The Agnostic's Prayer

"Insofar as I may be heard by anything,
which may or may not care what I say,
I ask, if it matters,
that you be forgiven for anything you may have done
or failed to do which requires forgiveness.
Conversely, if not forgiveness
but something else may be required
to insure any possible benefit
for which you may be eligible
after the destruction of your body,
I ask that this, whatever it may be,
be granted or withheld, as the case may be,
in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit.
I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary,
between yourself and that which may not be yourself
but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving,
as much as it is possible for you to receive, of this thing,
and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
Amen."