"What do you mean 'if' he regains consciousness! This is a hospital! You have to be able to help him! Is he gonna make it doc?"
"There is a 60% mortality rate when a patient falls into septic shock. I can promise we will do everything possible. For now we have to wait to see if David is strong enough or has the will to fight."
"I have to see him doc! Please don't try to stop me. He needs me. I'm not gonna let him give up. He'll hear me."
"Doctor Schaeffer, Hutch - Ken is right, he needs to be with his partner. I've known my boys too long to know that it can only help for them to be with each other. I've seen miracles happen before, but only when they are together. Please let him go to Starsky. I'll take full responsibility."
"Captain Dobey, I know you mean well, but Ken is weak and very sick himself. He needs to rest..."
"I'm not gonna rest damn it! I'm going to my partner! You're not gonna stop me."
"Okay Ken, but let the nurse get you a wheelchair. You already passed out and hit the floor once today. I don't want a repeat performance."
"Just get me to him now. I have to be with him, he needs me."
---
Hutch sat by Starsky's bed, looking at the white, drawn face that had lines on it, lines that had appeared during his stay in Taio. He reached forward and stroked the curls, trying to hold in his sobs.
"Oh Starsk...please come back to me. We'll get through this somehow. Oh God Starsk, what did those monsters do to you? Electrocution? What else? Doesn't matter babe, whatever they did to you, we'll get through this together. I need you to come back to me Starsk, please!"
Starsky remained unconscious and Hutch refused to leave his side. Dobey came in on occasions to give him coffee, or food, but it was like Hutch was lost in his pain filled world, focussing on the unconscious figure of Starsky. He barely acknowledged Dobey's presence. He was severely traumatized by his memories of Taio, and even the knowledge that it had burned down brought him no relief. The death of Atkinson and the other guards brought him no comfort. It was too late for that. The memories of the attacks on him and the horror that he felt when he thought he was about to be raped were too strong, and the fear of what Starsky had endured sickened him. He had chaffing marks on his wrists, which indicated he'd been restrained and he'd certainly been badly beaten and mistreated. Hutch couldn't even concentrate on what they were going to do, or how they would deal with it, he just knew they would, as they always had - together. He barely spoke to Dobey, but a slow burning rage was building up in him. Logically he knew it wasn't Dobey's fault but he was part of the system that had nearly destroyed them. They were part of the system too but they'd been severely victimized by it. All that mattered to Hutch at that point was that Starsky survive. They could and would deal with anything later. If Starsky died, if he was too weak or beaten down to survive, then he'd follow him. He didn't have the strength to fight, not without Starsky by his side. Without Starsky, there was no point.
Finally, Starsky's fever broke and he started to show signs of regaining consciousness. Dreams were obviously haunting him and all Hutch could do was try to soothe him, and convince him that they were both safe.
"Hu...Hutch" Starsky sobbed. Hutch leaned over him, trying to get Starsky's attention but he was unprepared for the fear that was in Starsky's eyes. He pulled away, still sobbing.
"Please, don't hurt me!" Hutch's heart broke at the desperation and fear.
"Starsk, no one's gonna hurt you again. I'm here, and you're safe in the hospital. All you've gotta do is concentrate on getting well. We'll get through this together, I promise you buddy."
"Hutch, you...." Starsky swallowed, "You won't believe what they did to me." Starsky was drifting off, leaving a horrified Hutch.
"I don't care Starsk. Whatever they did, we'll get past this." Hutch started sobbing into his hands, unaware of Dobey watching them, also fighting his tears. He knew that his boys had a long recovery ahead of them.
The nurses brought in a reclining chair for Hutch to sit in as they
knew he was not about to leave his best friend's side. An oxygen tank was
also brought in for him to use as he was still having breathing difficulties
of his own. He sat by Starsky's side day and night, holding his hand, stroking
his hair, talking to him soothingly and encouraging him to get better.
