CHAPTER 1

    Four months had passed since the night of the rape. The images continued to interrupt her sleep but she had gotten used to them now to the point that her nightly screams had finally subsided. They still managed to cause her to wake up in a nervous sweat, breathing rapidly until her surroundings encouraged her to calm back down. Because she was unable to fall back
to sleep after an episode…Starsky would be awakened by the sounds she would make as she moved around the apartment. When he questioned her the following day, she would just shrug him off and tell him that nothing was wrong.  He knew that she didn’t want to talk about it with him…and he also knew that  she had distanced herself from her friends at school. Even Stacey had been  pushed away to the point that she rarely called to speak to her  anymore. She had quit her part time job and now spent her nights at home like a hermit. Even on the weekends when she would normally hang out at the mall or catch a movie…she remained at home.
    He felt helpless as he watched her continue to suffer and so he began to look into whatever resources were available for victims of rape. There were  several support groups but he knew that she would object to group therapy. She was a very private person and she needed one on one counseling. He placed a few phone calls from work to make his inquiries and spoke to several groups. A very friendly young woman offered to help him and soon called him back with the name of a female psychiatrist, Jackie Hall. The woman explained that Dr. Hall had an impeccable reputation and would be the best person to handle Cassie’s particular situation.
    When he arrived home he found her in the kitchen preparing his dinner.  He lifted his holster off his shoulders slowly…and rested it on the familiar hook near the front door. She continued to work as if she hadn’t noticed him and so he leaned his hand against the side of the counter and watched her for a moment.
    He remembered how just a few short months before…the scene would have been  quite different. She would rush over to greet him at the door after a hard day at work…offering to remove his jacket and shoes with enthusiasm as she inquired about his day. He missed the old Cassie, the one who cared for him and made him happy. She all but ignored him when he arrived home lately. Going about her business and keeping to herself. They used to always have a lot to talk about both during and after dinner…from the latest gossip going around school to the antics that two cops on patrol in a busy  metropolitan area witnessed on a day to day basis. She used to be so open and honest with him. Now there was no talk at the dinner table and afterward she would find some excuse to retreat into her room where she would remain until bedtime. The sudden change in her had left him feeling empty inside.
    “Hi.” He said as he reached down to remove his shoes…still leaning on the counter.
    “Hi.” She replied without turning around.
    “What cha makin’…”
    “Lasagna…”
    “Great…I’m starving.” He told her as he walked slowly up to her and stuck his finger in the sauce…tasting it as she looked up at him.
    “It won’t be ready for another 45 minutes…you can take a shower.” She told him as she shoved the tray into the oven and adjusted the temperature setting.
    “In a minute…first I need to ask you something.” He began as he looked into her soft brown eyes.
    “What?”
    “Cas…how would you feel about seeing someone professionally?”
     “I don’t understand…” She said with a puzzled expression as she took a hesitant step backward…to keep a safe distance between them.
    “I know your still having the dreams…and they aren’t gonna get any better until you deal with them.” He explained to her as she turned her head to look away from him.
    “I told you I’m fine…” She said with rebellion. “I don’t need to talk about it.”
    “I think you do…” He told her as he reached his hand up to touch her face.
    She jerked her head away from his touch and spoke again…
    “Where did you get THAT from?” She asked as her anger grew with the tone of her voice. “You still reading that dumb book?”
    “No Cas…I just think that it’s time you dealt with it that’s all.”
    “What good will it do to drag it all out into the open? Do you think it’ll make me feel better?” Do you think it will change anything?” She said a little louder…now on the verge of yelling at him.
    “Look at yourself Cas…” He exclaimed as he motioned to her with his hand. “You won’t let anyone near you. Your friends don’t call anymore. Hell…you won’t even talk to ME anymore.”
    Now the discussion had escalated into an argument…as was the case with most of the conversations he tried to have with her lately.
    “I DON’T NEED THERAPY!” She yelled at him as her emotions took control. “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?…WHY CAN’T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?”
    She stormed away from him in tears into her bedroom…slamming the door closed behind her.
    He just stood there feeling helpless…the strength drained from his body and his thoughts empty. All he could do was hang his head and rub the back of his neck with his hand.

