By Linda C. (Huskyandstarch@aol.com)
& Kathy Kellenberger
 
 
 

Chapter 8

Starsky woke a couple of hours later to the smell of dinner. I thought this was a good sign.  He needed to eat.  Just the thought of food turned his stomach and he didn't, well he couldn't eat since the few morsels he ate at breakfast....and that was for me.  He was still so thin. My strong partner was reduced to skin and bone.  God...it tore me apart to see him like this. His arms were so thin that his watch just dangled loosely sometimes falling over his hand.  He had even asked me to wear the rings that he always wore on his little finger, the ones that had been his dad's, he was so afraid that they would slip off his finger and he would lose them. He had so little left of his father. The rings meant a lot to him.  He didn’t want to lose them.  He had lost so much already.  Losing his father’s rings could be the straw that broke what little spirit
 Starsky had left.  They were irreplaceable.  Just like my partner was to me.  I would rejoice in the day I could give them back to Starsky to wear, because then it would be a sign that my partner was well again.

His clothing just hung from him.  I got him a new belt just to keep his pants in place. His sunken eyes and pale appearance had me very worried.  This was only the beginning of the trial. I knew the worst was yet to come. My partner had his life , but in reality Gunther had
won.  He took Starsky's will, his spark and health away from him, maybe forever, In effect Gunther had killed a large part of both of us.

I could only pray that someday I'd have my best friend back. whole, healthy and vibrant again. God, is that too much to ask? He never hurt anyone. He’s lost so much in his short time here on earth...and he tries so damn hard. Oh, God, please have mercy on him. How much is one man supposed to endure? Hasn't he been given enough?

"Starsk , you awake?"

 He just laid on the couch staring into space. I couldn't remember the last time I saw him smile. I knew some of that was from the strong pain medication, but I knew my partner too well.  He was deep in thought. He did that a lot these days. Where do you go Starsk? Where are you now? I wish I could be there to help you.

"Hey buddy, I made some soup, think you can try to get some down?"

"What? What's that Hutch?"

I took the soup over to the coffee table. There was no way he was going to make it to the kitchen table.  He looked awful.  Instinctively I felt his forehead for a fever. He was warm......maybe he had a slight one.

"You need to try and eat something buddy, you've hardly eaten all day.  You need your strength.  Doc's still worried about all of the weight you lost.  I promised him I would fatten you up… can't break my promise."

"I don't know Hutch.  Thanks, but I don't know if I could keep it down.  I'm sorry."

He laid his head back down onto the pillow, closing his eyes.  He was just too weak.  (It's okay Starsk, you have nothing to be sorry about, I'll heat it up for you later.)

“Lets just get you to bed for now.”

I carried my friend into the bedroom laying him down on the bed. He moaned a bit but didn't wake up, even when I got him out of his clothing and into his pajamas. He was used to the routine by now and accepted it.  I couldn't wait for the day when he would argue with me again, joke with me again.  Would that day ever come? I sat on the side of his bed watching him sleep. Even sleep did not bring rest though. His body twitched and he moaned, sometimes crying in his sleep.  The nightmares had increased even more since the beginning of the trial.  God, if only I could trade places with him. He needed a break so bad. I took my place on the cot I had moved into the bedroom alongside Starsky's bed and closed my eyes, not realizing I too was  crying as I dozed off.

"Hutch!!!"

"Starsk!" I was quickly at my partner's side bringing him out of another nightmare.

"It's okay buddy, I'm here."

Starsky fell asleep, trembling in my arms, the way he did most nights since I brought him home from the hospital.  He was so scared. He hated being so vulnerable. My once strong partner was like a frightened, sick child.  He tried to be strong…he really tried but the pain and the fear took what little strength he had from him, time after time.

Only I could seem to calm him.  Even in the hospital I could always calm him down better then any of the nurses. I thanked God I was able to be there for him. It had been a rough day...one of the hardest since the shooting. In the hospital he had slept most of the time because of the strong pain medicine he was given on a routine basis. Today he went without.   The doctor had instructed me to give him his pain medicine before the pain got too bad...said it wouldn't be as  effective if the pain went beyond a certain level.  He was way beyond that level now. What choice did he have today?  None.  He had no choice. Once again, Gunther was in charge.  Damn him!!!!

