The ABC

'Twas midnight in the classroom,
And every desk was shut,
When suddenly from the alphabet,
Was heard a loud 'Tut-tut!'

Said A to B, 'I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C
Is a semicircular back!'

'I disagree,' said D to B,
'I've never found C so.
From where I stand, he seems to be
An uncompleted O!'

C was vexed. 'I'm much perplexed,
You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that to help spell Cat
And Cow and Cool and Cape.'

'He's right,' said E; said F 'Whoopee!'
Said G, ''Ip, 'ip, 'ooray!'
'You're dropping me,' roared H to G.
'Don't do it please, I pray!'

'Out of my way,' LL said to K.
'I'll make poor I look ill.'
To stop this stunt, J stood in front,
And presto! ILL was JILL.

'U know,' said V, 'that W
Is twice the age of me,
For as a Roman V is five
I'm half as young as he.'

X and Y yawned sleepily,
'Look at the time!' they said.
They all jumped back into the book
And last one there was Z!

Spike Milligan