Starsky woke at intervals only to call for Hutch, sometimes not realizing
he was there holding his hand, and at other times waking from terrifying
nightmares. Hutch was in severe pain himself most of the time, but
continued to refuse pain medication. He wanted to be alert for his partner
in case he needed him. He was exhausted but determined to go on, to help
Starsky as best as he could.
"Hey Hutch?" Hutch felt a hand on his shoulder and recognized his friend's voice.
"Huggy?"
"Dobey called me Hutch. I'm so sorry."
"Starsky's gonna be okay. I won't let him give up...Oh Hug."
Hutch broke down, relieved to have a friend to talk to. His emotions were still raw and his heart was breaking for his friend whose life lay in the balance. He'd said very little to Dobey, not trusting himself to face him yet. He was sick and tired himself, the effort of remaining strong so that he could be with Starsky was wearing him down further.
"Hey blondie, that partner of yours is tough. He's gonna be all right. He'll fight and he has you. You both need each other right now. You need to get better too Hutch and from what I've heard, you won't rest, won't eat, won't take your medication."
"I can't Hug. I need to be here and be alert. When he wakes up I don't want him to be scared. He's got a bad infection among other things. They're having a hard time clearing it up and Starsky is so weak. You couldn't imagine what they did to him. I don't even know all of it yet, I only get bits and pieces when he screams out from the nightmares. Things will never be the same Hug...for either of us!"
"Whatever happened, you'll both get through this. You always have before. Together the two of you can do anything. I'm here to help in any way I can and cap'n Dobey is here too."
The anger started to rise in Hutch at the mention of Dobey.
"Fuck Dobey! None of this would have happened if he had been more careful! More people should have known what was going on and where we were. Only he and captain Shields knew! Shields was killed and Dobey was in an accident. We were stuck there Huggy! No one cared! We were forgotten!"
Huggy was stunned at Hutch's outburst. He had never heard him talk negatively about Dobey. He just put a hand over Hutch's, showing his understanding and empathy.
"I never forgot Hutch. My two best friends were missing and as the time passed with no word about the two of you, I thought you were both dead. Things weren't the same. I really missed you two."
"Thanks Hug." Hutch could only bow his head as more tears escaped his eyes. "You're a good friend and I'm glad you're here. Starsky is glad you're here too."
CHAPTER 18
Hutch had dozed off but was awakened by Dr. Schaeffer. Hutch looked up at him, hoping for some good news on his partner. He looked puzzled at the other man who came in with doctor Schaeffer. He was certainly not a doctor, noting how he was dressed.
"Ken, this is Mr. Garret. He's a locksmith."
"What?"
"We need to get that belt off of David. We can't find any keys to unlock it. It needs to come off. Mr. Garret won't hurt him."
"Okay, just get the damn thing off of him."
Dr. Schaeffer pulled the blanket and sheet off of Starsky and lifted
his hospital gown, exposing his stomach and the volt stun belt, as the
locksmith examined the lock and began to work on removing the torture device
that Starsky
had been wearing for the last two weeks.
The movement caused Starsky to stir. "NO! NOOOOO! PLEASE NO MORE. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME AGAIN!" The fear in his voice was too much for Hutch to bear and he leant forward, pushing past the doctor so that he could grab Starsky's flailing hands.
"Hey Starsk, no one is going to hurt you babe. I'm right here buddy. They just need to get the belt off of you."
"NO! HUTCH! PLEASE! DON'T LET THEM HURT ME AGAIN!" Starsky began to cry and braced himself for more pain.
"Sshhh, It's okay buddy, I'm right here and I promise no one is going to hurt you. I want you to hold onto my hand. I'm gonna tell you a story while the locksmith removes the belt. You listen to me Starsk okay?"
"Okay Hutch. You're sure they're not gonna shock me again, even by accident?"
"No buddy, just try to relax and listen to me." Hutch began to tell Starsky a story, talking about the vacation they were both going to take when they got out of the hospital.
