--- Pizza Jokes ---

Here's some annoying things to say while ordering a pizza over the phone.

1) If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2) Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3) Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
4) Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
5) Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
6) Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up
7) Answer their questions with questions.
8) In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
9) Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10) Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Big Mac)
11) Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
13) Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
14) Change your accent every three seconds.
15) Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
16) Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
17) Rent a pizza.
18) Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
19) Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
20) Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
21) Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
22) Imitate the order taker's voice.
23) When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
24) Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
25) Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
26) Ask to see a menu.
27) At the end of the call say you'll be able to pay for all this when the movie people call back.
28) Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
29) Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
30) Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
31) Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
32) Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
33) Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he/she is fired.
34) Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
35) If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
36) Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
37) Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
38) Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
39) Be vague in your order.
40) When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
41) If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
42) Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
43) Put them on hold.
44) Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'."
45) Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
46) When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
47) Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
48) Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
49) Order a steamed pizza.
50) Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
51) If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."