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    Hutch had grabbed some Chinese take out on his way home and was now sitting in front of his television watching the early news. The taste of the ice -cold beer he sipped in-between mouthfuls…caused him to relax after his stress-filled day.  He had overheard Starsky on the phone speaking to different organizations dealing with rape…but his partner hadn’t brought the
subject up when they were alone so he didn’t force the issue. When he was ready…Starsky would come to him. He always did. Still the thought that Cassie and he were still having problems concerned him. If Starsky had asked his opinion he would have to agree with him. But she was his partner’s responsibility and maybe Starsky felt that this was something he wanted
to try to handle on his own…without his advice.
    He leaned back on the couch to get more comfortable and thought about it some more. Maybe he should have brought the subject up himself…after all Starsky had to be aware that He was listening as he made the calls. Maybe he was waiting for him to ask? Maybe the fact that he allowed him to listen in was his way of leaving an open invitation for discussion? Otherwise he
would have made the calls in private.
    Hutch hesitated as he looked down at the telephone on the coffee table.  Should he call? Maybe he was ignoring the obvious…the cry for help.
    He leaned forward and grabbed the receiver dialing the number slowly. He still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to him…but he felt that he wouldn ’t be able to get any rest until he tested the proverbial waters.

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    Starsky was standing in the kitchen realing from his last discussion with her when he heard the phone ring. He walked to the end of the counter to grab the receiver on the wall…
    “Yeah…” He said as he pulled it to his ear.
    “Hey Starsk…”
    “Hey Hutch…what’s up?” He promted expecting to learn the reason for the phone call.
    “Nothing…” Hutch said in an innocent almost embarrassed voice.
    “Ok…so why’d you call?”
    “No reason…I just thought you might want to talk.”
    “Hutch…I just saw you an hour ago.” Starsky said curiously. “Not much as happened.”
    “Well…I thought maybe…you know…you might need to talk.” Hutch prompted as he fumbled with his words.
    “You’re acting weird.” Starsky told him as he continued. “I know something’s bugging you…so why don’t you just spit it out.”
    “Look…I just want you to know that if you need to talk…I’m here.” He said with concern. “I know sometimes I don’t take the time to see what’s going on with you.”
    “You mean the calls I made today?” Starsky replied as he finally realized what his partner was referring to. “Thanks Hutch…I really appreciate that…but I already made the decision.”
    “You found someone for her to talk to?”
    “Yeah…Now the only problem is getting her to agree to it.”
    “If you want…I’ll talk to her for you.”
    “No…that’s ok.” Starsky said abruptly. “Let me handle it.”
    “Ok…but if you change your mind…”
    “Yeah…thanks.”
    “See ya tomorrow.” Hutch said softly.
    “Sure…night Hutch.”
    Hutch waited for the click and then placed the receiver back on the hook. He had reached out his hand in friendship. It was what he felt he needed to do and although his partner didn’t need him. It felt good to make the offer. Sometimes it's enough just to say..."I’m here for you buddy.”

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    After Dinner…Cassie took her shower and went straight back to her room without saying goodnight. He knew she was still mad at him for his suggestion because she hardly uttered a sound at the dinner table. He had offered to do the dishes to make amends for his side of the argument but his gesture didn’t seem to put a dent in her attitude towards him. She just left them for him as she proceeded to get ready for bed.

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    A knock at her door caused her to glance up as she sat at the small desk in her room doing her homework. The door opened slightly with his touch and he peered inside to speak to her.
    “Cas…you busy?”
    “You shouldn’t just open the door like that…” She scolded him. “What if I wasn’t decent?”
    “It wasn’t shut…” He told her. “Look…I’m sorry…but can I please talk to you for a minute.”
    “Sure I guess…C’mon in.”
    He walked in slowly and lifted Ollie from the only chair in her room to have a seat…throwing him gently on her bed.
    “Can you at least consider talking to someone?” He asked softly.
    “I just don’t think it’ll accomplish anything.” She told him calmly. “I’m fine…I just need some time.”
    “You can’t sweep this under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen Cas. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to deal with it.” He said still in a soft tone.
    “Is that what you think I’m doing?” She said as she looked up from her notebook and into his eyes. “You think I can pretend it didn’t happen? Don’t you realize that it follows me everywhere I go…that I think about it all the time.”
    “That’s the point Cas…” He told her, and then he paused before speaking again. “She’s a lady. Her name is Jackie Hall. She deals with girls in your situation all the time…. Just say you’ll at least talk to her?”
    Cassie sat there for a moment glancing down at the floor and thinking. Starsky waited for her to answer…hoping for at least a maybe…or ‘let me think about it’
    “Alright…” She said finally as she looked back up at him. “I’ll talk to her…but if I don’t like it…I won’t go back…fair enough?”
    “Fair enough!” He said with excitement as he stood up suddenly and leaned over to grab her by the head with both of his hands and gave her a kiss on the forehead quickly. She didn’t expect his sudden movement and the kiss caught her off guard. It was over before she had time to react and he was headed out the door when the revelation finally hit her.
    (For that brief moment…it seemed like old times. It had been so long since she allowed him to get that close. His excitement had prompted the contact that she would have lately prohibited…. It actually felt kind of nice.)
    “Hey…” She called to him just before he closed her door.
    “Yeah…” He said as he turned around to answer her.
    “Goodnight…”
    “Goodnight…..” He replied with a smile. “Princess…”

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