don't you /know/ if he was dead?"

"Well, we didn't check..." the soldier said awkwardly.

"I don't believe you! I really don't believe I'm hearing this! You just left a man to die!"

"Raine, if you'd seen him, the state he was in...you'd have left him too. There's nothing we can do." Said Joe, without a trace of regret.

"No. I wouldn't leave anyone who needed my help. Even if it was pointless. If you think I would, you insult me and I don't think you'd want to do that." The bar fell silent as she raised her voice. "Where is he, Joe?" She glared at him and when he said nothing she turned to the soldier.

"On the beach." The man shrugged.

Raine nodded to him and walked round the bar, picking up her coat from a hook and wrapping it round herself.

Joe caught her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"You know where I'm going. I'm going to do what you should've done yourself."

"You can't. It's wrong, Raine. He's an outsider and you know the damage they can do! You, of all people, the one who found Ellone and looks after her, should know -"

Raine's hand flew towards his face and the sharp sound of the slap cut him off, mid-sentence.

"Get out." She hissed, between her teeth. "I won't have it, do you hear? I'll not listen to you tell me it's right to let someone die because you are too stupid to look outside this town. It was /Esthar/ that attacked. One country out of many. The rest of the world is not evil. Now get out."

Joe looked stunned, the red mark on his face glowing. He opened his mouth to talk again but he saw Raine glare at him and he slunk out without a word.

Raine stalked out into the night, seething. /Stupid old fool!/ She thought as she walked. /Why could no one in this town get over the attack? If Ellone has moved on, then there is no reason why they can't./
 
Yet Raine knew that it was unfair to make such a criticism when she herself was so badly scarred. The nightmares were only part of it, terrifying though they were. She would hear the screams and the gunfire and then she would see those bodies again, lying in a crumpled heap. The other impression that day had left was her hatred of soldiers. She despised them all. The only thing they could do was destroy, she had seen that for herself. Was there /one/ of them that knew about compassion? That wouldn't kill for the hell of it? She shook her head in disgust. No wonder there
were so many skirmishes at the moment. Too many soldiers with time on their hands.

She finally reached the small cove and ran to the form at the waters edge. Kneeling, she checked the man's neck for a pulse. He was alive, but unconscious. His clothes were soaked and torn, and his skin was bruised. She brushed the tangled hair out of his face and laid a hand on his forehead. It was cold, clammy and far too pale.

/He must've lost a lot of blood./ She thought, her mind working overtime on what she would have to do now.

A sudden flash of something caught Raine's eye. Something round his neck. Dog-tags. /Great, just what I need, a soldier. Galbadian by the look of it./ She rolled her eyes, but took off her coat and covered him with it. That would have to do until she got back. She had to get someone to help her,
there was no way she could lift him on her own.

Raine ran back to the square. Who should she call? The doctor? That wouldn't do any good. The doctor was of the same mind as Joe and would be loath to help her save an outsider.

Making a decision, she knocked on Millie's door.

"Raine? What's the matter?" Millie asked as Raine grabbed her arm and dragged her through the square. "Is it Ellone?"

"No, Elle's fine. I need you to help me with something." Raine explained what had happened as she led Millie to the cove.

Raine could never remember afterwards how they had got him back to the square, or how they had carried him up the stairs of what was, technically, Ellone's house. The whole episode blended into a surreal dream. She had enlisted the help of others who were willing to aid someone who was not from Winhill and they had pooled their medical knowledge, setting the broken bones as best as they could. The larger cuts had been sewn up and as they changed the bedclothes around him, Raine sat in the corner with the shredded uniform in her hands. She searched the pockets methodically, taking out anything that had survived to keep it safe. He might want these few bits when he woke up.

She watched in silence as the others left, having done what they could. Millie paused at the door, then she turned back to Raine.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No. I'll be fine. You should try and get some sleep." Raine knew why they had left. They knew her knowledge of healing surpassed their own and they knew that just as she wouldn't give up a life, she wouldn't share this burden with anyone, either.

"I'll take Ellone home with me. You'll need her out of your way for a few days." Millie offered kindly.

Raine nodded and moved her chair to the bedside. As she heard Millie shut the front door, she inspected her patient. It probably would have been quicker for them to identify the unbroken bones and then set the rest. What on earth had he done to get himself in this state? It was nothing short of a miracle that his lungs hadn't been punctured by the numerous broken ribs he'd sustained.

She looked critically at his face. It was still too pale. She hoped fervently he wasn't bleeding inside. She didn't have the knowledge or the equipment to deal with that.

/How old is he?/ She thought curiously. In his twenties, she guessed but it was hard to tell, the mess he was in.

Raine sighed reflectively. /A soldier. Well, it doesn't matter what he is, I had to help./ She /couldn't/ hate this one, not when he was hurt, even though it twisted up her ideals and prejudices. It felt like someone had switched on a blender in her brain and everything melded together, making no sense at all.

/Wait until he's better,/ a voice in her head told her. /Then maybe you can hate them all again. Maybe you can put your mind back to how it was, once he doesn't look so helpless./

***************

It was a day before Raine's patient was conscious. She had sat there for a full hour, answering his questions patiently and then asking a few of her own.

His name was Laguna Loire and he had fallen down a cliff on Centra, he had informed her seriously. She had almost laughed in his face at that statement, until he had explained it.

Ellone had visited Laguna most days and, thankfully, he didn't seem to mind. Elle was overjoyed with her new friend and this spared Raine of some of her chatter.

Raine visited every day until Laguna was back on his feet, some six months later.

She had always been civil and polite, but her voice never really crossed the barrier into friendly. She wouldn't let herself. Her mind wasn't ready to deal with the change of principles that would involve, but deep down she knew it would have to one day. It was getting too difficult for her to be
detached. Why did he have to be so damned /nice/ to her? Still her mind shied away.

/One day,/ she told herself, /one day I'll be able to change. I'll be strong enough to change. But not yet./

***************

/When was it?/ Raine searched her memories. /When was it he noticed my state of mind? My barriers?/ She would never know that. Perhaps he had always known they were there. When had they started to break down? She remembered that day - the day she had finally won the battle with her psyche. The day the nightmares went away.

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