| Ganbatte ne: Nadaraka na oka no ue yuruyakani yuki ga furu todokanai to wakattemo kimi no heya ni hitotsu daisuki datta hana wo ima... The snow falls gently on a hill Even though I can't reach you, I understand The flower in your room that you loved is now... I can't breathe. I can't…breathe… There were red lights all around, flashing across cold metal walls, and the sirens…they were so loud. Deafening. She winced faintly, feeling like she floated, like she didn't exist. And there was a stinging pain somewhere in her chest. It was a strain to allow air to pass and she inhaled shakily, her breath ragged. "I can't…breathe…" she whispered. And next to her, holding her with one arm around her waist to support her was Spike, looking about in an expression that closely resembled exasperation. She stared at him through hooded eyes, struggling to bring her vision into focus but he swam in and out, a large blur. "You're fine," he said to her a bit too quickly as he turned his head to glance at her. And then he looked down to his opposite side, snapping, "Ed! You got it or what?" "Ed is busy! No talking!" the girl's voice came from the other side, sounding absentminded and there was the faint tapping of computer keys. "Tomato is having difficulty-" "Damn it…" Spike murmured and he dragged himself backward, clutching her a bit tighter around the waist, her arm flung over his shoulder and clasped there as well. He encountered a wall and leaned back on it, shifting her. She felt weak. Weary. She moved any direction he decided to move her, her limbs heavy and limp as he released the arm he held around his neck and pulled her up against his side. She felt her feet drag across the solid floor, the flashing red lights blinding her and sending her spinning. She only felt like this when she drank too much. Or when she was in Spike's company too long. She groaned faintly as he wound both arms around her and readjusted his grip on her, staring down at her critically. A round stain of blood marred his shoulder, his blue jacket, and she stared, not understanding. With a weak finger she pointed to it and mumbled, "You're going to get it on me…" and her tone was laced with weary attitude. The bounty hunter snorted at her, shaking his head. "Hate to say it, Faye, but you don't have to worry about that," he replied. And the way he said it made her pause dizzily. Frowning, she lowered her gaze to look down at herself and her entire being went cold as she saw the splattered blood all over her chest. Utter fear overtook her, her breath suddenly ragged as she stared in eye-widening realization. And she was aware of Spike making small shushing sounds at her as she began to gasp, her world spinning. "Oh, my God…oh, my-" "Calm down," Spike said instantly to her as she slowly lifted a trembling hand to her chest. "Calm down, Faye, you're going to hyperventilate, calm down-" "You fucking calm down," she whispered in a shaky hiss, her fingers trailing across her broken figure. That's where the pain came from, why she couldn't seem to breathe passed a thick ball of cotton. She stared until her vision swam, until she was sure the vertigo had finally taken over and she was seeing nothing but dizziness and pain. Her vision blackened momentarily, the stained blood seeming to grow darker, threatening, and in her ear Spike was saying something, heaving her up to keep her focused. But she didn't care. She didn't want to be here. And she wasn't going to be here. After midnight again. Faye rose in bed once more, the tv on once more, the videocassette at its end once more. "Do your best, do your best! Me, me, me!" She exhaled, lifting a hand to her eyes as the girl's voice, her voice, continued to echo in the cold, silent room. She was still drunk, damn it. She had gone to sleep after at least five shots of some old Tequila Jet had kept around. She hated Tequila. It went down horribly. But it had been hilarious, talking about days gone, all the things that had happened. All the good things because one mournful thought in her drunken state would have ripped down all her walls and sent her bawling. The night hadn't been about mourning. It had been about remembering and she regretted once more not having any pictures of their group when it had been complete. She would tell Ed in the morning to go buy a camera, anything, to start recording things because life was too fleeting not to. She would not allow another moment to pass, another member to leave, without having something of them and being able to say that, even if no one else had ever known them, she had. The mere thought brought a sharp stinging to her eyes and she fought against allowing herself to weep. She had cried once in front of Jet, only once, and she swore she would never do it again. The look on his face had been even more sorrowful than her own and she had hated herself because she had never actually comforted him through their loss. She couldn't have done it anyway. After she had started slurring and looking green, Jet had politely walked her to her room. Politely meaning yanking her after him as he had dragged her to her room, demanding why she had downed so many shots. She had been quick to point out that he had been playing bartender, and that little foolish comment had gotten her thrown into the cold shower instead, clothes and all, to help her drunkenness pass. It hadn't worked. But her hair smelled damned good now thanks to the shampoo she had refilled. Jet obviously believed shampoo was not a bare necessity. And the quick vision of light playing across his baldhead blinded her. She grumbled to herself as she rose once more, wincing at the cold floor under her bare feet. It was going to be another one of those nights. And hopefully this time she wouldn't run into Jet or Ein. She passed by her night table, picking up her cigarettes on the way to the door. This time she'd smoke in that common room, no matter who was around. And if Ed and Ein happened to be there she would kick them out. She needed a smoke tonight more than she needed to breathe. The walk there took forever. Almost like she had eaten those mushrooms again. Spike had spoken of his experience with those mushrooms Ed had brought home one day and because it had not amused him in the least it had automatically sent her to the floor rolling and shrieking with laughter. She smiled to herself as she trudged, still hearing his voice. "Well, what the hell did you go through?" "I went swimming in the bathroom." She burst into silent laughter, and then she paused in the corridor, supporting herself against the wall as she was overcome by that laughter. She couldn't help it, she really couldn't, and she found herself gasping and clutching her stomach with one hand, trying very hard not to make a sound but unable to prevent the giggles. Her vision blurring, she reached the room and upon stepping in she saw the faint shadow, the long lean frame stretched out on the couch, and a chill went through her. She came to a dead stop, laughter forgotten instantly, fingers instinctively crushing her cigarettes once more and the vision of him swam as she tried to focus. "You're not real. You're not real…" she whispered inaudibly and she squeezed her eyes shut. He wasn't real and, damn it, she shouldn't have gotten drunk. Her head was ready to burst of all the nausea she was experiencing, her throat dry. Slowly opening an eye, her vision wavered, coming in and out of focus and she saw the faint shadow still. Screw this. Screw this! Enough mourning already, Faye! You were different before he entered your life and you can be that way again! Just face this fear already! Resolving herself and clenching her jaw, she stalked, more like stumbled, over to the couch and putting her back to it she plopped down like a load of bricks. "What the hell-" came a loud, stunned voice and Faye's eyes popped open just as she was unceremoniously bucked off the couch and into the metal table. She staggered for a moment, catching herself on the floor and she whirled on her rear as the lanky frame sprang from the couch, the image of him blurred. "Geez, Faye, what the fuck?" the man cried and she stared, blinking and trying to correct her vision. She still couldn't see him but his image loomed over her suddenly, invading her space as he brought his face close to hers. "Shit, no wonder. You're fucking drunk!" The light came on then, instantly blinding her and she lifted a hand to her eyes, glancing over to see Jet there beside the doorway. And his eyes were wide, his bearded jaw falling open in disbelief. Hopping up with Tomato perfectly balanced on her head of red hair, Ed cried, "Spike-person!" And, clapping a hand over her mouth, Faye rose and fled, making it to the bathroom just in time to hurl. |
| All images and works done/altered by ShiNoFuriko and TasogareBan. Please do not steal and always give credit to where it is due. |