I didn't sleep much that night. Neither did Starsky. He woke around two am, hurting and sick, so sick. I grabbed the basin we took home from the hospital and held him as he heaved over and over again. How in God's name was he going to be able to tolerate the demands of this trial? I was having a hard time with it. I knew my partner though, he would endure.  Sometimes I think he was doing it more for me than for himself.  I gave him one half of his dose of medicine for the pain and nausea.  We had six hours before we needed to be back in the courtroom.  The medicine was sure to have worn off by then and I just could’nt bear to see Starsky in any more pain.  We might have gotten three, maybe four hours of sleep that night.
 
 
 

Chapter 9

The first few weeks of the court proceedings were pretty much routine procedure.  The DA had warned us that he would probably put Starsky on the stand today, first thing in the morning.  He wanted the jury to see firsthand just how badly Starsky had been hurt and the devastating effects that the shooting had on him.  In other words, he had to let the jury see Starsky in person.

Even though DA Harrison had come over to the house to discuss with Starsky and me what to expect when he called Starsky as a witness tomorrow for the State, talking about it between the three of us could in no way come close to what it would be like for Starsky to have to go through this on the witness stand.

After the DA left that evening I sat down with my partner on the couch. Starsky had been so reserved through the entire visit.  He had said little or nothing at all in response to the DA asking him if he understood what would be happening tomorrow in court.

"Starsk, hey Buddy this will all be over and done with this time tomorrow, just think about that.  All we have to do is get you through this one day in court. Starsk?"

He slowly shook his head and looked up at me.

 "Hutch, why do I have to do this?  Why can't they just show some pictures or something?  I...I feel like I have to be put on display for all the world to see... ‘Look, that’s what’s left of the poor dumb cop that survived.’  I don't want everyone looking at me like that.  I don't want their sympathy.  God, I just want to be left alone!"

He was so distraught over this that it nearly broke my heart.

"Aw, Starsk, they won't be looking at...to use your words... "some poor dumb cop."  They’ll see you for what you are, a survivor. Theyll see the bravest and most courageous man I know and the best damn cop that Metro has ever seen, present and future."

"I hate it Hutch."

"I know Buddy, I know and if there was any other way at all that I could keep you out of this you know that I would,..I'm so sorry Starsk but there just isn't."

I heard my own voice shake as I hugged my best friend, bringing him close to me.  He looked at me then, seeing the look in my eyes, and hearing the pain in my voice...I felt trapped, because I could not help my friend avoid this.

"Hey, Blondie, I know I gotta do it, it's ok…really, I'll be ok, and I didn't mean to upset you Hutch, I'm sorry."

He reached up to touch my cheek with his hand.

Damn, Gunther, I thought to myself...I hope you burn in Hell for what you have done to my partner. Here was my partner and best friend fighting back each day from the brink of death and he was concerned about me. Starsky was still putting my feelings before his even with all that he was going through. I don't think that I have ever loved my partner more than at this moment. This man was more precious to me than life itself......hell, he was life  itself to me.

After talking about it a little while longer Starsky changed the subject, he still had an uncanny ability to switch gears at a moments notice. Starsky was finished talking about it, so with Starsky propped up as comfortable as possible along with two pain pills and a cold root beer we settled down in front of the TV for a couple of hours of cartoons...nothing heavy for us tonight. For a few hours anyway we put the trial out of our minds and enjoyed each others company.

................

Morning came all to soon and with it trouble.  The media had apparently arrived at the house in the early hours of the morning.  They were waiting for us like vultures stalking their prey.
As soon as I closed the front door behind us I saw them converging on us, moving across the lawn with mics and cameras aimed at us. I instinctively stepped in front of Starsky and kept myself between the reporters and my partner.

Some of them called out his name.  I thought we would at least make it to the courthouse in peace.

"No,noooo!  Hutch, please make them leave me alone, I don't want to talk to them."

.............

My magnum appeared in my hand, funny I didn't remember drawing it from it's holster but I found myself  pointing it at the crowd of reporters.

Some ran back to their cars, others backed away quickly from the crazy man with the gun.  I used the effects the gun had on them to my advantage.

"Back off!  All of you, just back off, NOW!"

I waved the magnum in their general direction. I helped Starsky into the car and only put the gun away after I was in the car too.

I looked over at Starsky and saw he was grinning at me.

"What, what's so funny?"

He said, "I'm not sure if those guys were more afraid of you or of that cannon of yours...did ya see the look on their faces?  Way to go partner, glad you're on my side."