Starsky put all of his trust into the only person in the world who could make things right for him again, although he did tense as the belt was jostled around in an attempt for it to be removed.
"There we go, I've got it. It's all over David, the belt is off."
Hutch and the doctor gasped at the burn marks left on Starsky's waist from the volts of electricity that were forced onto its victim. That area too had become infected. Dr. Schaeffer rang for the nurse, gave some orders and had a nurse come in to treat and dress the wounds around Starsky's waist.
"It's gone Starsk. No one can ever hurt you with that again. You're a little sore there though, but the doctor and nurses are gonna help you with that too."
"Hutch, why did Atkinson have to put that on me? I didn't do anything wrong or bad. It hurt so much Hutch."
Hutch gathered Starsky up into his arms and held him as his crying turned into sobbing. The damn had broken and Hutch was determined to pick up the pieces of his friend's broken heart. Hutch could not hold back his own tears as he thought of what Starsky must have gone through and silently berated himself for not being there to protect him. They sat that way for a long time, until Starsky was finally cried out and fell asleep in Hutch's arms. When Hutch knew that his friend was asleep he rested him back down onto the bed and resumed his position in the reclining chair next to Starsky's bed. He too soon fell into an exhausted sleep, holding onto his partner's hand.
---
Captain Dobey was beside himself with guilt and concern for his two
detectives. How could he ever make this up to them? Would they, or
could they ever forgive him? Would Starsky even survive, and if he
didn't would or could Hutch go on
without him? What exactly happened to his two boys in that prison?
There were so many unanswered questions. He still had not spoken
to Hutch at any length and had a hard time looking at either of them.
Starsky was in such a fragile state, so thin, so pale. Hutch was
not looking much better, but was at least conscious and alert. Both
were in pain and looked like prisoners of war. The two jovial men
he knew over three months ago were gone. Their bodies were still
alive, but were their hearts and souls? Hutch's face bore no emotion
and other than talking to Starsky, he did not speak and would just stare
into space. What was he thinking about?
---
"Cap'n? Here, I brought a cup of coffee for you."
"Thanks Huggy."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Huggy, I don't know what to say. Don't know what to do.
I never wanted to hurt either of them. They're like sons to me.
They've been put through hell and I'm responsible. They're not the
same Huggy. I can feel the anger emanating from Hutch, and I don't
blame him. If Starsky doesn't make it because...well, I could never
forgive myself. Shields assured me that
everything was under control, that he had contacts at the prison who
would be there to protect them. I trusted him and never asked
their names. After Shields was killed it was too late. I had
my accident the next day. I've been thinking though Hug...I don't
think it was an accident that Shields was killed and I had a bad accident
the next day. It's too coincidental. I think this
was all one big set up. How could I have let Starsky and Hutch
go into that prison alone! It never should have happened Hug!
It never should have happened."
Captain Dobey's and Huggy's conversation was interrupted by one of the ICU nurses. Starsky was in trouble and Hutch was almost hysterical. She asked for their help in calming the blond.
Hutch had been moved out into the hallway as a flood of nurses and doctors
invaded Starsky's room. Huggy and Dobey found him sitting in a wheelchair,
trying to see what was happening to his partner. He was in obvious
pain himself and having trouble breathing. Fresh tears fell from
his pale face as he heard the doctors yelling out orders and saw the nurses
scurrying around.
CHAPTER 19
"Hutch? Hutch, it's Huggy, what happened?"
"I don't know Hug, he seemed to be sleeping peacefull, then he was suddenly gasping for air, that's when they moved me out here. I think he stopped breathing Hug! Oh God…"
Huggy, Dobey and a trembling Hutch watched in horror as machines were being hurdled into Starsky's room, medical supplies were being called for and orders were being called out. Each caught bits and pieces of what was happening in the room.
(NOT BREATHING!)
(BLOOD PRESSURE CRASHING)
(GET HIS FEET UP)
(INTUBATE)
(VENTILATOR)
(GET THE CRASH CART READY!)
