"Bye, Bye...DICKLICKER!"

Beatriz wanted to be on time, she really did.

Really?

Ok, well, not really really but she was so sick of Seth’s bitching about being prompt and the importance of being punctual.

Blah, blah, blah.

Bitch, bitch, bitch.

If she was expected somewhere she would surely try her hardest to be there maybe a few minutes earlier if she could but if she couldn’t, oh well. As long as she got there, what—the fuck—does it matter?

But because of Seth's annoying little hard-on for people being punctual, she would be late on purpose, went out of her way to make sure she was late five, ten, even twenty minutes if she really wanted to piss him off and never gave a legitimate reason nor a sincere apology for being tardy.

She thought that eventually he would be late one day to spite her, if he was really so angry about it, give her a taste of her own medicine, but he was always there, face red from fuming.

Today was different though. She didn’t have to try to be late, it just happened.

Hmm, imagine that.

First she was hanging out with Eddie and his friends all night and ended up spending the night at his place. That was fun even though they didn’t do anything when they got there but watch B-movies (the only kind of movies worth a viddy, well, them and the occasional porn), listen to music (a very eclectic mix of music), drink (limitless open bar of Coca Cola for all!) and of course smoke some buds (ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none).

Everybody crashed in the living room and mostly were still asleep when she woke up at eleven and left when Eddie was making breakfast for them, looking very cute with his hair all messy, cigarette dangling from his mouth, wearing an embroidered “I Run Dis Kitchen” apron. He offered a plate but the smell made her stomach turn queasy flips and she had to politely decline. His cooking wasn’t bad, not at all; she just had the hardest time eating in the morning so she just gave him a (chaste) kiss goodbye on the cheek and he hugged her before she went on her way.

They didn’t live too far away from each other, but it still took a long time for her to get to her apartment from the encumbrance of heavy snow from the night before.

Minino, that cute little darling, leapt off the couch and greeted her by looking up with those enchanting grayish purple eyes and meowing and licking his chops so she fed him before she refreshed in the bathroom. She dressed comfy and cleaned up after Minino while he slept sated on the kitchen floor.

The red light on the answering machine blinked urgently and she pressed the button while pouring some juice into a glass. She had this incredible thirst for something sweetly tart. She drank the first half in one swallow and then refilled it and slowly savored the rest.

Most of these messages weren’t recent and just when she was about to put Minino in his bed, Seth started to drone, his voice monotonous as an Algebra teacher she vaguely remembered having, telling her to join him at some café at one-oh-five and try to get there even before then if she could and she just felt like ripping his lungs from his “man-scaped” chest.

He was totally FUCKING with her lazy schedule!

What was so fugging important that she had to put her clothes back on and trudge through snow just to sit in some goddamn café with overpriced foam coffee?

Bullshit.

That familiar feeling and being sick of and disgusted with him heated her blood to a simmering boil. She hated that DICKLICKER*!

She thought about not even going, but then he would still come to the apartment and bitch at her about what ever it he had his panties in a twist about. He very much reminded her of Felix Unger from The Odd Couple, expect she liked Felix a helluva lot more than Seth. At least he was amusing.

She dressed warmly for the occasion, deciding it was too cold to be cute and she wasn’t trying to razzle-dazzle him, didn’t care. She also finished a half-smoked joint she found in an ashtray because when you deal with Seth, it’s best to be a little sedated or you might end up beating the shit out of him. That was her standing, anyway.

It was snowing heavy so she took her sweet time dallying with no rush.

By the time she got there, he was sitting at a table bent forward, head down. This was a departure from his usual straight posture, she had never seen him slouched over. She came over and he looked up at him with those sleepy brown eyes and she took her coat off and sat across from him.

She felt so mellow. Eddie has top-notch shit.

“So,” she looks around the room, admiring the décor “what’s wrong?”

She looks at him and feels so relaxed, he could punch her in the nose and break it and she would just laugh hysterically.

“Nothing’s wrong, not really.”

Are you joking fella? She snorts.

“Well I hope something’s wrong if we couldn’t talk about whatever this is about at the apartment. We have coffee there, y’know.”

She had a feeling he was going to ruin her high.

“Well…”

…Yeah?

This waitress comes over with some mugs and some kind of pastries, sets it down, asks if they need anything else, he says no, and she goes with her courtesy smile.

Beatriz thinks the girl is very pretty and thinks she fills that uniform out well. She watches her as she walks away, her ass wiggling nicely under her skirt. She wondered if her ass wiggles like hers when she wears a skirt.

She looks into the steaming mug and takes a drink, grateful for the warmth it provides. It tastes like marshmallow. Yummy, yummy. This pastry thing though is not too great. She wants to spit it out in a napkin, but swallows anyway.

She hears him clear his throat and after a short silence, he speaks rapidly.

“Bee, I think we should see other people.”

Wha-wha-what?!

“Wha?” This is surprise, who was going to be her roommate now? She didn’t need one, but it gave someone else a place to stay and she had a fat wad of spending money. She eats more pastry, not so bad the second time actually.

He sighs.

“Look, Bee,” she hates him for calling her that and he leans in closer and thinks for a moment, “don’t get upset or anything, but…I just think it would be best if we went separate ways. We don’t see each other much anymore. You deserve better.”

Is he the high one or what? What—the hell—is he talking about?

He looks so pathetically serious that she just wants to guffaw in his face obnoxiously but she just bites her cheeks and puts her head down to hide her smile.

“Are you going to be all right?”

She nods affirmatively. The laughter was about to just erupt right out of her throat.

“So, uh, no hard feelings?”

She covers her face hurriedly as her shoulders shake from the held in chuckling.

Please don’t say anything else.

“I’ll call you later, ok?”

You better not, asshole.

He rubs her back and that feels nice. He should have done that more often. He leaves and she brings her back up, brushing the tears of laughter from her eyes and sips her drink again. It tastes really great, she digs it. Then she realized he rushed out without paying for his coffee and pastry and she laughs good-naturedly.

What a DICKLICKER.,..and not the tasty kind.