It was so good to see Starsky smile.  But it didn’t last.  He quickly became serious again.

"Let's go and get this show on the road, I want to get this over with."

...............

Our arrival at the courthouse was uneventful, we slipped in through the side entrance of the courthouse building without being seen.

............

“Court is in session”

DA Harrison called as his first witness, Starsky.  He had spoken with me and I had asked him if he could get Starsky in and out of here as fast as possible.  I said a silent prayer that Starsky would get through this in one piece.

.............

“I call Detective Sergeant David Starsky to the stand.”

I helped Starsky out of his seat, squeezed his hand that reluctantly let go of mine. He was on his own.  The baliff of the court helped Starsky to the witness stand and Starsky was sworn in.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury.  This is the detective that was gunned down in Metro's police  garage, a direct result of a contract that had been put out on him and his partner, Detective Sergeant Kenneth Hutchinson."

He pointed his finger at the defense table where James Gunther was sitting.

"We will prove beyond any doubt that this man is responsible for the injuries inflicted on this witness.  Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, what I am about to show you is graphic, it is cruel, it is horrific in every sense of the word, but you must see it for yourselves...this is the evidence of the devastation that one human being has inflicted on another."

Here it comes, Oh, damn...I saw the DA reach for the clear plastic evidence bag that held Starsky's bloody, bullet riddled leather jacket.  He held it up for everyone in the courtroom to see.  Walked with it in front of each one of the jurors.  He then turned on the overhead slide display.  The first picture showed the jacket still glistening, wet from Starsky's blood, probably still warm from his body...the bullet holes showed as jagged holes in the old worn leather...the blood and bullet holes  were shown from the front and back of the jacket. The observers in the courtroom gasped at the sight.

“Sargeant Starsky, is this the jacket you were wearing on the day that you were nearly fatally injured?”

I saw my partner turning pale.  He was looking for me.  He found my eyes and it seemed to give him some strength to go on.  At first when he tried to answer the DA’s question, no words came out.  He was finally able speak, his voice was but a whisper.

“Ye…Yes…”

“I’m sorry Sargeant Starsky, would you be able to speak a little louder so the jury can hear your answer?”

“Yes…it is…it was my..mine…”

Oh dear Lord…I’m here Starsk…know that I’m here buddy.  This will soon all be over and I’ll take you home.  God give him strength.

The next picture showed the bullet  riddled Torino with blood smeared on the driver's door and all the way down to the left rear bumper of the car.

I was getting frantic for Starsky, I needed to get to him. He seemed to be looking back and forth between the slide show and his jacket. There was no color left in his already pale face. Oh, God, I  have to get to him fast. I have to get him out of here.

The slide show concluded with a picture of the ground surrounding the Torino and all the paraphernalia that the paramedics had used in a frantic attempt to keep Starsky alive long enough to transport him to the hospital. There was blood all over the ground.

...........

“Thank you, Sargeant Starsky, you may step down now.”

Starsky didn't seem to hear him. He didn't move. The bailiff walked up to him.  I was up out of my seat heading to the witness stand to get my partner.  The bailiff touched Starsky's arm to help him off the stand.  Starsky jumped away from him, looking wildly around the courtroom calling my name.

"Hutch, Hutch?...Please… where are you?"

He attempted to get up out of the witness stand.  His eyes were searching for me and his legs just gave out on him.  I was barely able to get to him to break his fall to the floor.

"Starsky, Oh God.  Buddy, talk to me?"

I sat on the floor cradling him in my arms as I heard Captain Dobey's voice yell for someone to call an ambulance.
 
 
 

Chapter 10

I went in the ambulance with my partner.  No one could keep me away from him now.  I was so scared.  I knew he wasn’t up to this.   Doesn’t anyone have any mercy anymore!  This man had been through hell already.  Subjecting him to all of this was so damn unfair.  He wasn’t well and he was weak.  He needed his pain medication and they told him he could not take it.  Damn them!  Getting more angry was not helping my friend.  I knew I needed to calm down for him.

“Starsk?  Hey buddy, can you hear me?”

I got no response.  The medics let me know that his blood pressure was good and his heart rate was okay, just a bit high.  He just looked so fragile.  I prayed that he would not give up.  He was never going back into that courtroom with Gunther.  I’d make sure of that.

