JOKES | 2 LINER SHAIRI | 4 LINER SHAIRI

 


Jokes

Teacher: Where were you born? 
Student: Singapore, Sir. 
Teacher: Which part? 
Student: All of me, Sir. 



Teacher: Chong, you missed school last Friday. 
Chong : You're wrong, Sir. 
Teacher: Wrong, how is that? 
Chong : I was absent, yes, but I certainly didn't
miss it! 



A teacher wrote it down on the black-board and asked
her class: 
"What's the difference between 'unlawful' and
'illegal'?" 
Only one hand shot up. 
"Ok, Joan," said the teacher. 
"'Unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't
allow and 
'illegal' is a sick eagle." 



Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news
first. 
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 
24 hours to live. 
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be
worse? What's 
the very bad news? 
Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since
yesterday. 



Teacher : How come you do not comb your hair? 
David : No comb, Sir. 
Teacher : Use your dad's then. 
David : No hair, Sir. 



Father : What's the level of your marks? 
Son : My marks are under water. 
Father : What do you mean? 
Son : They are all below 'C' (sea) level. 



Girl : Do you love me? 
Boy : Yes, dear. 
Girl : Would you die for me? 
Boy : No, mine is undying love. 



Man : How old is your father? 
Boy : As old as me. 
Man : How can that be? 
Boy : He became a father only when I was born. 



Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to
teach you 
anything! 
Son : That's why I say she's no good! 



Dad : Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and
say sorry to 
her. 
Son : (Goes over to his aunt) Aunt, I am sorry that
you are stupid. 



Teacher: Spell 'WATER.' 
Girl : HIJKLMNO. 
Teacher: That doesn't spell 'WATER'. 
Girl : Yes, it does. They are all the letters from 'H
to O' 
(H2O). 



Son : My teacher asked me if I have any brothers or
sisters 
who'll be coming to school. 
Mum : What did she say, when you told her you are the
only child? 
Son : She just said, 'Thank goodness!' 



Teacher : How do you think Shakespeare wrote such
master pieces? 
Student : With a pencil, Sir, either a 2B or not 2B. 



A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. 

A blonde and a brunette were sitting together on a park bench when the brunette said, "My husband used to have dandruff until I gave him Head and Shoulders." The blonde looked at her and said, "How do you give a man shoulders?" 

An executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out a bit about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." 

Once Laloo returned from England and his wife rabri asked him, 'Are Kuch Angreji wagare sikhi ki nahin englandva mein jakar.' Laloo replied ' Bilkul sikhe hain.' Rabri then said ' Tanik angreji mein kahkar to batao ki hamra nam laloo hain.' Laloo replied, 'Small mein bole ya Capital mein bole?' 

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas.. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them 'Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...'. The man at the other end replies 'One second sir...' and Laloo immediately replies 'thank you' and puts the phone down. 

Laloos family planning policy..
'DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR'


When Santa Banta Go To Bombay--
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver". 

Dear Banta, I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since. Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time. I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes! My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt. Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Cousin Santa Ludhiana. P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope, but I had already sealed this by then. 

Boss: Raabert! 
Rab: Yes, bass?
Boss: Yeh "bus" mei kuch hawa daal do.
Rab: Lekin, kyon bass?
Boss: Yeh bus "Airbus" ban jayega.


Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do.
Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge. Scene: Ajeet spots one of
his is enemies...
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara
mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do ghadi ka
mehman ho jayega !


LALOO'S WEIGHT
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport.As there was a huge rush the security guard told Laloo
'WAIT PLEASE' for which Laloo replied '65Kgs' and moved on... 



Banta Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him! "When his smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finishedpacking, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported thematter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine ; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? >"Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji" 

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could arrest you for indecent exposure?" Taken aback, she asks, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and shrieks, "OH MY GOD, I've left the baby on the bus again!" 

A blonde is out for a stroll when she comes to a river and spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo," she calls, "How can I get to the other side?" The blonde on the other side looks up the bank and then down, and shouts back, "You're on the other side." 

A little blonde girl is sitting in the classroom at school, crying, so the teacher asks her what's the matter. She sobbed, "I can't find my boots." The teacher looked around the room and saw a pair of boots. "Are these yours?" "No, they're not mine," the little girl replied, sniffing. The teacher and the little girl searched all over the classroom for her boots. Finally, the teacher gave up. "Are you sure those boots aren't yours?" "I'm sure," the girl sobbed, "mine had snow on them." 

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a six foot tall, 200 pound karate black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a six foot rugby player and the fella on your right is six foot five, pushing 300 pounds and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?The blind guy thinks for a moment, then says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." 

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, 'JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.' And the man's companion says, 'JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.' The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, 'AND YOU, SIR?' Laloo replies: 'LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.' 

A reporter asked Laloo 'What's the main reason for divorce ?'
'Marriage'


(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
AJIT:Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me OUT likh do.
Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !


Mona: Ajit's girlfriend is pregnant and Ajit is thrilled. 
Ajit: Mona darling baccha kab hoga
Mona: Uske liye nau mahine lagte hain boss
Ajit: Main intezar nahin kar sakta. Raabert, tum Mona ko Pyramid me band kar do!
Robert: Kyon boss
Ajit: Jaldi hi woh mummy ban jayegi 


Robert : Boss, humne ek CID ko pakad liya hai.
Ajit : Ise marke Police Station ke samne daal do. Aur uske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert : Par sui kyon, Boss ?
Ajit : Bewakoof! Pulees samjhegi ki sui-cid hua hai. 


Ajit: Michael, us gaddar ko aisi maut do ki woh jee bhi na paye aur mar bhi na paye.
Michael : woh kaise boss?
Ajit: Usey liquid oxygen mein daal do. Oxygen usey marne nahin dega aur liquid usey jeene nahin dega


Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cut one of its leg. Then he said "WALK". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "WALK". The cockroach manages to move forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "WALK". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "WALK". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is jubiliant, "NOW" says Banta "MY THESIS IS READY" and proceeds to write it. "WHEN YOU CUT FOUR LEGS OF A COCKROACH IT BECOMES DEAF" 

Laloo as a model?
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle
he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.GUESS THE CAPTION !!
'Laloo, third from left!'


MORE JOKES COMING SOON CHECK BACK LATER.....................
  
 

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