(SHOCK)
(RENAL FAILURE)
(TEMPERATURE 105 DEGREES)
(C'MON DAVID, DON'T GIVE UP)
Huggy saw Hutch go white and caught him just as he was trying to get up out of the wheelchair and go to his partner's side. Hutch only made it to a halfway standing position before his knees gave out on him. His eyes continued to stay open, but he was unresponsive otherwise, seeming not to hear anyone. Huggy gently lowered him to the floor. Hutch was trying to speak but could not.
"I need help! Somebody! Something's happening to Hutch!" Huggy yelled as Dobey leaned over his fading blond detective.
Hutch was taken to his own room in the ICU immediately by additional staff, his wrists were restrained to keep him in bed should he become more alert and agitated. The doctor immediately called for IV Valium to be given to the blond, as he knew his recent condition was a result of hysteria. The oxygen mask was quickly placed over Hutch's mouth and nose and the IV rate was increased. By now, everyone more than realized how close Starsky and Hutch were, and knew that seeing Starsky going through this present crisis had caused the blond to crumble. The medical staff also realized that both men had been through a tremendous ordeal.
Dobey was frantic. He didn't understand what was going on but he knew that if Starsky were to die, Hutch would follow. He'd often wondered how one would survive without the other and it was now being played out in front of his eyes. He knew that this was a particularly bad situation for them both and that they'd need each other more than ever to recover. If one didn't make it, then there was no doubt in Dobey's mind, that the other wouldn't either. He found himself praying for yet another miracle for his boys.
---
Starsky's condition gradually improved, although he remained weak and
fearful. Hutch wasn't in good shape emotionally either but he found
some strength in caring for his partner and trying to persuade him
that everything would be okay. It was when he was on his own, or
Starsky was asleep, that his own fears arose. He needed to
convince Starsky that they'd be okay, although he wasn't sure how,
or even if he truly believed this. The pale figure needed all
the encouragement he could give him. Dobey had continued to
hover over them, although Hutch was finding it very difficult dealing with
him, and the
anger was getting harder to contain.
Starsky didn't like anyone near him and was very jumpy. He hated the nurses ministrations and was only relaxed when Hutch was nearby. On the rare occasions that Hutch wasn't close, he was edgy and uncomfortable. The medical staff made no attempt to split them up, realizing that they could assist each other's recovery and that keeping them apart would prove detrimental to both.
Starsky had gone into total respiratory failure due to the smoke inhalation, accompanied by the infection and severe weakness. The doctors were able to pull him through this crisis but could not promise there would not be another. Hutch was allowed to sit with his partner as nothing else would calm Starsky, and nothing else would calm Hutch. They truly needed each other. Hutch held his friend's hand as the nurses treated the fever that continued to spike and closely monitored his breathing. Hutch could see the pain in Starsky's eyes, not only physical, but mental too.
"Starsk? You don't have to talk buddy, just know I'm here and you're safe now."
"Hu Hutch?" Starsky's voice was but a whisper.
"Yeah babe, I'm here." Hutch continued to comfort his shaken partner.
"Hutch, I don't wanna go back there, I don't wanna go back."
"I promise you're never gonna have to go back there Starsk. It's over, it's all over buddy."
"No, I mean I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna be a cop anymore. We've had enough. I don't wanna do it anymore. I can't send anyone else to jail! I can't be a cop anymore! Are you with me on this Hutch? I know…" Starsky was stopped by a fit of coughing.
"Starsk, I don't wanna go back either. I didn't know how I was gonna talk to you about it, but as always you read my mind. Are you sure about this Starsk?"
"I'm sure, never been more sure in my life. We can do somethin' else Hutch right? Somethin' together?"
"Of course we can. Got any ideas of what we're gonna do?"
"We could rob banks in Bolivia…" Another fit of coughing interrupted their conversation and Hutch couldn't help but grin at the comment. From somewhere deep amongst his pain, Starsky could still make a joke. It gave him hope that they would get through this somehow. That the indomitable spirit that was Starsky would rise. "But I kinda like the idea of…" the coughing stopped their conversation and it was obvious to Hutch that Starsky was working himself up into a state.