The emergency room had become a very familiar place to us both.   Heck, we were all on a first name basis by now.  They usually didn’t even make me wait outside anymore.  I was allowed to stay with Starsky.  They knew it was pretty much useless to try and keep me away anyway.  Starsky was taken directly into trauma room #3 where Dr. Kellerman was waiting.

“Hi Ken.  What happened to David?  Tell me what’s going on son.”

“He just collapsed.”  I was having a hard time going on.  I didn’t want the doctor or the staff to see how vulnerable I was feeling.  Only Starsky was allowed.  Only he knew the ‘real’ me.  I didn’t want anyone else…only Starsky.

“Try to relax Ken.  David is strong, we know that don’t we?”

“Yeah.  Please help him.  They made him get up onto the stand in the courtroom and they showed him his bloody jacket from the shooting and other pictures.  They were pretty graphic.  Starsky never saw them before.  I tried to protect him.  He should never have had to see any of that.”

By now my tears were no longer contained.  My heart hurt for my partner.  Dr. Kellerman gave my shoulder a re-assuring grip and continued to examine Starsky.  I sank to bottom of the litter and watched the staff work on my partner.  I knew the routine by now.  Guess I must have looked pretty upset and pale.  Linda, one of the emergency room nurses took me over to a chair along the side of the room and sat me down.  I think I might have fallen down if she hadn’t.
 

“David?  David, come on…wake up for us.  It’s doctor Kellerman.  You know you could just call if you missed me and these pretty nurses that much.  You didn’t have to pass out to get to us.”

The doctor’s attempt at humor went unnoticed by his patient, but Starsky was beginning to come around.  He became more coherent when the lab took blood and an ABG.  The ABG’s really hurt him.  It was a painful procedure to begin with, but Starsky had been stuck so many times that it was difficult for the technicians to get even a small blood sample.

“David?…hey kiddo…it’s Linda.  You remember?  Your favorite nurse?”  Linda gave Starsky her best smile and held his arm secure until the blood samples were taken.  Linda stayed with Starsky while Dr. Kellerman talked with Hutch, comforting him as best as she could.  Her heart ached for both detectives.  She knew how much Hutch and his miracle had been through.

---

“Is he gonna be okay Dr. Kellerman?  Is this going to be a setback to his recovery?”

“No, he’s going to be all right Ken.  He’s weak and still in a lot of pain.  He never should have had to go without his pain medicine.  What the hell is wrong with ‘them’ anyway?  Couldn’t ‘they’ see that David was not well enough to be in that courtroom?”

“I’m sorry Doc.  I did everything I could to keep him out of there, but we had no choice.   Starsky needed to testify.  We couldn’t take the chance of letting that bastard walk free!  He wanted to do it Doc, and I want him to be able to relax, knowing the SOB is behind bars.   He’s still so afraid.”

---

Linda was very fond of both Starsky and Hutch.  She had become Starsky’s favorite nurse and a good friend.  He often talked to her, needing to talk to someone about his concern for Hutch.  After Starsky woke up, having been in a coma, and became more alert, he saw how tired Hutch was looking and saw the sadness and fear in his eyes.  He knew it was because of him.  He needed Hutch desperately, but was worried about him at the same time.  Linda was always there to listen and calm some of his fears.

“Linda?  What happened?  Where’s Hutch?  Why am I here again?”

“Shh, It’s okay David.  You’re all right.  Hutch is outside talking with Dr. Kellerman.”

Linda wiped Starsky’s face with a cool cloth.  It felt good to him.  She held his hand until it was replaced by the hand that Starsky really needed.  Hutch.

---

“Welcome back David.”

“ Hi Doc…Just couldn’t stay away…missed ya…”  Starsky’s attempt at humor was cut off by a severe spasm of pain.  He attempted to curl into a ball, but the small litter and siderails prevented him from doing so.  He held onto Hutch’s hand tightly to ride it out.   Linda held the emesis basin as he was once again retching.  Hutch rubbed his back with his free hand.

“David, I’m gonna give you a shot.  You get the good stuff this time.  The pain and nausea will go away soon and you’ll probably sleep for a while.  Guess you know that huh?”

“I hope so Linda.”  Starsky closed his eyes and held on tighter to Hutch’s hand as he was rolled further onto his side to receive the injection of pain medicine.

“Starsk, you’re gonna feel better soon babe.  You won’t have to go back into that courtroom.  I promise.”

