Coming Back
by Otterlady (10/28/1999)
At first, he wasn't sure what had happened. Everything was foggy, and his mind didn't seem to want to work. He kept drifting in and out, struggling to stay awake or at least in what passed as wakefulness. The pain kept pushing him under, his mind trying to defend itself from the agony. Finally, finally, he woke enough to be aware of his surroundings.
White walls, white sheets. A hospital then. An insistent beeping to one side of the surface he lay upon. He couldn't seem to move his head, so he turned his eyes as far as he could until he saw the monitor flashing little green lights. He recognized it. A heart monitor. Not good. He really must be hurt badly. He also knew that he wasn't breathing all on his own, the tubes pulled at his nose when he tried to move.
Trying not to let himself panic, trying to remember what he could, he closed his eyes again. Images floated across his mind's eye. Playing Ping-Pong with his partner, the two of them teasing their captain. Walking down to the car, ribbing Hutch about the dinner he'd just won. Hutch giving him grief about locking the Torino's doors in the police garage. The sound of crunching metal. Then his partner's voice, yelling at him. Turning to see the car coming at him, the gun, huge, aiming at them. Reaching for his gun, knowing it was hopeless. The first bullet hitting him. <God, I'm hit. Hutch..> Turning away, towards his car, towards Hutch. The second bullet. Falling, sounds of breaking glass and his partner still calling to him. Knowing that the third bullet had struck him but there was no more pain only a sense of something slipping away.
The images came slower now, hazy. Hutch's voice so far away, then silence. Not able to move, hardly able to breathe around the weight on his chest. A weight that was equal parts pain and fear. Not fear for himself, but for his partner. He couldn't open his eyes to look for him. Couldn't hear his voice anymore. <Hutch... they didn't get you too....please God, not Hutch> Trying to remain conscience, trying to work up the strength to open his eyes, to speak his friend's name. A terrible sense of falling, then nothing.
Even now, half-awake as he was, he felt that fear. Where was his partner? Had the gunmen got him too? <please let him be all right, please> Ghostly memories flickered. Of a brief period in the ambulance, of sirens and distant worried voices. Of someone saying, "It looks hopeless, but we'll try." Another period of awareness, of someone <Hutch?> near him, not speaking, not touching, just another presence. An overwhelming sense of grief, sadness that he wouldn't see his friend's face again.
He drifted for awhile, the effort of remembering tiring him. Then another rise towards awareness. More remembrances. Of a sudden, sharp pain in his heart. A voice calling him from a far distance, but he couldn't make out whose it was. Just the need to stay, to find Hutch. He was so tired, but he couldn't leave without making sure his partner was all right. A feeling of disconnection, of separation. A sudden terror. A searching for his partner's presence, not finding it. Reaching out and feeling the despair of his friend. His grief. <no, I won't leave you> A sliding click and a reconnection. Then nothing.
He slept for a period. When he woke the next time, there were voices in the room. No, not voices. One voice. Speaking as if to him, but quietly, softly. The voice he most wanted to hear. Opening his eyes, he saw his partner standing with his back to him, head down. An image of such hopelessness and grief that his soul ached for him. With the tubes in his throat, he couldn't make any sound to alert him that he was there. Couldn't move, couldn't speak. Only had his strength of will, his love to broadcast his presence. <turn around partner, I'm here>
The voice paused as if the speaker was listening, had heard something. Hutch turned towards his bed and looked at him. His eyes widened and a look of incredulous joy washed over his face. "Starsk?" All he could do was smile and blink at him, but it was enough. His friend was safe and now knew that he was back. Come back from so far away. Journey over. Home was here in this room. Standing right over there with that sappy smile on his face. Nothing else mattered. He was here.
Next in the Covenant Series: Bargains Kept