"Try to relax Starsk. Wan't me to get the nurse?"
"No, just stay with me Hutch, I don't want to be alone and I need to know that you're okay too. You are okay aren't you? Hutch, did they hurt you anymore?"
"I'm okay buddy, promise. We'll have a long talk, but you need to rest now or they're gonna throw me out."
"We'll be together, no matter what. Promise me Hutch!" Starsky was fading but wanted to make sure that Hutch understood what he was saying.
"You got it buddy! Me and thee always and we don't have to be cops for that! Now, go to sleep Starsk, please."
Starsky was drifting off as they spoke, allowing himself to relax and believe that Hutch would always be there. This allowed him to finally give into the fatigue.
"'Kay."
Chapter 20 - Final
Hutch smoothed the curls off of his friend's forehead and settled back into the chair next to the bed, never letting go of Starsky's hand. He knew they both had a long way to go and a lot of healing to do, mentally and physically. He was determined though. He and Starsky would get better and they would help each other. Hutch fell asleep listening to his partner's steady breathing.
"How's he doing?" Dobey's quiet voice interrupted Hutch's thoughts and Hutch turned to face his captain. Dobey winced at the expression of cold fury on his detective's face.
"He's still weak. I still don't know everything they did to him but it's over! We're out of the department!"
"Hutch, I can understand how you feel, but you shouldn't make such big decisions now…"
Hutch pulled himself out of the chair and walked to the door, making sure that Starsky was asleep first.
His whispered fury was worse than a shout would have been.
"YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL? Captain Dobey, I don't think you do! You can have no idea what it was like in that hellhole! You know what they did to me? They liked me and wanted a piece of me! Do you have any idea what that was like? No they didn't rape me, but it was close. God knows what they did to him! What did Starsky ever do to deserve this? What did I? WE TRUSTED YOU CAPTAIN DOBEY! OUR LIVES WERE IN YOUR HANDS! God…" even as he spoke, Hutch knew he wasn't being fair to Dobey but he and Starsky were going to bear the scars from Taio for a very long time to come and he needed to lash out at someone, to let out his anger and his anguish.
"I know it doesn't cut it Hutch, but I am sorry! If I could turn back the clock I would! You and Starsky can have as much time off as you want, I'll clear it."
---
Hutch returned to his partner's side where he spent the better part of the next week. Both Starsky and Hutch were transferred to Memorial Hospital in LA after Dr. Schaeffer agreed that Starsky was strong enough to make the trip. Both were taken to their hometown via ambulance, Hutch never leaving Starsky's side.
"Hey buddy, we're going home."
"We can never go home Hutch. There's nothing left to go home to."
"Aw Starsk. We'll make it through this somehow and we've got each other. That's enough for me babe. I'll help you Starsk, you won't ever have to be alone or afraid like that again. I'm here."
"I know Hutch. Thanks." Starsky reached up to lay his hand on Hutch's cheek and to wipe at the single falling tear. "Me and Thee right?"
"Yeah Starsk, Me and Thee, always."
---
Hutch was released from the hospital a week after they returned to LA. Starsky's recovery was a bit more complicated and his stay was longer due to the infection and septic shock he was recovering from. His condition was improving though and the right antibiotics had been found to be working. Both had a long road ahead of them, but would not have to face it alone. Hutch remained at the hospital, by his partner's side, even after he was released. There was nothing left for either of them anymore. Nothing but having each other and that was all that mattered to both for now.
Starsky was released from the hospital two weeks later with strict instructions and prescriptions. Hutch and he decided to stay together at Starsky's apartment. Neither were ready to let the other out of each other's sight. There were many long talks, many nightmares for both, many tears and a lot of love and support shared between the two.