“Thanks Hutch…I don’t think I could do it any…anymore.  Please stay with me Hutch.  Will they let me go home?”  Starsky looked pleadingly at his partner.

Hutch turned to Dr. Kellerman who shook his head ‘yes’.

“Yeah partner, we’re going home.”  Hutch helped to get Starsky dressed and signed the release papers.

 The doctor knew that he would be in good hands with Hutch and Starsky would be much more comfortable and at ease in his own surroundings.  Hutch had taken a major roll in caring for Starsky even when he was still in the hospital.

The pain medicine began to work in about ten minutes and Starsky was released.   Hutch assisted his drowsy partner to the car and secured him in with the seatbelt.

Starsky slept for a few hours after we got home.   I fell asleep myself,  holding onto Starsky.  I was so tired and it felt good to be home…home with my partner.  I later made dinner and was able to get Starsky to eat a little something.  I know that promising him he would not have to go into that courtroom again calmed some of his anxieties.   We talked about what the day had brought about.  Starsky was really shook up after seeing his jacket and the pictures.  I was wrong in thinking I could protect him from these things.  All I could do now was to be here for him, to pick up the pieces.  It did us both good to discuss what happened on the day that Starsky was shot.  I knew all about it…I saw it.  It made me sick to see it again.  I can’t imagine what it did to my partner.  He had questioned me about it before, but I was pretty vague, not wanting to upset him.  Now that he had been subject to seeing it through pictures, I was hoping that together, we could get past this.

I settled Starsky in bed and then settled myself next to him.  Initially I slept on the cot next to Starsky’s bed, but too many times I found myself  holding onto him after he had a nightmare or too much pain to handle by himself.  It seemed to comfort him, comfort us both, to be close.  Starsky  felt funny asking, but did ask if  I could just stay with him at night and not on the cot.  He was still so scared and it made us both feel better.   He fell asleep in my arms…”Me and Thee”…   We had each other…that was all that mattered now.
 
 
 

Chapter 11
 

(They were lowering my coffin into the ground.  Shovels of dirt were being thrown on top of me. I knew I would never see Hutch again, never talk with him, share a hug, laugh with him, or walk beside him ever again...partners no more............

Oh, I'm so sorry Hutch, I didn't mean to leave you like this. There was so much more we still wanted to do.

Captain Dobey and his wife Edith were here too.  My Captain had tears rolling down his face and Edith was beside her husband crying quietly.

Huggy was even here. He looked so sad, like he'd lost a good friend.

And…Oh My God…my dearest Hutch…my "other" heart, openly  sobbing, standing by himself.  His face was a mask of grief so deep...total desolation...his shoulders were shaking from the sobs he could no longer control…didn't want to control anymore.

He looked so alone, and he was alone now, I wasn't there for him anymore...I never would be again...Gunther had seen to that, he had killed me and that was killing Hutch.

Hutch, please, know that I love you partner, best friend, and I didn't mean to leave you like this.

More dirt was being shoveled on top of me.

I heard people crying.

...............Was that My Dad I just saw?  Is he waiting for me to begin my journey?  I love you Dad, but I don't want to go just yet, it's not time…I need more time…please…..

Hutch still needs me and we were gonna do so many more things....had so many plans…
..............

Hutch!  What are you doing?

Is that his Magnum?

OH, Dear God!!!!

NO!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heard a single shot and Hutch fell forward, blood beginning to spread across his face and around his throat...he was calling out my name.

HUTCH!!!!!!!!!!)
 

“HUTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Starsky was jolted awake, screaming Hutch’s name.  He had had another nightmare, but this one was so real.  The nightmares he had of dying were bad enough, but he could not bear the thought of Hutch losing his life.  Starsky wanted Hutch to live, even if he could not.

---

“STARSK!  Hey…C’mon buddy…wake up…!  Aw Starsk, another nightmare huh?  Pretty bad one again?”  Hutch just held onto his trembling partner.  He had been with him through all of the other nightmares, but this one seemed to upset Starsky even more.  This one was different.  “Starsky?  Shh…it’s gonna be okay…just a dream…a bad one.  I’ve got you now.  Try to relax…  Want to talk about it?”

“Hutch….”

 Starsky was shaking and crying fiercely, groping for me in the dark.  I rocked him back and forth slowly.

  “Just hold me Hutch…just hold me…please don’t let go.”

“I’m here Starsk…I’m not letting go…I’ll never let you go buddy.”
 
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