Nathan Bell, the "maintenance" man at the station gave a full confession to Captain Dobey after learning that his brother, Jeffrey Bell, the warden at Taio had been killed in the fire. His plan had not worked out as he had wished totally, but he still grinned with satisfaction that Starsky and Hutch had suffered so much and at hearing the gossip that the two would not be returning to their jobs as detectives.
Captain Dobey was still too ashamed to confront Starsky or Hutch about returning to the department. In many ways he did not blame them, but sure did miss their presence. He thought about how things used to be, the joking between the two, how Starsky would just barge into his office and put his feet up on his desk or take his lunch out from under his nose. His two boys and best detectives were now only memories to the LAPD. Many times Dobey picked up the phone to call on them, but hesitantly returned the phone to its receiver, not knowing quite what to say. He knew his boys needed time and hoped that they would reconsider. It had been two months since Starsky and Hutch returned to LA and turned in their badges.
---
Hutch wanted to let Starsky sleep in and decided to pick up some donuts, the special ones that were Starsky's favorite. He turned abruptly as he heard a familiar voice call his name.
"Hutch?"
"What do you want from us Dobey? We told you…we're not coming back!" Hutch walked past his car and picked up the pace away from captain Dobey's call.
"Hutch, please. I just want to apologize. I need you both to know how sorry I am that all of this happened. I…"
Hutch stopped in his tracks and turned toward the regretful ex-friend. "We don't care about your apology! We just want to be left alone! You think your 'apology' is gonna make a difference?"
"It's not gonna change what happened, but you have to know I never would have sent the two of you there, if I had known…"
"Shut up! You have no rights to us anymore! We don't belong to you or the force. It's over!"
"Will you at least give me a chance to speak? Still as hard headed
as ever aren't you Hutchinson? Can't you understand…"
"Understand what? Understand that we were sent into HELL with no one looking out for us? Understand how we were at the hands of guards who could and did torture us anytime they wanted? Understand that my friend is jumping at shadows, suffering nightmares. Starsky's not ready to face the world yet! Damn it! This CAN'T be fixed by an apology. Just leave us alone!" Hutch was breaking down and he sank to his knees feeling faint and dizzy. His tirade was cut short when he was drained of any energy he had. He was shaky and his world was spinning. Captain Dobey rushed to the crumbling man's side to support him.
"Get away from me! Please cap'n." The tears held in the light blue eyes could no longer be contained. After one attempt to shrug the sorry man's arms off of him, Hutch let himself relax in the hold, unashamed of the tears that freely fell, allowing himself to be comforted by someone he really knew was a friend to them both.
"I'm sorry Captain! It's just so hard, every day is such a struggle. We're doing everything we can to put this behind us. We're making progress, but it's slow. We're gonna be okay and we will make it past this, but Starsky comes first. He's getting better, but I'm not taking my badge back until Starsky is ready to take his. We're a team, partners. It's either both of us together or neither of us. I'm sorry."
"Captain? (he called me "Captain") Please don't apologize to me
Hutch! You have every right to be angry but I want you to know
that I want to help you both if I can.. I'm not going to just
'go away'. I care about you and about Dave. I love you
as if you were my own sons and if shouting at me helps, then do it.
I hate what happened to you at Taio, but it happened! The whole
thing was a set up Hutch. I couldn't have known! I am
sorry. If you want to take the easy way out and blame me for
everything, then that is your choice. I want you and Starsky
back and I'm asking for your forgiveness. None of this was
intentional. You gotta at least know that. You're the best
detectives in the precinct, you were anyway. That door is still open,
my door is always open to you both when and if you are ready
to come back. Even if you don't want to come back to the department,
then just know that you can call me any time if you need help of
any sort."
Dobey released the hold on his blond detective and turned to leave.
"Cap'n? Don't leave… Give us some time huh? Let me talk to Starsk. We'll give it some thought okay? It's gonna be a while though, we need some time, Starsky needs some time…"
"Okay Hutch. You know where to find me. I'll be waiting."
END